Today’s thought comes from Sensei Winston Churchill:
Every day you may make progress. Every step may be fruitful. Yet there will stretch out before you an ever-lengthening, ever-ascending, ever-improving path. You know you will never get to the end of the journey. But this, so far from discouraging, only adds to the joy and glory of the climb.
The fight for freedom will never end, so take pleasure in the battle.
Though some think the Iraq War wrong, I think Iraq war right just like Bush. I even came up with a bunch of reasons:
* Lots of Iraqis are dead – bad ones!
* It made for good T.V.
* Saddam was an evil man and now he’s dead – or at least he will be after due process of law.
* Since the war on Iraq, there have been no Iraqi attacks on American soil.
* Instead of having to travel all over the world to track down and shoot terrorists, they flocked to Iraq for us to shoot them in one place.
* “Iraq” and “attack” rhyme, so war just makes sense.
* Now the most potent Weapon of Mass Destruction currently in Iraq is the U.S. military.
* Since Iraq will now have its own democracy, maybe they will import some of our slimy weasels.
* By having so much anger in the Middle East directed at us, we’ve given the Jews a break.
* If it weren’t for the war, the election would be all about dumb crap like Medicare and gay marriage.
* Setting Iraq free from tyranny sets the course for the rest of the Middle East to evolve into modern democracies by 4012.
* The war made Michael Moore angry… hopefully bringing him closer to his inevitable heart attack (I just hope he doesn’t fall on any children).
* We pissed most of the world off, and, frankly, we hate most of the world and like pissing them off.
* If we waited to attack until we had France’s permission, we would have to hold off until most of Europe was invaded by Iraq– which could have taken months longer.
* With all the practice liberating Iraq, Iran, which is an only one letter difference, should be easy.
* Dude, we like so killed Uday and Qusay.
* Oil! Sweet, sweet oil! Muh ha ha ha!
* Lot’s of bad people are dead; what’s not to be happy about?
Sarahk has one of her peace gallery photos up (yowza) and has a Bloglib(?) about me. She also has some angst about her age. Sometimes we all have to settle, SarahK. Me, I’m thinking of setting my sights on gun-toting t-shirt babes.
Rightwingduck gets righteously angry at insults to Latino Republicans. That blogger is going to be a star, I tells ya.
But no one will ever replace Rachel Lucas. Goodbye once more.
UPDATE: Oh, and this is hilarious.
Man, you leave a week while getting a site redesign done and then you have a ton of catching up to do. First off, I want to update the Peace Gallery since I have pictures of my brother, Michelle Malkin, and our very own t-shirt babe SarahK and her sister. Also, I want to add a real FAQ, a Reagan’s Ronin page, and a new About Me. Won’t have time until the weekend, probably.
Also, I had over four hundred e-mails to sort through, so don’t feel bad if you don’t get a response. Everything gets read, though.
I still want to do a documentary on the left using flash animation. I’m going to be busy in the future (business trips), but I’ll have a sign up for those who want to help (and someone else will have to head the project – while I keep creative control, of course).
The Chomps design for the t-shirt is almost done. Hopefully I can get that finished up this week and then I’ll have a feature on it.
Yes, the third year of IMAO will be the most funtastic year ever, and you will help make that possible. Later, ronin.
By my jet-lagged mind, I got into work at 5:45am (and woke up a little past 3am) and am in the middle of catching up (hey, my daily Dilbert calendar says July 2nd; I’ll have to fix that). Still, a samurai must adapt to all conditions, so here is your daily wisdom, this one from Hagakure: The Book of the Samurai:
No matter what it is, there is nothing that cannot be done. If one manifests the determination, he can move heaven and earth as he pleases. But because man is pluckless, he cannot set his mind to it. Moving heaven and earth without putting forth effort is simply a matter of concentration.
So have lots of pluck, but don’t go and moving heaven and earth a lot because I’ll get confused if they’re not where I expect them.
“Now that we know Kerry’s VP,” Bush told Cheney, “It’s time you prepare to meet John Edwards in a debate. Just don’t look directly at him so as not to be affected by his southern charm. Also, if things get to hot, we can always send you to an undisclosed location.”
“Go fk yourself.”
“That’s the other thing,” Bush said, “We need to work on that potty mouth of yours.”
The door to the Oval Office exploded into splinters. “WAR!” Rumsfeld screamed as he burst into the room.
“No more wars until after reelection, Rummy,” Bush said, “We already have that 9/11 commission yelling at us for the Iraq war, so I don’t want to make any more waves until we can be sure this election is in the bag.”
“And how would that happen?” Rumsfeld demanded.
“If we got huge leads in the battleground states,” Bush answered, “Though I’m not sure how that would happen.”
“If John Kerry supporters suddenly ended up dead in battleground states, would that help?”
“Sure… but it would have to be a lot of Kerry supporters and…” Bush looked around. “Where’s Rummy?”
“Who cares,” Cheney answered, “and go fk yourself.”
