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December 20, 2008
Fun trivia . . .
Posted by Cadet Happy at 11:07 PM

Which blonde, pushing 40, imao t-shirt babe puked in a shopping bag in my minivan today, and then hung it out the window til she got to a trash can to through it away!?

Rating: 2.0/5 (84 votes cast)

Comments (0)
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September 23, 2008
Abandoned
Posted by Frank J. at 09:10 PM

Comments are closed. New site here.

Rating: 1.9/5 (65 votes cast)

Comments (0)
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September 23, 2008
Finance Talk
Posted by Frank J. at 12:04 PM

Since there isn't really that much either party knows to do to make sure the economy becomes stable, this contest is probably going to come down to which candidate can BS the best. What McCain really needs to do is just say right-sounding stuff and say it confidently so as to keep people from panicking. Some suggestions:

"We can shore up capital by mortgaging stocks."

"A strong fiscal finance is all that's needed to for profitable currency."

"We'll stabilize the economy by reversing the polarity of the tachyon particles."

"All we need to remember is hibbilty gibber flibble floo."

Well, that's all the economic advice I have. Can we talk about guns again?

Rating: 2.0/5 (63 votes cast)

Comments (23)
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Yay! NRA Ads
Posted by Frank J. at 11:05 AM

New NRA ads:

Take that, you little America-hating fascist!

I don't trust anyone who doesn't understand why the 2nd Amendment is important because then that person doesn't have a good understanding of liberty in general. Someone who thinks banning guns for people's "own good" is an okay idea should never be given any power. Yeah, Obama says he won't do anything against guns now, but someone who lived in Chicago so long and never once spoke against those draconian laws has no love of freedom. Also, people who don't like guns are sissies, and so many heroes did not shed blood on foreign soil so this country can be run by a sissy.

Something to keep in mind.

Rating: 2.1/5 (67 votes cast)

Comments (18) | Frank on Guns
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The O-Team
Posted by Frank J. at 10:10 AM

New video from Zo:

Heh. B.O. Barack-us.

Rating: 2.3/5 (56 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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Don't Freak Out and Increase the Government
Posted by Frank J. at 09:05 AM

Are you getting as afraid as me that we're going to end up making some sort of new New Deal thing and bloat the government even more? If you've been reading IMAO since the beginning, you may remember I was quite adamantly opposed to the original New Deal. I think a lot of my fears ended coming true there, and I'm not going to let that happen again.

Rating: 2.2/5 (55 votes cast)

Comments (17)
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Sleep easy tonight . . .
Posted by Cadet Happy at 03:44 AM

United Nations Secretary General Ban Ki-Moon met with Yakov Smirnoff yesterday at UN headquarters in New York to iron out that whole Middle East nuclear Armageddon thing.

Though I'm not really thrilled with SP meeting with Lex Luthor.

Rating: 2.2/5 (55 votes cast)

Comments (4)
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September 22, 2008
Don't hold your breath for an Obama apology . . .
Posted by Cadet Happy at 09:04 PM

Say what you will about Slow Joe, but at least he manned up about it.

Rating: 2.0/5 (53 votes cast)

Comments (11)
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EXLUSIVE: Embarrassing Palin gaffe caught on film at Florida rally . . .
Posted by Cadet Happy at 03:35 PM

Via Rachel at pereiraville.com

No, it wasn't her sweating like a dyslexic on countdown (maybe SarahK wasn't just whining about the heat all those years) . . .

It was this . . .

Rating: 2.0/5 (57 votes cast)

Comments (20)
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Seven Hundred Billion Dollars
Posted by Frank J. at 12:09 PM

Seven hundred billion dollars.

Holy crap.

That's like over two thousand dollars each. When we sold our house this year, we actually had to take out a loan to fully pay off the mortgage... and now I'm paying thousands more for other people who weren't paying their mortgages? Am I just a sucker or something to play by the rules? Are all of us who paid taxes suckers?

We shouldn't even be giving the government this money in the first place, but they get bitchy if you don't pay them. I mean, they send letters and then they start calling all the time. Eventually, they'll even call the police on you. Yeah, the police will come to your door and be like, "The federal government called with a complaint about you."

And you're like, "I didn't do anything illegal. The federal government is just being a bitch because it thinks I owe them money."

You might even have to go to the station to sort things out. It's a mess.

The government is irresponsible with it's money it takes from us, but I guess when you can just take money whenever you feel like it that doesn't really lead to responsibility. Anyway, just think of the much cooler things we could do than bailing out lenders and lendees if we, together as a society, decided to spend seven hundred billion dollars.

THINGS WE COULD DO WITH SEVEN HUNDRED BILLION DOLLARS

* Construct cyborg cops to police America.

* Create a new battlemech branch of the military.

* Put a base on one of the moons of Jupiter.

