- LET’S DESTROY OUR COUNTRY: So, in response to the elections, the Spaniards elect Socialists? This is why, before now, I have never followed politics outside the States. No one here could run as a Socialist and have a chance of winning. Electing Socialist to run your country is just like shooting yourself in the head.
No, no… actually, it’s more like shooting yourself in stomach. - THE TERROISTS HAVE WON… DEATH!: So now I’m concerned that the terrorists will take the political shift in Spain as a victory, leading to more terror, but then I remember, whether they think they won or not, we’re still going to kill them. And then I’m happy.
- HERE TO STAY: Now the Spanish Socialists are planning on withdrawing troops from Spain. You’ve always heard of refuseniks (here’s one jerk), but what if the Spaniards refuse to leave and stay to kill terrorists? Then what are they? Killniks?
- FAVORITE OF COMMIES AND PINKOS: John Kerry claims that there are foreign leaders who support him, but won’t say who. One we know of is Kim Jong Il, as they play anti-Bush John Kerry speeches in North Korea. Another is the incoming Socialist to Spain. Other than that, it looks like he’s just doing Gore-esque boasts. Even Chirac won’t support him, as the French hate all Americans, even the haughty, French-looking ones, who – by the way – served in Vietnam.
- THEN ONLY NINJAS WILL HAVE SWORDS: Bad news for our Aussie friends: they’re banning swords. Soon they’ll all be dying from ninja attacks with nothing they can do to save themselves. I’m just glad I live in America where I can legally carry a sword with me wherever I go… as long as I can find a way of concealing it. And just wearing a trench coat like in Highlander doesn’t actually work. You could try shoving it down the front of your pants, but most people probably won’t buy that.
- I’M INFLUENTIAL: There is a list of the most influential bloggers and reporters, and Reynolds, who is number one, is skeptical. To help with that skepticism, I’m number 19. Take that, Jodi Wilgoren of the New York Times.
- SLACKER GENIUSES: I am ashamed to have graduated from CMU, who have failed DARPA and our country by completing only 5% of the course with their robot Humvee. What? Did they assign the “special” engineers to design the automated vehicle? I say, if a student can’t make a Humvee that drives itself, he should be expelled. Now our poor troops have to drive themselves like normal. Sorry guys; you deserve better.
- MONKEY NEWS: Six monkeys were found in a man’s apartment in New York. Ends up he meant them to be there, but, if you move into a new apartment and find it overrun with monkeys, don’t be afraid to bring that up with the super.
- POKING TIGERS WITH A SHARP STICK: There is a plan for a Fort Wayne.com in Indiana to publish the names of all concealed weapons permit holders for all sorts of fruity reasons they came up with. Publicola is all over this, and wants to retaliate by publishing as much information as he can about the people from Fort Wayne. Don’t those people know that to single out gun owners makes them angry, and, well, they have guns? I say give the angry gun owners the addresses of those pestering them and then see who also becomes gun owners.
BTW, there is now an Angry Gun Owner Association site based on my previous idea. - MARTYRS: A reader Rob sent in this joke:
Two Arab mothers are sitting in the Gaza strip chatting over a pint of goat’s milk. The oldest mother pulls her bag out and starts flipping through pictures, and they start reminiscing.
“This is my oldest son Mohammed. He’s 24 year old”, says mum.
“Yes, I remember him as a baby” says the other mother gleefully.
“He’s a martyr now though” mum confides.
“Oh dear?” says the other
“And this is my second son Kalid. He’s 21”
“Oh, I remember him,” says the other happily, “he had such curly hair when he was born”.
“He’s a martyr too ” says mum quietly.
“Oh gracious me ….” says the other.
“…and this is my third son. My baby. My beautiful Achmed. He’s 18”, she whispers.
“Yes” says the friend enthusiastically, “I remember when he first started school”.
“He’s a martyr also,” says mum, with tears in her eyes.
After a pause and a deep sigh, the second Arab mother looks wistfully at the photographs and says, “Its amazing, they blow up so fast, don’t they?”
It’s funny ’cause it’s true.
