Can a man walk out of a electronics store with $4000 worth of merchandise, even stopping to chat with a cashier before exiting to freedom? Find out in this great example of social engineering.
(hat tip to Crypto-Grams, a great newsletter for anyone interested in security, computer or otherwise)
Archive of entries posted on June 2004
Ronin Thought of the Day
Today we consult A Book of Five Rings (Go Rin No Sho) written by Miyamoto Musashi, considered by many to be the greatest samurai who ever lived.
The Gaze in Strategy
The gaze should be large and broad. This is the twofold gaze “Perception and Sight”. Perception is strong and sight weak.
In strategy it is important to see distant things as if they were close and to take a distanced view of close things. It is important in strategy to know the enemy’s sword and not to be distracted by insignificant movements of his sword. You must study this. The gaze is the same for single combat and for large-scale combat.
It is necessary in strategy to be able to look to both sides without moving the eyeballs. You cannot master this ability quickly. Learn what is written here: use this gaze in everyday life and do not vary it whatever happens.
Practice this so as not be overwhelmed by the enemy.
Pax Ex Viro Et Laseris
Things are getting tense, I tells ya. We have to get things done right in Iraq so that it’s known around the world that America will always follow through on what we say and that we murder any sons of bitches who fk with us. And we have to do it before January just in case, ’cause Lord knows John F’n Kerry ain’t gonna get it done.
We have work cut out for us, people. I saw a headline yesterday on CNN: “Accused Abu Ghraib contractor: Guards told to keep prisoners awake”. Well boo-fking-hoo. Yeah, isn’t that horrible; some scumbags didn’t get their nappies all because we’re trying to stop terrorism. Here’s a little tip for people who want more sleep: DON’T SHOOT AT AMERICANS!
Actually, most who do end up with all the sleep they want, but now I’m sidetracked.
The point – and I swear this time I have one for real – is that if we were a tough and resolved society, we would not have headlines like that. Worrying endlessly about that crap makes us look weak and makes terrorist dumbasses think they can attack us. That just not right.
Remember when Reagan didn’t know the mike was on and joked about how “the bombing starts in five minutes!”? Well, I don’t, because I was too young, but I sure have heard plenty about it, and the Soviets were actually scared it was going to happen. They thought we were so crazy-loco, we just might do it. That’s what we need again.
I don’t want this to be a re-hash of Nuke the Moon, but we have problems to fix. Vietnam is run by Commies, Somalia is still war torn, and Castro walks and breathes as we speak – all glaring failures. That means we have a lot of work ahead of us to get the terrorists from wanting to kill us to fearing us like an angry god.
First off, don’t take st from the goobers. When the Red Cross the other day said we either had to charge Saddam or let him go, the immediate response should have been to knock the Red Cross representatives into a puddle of mud and shout, “You don’t tell us what to do! We’re America! We have nukes! We do whatever the hell we want, and no one – NO ONE – can stop us! We’ll give Saddam a trial consisting of asking, ‘Are you Saddam?’, and, as soon as he says yes, we’ll immediately proceed to execute him in a most painful and lengthy way. And, if you feel like objecting, I’ll just warn you not to get in our way when we’re already in a kill’n mood!”
Methods like this should soon keep us from having to deal with pansy-ass crap and leave us to deal solely with the real issue: eradicating evil.
We all hear about the evil Iraqis out there who blow up people and then desecrate the corpses. Well, celebration of evil is bad, and we have to put that in their heads. It’s kinda like if a dog keeps getting in the trash, put a mouse trap in there. The shock will then teach the dog to stay out of the trash. We can in the same way teach people that terrorist evil equals pain. First, we take some dead terrorists (I’m sure we have plenty to spare), and stage a phony attack making it look like cars of Americans were blown up. When people run over to celebrate, we then set off a real bomb taking out the whole lot of evil Iraqis while at the same time a plane flies over blaring this over a loudspeaker.
Bet they’ll be pretty hesitant after that to celebrate what they think to be a terrorist attack.
