Here’s the response I got to my earlier hate mail:
Frank —
Not only that, but soon I will find out where you live and come to your
house and EAT YOUR FOOD AND DRINK YOUR BEER HAHAHAHAHAHA.
Sincerely,
Dave “Wal-Mart” Barry
power-crazed giant humor conglomerate
I guess I need to work on my intimidation skills. I’m going to go sit on my couch and stare at the wall where my T.V. was.
First comment!
Just wanted to be the first to comment…
I have never read Dave Barry, am I missing out?
oh no someone beat me
You are missing out. Barry’s an excellent writer, though on Politics, Frank beats him every time.
Dave Barry is a newpaper columnist who’s roughly as funny as Frank is, although much less politics-minded. He works for the Miami Herald, you might be able to find some of his recent columns on their site, I suppose. The one he had about ‘art’ recently was pretty funny.
“If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant’s life, she will choose to save the infant’s life without even considering if there are men on base.”
-Dave Barry
Dave Barry is awesome. If you are in Chicago he’s in the Chicago Tribune Magazine that comes in every Sunday paper.
No, no, no! Y’all don’t unnerstan’!
Barry was terrified of Frank J.’s letter, and he showed that by immediately by offering to be his friend.
Why else would he want to come by, eat food, and drink beer? I mean, it wouldn’t be to watch movies now, would it!?
Oops. Er… Sorry about that Frank. 😉
Maybe he really was trying to make an offer of friendship, Casey makes alot of sense.
I will have to check out this character, I can’t imagine him being funnier than anything here though..
It looks like Bush is getting hate mail too:
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak my mind. I lost my job this past year. But, when Bill Clinton was president I was secure and prosperous, but in the last year, we had to close our operations. We simply could not compete with foreign labor. This foreign labor worked for low pay under very bad conditions.
They worked very long shifts, and many even died on the job.
This competition could hardly be called “fair.” I was forced out of the place where I had worked for 34 years.
Not a single government program was there to help me.
How can Bush call himself “compassionate”? Far worse, I lost two of my sons in Bush & Blair’s evil war in Iraq. My sons gave their lives for
their country, and for what? So that Bush’s oil buddies can get rich? And the pain of losing my sons is indescribable.
While it is trivial next to the loss of my sons, I regret to say that I also lost my home. I simply have nothing left. How can Bush call himself a Christian when he neglects people like me? I am a senior citizen with various medical problems. I’m not in a position where I
can begin a new career. I was reduced to the point where I had to live in a hovel, all because of President George W Bush.
And when the authorities found me there, did they have any compassion for my misfortune and ailments? No, I was arrested. Mr. Bush, I dare
you to look me in the face and tell me you are a compassionate man! I dare you to look me in the face and tell me you are a Christian. If I
had any money left, I would donate it to the Democrat Party.
If Al Gore had been elected in 2000 I would still have a job, a home, and most importantly, my dear sons! I hope you lose the election.
Truly yours,
Saddam Hussein
lol, that was hilarious, was that yours?
You see, Frank? You used up the hatingest hate mail ever on Michael freakin’ Moore, and now you’ve got nothing left for Dave Barry. You must focus and recharge before renewing attack.
It’s too bad his blog doesn’t have comments. We could give him a muckadooing he won’t ever forget.
Its ok. I’m glad that in a world of limited hatred, a disproportionate amount of it is directed at Michael Moore.
Gee, I’d like to be a fly on the wall when Dave Barry shows up at Frank’s house. Good thing we installed that 1-2-3 Security Surveillance Camera. …woops…uh…uh…hmm… Joking. I was just joking. Frank stop looking around. Ignore that Space Shuttle Endevor parked at your front door. That’s only there for…uh…uh…hmmm
Homeland Security!
For God’s sake Barry, not the BEER!!
Was that a Beavis and Butthead reference at the end?
No, my widescreen TV is at the repair shop.
Isn’t Dave Barry that big black guy who sings with the deep voice? The man sweats too much. I’m surprised he doesn’t short out his keyboard.
No, you’re thinking of Barry Manilow!
No, Blamebush. You’re thinking of Dave White. He sings the famous gay-love song “Can’t Get Enough of You Love Barry.” That’s probably what’s causing the confusion.
And if I didn’t like Dave Barry before, which I did, I’d like him now. He took the time out of his busy day to recover from the emotional distress of a Frank J. hatemail and replied. Micheal Moore couldn’t even put down his comfort-food of blended Little Debbie Snack Cakes, butter, and the blood of virgins long enough to reply. A pox on his house.
I think you should ease up on ol’ “pudge-pot” Moore, SSG!
After all, that’s probably the closests he’ll ever get to snacking on a virgin. Heh. 🙂
That is, unless he takes lessons from Ron Jeremy or something…
The big black guy with the deep voice is Barry White.
You mean WAS Barry White (he’s dead you know).
Frank,
Be afraid, very afraid. He lives within easy driving distance of you…
To the rest of you: Who’s Dave Barry?! Man, y’all leave a sheltered (at least non-trivia) life. Of course, he’s got his PULITZER PRIZE winning column and his best selling books (at least six that are merely his columns bundled up), but, in addition, he had a TV show based on his life called “Dave’s World” that ran successfully from 1993-1997. His novel “Big Trouble”, was converted to a movie in 2002 (Which I loved, but the critics didn’t).
Congrats, Frank, you’ve been recognized by the “Big Time”.
Then I will have two pulitzers, 12 books, two canceled shows based on my life, and two movies based on my novels that are panned by critics!
No one will out do Frank J.!
Ten Signs You’ve made it
Oooh… I don’t know if Frank beats Dave EVERY time on politics. I just got done reading “Dave Barry Hits Below The Beltway”, and the chapter about South Florida politics had me rolling.
Maybe Frank should hurry up and write his book so he’s not stuck with space limitations.