* Build a bridge from Key West to Nowhere in Alaska.

* Start construction of a Death Star.

* Build a cloaking device to keep America hidden from terrorists (and Mexicans).

* Construct a working Voltron.

* Build an array of space-based lasers to zap evil foreigners 24/7.

* Fund at least a year's worth of the usual pork projects.

Rating: 2.1/5 (52 votes cast)

Comments (46)
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Florida Palinmania
Posted by Frank J. at 11:03 AM

Sixty thousand people turned out to see Sarah Palin in Florida, and SarahK and I happen to know two of them so it's almost like we got to see Palin.

Anyway, here are pictures including closeups of the Palins. There's also a scan of Sarah Palin's signature in case you want to apply for a mortgage on her credit.

Rating: 2.1/5 (52 votes cast)

Comments (5)
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Better Not Lick the Paint Job
Posted by Frank J. at 10:00 AM

So Hugo Chavez is buying Chinese combat planes. How is that like the opposite of threatening? I'm sure the Chinese combat planes are very reasonably prices, but we're all quite familiar with Chinese workmanship these days. I'm guessing if you're evil and can't afford old Russian surplus, China is the way to go.

Still, what if Chavez attacks the U.S. with his planes and they crash all over America? If they stay up long enough for us to shoot them down, do we have to worry about the lead in them getting airborne? Some things to worry about.

Rating: 2.3/5 (59 votes cast)

Comments (12)
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Fun at Other Websites
Posted by Frank J. at 08:55 AM

I'm guest posting at Right Wing News today, and I have a post up there that will hopefully cause conservatives to be introspective about their hatred for minorities.

Also, Whitler once again has another article at National Review Online. He's a great author, and I certainly hope this gives him a bigger audience.

Rating: 2.2/5 (55 votes cast)

Comments (3)
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Guten Tag meine Freunde . . .
Posted by Cadet Happy at 01:34 AM

Oktoberfest has started! The mayor of Munich kicked of the annual festivities by tapping the first keg . . .

In a sign that things might be changing for the better, they are even celebrating Oktoberfest in Fallujah this year . . .

So how do Iraqi beer wenches REALLY stack up against their German counterparts?

When we pull back the burkas we find that the desert isn't the only thing that's hot on the Arabian penninsula . . .

Read More...


Rating: 1.9/5 (50 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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September 21, 2008
Wordpress Move Update
Posted by Frank J. at 04:08 PM

I still have a few things to take care of, and I'm still not sure how I'm going to handle archives (I might just leave old posts as they are for now since that's easier), but here's what the new site is going to be like. Not only does it seem to load faster, but the center column with the posts actually loads first. Hopefully we'll be operating from their pretty soon. Once again, lots of thanks to Basil.

Rating: 2.2/5 (50 votes cast)

Comments (23)
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The magic word is CHANGE . . .
Posted by Cadet Happy at 03:25 PM

Rating: 2.1/5 (53 votes cast)

Comments (18)
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Congratuations!
Posted by Cadet Happy at 09:43 AM

You're now part owner of thousands of condemned, derelict, abandoned, and foreclosed upon crack houses!

For the low, low, low price of $2,700.00 from every man, woman, and child, we have the privilege of bailing out dozens of incompetent, and often corrupt, mega-corporations. Of course, that $2,700.00 doesn't take into account that lots of people don't pay any tax at all (and therefore if you are an earner, your cost is much greater than $2,700.00) or the interest you'll be paying until the end of time, but heck what's another trillion dollars anyway. You could use that economic stimulus check you got to offset the cost, except that you probably used it up in increased fuel costs, and, in any event, that was just borrowed money too!

Will the corrupt lenders and government officials (on both sides of the aisle) who failed to foresee this problem and regulate against it pay any price? Not bloody likely! They'll just work out a trillion dollar bailout plan over a weekend and pass it within a week so no one has to deal with ugly little things like taking responsibility.

Am I saying that the government shouldn't push through the bailout? No. It's pretty clear we were headed for economic disaster of historic proportions if we let the market collapse. However, I don't have to like it.

Say hello to your new landlord. He'll loan you as much of your own money, obtained through selling you cheap products made with near-slave labor, as you need. Better brush up on your Mandarin comrade. 我们正在性交!

Rating: 2.2/5 (46 votes cast)

Comments (15)
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September 20, 2008
How to Train a President
Posted by Frank J. at 01:23 PM

I have a column up at Pajamas Media, which is good because that site is probably less likely to crash.

Rating: 2.1/5 (46 votes cast)

Comments (14)
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September 19, 2008
A change in tact . . .
Posted by Cadet Happy at 11:12 PM

Rating: 2.1/5 (46 votes cast)

Comments (15)
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It's Time for Grand Gestures
Posted by Frank J. at 11:22 AM

Everybody's worried about all the financial... even though I'm still not quite sure how any of it affects me. Now, the presidential candidates are going to use this as a case for themselves, but President Bush really needs to make some grand gesture if he doesn't want to go out of his presidency on a super low note.