Of course, more explosive is not going to solve the problem; that just puts us on their level. We need to take things to the next level to really reign supreme.
Imagine this: there’s been a terrorists attack and bunch of Islamo-fascists start celebrating. On stage is a revered blind and/or crippled cleric. He starts to give a speech praising Allah and saying how great it is that America has been attacked. Just as he gets the crowd riled, suddenly a bright light comes from the sky bursting the cleric into flames. The crowd runs in terror as if God Himself is raining His wrath down upon them.
That right people; it’s time for the space-based laser.
Sure, lasers for shooting down nuclear missiles are in the works, but that’s not going to frighten terrorist dumbasses. We need something that can target them personally.
You may be saying that seems like a lot of money to build something that takes out one human target at a time and that nuclear weapons are already more destructive, but then you’re missing the beauty of this. With our laser, we can take out any person at anytime (we’ll even equip with infrared to see through buildings), and the weapon will be where those retards could never hope of reaching it. Our enemies will quiver every moment of every day, knowing their death could come at anytime if we so please, and there is nothing – NOTHING – they can do. That’s why I’ll call it the Satellite for Mind-fking, Intimidating, and Terminating the Enemy – or S.M.I.T.E. for short.
Here are some technical drawings I have of the concept:
I hope that’s enough to get the grant money flowing my way. We must do this to have global supremacy. Now, I’m an electrical engineer, but I’ll need someone with knowledge about lasers and someone with knowledge about space to get this done.
The future is coming people, and we need our space lasers.
Ninjas, Lasers, and Gold!
Or
I’m Half Guinness and Fighting
This almost makes metric football seem exciting. And, is it just me, or do you think the snake with the cigarette dangling out of its mouth is supposed to be a Frenchman?
Also, how long can you play this thing continuously before it gets tiresome? For me, it’s more than fifteen minutes at least.
June 12th Range Report
I’m kinda embarrassed to post this one, but maybe embarrassment will help me strive to do better.
First off, let me just explain that I tried to apply some paint to the sights on my .45 since they’re black and hard to see in low light. Apparently I did so poorly, as that could only be the explanation for these (NOTE: for all targets, three magazines were emptied into them):
10 yards
Two hands: Image
One hand: Image
Two hands: Image
Oy. Anyway, next I went to my little Ket-Tec. Going from single action only to double action only, my first shot went wild. Also, I still had some jamming, but always on the final round (the casing of the second to last round wouldn’t get fully ejected). Other than that, it was great to fire, and I ended up firing it pretty rapidly. Also, I loaded the six round clip magazine, chambered a round, and then replaced the round in the magazine for seven shots.
7 yards
One hand: Image
One hand: Image
Two hands: Image
Next is my Walther PPK/S after being looked at by a gunsmith. No jamming this time, but the first double action shot sometimes had problems, not firing the bullet and requiring a second trigger pull. No problem with single action, though. Since this is my back-up gun, I also practiced with my off-hand.
7 yards
Two hands: Image
Left hand: Image
Finally, I fired my Walther P99 which I hadn’t taken to the range in sometime. I used those emasculated 10 round magazines (I wish I could get some 16 round magazines for it). I also fired it left-handed since I have a new holster where I could use it as a backup gun. The first shot of each magazine was double-action like with the PPK.
Two hands (10 yards): Image
One hand (7 yards): Image
Finally, I got my holster from Graham’s Leather, the backpocket cookie for my Kel-Tec. Now, anytime I want to carry I can just put this in my backpocket. I can’t wait until I get mugged!
Meep Meep
I now have RoadRunner as an advertiser. As anyone who has gotten an e-mail may have notice (and sorry for getting so behind on responding), I am a RoadRunner user myself. I’ve had other cable modem services before, and they tended to drop out all the time. I can’t recall my RoadRunner service going out even once. So, if you’re thinking of moving out of the Stone Age and giving up your dial up service, check out RoadRunner.
Also, check out all my other advertisers. If not, then you are a thief for reading my webpage, and I hate thieves…
Ronin Thought of the Day
This wisdom comes from Master Reagan himself:
You can tell a lot about a fellow’s character by his way of eating jellybeans.