I’m skeptical too Frank. You should have been higher than #19…
“they blow up so fast”
Bwaahhh ha ha ha ha ha.
That is great, but I just spit coffee on my monitor. Better clean it up before the boss gets here.
One of the greatest things about terrorists is that they blow themselves up. The CIA did a wonderful job of convincing them that killing them selves would somehow spite us, like it would really harm us to not be the ones who killed them. Let’s give a hearty thanks to those terrorists “nice” enough to do themselves in.
Now we just need to convince them that we really hate it when they blow up themselves without hurting bystanders.
Skeptical?
Nah. Why’d anybody want to be skeptical of that Top 200? I mean, I KNOW for a fact that I’m definitely not among the top 200 most linked to bloggers out there. Heck, hardly anybody knows who I am.
Well, except for the EcoSystem and the 3000 or so uniques that pop by every day.
No, I’m not bitter 😉
Frank your actually 22.
What! It was 19 this morning! I need to quickly do something influential.
Hey, wait, I’m thinking of attending CMU! Should I change my mind now?
Nahhhh, Their GPS just shifted 4 metres off to the side causing them to go off the track. Not tooo bad for rewriting all their guidance code three weeks before the meet.
Come now. Some of our fellow Americans are sadly silly enough to elect Socialists – look at Bernie Sanders from Vermont. And then there was FDR, and don’t forget the second Justice Marshall.
“Legitimate sword owners understand the importance of ensuring that their swords do not fall into the wrong hands,” he said.
“The vast majority of the community would say, ‘Look, there’s no place for people just being able to go out there and buy these things and carry them around the street’.”
Hey! That’s the same excuse they used for guns!
Hey, you’ve been on my sidebar for quite some time. I just RSS’d you too. Now I’ll see them as soon as they come. Thanks. Keep up the great work.
Scott
Frank…do you date older women? Alright, so this is a bit off topic… But i’m curious..
CCinCali,
So far, no. How old are we talking 🙂
I feel 25…does that count..?
32.. And you’re adorable… Oops..you can’t really see me, can you? so I suppose I could say that I’m 21…and blond..with green eyes.. 🙂
oh brother
and she’s got an eye patch but can still use the good eye for watching Jerry Springer while tossing down bag after bag of doritoes while wistfully recalling the good old days when she had more that 3 teeth to chew them with…..run Frank run!
Hey! I resemble that remark! Oh, I mean…that’s not true at all! How dare you!
And I bought 2 t-shirts! Doesn’t that count for anything?
“No one here could run as a Socialist and have a chance of winning.”
You have heard of the Democratic Party, right?
http://www.rightnation.us/forums/index.php?showtopic=32721&st=40
Proof I have all my front teeth..
Ahh, My eyes!
Hey now..! People rarely use their back teeth anyway!
The socialists are withdrawing the troops from Spain? Or did you mean Iraq?
You’ve now dropped to 23… I’m very disappointed Frank, I expected much more from you! 😛
Why do I keep dropping! What’s happening? What am I doing wrong?
I still outrank Jonah Goldberg who I decided to make my nemesis (I don’t think Scrappleface is even on the list).
CCinCali is very lovely, as are all my female readers.
(cue the “awwww”)
What about your male readers, Frank? I’m from Massachusetts, and I demand my equal rights!
I was just teasing you CCinCali, I’m glad you can take a joke!! You’re in! : – D
jonag – I’m finally in?? Well I demand a refund for those t-shirts I bought cause apparently that didn’t work for me at all.. But it did make a liberal co-worker of mine pretty livid the other day… Never mind, I’ll keep them. 🙂
How many of your female readers have you actually seen?
As far as getting your ratings up, I think the contest would help 😉
Ohhhhhhhh…a contest…what kind, BerkeleyGirl?
Hope it doesn’t have anything to do with water and thin white t-shirts..(don’t want to have to shave).. hehe
With any luck, it will 😉
hehe, just kidding… well, kinda
mmmm….BerkeleyGirl+water+thin white T-shirt=too much for the mind to take 😉
mmmm….BerkeleyGirl+water+thin white T-shirt=too much for the mind to take 😉
Apologies for the double-post….obviously someones distracting me :-p
Hey-
Posting the names of people with concealed weapon permits on the internet could be a good thing.