“I’m really getting tired of your attitude.”
“This is Melinda Hawkish of Fox News and… I complete forgot my intro. Are we live?”
“All I know is how to point the camera,” the camerawoman answered.
“Anyway, we have Detective Ian Competent here to comment on the recent murder spree in Florida. So, Detective, is that one of your CSI experts you’re talking to?”
“Actually, it’s a real-estate agent. Ends up a lot of prime property have opened up for sale.”
“Have you found any connection between these murders?”
“Well, they were all strangulations… strangulations about the neck. At each crime scene, there was a Kerry/Edwards signs torn up by what appeared to be a very angry animal. Also, a piece of paper written on the Secretary of Defense’s stationery was left on each murder victim.”
“What did they say?” Melinda asked.
“That’s confidential to the investigation.”
Melinda handed the detective a hundred.
“They said, ‘These guys were strangled by me, Donald Rumsfeld, because they support Kerry for president.’ All strange gibberish. So far, we’ve determined these murders are completely random and probably done by alligators. We even brought the Crocodile Hunter, Steve Irwin, to help validate that claim.”
“Crikey!” Steve Irwin exclaimed, “Alligators strangling people is the craziest thing I ever heard. All this strangling is probably done by that bloom’n Defense Secretary over there. Look at him strangling a Kerry supporter! Isn’t he beautiful?”
Melinda and her camerawoman ran over to Rumsfeld just as he dropped a man. “Secretary Rumsfeld, what do you think of this series of murders?”
“I think I don’t like cameras in my face! Rarr!”
“Can we film something else,” the camerawoman asked, “This man scares me.”
“Fine.” Melinda walked over to a man changing signs on his lawn. “I see you’re switching your Kerry/Edwards sign with a ‘Please don’t strangle me and I’ll vote for Bush’ sign.”
“Yes,” the man said, “I thought the economy and the war were important issues, but ends up that not being strangled is the most important issue to me over all others.”
Detective Ian Competent walked over. “Are you done interviewing me? There’s a grieving widow nearby who probably doesn’t need that Corvette anymore and I’m thinking of haggling.”
Chomps dragged the man by his leg until he lay directly under Rumsfeld. “You were thinking of voting for Kerry, weren’t you?” Rumsfeld growled down at him.
“No! Never!”
“But your car has a Kerry bumper-sticker on it!”
“Uh… it came with the car.”
“So does this strangling! Rarr!”
Rumsfeld found himself grabbed by Laura Bush just before he could get to his strangling. “There you are!” Laura exclaimed, “Always seemed to me that the only reason someone would go on a murder spree is because he has too much time on his hands. I think it’s time you stop this strangling and help teach children to read.”
“Chomps! Eviscerate her!”
Chomps growled fiercely at Laura who then hit him on the nose. “Bad dog!”
Chomps growled even louder, but Laura stared him down. “You just keep it up, and you’ll only think you know what anger is.” She then pulled Rumsfeld along. “Now let’s teach children to read.”
“But I hate children!”
“Bush’s strangling strategy is working!” Terry McAuliffe hissed, “We need something new to combat it with.”
“Maybe if I switched position on more issues,” John Kerry suggested.
“There’s none left!” Terry exclaimed.
“I know what to do,” John Edwards said, “I’ll use my trial lawyer skills to make everyone scared to be a Republican. We always say they’re for dirty air and water and starving poor children, so let’s do a class action lawsuit against all Republicans.”
“But what court would allow a case with so little merit and that goes against any principle of justice?” Terry asked.
Edwards smiled evilly. “The Hague! Muh ha ha ha!”
“My voice is hoarse, Jeeves,” Kerry told his butler, “Laugh evilly for me.”
“Certainly, sir – Muh ha ha ha!”
TO BE CONTINUED…
Yay! I’m back to my home in Florida!
Normal blogging will resume tomorrow. Thanks to everyone who participated in International Link to IMAO Day, including the puppy blender. I guess no blog war this year.
Now what the hell am I going to write for tomorrow…
Good… bad… I’m the guy with the blog.
The second year of IMAO has ended and a new year begins… one more dynamic, more action packed, and more funnier.
Pity our enemies.
I already decalred that SmartCarry is the official conceal carry holster of IMAO, and I decided to endorse more things:
Official Beer of IMAO: Guinness
Mmm… Guinness.
Official Gun of IMAO: The 1911
Good for killing what ails you.
Official Caliber of IMAO: .45 ACP
That follows logically.
Official Political Party of IMAO: The Republicans
Elephants are big.
Official Jelly Beans of IMAO: Jelly Belly
My favorite is the pear flavor.
Official Cudgel of IMAO: ASP Telescoping Baton
I call it the “Snap and Whomp”
Official Cudgel with Flashlight Capabilities of IMAO: The 3 D-Cell Maglite
I call it the “Blind and Whomp”
Official Stance on Terrorism of IMAO: Kill the Bastards
No explanation needed.