Meditate on this until you are at peace.
For Honor and the Gipper
Since I’m always so busy Monday night, I’ve decided to make Tuesday “Entertain Your Own Damn Selves Day” (though I do plan on having some more posts later today).
Today, the topic of discussion is how to properly keep Reagan’s memory alive and continue the fight for honor in his name. People may act like they all liked Reagan now, but remember they hated him even worse than Bush back in the day. While idiots now worry that Bush willmake allies angry at us, the muckadoos back in the 80’s were convinced Reagan was going to start a nuclear holocaust killing us all. His enemies and the enemies of America were and still are many, so it is up to us to fight.
First off, I have some new logos. Some people didn’t like anything over the flag, so here is a new simple banner for an American Ronin:
Note to International Readers: You don’t have to live in America be an American Ronin; you just have to fight for the true American principles of liberty and the destruction of evil.
Tom Hoyt also made some banners:
Banner 1
Banner 2
Banner 3
Banner 4
Banner 5
I’ll let him explain them. For 1-3:
6-5Ronin = Reagan died on 6/5, and 6-5 Ronin has a good ring to it in Japanese (not to mention the slightly frightening image of a 6′ 5″
ronin). On the right is the date, center is “ronin,” on the left the motto from the USS Reagan, “Peace Through Strength” and then “Reagan group,” though group in Japanese is used for anything from a kindergarten class to a warrior unit or mafia gang.
Banner 4:
Just has 6/5 in the background and ronin in the foreground; I should have picked a different color for the date
Banner 5:
Has 6 / 5 and ronin on it; I liked the juxtaposition of Japanese with Arabic numerals
As we settle on a banner, I hope to make a page specifying what to do to be one of Reagan’s Ronin. I had a first draft at a list already, but I need more ideas on how to actively fight for the principles of liberty in Reagan’s name. When I have all the requirements down for being an American Ronin, then I’ll make a page devoted exclusively to this.
First off, all should have a shrine to Master Ronin so that you may reflect on your duties daily. This shrine shall consist of a bowl of jellybeans (preferably Jelly Belly). It is permissible and encouraged to eat these jellybeans when reflect on your duties to freedom and the fight against evil, but the bowl should never go empty.
Also, one should be knowledgeable in the works of Master Reagan to defend him from slander. You can let no unkind words of Reagan go unchallenged.
Foremost, you must do something every day to fight for freedom and keep the American spirit alive.
Now, your assignment for today is to come up with some activities we can all do to keep Master Reagan’s legacy alive and fight those who wish to weaken our resolve. Also, what are a good list of books and articles so we can educate ourselves on Master Reagan? Please put these in the comment section and continue your day with honor.
UPDATE: Also, what would be a good slogan or battle cry (and no one say, “Spooooon!”)?
Our Military XIX
Here are more readers explanations of why they joined the military. I’d like to keep this going as long as I can, so, if you’d like to give your own explanation of why you joined the military or have a military story, please e-mail me with the subject “Military”. Thanks.
Greg writes:
Why did I join the Military?
Let see the choices were being Drafted into the Army & going the tropical paradise known as Vietnam, or joining a branch of service that not enjoying that paradise. So I joined the Coast Guard (which had just pulled out of Vietnam the year before). I thought the war in Vietnam was bad, not because we were there, but we weren’t allowed to win. The service taught me several things (other than the skill of electronics repair): it taught me how to be and act like a man, how to work with other people (even though you do not like them), it taught me camaraderie (sailor bar fights), and self sacrifice (having to save a stranded fishing boat in a raging hurricane, plus our unofficial motto was “You have to go out, but you don’t have to come back”).
Am I happy I joined the Coast Guard, you bet!! I probably would have been a worthless snot nose Liberal if I hadn’t.
Semper Paratus “We’re Always Ready” to Do or Die
John writes:
Grew up reading about WWII and Korea. Found the American Heritage history series in the school library. Took up building models as a hobby, first aircraft, later ships and tanks. Would sneak downstairs to watch 12 o’clock High (came on at 10pm Friday). Thought the pilot episode of Combat was the best of the series (had American tanks, even though they got knocked out.)