Here's my idea for Bush: Take over America in a military coup.

Yeah, I know, he's already in charge, but that's what will make this so much easier. He has unquestionable control of the military, so it won't take much to get a bunch of tanks to come into D.C. so Bush can come out and announce, "Because of this crisis, I am taking over America and declaring myself leader. I will also punish all of those who are responsible!"

Then he can say all the problems are because of Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi. He'll then put the two in a rocket and launch them into space as is the custom in American military coups. And now the weirdo goobers who think he stole the elections will have to finally recognize President Bush since his military coup will certainly be very legitimate. Or they will also be placed in rockets.

It all sounds like a good idea to me. There's only so much the government can do, so it's best just to keep people from panicking by taking charge with military force. The other idea for Bush is to flee in the middle of the night, but he can keep that as an option if the first idea doesn't work.

Rating: 2.5/5 (48 votes cast)

Comments (44)
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Another Questionable Obama Associate
Posted by Frank J. at 11:00 AM

We know Obama hangs out with racists, loons, unrepentant terrorists, and Democrats, but those aren't even his worst associates as you can see from this picture:


Barack Obama (right) attending a fund raising event with African-American Beard the Pirate (left).

So is Obama for raping, pillaging, and plundering? I've certainly never heard him speak out against plundering.

Rating: 2.5/5 (50 votes cast)

Comments (22)
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Hacking Palin
Posted by Frank J. at 10:25 AM

Michelle Malkin has the full story of how Palin's e-mail got hacked. Basically, the little goober exploited the forget your password feature of Yahoo mail which asked questions about Palin which were all common knowledge. Hopefully this exposure will get them to change their security.

Anywho, I like this quote from the "hacker":

I read though the emails… ALL OF THEM… before I posted, and what I concluded was anticlimactic, there was nothing there, nothing incriminating, nothing that would derail her campaign as I had hoped, all I saw was personal stuff, some clerical stuff from when she was governor…. And pictures of her family

Wow. Nothing incriminating. Maybe because you're actually the amoral scumbag and not her?

Anyway, look like the dork is the son of a Tennessee state rep (Democrat, of course).

So what should be done to him? Probably the smartest thing would be to really beat him up and throw him a dumpster. Then Palin can show her compassion by forgiving him and not pressing charges and leaving him to rest in his dumpster.

Rating: 2.0/5 (53 votes cast)

Comments (25)
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Arrr!
Posted by Frank J. at 09:04 AM

Aye, mateys, it's International Talk Like a Pirate Day, which means you get to annoy yer coworkers since the gub'ment still refuses to make it an official holiday and give us the day off.

Arrr!

Eh, that's all the pirate talking I can do for one day.

Rating: 2.6/5 (47 votes cast)

Comments (18)
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Site Move Update
Posted by Cadet Happy at 08:33 AM

I've gotten a chance to look at the new layout, and I think you will all be pleased. Here's a screencap for those of you who just can't wait to see it . . .

Rating: 2.3/5 (55 votes cast)

Comments (25) | I Hate Frank
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Obama has finally hit on a campaign idea that just might work . . .
Posted by Cadet Happy at 05:40 AM

LIE:

In Elko, Obama tried to anticipate his critics and called on the crowd of about 1,500 to sharpen their elbows, too.

"I need you to go out and talk to your friends and talk to your neighbors. I want you to talk to them whether they are independent or whether they are Republican. I want you to argue with them and get in their face," he said. "And if they tell you that, 'Well, we're not sure where he stands on guns.' I want you to say, 'He believes in the Second Amendment.' If they tell you, 'Well, he's going to raise your taxes,' you say, 'No, he's not, he's going lower them.' You are my ambassadors. You guys are the ones who can make the case."

Rating: 2.4/5 (51 votes cast)

Comments (18)
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September 18, 2008
Site Move Progress
Posted by Frank J. at 09:13 PM

Basil of Basil's Blog has made a theme for me, so hopefully I'll be ready to make the blog move to Wordpress this weekend. It's still crashing and not allowing comments a couple times a day... plus comments have always been a bit wonky. Sometime, I really vulgar troll gets his comment moved to junk but it's still published on the site -- just I don't get the comment e-mailed to me and only see everyone reacting to it. Recently, I saw a whole bunch of people got their e-mail junked by using the word "whore" (responding to a troll who used the word who apparently did get his comment published), and some might have even got automatically banned... though I have no idea how to check. It's very annoying. Harvey got banned a little while ago and I could never find out why and had to manually add his IP to a safe list.

Anyway, good times ahead when I move. Hopefully I can even get the site to load faster.

