That’s batty

Word is, someone found a bat in a package of salad at Walmart.

The worst part of the story? That’s not the worst thing you usually find at Walmart.

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Peggy Joseph 2014

Remember Peggy Joseph? Sure you do.

[The YouTube]

Well, she’s using different words now.

[The YouTube]
Tip: The Other McCain

The question is not who “will she vote for in 2016?”, it’s “who will she vote for in 2014?”

I didn’t mind making fun of her in 2008, or in the years since. But she seems to be wising up. So, maybe there’s hope — real hope — after all.

But, if I stop making fun of Peggy Joseph, that doesn’t mean I’ll stop making fun of Barack Obama and others who still drink his Kool-Aid. None of us should.

Do you have a funny story of someone who was Peggy Joseph then and is still that way? Share it. We could all use a good laugh.

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Ten times Hooters?

Hulk Hogan — remember him? — is opening a new restaurant. I betcha didn’t know that Hulk Hogan (Terry Bollea) had an old restaurant, but he had a couple.


Anyway, he’s opening his new one in the old Crabby Bill’s location in Tampa.

Hogan tells the Tampa Bay Times the restaurant will be “Hooters times ten.” I’m going to sit and imagine that for a minute.

. . .

Okay, where was I? Oh, yeah. Hooters times ten.

Reminds me of a story I think I’ve told before. Years ago, I took my son and one of my nephews to a Braves game. Afterwards, as we were heading back into Columbus, it was getting to be supper time. I asked them if they wanted to eat supper before we got back to the house.

About that time, we passed a billboard for the new (at the time) Hooters restaurant in Columbus. And, my nephew, being a mischievous one, said, “Let’s go to Hooters!” Since they were young teens, he and my son laughed.

Only, I was determined to have the last laugh. So, when we got to the exit, I took the heading towards Hooters, not the one towards the house. And, then pulled into the parking lot. Then took them inside.

They ordered their food and, with eyes wide and mouths agape, did their best to eat their wings. I ate my burger.

A day or so later, when I took my nephew home, his mother asked him about his trip. My nephew said, “We went to Hooters!”

Shocked, my sister asked, “Well, how was it?”

“We (pointing to himself and my son) enjoyed the wings, but I think he (pointing to me) liked the legs and the breasts.”

I’m not sure Hulk Hogan’s restaurant will be able to top that.

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I have had it with these m*****f****** spiders on this m*****f****** plane

Yeah, I never saw that Snakes on a Plane movie. But I heard about it. That kinda contributed to me not wanting to see it.

But now some lady has sued Delta because of … Spiders On A Plane!

Yep, a woman on a Delta flight was bitten by a spider. That’s three such incidents in the last six years.

What worries me about this — well, other than Spiders On A Plane! — is that the TSA is stopping grandmothers and fondling children, they’re letting spiders through! And a simple pat-down of a spider would solve all the problems of … Spiders On A Plane!

I think Obama is beholding to the spider lobby.

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Anniversary, Obama-style

Missed in this whole thing where Obama had to change his plans because of a trip Mitt Romney made is this tidbit:

The president was en route Friday to Fort Bliss, Texas, where he planned to meet with military service members and their families on the two-year anniverary of his visit there to mark the end of the war in Iraq.

So, he’s planning a trip to mark the anniversary of a trip?

Not that he’s marking the anniversary of the declared end to the war. That was in October 2009. No, this is a trip marking the anniversary of a trip.

If only I could write parody that was as ridiculous as Obama’s reality.

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Honoring Neil Whatshisname

Jim Treacher ran across this. It’s Obama’s tribute to the astronaut dude that died or something:


Yep. Neil Armstrong, the first man to set foot on the moon, dies, and Obama honors him with a picture of … Obama.

Kinda makes me wonder how Obama would honor others on their passing. Any suggestions?

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Words fail me

Used to be, you only had to walk a mile for a camel. Not any more. Inflation, I suppose you’d call it.

I won’t even address the fact that the bounty on Hillary includes 10 cocks. I know how your junior high school juvenile minds work.

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How we got in this mess in the first place

This is a true story. And as I lived it, I came to realize that it’s a good example of just how our country got into this financial mess.

It’s my own mini, but true, version of Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House and it started a few weeks ago. Wife was inspired. She decided that we needed to paint the bathroom walls. She wanted to change from a blue-scheme wallpaper to green painted walls. So she picked out some $40-something a gallon Martha Stewart paint.

Turns out the paint didn’t go on the walls. It went on the base paint. That was around $20-something a gallon. So in order to cover the walls, it was actually $60-something a gallon.

After the walls were done, the floor didn’t match. Because they were a blue theme, those cheap floor tiles had to go. Wife wanted wood floors. So, that’s what we got. I lost count of how much the wood, stain, polyurethane, and all such cost. But it did look good.

But now the vanity top didn’t match. It was blue. So, she picked out a new one. A white marble top with a molded sink. A little over $200. And it looked really good.

That meant we needed to change the faucet. The old one didn’t look good with it. Really, it didn’t.