Won $20 on a bet over the 68 worlds series, only Mets fan in the town that had the Orioles Triple A farm team (Rochester Red Wings).
Saw Battle of the Bulge when it came out in theaters, memorized the Panzerlied, wondered how come we didn’t have similar songs. Took up wargaming courtesy of Avalon Hill and SPI. Watched Kelly’s Heroes in the theater, numerous times, appreciated the actual M4s used in the film and the effort to turn T34s into Tigers. One of the few roles I’ve seen Donald Sutherland in that I liked. Oddball was a tanker’s tanker.
Did the math early on and figured out that I could graduate after summer school following my junior year if I dumped study halls and substituted classes that were creditable, also take summer school following soph and junior years. Army recruiter gave a talk to our high school government class, told me to stay in and graduate, then join up if that’s what I wanted.
Graduated summer of ’74 (class of ‘74.5?). Actually went back to high school that fall auditing a couple of courses, Geometry and AP Chem, as I recall. Occurred to me in November that I was spinning wheels, stopped in at Army recruiter, joined delayed entry program December of ’74, went active January ’75, retired February ’95.
Grant writes:
I joined the Marines in 1999, signing on for a stint in the infantry. It was something I always wanted to do. I am proud of my country and I felt that this would be a good way to pay the debt I owe to so many men who have served this great nation. I fought in Iraq last year, and I must say that it felt good to go over there and take care of business since we missed out on kicking the Taliban out of Afghanistan. There are a lot of people in that part of the world that needed (and still need) killing. I am still serving with a reserve infantry unit in Utah while I am going to college.
Tough?
Definitely.
Worth it?
Worth every inch of shit I wade through – and it is above my head sometimes.
SEMPER FIDELIS!!!
Fiction Fun
John Hawkings of Right Wing News has another poll of conservative bloggers, this time of their favorite fictional characters. As one would suspect, that would get a pretty diverse number of entries. I was surprised that the Man with No Name and Inigo Montoya made the list as I voted for them thinking no one else would.
Also of note, there is only one female on the list, and I never heard of her.
Anyway, here are the twenty-five I picked (not ranked):
Continue reading ‘Fiction Fun’ »
Ronin Thought of the Day
This was sent in by my brother, Joe foo’ the Marine, and is from the wise P. J. O’Rourke:
Moore’s new book, Dude, Where’s My Country?, contains ten chapters of fulminations convincing the convinced. However, Moore does include one chapter on how to argue with a conservative. As if. Approached by someone like Michael Moore, a conservative would drop a quarter in Moore’s Starbucks cup and hurriedly walk away.
Bask in its wisdom and be at peace.
In My World: The Independent
“Ahh,” Bush sighed as he relaxed in his office chair, “It’s so nice to relax a bit and know that I’m up for reelection against a total goober and that nothing could go wrong. That’s right: nothing can go wrong.” He basked in the nothing wrongness for a moment. “Not a thing could go wrong.” He put his feet up on his desk. “Nothing at all wrong could go and such and so forth.”
Over the intercom, Cheney shouted, “Mr. President, something has gone terribly wrong!”
“Dammit!”
“A new independent as entered the presidential race,” the anchorwoman announced, “He’s heavily financed and it looks like he’s making a serious bid for the presidency. We go now live to his press conference.”
A handsome man in a well tailored suit stepped up to the podium. “It’s time for the politics of division to end, and that’s not going to happen by reelecting a hard line right-winger or putting a wishy-washy liberal into office. Instead you need a moderate like me with the experience of uniting people of all backgrounds for a common cause. Thus, I’m starting the Satan in 2004 campaign.”
“Not the prince of darkness!” Bush shouted at the T.V. screen. He then turned to Cheney. “Or is he the ‘king of darkness’ now? I really haven’t been following that.”
“Just watch,” Cheney growled.
“Lucifer, do you think you could be a spoiler in this race?” a reporter asked.