Rating: 2.6/5 (48 votes cast)

Comments (8)
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A spotlight loving RINO rears his ugly head . . .
Posted by Cadet Happy at 08:21 PM

I guessed from just the following headline, who the Benedict Arnold was . . .

GOP senator: A 'stretch' to say Palin is qualified

WASHINGTON – Nebraska Republican Sen. Chuck Hagel said his party's vice presidential nominee, Sarah Palin, lacks foreign policy experience and called it a "stretch" to say she's qualified to be president. "She doesn't have any foreign policy credentials," Hagel said in an interview published Thursday by the Omaha World-Herald. "You get a passport for the first time in your life last year? I mean, I don't know what you can say. You can't say anything."

Rating: 2.2/5 (51 votes cast)

Comments (13)
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Time to Better Police the Tubes
Posted by Frank J. at 10:58 AM

Palin's e-mail getting hacked is the perfect opportunity for McCain to seize control of an issue that affects all Americans. Obviously, current law has not been effective with the internet considering the amount of hackers and spammers and spyware. With the anonymity people get on the internet, they think they can do anything, and prosecuting a person or two every so often is just not slowing them down. It's time for new tactics. It's time to enter the twenty-first century. It's time for a secret police that is above the law and answers to no one.

McCain's first act of president should be to sign a bill to create the Internet Secret Police -- or ISP for short unless that acronym is already used on the internet. "After signing this bill," McCain will announce, "I will have no more control over these people. They are above the law, can use whatever tactics they want, and cannot be stopped. God help you weirdos on the internet."

When they find who broke into Palin's e-mail account, the ISP will burn down their houses and connect the hackers tiny gonads to car batteries -- and they will post video of it all on YouTube. Inevitably, there will be an outcry, to which McCain can reply, "Hey, there's nothing I can do about it. It's not out of my hands."

"But won't they go crazy with their power and commit even more horrific acts?" some will ask.

To which McCain will smile and say, "Inevitably."

Everyone will then get a final e-mail from spammers with pictures of them being flayed alive. Whole villages in Nigeria will be razed to the ground. People online will fear uttering l33t speak like wizards fear saying the name Voldemort.

When spam is destroyed and hackers are reduced to curling up in the corner of their parents' basements with fear, who will the ISP target next? Anonymous trolls, maybe? You may think it will be horrific what will happen to them and a violation of human rights and basic human decency, but you have to admit it will help the economy to be rid of a few more useless people.

So this should be what McCain will promise: A reduction of spam, a reduction of cyber-attacks, and a reduction of annoying little goober kids. We will have a new, cleaner, more efficient internet, and that's hope and change we can all believe in. As for anonymity on the internet, that's still fine. Just don't use it to annoy anyone, because then you die.

Rating: 2.2/5 (49 votes cast)

Comments (50)
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Sign o' the times: New KITT gets jacked in Toronto
Posted by Cadet Happy at 10:51 AM

I remember when the first Knight Rider came out--back in the day, Dukes of Hazzard ruled the redneck roost. Can you imagine if people came to school today with the General Lee with the Confederate flag on it? All hell would surely break loose. Anyway, before it came out, they had this marketing campaign comparing the capabilities of the General Lee to KITT, and they showed this scene where they throw a brick at KITT. The next day, this idiot kid (easily the stupidest kid in my class, and probably in the running for stupidest kid in school), came up to me and said "Did you see the new KITT car? ::yokle chuckle:: They threw a brick at the windshield at it and it BOUNCED OFF!" This was the same kid, who in third grade, when asked what "extinct" meant, said "smelly?". Not surprisingly, the poor guy got killed in an accident when he got sucked into some industrial machinery a couple years back. They never put "Most likely to die in an occupational accident" in yearbooks, but if they did, it would most definitely have been bestowed upon this guy. Ah, good times.

Rating: 2.0/5 (47 votes cast)

Comments (9)
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We Were Wrong
Posted by Frank J. at 08:58 AM

If you look at the poll averages, Obama is back ahead. The trolls were right: Palin has a liability for the ticket. McCain was a fool to ever nominate her. Now the Democrats are going to win because we had too much hubris to listen the trolls who visit here. Just think of their little troll laughter when Obama wins and how much we will deserve their mockery.

I guess the conservative movement will have to wait until 2012, but I think it's too optimistic to believe we'll have things together by then. 2016 is more likely... if America is still around in any form we still recognize. Me, I'm going to look for material to make my floating platform out in the sea that I shall name Frank J-istan. The military force of one shotgun should be enough to keep hippies off of it at least.

Rating: 2.1/5 (48 votes cast)

Comments (45)
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Beware!
Posted by Cadet Happy at 08:05 AM

Rating: 2.3/5 (56 votes cast)

Comments (16)
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