So, she found one. It’s oil-rubbed bronze, or Venetian bronze, or Tuscan bronze, or some sort of bronze or something. And the spout looked like an old-style hand pump spout. And it was a little under $200. But it looked really good.

Of course, that meant that the drawer handles, door handles, and hinges on the vanity cabinet didn’t match. So we had to find new ones in oil-rubbed bronze, buy those, and replace the old ones. The hinges were hard to find. I had to order them from a place in Spokane, Washington. Which jacked the price of the 4 hinges up from under $4 to about $20.

Oh, and the towel rack needed to be replaced so it would match ($43). And the hand towel rack ($21). And the toilet paper holder ($21). And the bath robe hooks ($25).

And the door stop. And the door handle. And the door hinges. And the handle and hinges on the bathroom closet door as well. That all totaled around $80.

And the light fixture didn’t match. But a new one that did ran $99.

Oh, and the shower curtain rod. Needed one that matched. It was $50 for one that was the right style and color.

Remember the new white marble sink? Now the toilet didn’t match. So, we had to replace it. That was around $240 for a chair-height, elongated, dual-flush white toilet.

Then, of course, we had to get new bath rugs and accessories — fuzzy mat outside the tube, fuzzy mat in front of the vanity, the little fuzzy thing that goes around the toilet base, and a fuzzy toilet seat cover — and towels and such. Which together totaled a little under $200.

If you’ve been adding all this up as we’ve gone along, you’ll realize that we passed the $1,000 mark some time ago. And that’s only because we did the work ourselves. Well, us and one of the sons-in-law.

What we ended up with was a lot of work and a lot of money spent. But it all matches the shower curtain.

The shower curtain? Yes, the shower curtain she bought on sale for $10 from the K-Mart a while back. We did all that painting and replacing stuff so the bathroom would match a $10 shower curtain.

And that’s how the country ends up spending too much money on stuff.

Of course, now you understand how one thing leads to another, and that good intentions can end up with unexpected consequences and unexpected expenses.

The difference, though, is that we didn’t decide to begin a series of things that cost way too much money and have you pay for it. We paid for it ourselves. So, it’s not a financial impact on you. And we aren’t passing the debt along to your grandchildren.

The government, who has even less sense than we do, ends up spending 130 times as much as it should on stuff — but they make you pay for it.

It makes you want to beat a politician with a stick.

I don’t have a stick. But now I got a spare shower curtain rod. It ought to do the trick.

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Juggling Robot

Have you seen the juggling robot?

[Direct link]

We have machines signing bills into law. We have a machine that keeps the president from sounding like a blithering idiot. The other day, Frank J. mused that we were nearly to the point of not even needing Obama anymore.

This robot may be the final piece of the puzzle. As a juggler, it’s already doing more useful stuff than Obama does. And, it doesn’t want to raise your taxes.

Juggling Robot 2012!

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Ask a candidate

Saturday morning, me and a few thousand other close personal friends will be at the Herman Cain campaign announcement in Atlanta. I’ll also be at the reception for breakfast beforehand.

I don’t know what kind of access I’ll have to Mr. Cain. But who knows? Maybe I’ll be able to get a few minutes to ask a question or two.

Remember when I asked for questions for a Congressman a while back? Yeah, that didn’t go too well.

Maybe this will go better. Maybe.

So, let’s ask Herman Cain some questions.

If you had the chance to ask him a question, what would you ask? Serious questions would be okay, too.

I have sent a link to this post to the Cain campaign, so they can decide if they want to answer any of them. I’ll have my video camera, and record him answering your questions and play it back for you.

If he takes the questions.

He might not. Seriously, would you answer a bunch of questions from this group? If you wanted to be taken seriously as a presidential candidate, that is?

I didn’t think so.

But, Herman Cain is a smart man. He may be able to answer your questions and still remain a serious candidate.

Leave your questions in the comments. Really, what could go wrong?

UPDATE 20-May-2011 7:37 AM
For some of the questions received so far (climate change, Obamacare, golf) I have videos or columns by the candidate that address them, or excepts from print interviews that touch on them.

If I have the opportunity to ask questions, I will include them on the list anyway. But, I’ll have some answers based on prior statements, just in case.

UPDATE 22-May-2011 9:22 PM
Some of the questions were answered. Sort of.

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Blocking cookies


It’s the first city in Georgia, founded in 1733. And it’s full of history.

Forsyth Park. Fort Jackson. Fort Pulaski. River Street. The Squares. Tybee Light. Johnny Mercer House.

Don’t know how much you know about Savannah. I grew up near there. Well, within TV-watching distance. My high school was in the same region as the Savannah schools, so there’d be travel to games throughout the year. Savannah was close, so I’m a little familiar with it.

But, no matter how much you know about Savannah, there is one aspect that you surely know about, even if you don’t know about its connection with Savannah.

Girl Scouts.

The Girl Scouts were founded in Savannah in 1912.

Whatever you think of the Girl Scouts, you gotta admit: they make good cookies. I always look forward to the sale of Girl Scout Cookies. I stock up. You can freeze them, you know. They’ll keep. And you can enjoy them year-round. At least, I think you can enjoy them year-round. They don’t usually last that long around me.