“First off, don’t call me Lucifer; that’s my slave name. Second, this isn’t like that silly Nader candidacy; I’m in this to win.”
“What political experience do you bring?”
“I’ve run hell since the beginning of time,” Satan answered, “and it has a population even greater than America. I think I’m more than qualified.”
“Is it true you tried to overthrow God?”
“Are you going to fault me for being ambitious?” Satan chuckled, “I disagreed with God on a few key issues, but, in the end, that’s a dispute between me and Him. Anyway, I’m giving up that eternal conflict to run for president now.”
“Are you responsible for Hitler, Satan?”
“Believe me, that mustache and hair style was all his choice,” he said with a smile, and the press laughed.
“He’s witty and charming!” Bush exclaimed, “We need to keep him out of the debates!”
“No reason to panic until we see some polling,” Cheney said.
“Doom!” Karl Rove exclaimed as he emerged from the shadows. “The elders prophesized that once the warrior known as Reagan fell, evil would walk the earth again and mount an effective campaign.”
“Do you really think he’ll take votes away from me?” Bush asked, “I mean; he’s evil… he should do well with the Democrats.”
“Satan’s dark appeal can draw any who is weak in will,” Rove stated.
“I just want people to know,” Satan said, “That I’m for good things everyone likes and against bad things.”
“He sounds like a nice guy!” Bush exclaimed, “I think I might vote for him.”
Cheney slapped Bush upside the head and shut off the T.V. “Keep focused.”
“Ow,” Bush sobbed, “Well, who was that blond woman next to him?”
“That’s Beelzebub, fallen angel and shrewd campaigner,” Rove answered, “Every candidate she ever worked for has always won, often with more than ninety percent of the vote. Of course, that’s because they’re often dictators holding sham elections.”
“A sham election!” Bush exclaimed, “That’s a great idea! How do we do one of those?”
Cheney hit Bush again.
“Ow! Okay; let’s have a strategy session.”
“I don’t get it,” Scot McClellan said, “Is Satan even eligible to run for president?”
“That’s a good question,” Bush answered, “and an even better question is who let Scott in on our strategy session?”
“I can answer the first question,” Rove stated, “Apparently Satan owns an estate in Massachusetts, but spends most of his time in hell for tax purposes.”
“I don’t know why you’re all worried about this devil character,” Rumsfeld growled, “Back when I was a kid, the earth used to crack open spewing forth devils all the time. We’d just fight them off with pitchforks to keep them from getting our crops. Let’s just pitchfork this joker too. I don’t have enough pitchforks for everyone, though; you’ll have to supply your own.”
“Let’s just keep that pitchfork idea in the back of our minds for right now,” Bush said, “Now let’s look at some regular tactics such as muckraking. So, does this Satan character have any dark secrets in his past we know about?”
“You’re an idiot,” Condi sighed.
“No, dark secret about him,” Bush corrected her, “Like, do we know of any instances of him lying?”
“He lied to Adam and Eve about the forbidden fruit,” Scott offered.
“That’s a start,” Bush said, “So do we have documentation of that?”
“Uh… yeah.”
Bush thought for a moment. “I think we need something better that. Is there any unpopular policies he has been on record supporting.”
“He’s Satan!” Condi shouted, “His policies are of famine, death, and destruction.”
“And people don’t like famine, death, and destruction,” Bush pointed out excitedly, “That’s a good start. We’ll hit him on that.”
“If you fail to defeat him,” Rove warned ominously, “It will mean the destruction of all humanity.”
“You said the same thing about Gore,” Bush responded.
“It’s still true.”
“I think we need to take drastic action then,” Bush stated solemnly. He then turned to Cheney. “Dick, you’re off the ticket.”
“What!”
