One Score and Four Years Ago…

Posted by on

Today marks two dozen years since I first took a breath with my own lungs. In celebration of the day of my birth, you must use the comment section to shower me with praise.
Now, go ahead; shower away.

No Comments

  9. I wan going to say Happy Birthday, but got distracted by the frankly disturbing image of Bill Whittle giving $15 lapdances. I wouldn’t pay more than $10 for him…
    Oh yes, Happy Birthday Frank. Now go hurt some monkeys.

    Reply to this comment

  20. All Hail… erm, You! Happy and Felicitatious Birthday Wishes and yea, thee art truly groovy and fluffalicious on this, your natal day, and on every day from your birth to your tragic demise a couple of hundred years from now.

    Reply to this comment

  26. happy birthday your life still isn’t over happy birthday you did not acomplish much……..
    but you didn’t die thisyear i guess that is enough
    KEEP PREACHING THE WORD MY MAN
    AND YOU CAN RULE THE WORLD.

    Reply to this comment

  33. Another Day Older And Deeper In Debt

    Goodness freakin’ mercy. There is some serious birthday action goin’ on today. Jen (Ms. J-Mo), Michelle, Solonor’s Wife, and Frank all have birthdays today. Have I missed anyone? 😉 September must be a bad month for going to the movies….

    Reply to this comment

  43. Happy Birthday Frank! You are SO AWESOME. You are DA MAN. Why, if I was half the man you were I’d be… only 12 years old.
    I did some short interviews, and here are a few handy quotes that people had to say about Frank J:
    “Frank and I have a lot in common. I was a lot like him back in my youth, pistols and everything.” – Pope John Paul II
    “Frank’s a good guy. Tell him I said thanks for the Doritos and bean dip, and I’ll be working on that Nuke the Moon thing.” -President George W. Bush
    “Frank J? What a stud!” -Cameron Diaz
    “Logical. Flawlessly logical.” -Spock
    “I am very concerned about Frank J. All the junk he says really pisses me off. Still, I bet he gets all the chicks. Please don’t tell him I said that.” -Senator Tom Daschle
    “People like Frank J. really make me regret my decision to be gay.” -Ellen Degeneris
    “Frank J. A guy like that just makes me proud to be an American.” -Bill O’Reilly
    “Nuke the Moon. Yeah, that could work…” -Prime Minister Tony Blair
    “Please tell Frank that we will pay him a lump sum of 7.8 million dollars if he will agree to pose nude in our magazine.” -Editor in Chief, Playgirl
    “I pity the fool that messes with Frank J. – MY MAN!!!” -Mr. T
    “Let me answer your question this way. I. did not. have. sexual relations… wait a minute, what were we talking about?” -Ex President Bill Clinton
    Long Live Buck the Marine!
    Long Live “In My World”!
    Long Live “Links of the Day”!
    Long Live “Frank AnswersTM”!
    Long Live http://www.imao.us!
    Long Live the Defender of Catholic Virtues, the Wonder of Electrical Engineering, the Pinnacle of Political Commentary, the Genius of Conservative Tradition, the Incredible Martial Arts Master, the Gun-Toting Ass-Kicking Ladies’ Man!
    Long Live the Monkey King!!
    LONG LIVE FRANK J!!!

    Reply to this comment

  45. Happiest of Birth Aniversaries is my wish for you, O Chosen One. Remember that this time is but a preparation, and worldwide celebration is to come.
    Wishing you all the best from the sidelines of your 100th Birth Anniversary, going on riotously in a parallel timeline.

    Reply to this comment

  48. happy birthday frank! u get me everytime. u r the second most funny republican i know, probably even the first (it’s a tight one between u and wierd al yankovich).
    have a great, monkey free life.
    p.s.- was ur birthday predicted in Karl Rove’s scripts?

    Reply to this comment

  52. Dear Frank,
    Happy birthday, ya little turd! Normally I love you but today I hate you because you make me feel old, and that’s uncool.
    But alas, this is not about me (huh?) so I am here to say Happy Birthday and I hope you have a lovely celebration of some sort.
    🙂

    Reply to this comment

  53. Happy Birthday, Frank. Congratulations and may you have many more years of birthdays. And Yay for Frank’s Mom, who did that whole pregnancy/labor messy thing. But I betcha she knew it was worth it when she saw your red wrinkly little self.

    Reply to this comment

  54. Frank,
    Happy birthday! How many birthdays until you drive a JATO-assisted Chevy Impala? I love your International Midgets Are Offensive web site. May the gifts of one thousand kings find you and…oh, hell, get back to answering my questions!!!

    Reply to this comment

  55. Ahahah well I can’t top anything that anyone’s already said…except that Frank, you’re old.
    Happy Birthday! Have a wonderful celebration (if you can remember it afterwards)!
    -Jeff
    (age 15)

    Reply to this comment

  67. Happy Birthday Frank!
    You are so smart, and funny, and talented, and tall, and handsome (I have no proof of the last two but that is my story and I am sticking to it).
    One question… did you have to give me another complex about you? As it is you are a far superior blogger beloved by all and I am an unknown blogger ignored by most. Now – tommorrow is my birthday and I will not get nearly the blogging love. I am so very jealous!

    Reply to this comment

  69. Ahhh aging! Beats the alternative! Here’s a song in honor of your Birthday
    Happy Birthday to you
    Happy Birthday to you
    (Everybody join in)
    Happy birthday dear Fraaaaaaaank!
    Happy Birthday to you!
    (You owe a royalty check to the copyright holders.:)
    Ack! The smoke! The flames! Blow the candles out!

    Reply to this comment

  79. Happy Birthday Frank! Well, actually your birthday’s over, since it’s 10 after midnight there as I post this. I hope it WAS a happy one. I’m sending you Condi for your present – enjoy! But beware, she’s pissed about losing some mug or something…

    Reply to this comment

  80. Clint the Cool Guy has said it all! I may be left-handed, but am not in the mood for dishing out left-handed compliments for your birthday like some of these readers, who ought to be issued a Certificate of Banishment by His Imperial Highness Misha I!!

    Reply to this comment

  83. PS I tried to read your Project Insano thing, but MAN was that LONG…
    Liked the first several lines though.
    Happy Birthday, amigo. It’s people like you that me me proud to be people like me.
    =) PS I tried to read your Project Insano thing, but MAN was that LONG…
    Liked the first several lines though.
    Happy Birthday, amigo. It’s people like you that me me proud to be people like me.
    =) <— Look! It’s Smiley McSmile!

    Reply to this comment

  85. Belated Happy Birthday.
    All praise the mighty Frank J., who blesses us with his wisdom and understanding. Praise the smiter of hippies, scurge of commies, fighter on ninjas, and terror of monkeys. All praise the great poet, whose epic tales bring meaning to our meaningless lives.
    Happy Birthday,
    Schu
    p.s. Screw Time Warner/Roadrunner cable. Made my praise a day late.

    Reply to this comment

  88. Awww, Frank. 24…seems like it wasn’t that long ago that I was 24. Wait…it wasn’t.
    Have a good year. Do something memorable this year, okie? Git married or adopt a kangaroo er somethin.
    (This is kinda like getting the belated birthday card in the mail, isn’t it?)

    Reply to this comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.