Official Cola of IMAO: Coke
Pepsi is too sweet.
Official Movie of IMAO: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
“If you’re going to shoot – shoot; don’t talk.”
Official Way to Drink Coffee of IMAO: Black
Coffee shall not be defiled with impurties such as cream or sugar.
Official Fast Food Resturant of IMAO: Taco Bell
I like chalupas.
Official Hated Animal of IMAO: Monkeys
Me no like monkeys
Official Physics of IMAO: Classical
Quantum is just weird.
Official Quark of IMAO: The Top Quark
The top quark kicks ass!
Official Actual Word of IMAO: Ronin
I am ronin!
Official Made Up Word of IMAO: Muckadoo
Monkey see; monkey do.
Official Name for Glenn Reynolds of IMAO: The Puppy Blender
It’s true! He does it!
Official Archnemesis of IMAO: Scrappleface
Damn you, Scrappleface!
Official Exclamation of Surprise of IMAO: “What the deuce!”
Name two places where that is from.
Official Denial of Any Involvement with the Alien Conspiracy of IMAO: “I am not involved with any alien conspiracy.”
It is silly to believe otherwise.
Official Way to End This Post of IMAO: I can’t think of a good way.
I really can’t. Sorry.
The Israeli wall, which has stopped 90% of suicide bombings, has been declared illegal by the Hague. This raises the important question: What’s “F**k you!” in Hebrew?
There are also people trying to get the holding of Saddam Hussein decalred unconstitutional. It would be nice if President Bush came out to clarify things by saying, “The guy is guilty, retards!” The whole trial is just to quiet the whiny bitches out there, and it doesn’t seem to be working. Trials are in case the person charged might be guilty, but there is no imaginable circumstance in which Saddam ain’t deserving a swift slow execution. If he doesn’t get called guilty and terminated, in will be a travesty of justice.
Maybe the people involved in the “Oil for Kickbacks” U.N. program will get persumed innocence before being tried and executed by the Iraqis.
Maybe.
Because the frick’n public library isn’t open on Fridays until 1pm (3pm ET).
Yay hotspots!
You’re probably saying to yourself, “Hey, something looks different here. Did you change your font size?”
No, I had a complete redesign by Sekimori. Anyway, I’ll still have to catch up some new pages to the new template (such as the Peace Gallery), move a few things around and cut the fat, and do a new “About Me” page plus an actual FAQ… with answers! Put suggested questions in the comments.
So much to comment on in the news today, but I still have the whole “hang with the family thing.” I’ll put up a few posts, and see more of you guys after the weekend.
BTW, it is “International Link to IMAO Day”, and I won’t be able to be on much today to see who is not complying, so it’s up to you ronin to gently remind those who forget.
A new age dawns today, so bask in its glory.
UPDATE: Aww. Michelle Malkin is now one of my favorite bloggers as well as columnists. Wish I had the whole day to check out all my friends in the blogosphere, but I need to eat and get going soon. Thank you notes will have to wait for next week.
Tomorrow is my blogiversary and International Link to IMAO Day, plus…
SUPER SURPRISE!!!
Until then, Michelle Malkin has an excellent takedown of one of Ted Rall’s most vile comics yet. Whoever is running Ted Rall should replace his comics with mine about space lasers.
The story behind this post is…
Feh, I don’t have anything to see other than this is a popular Know Thy Enemy™ as everyone who is anyone hates Hamas. The third to last bullet point is one of my favorite jokes even though it’s dumb, and the Aquaman joke can be explained that I recently reviewed an actual Aqua-comic.
Anyhoo, enjoy and shut up!
Continue reading ‘IMAO Flashback: Making Fun of Terrorists’ »
In two days – Friday – is my second blogiversary and International Link to IMAO Day. If you have a blog, either pick a new post or an old favorite to link to. Heckle and deride all who don’t link me… especially the Daily Kos!
I’ll be in Sun Valley that day, so I don’t how easy it will be for me to get internet access to post. If it takes me a while, don’t freak out too much at the big surprise.
Bsck in the innocent days of June 27th, 2003, I posted this interview with all the different Democrats vying for the presidency. Who knew then that Bush would be facing a French-looking man backed by a trial lawyer? I knew, but I didn’t want to ruin the surprise.
The Howard Dean joke probably needs some explanation as this incident is probably forgotten. Dean’s son had been arrested for robbing a country club, and then at a speech he said:
“It is a bit of a club down there. The Democratic Party, all the candidates from Washington, they all know each other, they all move in the same circles, and what I’m doing is breaking into the country club.”
Later Dean said: “That was an incredibly unfortunate phrase. Why do I say these things?”
Jackass.
Anyway, since I now have some real interviews under Frank Discussions™, I want to clarify that all these interviews are fake… except for the Carol Moseley Braun one.
Continue reading ‘IMAO Flashback: Nine Dwarves Plus Two’ »