Bush picked up the phone in front of him and dialed a number. “Hello, Jesus, this is President Bush… What do you mean how did I get your number? I’m the President of the United States. We have everything on file. We even have plans stashed away somewhere to invade Heaven if we one day deem it a threat. But that’s not important; I want you to be my running mate… What do you mean you don’t want to get involved in politics? But we need your help to defeat Satan… But if I’m helping myself, why would I need your help anymore? …That’s neat how you’re making a sound just like a dial tone, but that walking on water trick was a much cooler.” Bush was silent for a moment. He then put down the phone. “Jesus hung up on me! Well, I guess we’ll need to find someone else who’s experienced with defeating Satan.” Bush thought for a moment. “I know! Arnold Schwarzenegger! He once defeated Satan.”
“That was a movie!” Cheney shouted.
“Yeah, he made a lot of great movies,” Bush said and then started laughing. “Remember that one comedy where he got that boring, corrupt guy thrown out of office and then replaced him in a special election to become Governor of California? That was hilarious! What was it called… Total Recall?”
“That was real life!” Cheney screamed. He then got up. “Fine. Satan is going to be elected president and humanity is doomed. I’m going to the bar. Who is with me?”
“I hate meetings that aren’t about war,” Rumsfeld grumbled.
“So what’s the polling say, Bee,” Satan asked.
“You’re easily grabbing the undecided,” she answered, “but it will take more work to get you past either Kerry or Bush.”
“It will be an easy task,” Satan proclaimed, “The pathetic humans shall soon fall for my wiles.”
“Still, I’d recommend picking a running mate from the Bible Belt where you’re polling very poorly,” Bee said.
“We’ll do what’s needed,” Satan declared, “and then victory will be ours. Our only challenge is that idiot Bush and Kerry who is a total goober.”
“This better not end like your other plans where we get cast down into hell and are tormented by penal flames,” Bee warned.
Satan rolled his eyes. “We’ll quit going on about the penal flames?” Satan said, “This plan can’t fail because God can’t intercede. He gave his pathetic creations free will, and with that will they will cast the ballot for me. Then I will control America and make it a inviting place that the world will embrace– and then be destroyed along with us. Muh hahaha!”
“Fine,” Bee answered, “but quit it with the evil laugh. You accidentally do that in public it will permanently cost you at least a percentage point.”
“Unlike the other candidates, I can defeat terrorism without any violence,” Satan said as he walked through a desert, “That’s because I’m someone who can talk to them.”
A terrorist then shouted, “Hey! It’s Satan!” and ran up to him. He then faced the camera and said, “We may hate the great Satan, but the regular Satan – he’s all right!”
The screen then said, “Satan in 2004: Give in to your feelings.”
Another commercial then started with images of plague and death. “Satan is evil and wishes nothing but destruction,” Bush narrated, “So don’t vote for him.” A smiling picture of Bush then came on screen. “But I’m a nice guy, so vote for me. Oh, and don’t vote for Kerry either; he’s a goober.”
The screen then said: “Bush in 2004: Of the three evils, he’s certainly one of the lesser.”
John Kerry turned away from the T.V. screen to look towards his butler. “Does this Satan guy really then he can beat me?” Kerry asked, “Did he even serve in Vietnam?”
“I don’t think so, sir,” the butler answered.
Kerry then looked at a box in front of him. “These aren’t my medals! Whose are these?” he exclaimed, and then handed the box to his butler. “Jeeves, could you go toss these over a wall for me?”
“Certainly, sir.”
TO BE CONTINUED…
Ronin Thought of the Day
This come from Hagakure: The Book of the Samurai:
Our bodies are given life from the midst if nothingess. Existing where there is nothing is the meaning of the phrase, “Form is emptiness.” That all things are provided for by nothingness is the meaning of the phrase, “Emptiness is form.” One should not think that these are two separate things.
Reflect upon it.
Caption Contest Winners
So the winning caption of the Chirac/Schroeder hug is…
“Feel like invading anything French, Mein Herr?”
So, Ned Schnittt gets marginal recognition by me. There you are marginally recognized.
And I give suck up points to Jayme for:
“What do you mean youv’e never heard of imao.us???”
Finally, since people seem to think I’m supposed to pick a winner every time I announced a caption contest, the winning caption for the picture of the world’s most handsome Muslim cleric is:
“Please, sir, more C-4?”