Anyway, you can buy Girl Scout Cookies now. They’re selling them.

Only, you can’t buy them at the home of Juliette Gordon Low, founder of the Girl Scouts.

Nope. The address 10 East Oglethorpe Avenue is off-limits to the sale of Girl Scout Cookies.

Seems somebody complained last year.

So, the Girl Scouts cannot sell cookies in front of the home of the founder of the Girl Scouts.

I tell you, this country’s going to hell in a handbasket when Girl Scouts can’t sell cookies in at the home of the founder of the Girl Scouts.

I wonder who complained. Whoever it was complained hates America. I mean, really. Stopping little girls from selling cookies? Sounds like something somebody who voted for Barack Obama would do, that’s how un-American it is.

I’m thinking about heading to Savannah and offering to buy a busload of Girl Scout Cookies in front of the Juliette Gordon Low House. And, if anyone complained, they could bite be. While I’m biting into some Girl Scout Cookies.

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Do you feel older? Well, do ya … Harvey?!?

While nobody was looking … somebody got old.

Well, not really old. I was his age once.

Harvey is older today. Of course, you’re older today than you were yesterday. It’s just that Harvey is older on the anniversary of his getting older.

I’m saying it’s his birthday.

How old is Harvey? I’ll let him tell you. Or you can figure out my hint.

Anyway, wish Harvey a happy birthday. Because, well, he deserves it.

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So, how’d that whole “Ask A Congressman” thing go?

One word: Not too good.

Okay, that’s three words. But it describes that whole “Ask A Congressman” thing.

Rep. Mike Rogers (R-AL/3) held a town hall in Phenix City last week, and I asked you to submit questions for me to ask. Only, he wouldn’t take your questions.

While the crowd wasn’t huge, locals had some questions. So, when it was all done, I asked if he had time for some questions from blog readers. Since most of you live outside his district, he declined to take them, beginning to say that his town hall was for the 3rd district. He was polite, but that’s what the answer was. Almost. He didn’t get through it, because someone else interrupted him mid-sentence to shake his hand. So, I didn’t get to remind him that … I live in the 3rd district!

He was up against a timeline, having a scheduled meeting with county officials across town.

His press secretary asked me to send the questions her way. However, there hasn’t been a response.

But, that doesn’t mean he didn’t answer some of the questions. Sort of.

Let’s ignore the silly questions for a minute — Mike Rogers isn’t Thaddeus McCotter and IMAO isn’t Red Eye, after all — and focus on serious questions.

Some asked, about repealing Obamacare. As it turns out, in his remarks, Rep. Rogers did address that. He said the new GOP Congress will try, but he thinks the effort will fail:

[Direct link]

Let’s assume best case scenario, both houses flip. “You’re gonna repeal all this stuff that’s been done in the last two years?”

Well, we’re gonna try, but it, everybody in this room knows that, let’s say, for example, that we put a bill on the floor to repeal the health care reform bill, and we pass it through both chambers. Do you think the president’s gonna sign that new law? No, he’s gonna veto it.

Well, the fact is it takes a two-thirds vote to override a veto. So I want people to have realistic expectations about what can be done, uh, over the next two years.

Best thing is we can stop, we can put the brakes on the spending, because the Congress controls the budget. That’s the best thing that can happen.

There were questions about spending, which he also addressed in those same remarks. Remember that whole “we can put the brakes on the spending” comment?

So, while he didn’t answer questions — heck, he didn’t even let me ask them — he did address the top two topics asked on the blog or sent to me in email.

No, I’m not happy he didn’t take the questions. But, seriously, would you take questions from you? I didn’t think so.

And, despite my displeasure, it’s not like I’m gonna campaign or vote for the guy who’s running against him. I don’t even know who that guy is. I think it’s a guy. Doesn’t matter.

I’m voting for Rogers in November. Again. I voted for him in 2008. And 2006. And 2004. And 2002 (when he first ran for Congress).

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Ask a Congressman

You ever want to ask a Congressman a question? If you’re like lots of people, you don’t ever get a chance.

Well, I’m not offering you the chance to ask your Congressman a question, but you can a Congressman a question.

Rep. Mike Rogers, a Republican from the 3rd District of Alabama, will be about three miles from where I work in Columbus next Monday.

He’s not the Congressman that represents Columbus. For one thing, Columbus is in Georgia. And, Columbus is split between Georgia’s 2nd and 3rd districts. (A Republican represents the 3rd district, but I don’t know why I never hear about any town hall meetings he holds. A Democrat represents the 2nd district, and that’s why exactly he doesn’t hold any town hall meetings. That and people like me asking for questions.)

So, sorry, there’s no chance to ask questions to a Democrat Congressman. But, there’s a Republican Congressman that will answer questions. So, I’m going to be at Congressman Rogers’ meeting next Monday. And I’ll ask my questions. And your questions.

If you want to ask a question of Congressman Rogers, leave it in the comments here.

If you want to submit a questions without leaving it here, email it to me at this address.

Oh, and serious questions are welcome, too.

(UPDATE: We’re accepting questions until Saturday, August 28, 2010)

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