A burglar could look up the names of his potential victims and say:
“That Frank guy owns a gun- maybe I’ll rob the guy next door to him instead.”
But that would be bad for the people next door.
People next door suck.
Hell yeah, the people next door suck- bunch of stupid commies!… but so do the guys down the street, and the block over, and…
but I guess that’s what happens when you live here 😛
(How do I say this politely?)
FOR GOD’S SAKE FRANK!!! WHY AREN’T YOU ALREADY ON A PLANE TO CALIFORNIA?? WERE YOU LIKE WAITING FOR AN INVITATION?? NO, THAT COULDN’T BE IT, YOU GOT THE FREAKIN’ INVITATION!!! YOU’RE NOT A MUSLIM, YOU DON’T HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE OTHER 71!!!
(In my day, young conservative intellectual humorists didn’t have to be hit on the head with a shovel)
Curtis – What do you mean, particular about hair? Color? or if he has any? You know, I don’t really want to blow Frank off like that.. Hmmmm…that might have been a poor choice of words..
Frank:
just looked, you are still #23. but i swear you were #22 for just a second. what the hell is up with that list? oh well, time for ice cream. mmmmmmmmmm, ice cream.
Well, I joined the Angry Gun Owners Association. If they try to take my guns….hehehe, it’ll be good, ’cause I get to see if my target practice is paying off.
I was gonna put I owned a flamethrower too….but I don’t. I only got to shoot one when I was down in Kentucky. Check out:
http://www.machinegunshoot.com/
And yes, it is real. I’ve been there many times in the past. Frank, you should go. In fact, everyone should go.
ANGRY GUN OWNERS ASSOCIATION
The option to list your firearms is not a liberal trap. Its an opportunity for you to brag about what kind of firepower you have. You dont have to join if you dont want to, ‘Curtis the Former Marine’. Its all for kicks. No need to get yer kevlar panties in a bind.
TO FRANK J
Also, if its not too much trouble frank. The correct address is angrygunowners.ORG. its for the trackers sake. thanks.
Concerning the Aussie law banning swords:
Will there be pre-ban and post-ban swords?
Will a sharp 3 foot long icicle be considered a sword? How about a swordfish head?
Where will sharp, rapier-like wit fall?
Frank,
Don’t be too upset about CMU. About eight years ago, I saw them in one of their hummers driving down I-79 “hands off.” They were moving between 55~60 mph, too.
PLEASE tell me you are on a plane to see CCinCali! Go now.
I through suddenly hopping on planes to see women. Burned way too many times. I wonder if I’ll ever be able to open my heart again…
I have a suggestion for the Ft. Wayne, IN population.
Why not find out who’s behind this? See if they have a conceal carry permit. Then, publish THEIR information for all to see. Obviously, they’ve got to be rich, so they’re a target either way, just as they seek to make targets out of those citizens who lawfully practice their right to a conceal carry permit and back it up. If this party has a permit, then obviously they have some other agenda for these actions. Having a permit will discredit them to begin with.
Better yet. Why not publish the names and info of all those who don’t have a cc permit? Feel free to put this in your local paper or on the Internet under the title “homes and businesses without protection”. If they feel that it’s bad for us to have permits and weapons, then they should feel proud to have it known that they’re defenseless. That way less gremlins get greeted by Mr. Colt or Mssrs. Smith and Wesson when they go to rob people? spit in disgust at the goon
Heart? Heart?
WRONG ORGAN, FRANK!!!
Well at least, 70 years from now on your deathbed, you’ll take comfort in not having risked that round trip air fare for a chance at Shambala. Be sure to spend that saved money in heaven.
Curtis, White Wedding is Billy Idol too.
Frank, I though you were 24 going on your 25 June 4, 2004. You should have born in 1979, did you ?
You are too young to desperate about women. Try a singular instead of plural and you’ll see, it works.