So I’ll give marginal recognition to Dave in Texas, too, plus bonus points for making a reference to classical literature.
Geek points go to blind_mute for:
What kinda cleric is this guy if he can’t cast Magic Missile?
Special bonus points go to beo for an appropriately applying a Princess Bride quote:
Wesley: “To the pain” means the first thing you lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists, next your nose.
Abu Hamza al-Masri: And then my tongue, I suppose, I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don’t mean to duplicate tonight.
Wesley: I wasn’t finished! The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right.
Abu Hamza al-Masri: And then my ears, I understand! Let’s get on with it!
Wesley: WRONG! Your ears you keep and I’ll tell you why. So that every shreik of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, every woman who cries out “dear God, what is that thing?” will echo in your perfect ears. That is what “the pain” means. It means I leave you in anguish. Wallowing in freakish misery forever.
Finally, more bonus points for a classical film reference to LC Mr Minority for:
Dude, Where’s My Hand ?
Thanks for playing, everyone.
Welcome to the Jungle, Baby!
In case you don’t know, one of my favorite syndicated columnists, Michelle Malkin, now has a blog. She seems to be updating it pretty regularly, and, even better, she’s permalinked me! Maybe it’s because I sent her a nice greeting letter:
To: malkin@comcast.net
From: imao@cfl.rr.com
Subject: Now that syndicated columnists are coming to the blogosphere, what happens to the nobodies?
Welcome to the blogosphere. I can see you’re off to a rocket start with the number of posts you have per day so far. Hope you can keep up that momentum.
Me, well, I’m just one of those nobodies who was blogging before it became popular and all the celebrities started coming in saying, “Hey! I’m Michelle Malkin! You know me from T.V. and my intelligently written columns, so you already know you’ll love my blog. No reason to continue reading those other jokers who aren’t published authors.”
Not that I’m bitter. The blogosphere should be open to both celebrities and nobodies. Yes, I work hard for a year to build up my thousands of readers, and then Dave Barry comes along and gets twice that in week. Well good for him– and you.
Just a word of warning: you’re working without and editor now. There’s no safety net here. There’s very little separating the idea in your head from being published for all the world to see. Why, you may be so quick and eager to write something out that you don’t phrase it quite perfectly and soon your Inbox is filled up with people shouting:
NAZI! NAZI! NAZI!
Or, even worse, you could use the wrong there, their, or they’re and they’ll be all over you like piranhas.
I hate homophones.
Anyway, if you find yourself getting too many e-mails related to your blog (like this one), you might want to add comments to your posts. Also, stay off the west side; that’s my territory.
And, finally, never cross me. Glenn Reynolds of Instapundit did, and now he’ll forever be known throughout the blogosphere as the puppy blender.
Once again, welcome to blogging.
Cordially,
Frank J.
http://imao.us
P.S. Any quick tips on how a nobody becomes a syndicated columnist? And don’t tell me talent and hard work, because I’m tired of hearing that.
Okay, maybe it wasn’t the nicest greeting, but you should have seen what I sent Margaret Cho.
UPDATE: She responded with proper reverence:
Dear Frank J –
1) Blogospherically speaking, I’m the nobody and you’re the somebody. The Internet is the great leveller. If I get half the traffic you get, I’ll be happy.
2) “NAZI! NAZI! NAZI!” would be one of the nicer hate mails I’ve received in a while.
3) I still get grammar slammer mail for misusing the word “comprise” two years ago.
4) I’ll do a post on syndication sometime soon.
Finally, thanks for the warm welcome, sweetie pie. I’ll try not to cross you. Maybe I’ll buy one of your t-shirts and send you a photo. I think I’d look better in one than Margaret Cho.
Fondly,
Michelle
Anyone who is an enemy of Michelle Malkin is now an enemy of me.
Oh, and for anyone curious about the Margaret Cho e-mail, I’m afraid those bits went down the memory hole when I made my haphazrd switch to XP.
Well, I hope Michelle’s post on becoming a columnist is informative. If so, soon we’ll all be syndicated columnists.