There are three planets surrounding a star some 22 light-years away that might be habitable.
In Scorpio, right around the tip of the tail, there is a cluster of three stars. Now, it looks to the naked eye like a very faint star, but it’s really three stars. Stars are sneaky that way, so be careful.
Anyway, those three stars are called Gliese 667. We call them that. I don’t know what the people there call them. Probably “Star” if they speak English. Or “Bright Sky Thingy.” Around Gliese 667C, the smallest star of that group, are five planets that we know of. And — here’s the kicker — three those planets may be habitable.
Why is that important? Well, our Earth has is threatened by coal, and those doggone conservatives are determined to destroy the Earth with it.
Now, as a conservative, I want to apologize for our vile evil plans to destroy the planet with coal and Bible-thumping and gun-clinging and all those dangerous things we conservatives do. And, every since Bush used Karl Rove’s time machine to go back in time and start Global Warming all those centuries ago, the Earth has been doomed.
So, how do we make it right? Well, there are three planets around Gliese 667C that could support life. And, I say we let the liberals have them. All three of them.
NASA is just sitting around, outreaching to the Moslems, and not doing space stuff anymore, but there’s no reason they couldn’t built three big arks to hold the best of the human race. Let’s load up the B-Ark with Barack Obama (we even call it the “B” Ark, after “Barack”) and all his supporters (it’ll be a really big Ark) and send them off to Gliese 667C. They’ll pick the best of the three planets and settle there, then, once they’re settled in, having set up a super awesome socialist planetary government like they all want, we’ll send off the other two Arks.
I’ll stay here amongst the coal and the thumped Bibles and the clung-to guns and just be miserable. I deserve it.