CCinCali,
Just keep in mind: if some men want to use their hormones for growing hair that’s their businees, but the smart ones reserve them for more useful things. I’m glad my thinning Italian Stallion husband has his priorities straight! 😉
Girls,
That’s Frank photo album and that’s Frank’s favorite song.
And here is Frank.
🙂
Curtis, Billy Idol sang a song called White Wedding. It was my favorite song when I was about 15.
And that’s my favorite song.
Amphitryon!
You said you were 72 years old! That means White Wedding was playing in 1947!!!! Now since I can remember the video on MTV in about 1982….something doesn’t add up! Come on Amphi, how old are you, really???? And here I was going easy on you because I thought you were old!
I will be 35 in July.
Anyway, the idea being 72 on IMAO is much more funny.
Amphi,
72 is not funny and neither is it funny that I am older than you! Crap!
This is Billy’s web site, and that is White Wedding from an other site:
Hey little sister what have you done
Hey little sister who’s the only one
Hey little sister who’s your superman
Hey little sister who’s the one you want
Hey little sister shot gun!
It’s a nice day to start again
It’s a nice day for a white wedding
It’s a nice day to start again
Hey little sister what have you done
Hey little sister who’s the only one
I’ve been away for so long (so long)
I’ve been away for so long (so long)
I let you go for so long
It’s a nice day to start again (come on)
It’s a nice day for a white wedding
It’s a nice day to start again
(Pick it up)
Take me back home
There is nothin’ fair in this world
There is nothin’ safe in this world
And there is nothin’ sure in this world
And there is nothin’ pure in this world
Look for something left in this world
Start again
Come on
It’s a nice day for a white wedding
It’s a nice day to start again
It’s a nice day for a white wedding
It’s a nice day to start again
You can buy the album and listen to abstracts here.
How old are you Jonag ?
Let’s just say that I am a member of Generation X, but just barely.
Come on Jonag. You are married aren’t you, so it does not matter.
All right, don’t tell your age but tell us your Chinese animal.
Hey Frank, I live in California too. I have a lot of female friends here who are HUGE fans of yours too. Just to let you know…
BerkeleyGirl,
Frank is a shy guy, so the thing is, you list the aim names and you convey of an AIM appointment with Frank that you send him by email… so you see, he won’t have much choice than to talk with you.
🙂
Amphi,
I just checked and I’m a snake. Thank God!! I was afraid it was going to be a monkey and I would be banished from IMAO! Whew!
I am a rooster and I would only marry a Tiger or a Dragon and my really favorite is the Tiger.
Frank, the Sheep is really you on everything.
Forgot the link for the Tiger.
I’m married to a rabbit and he’s cute even if he is losing his hare. Bud-ump-bah!
Sheep mmmmm I knew he was a baaaa-aaaad boy.
Ooooohhhh I am a tiger, and my wife is a Rabbit. Theres some sorta sick sexual joke mixed in there, I just can’t figure it out.
Monster Kabasue, have you ever been punched in the nose by a woman. I think that castration applies to you, because tigers are also nice on trophies when they are bestial animals as you.
I know to spit also.
You are a f*** bunch of dirt. “You don’t send porn”, but you think porn and dare to argue your joke with it.
You and the Limey are just pissing me really off. If there are reasons to hate IMAO, you are one of those.
Beurk, beurk, beurk and bang.
Man, all the women are in California. I’ll have to visit my sister there sometime.
Why did I have to end up in this woman-less desert that is Melbourne! Why does cruel fate mock me! Why!
Fate doesn’t give a damn about us Frank. Except for the mocking thing. Fate loves that crap.
DAMMIT, DAMMIT, DAMMIT!!! I was born in the year of the FREAKING MONKEY!
I am so ashamed.
Think porn? you do know I am married right? Where do you think kids come from? Should I be cold and unfeeling to my wife, or should I be romantic and tender?
two quick things
A: I have never lied about who I am.
B: When I say naughtyness I think of war and violence, it’s you who thinks of sex.
Sunday Blurfing
A full weekend on my own, and it’s hardly been the full weekend on my own that I had imagined. Between failed brain harvesting and my friend’s cancer…at least I got a decent hair color out of the weekend. Today…