I haven’t said anything about the Scott Peterson trial. I’m not a big trial guy (though I am waiting expectantly for the Saddam trial), and there isn’t anything funny about it. To me, it ended up being like the anti-OJ trial. I knew OJ was guilty, and I was pretty sure he was going to be convicted and was quite disappointed when he wasn’t. On this trial, I was pretty damn sure Peterson did it, but I assumed he was going to get away with it and was quite happy when he didn’t (Note to Whom It May Concern: To most people, OJ’s murdering and getting away with it had nothing to do with race). Anyway, now that the verdict is down, my reaction is pretty simple: Fry the bastard.
Then I get to thinking, we don’t fry people anymore; we lethally inject. Even Old Sparky here in Florida was retired. (Ed Note: I originally wrote “Ole Smokey” as I was thinking of a famous “mishap” the chair one had that caused the state attorney general Bob Butterworth to quip, “People who wish to commit murder, they better not do it in the state of Florida because we may have a problem with our electric chair.” Heh.)
Hell, we don’t even lethally inject people. I forget the exact number, but California has put something like 600 people on death row during the history of the modern death penalty but only executed five so far. How different from life in prison is it to have some possible execution twenty years later? And isn’t the point of having the death penalty to have a penalty worse than life in prison to threaten people with?
Now, in the arguments for the need for the death penalty, there are more reasons than just deterrence, but I’m going to focus on that to make this short. First off, it has to be threatening. That means you need to actually execute people and not just build some giant death row where you threaten to execute people. Plus, the means of execution should be scary. The gallows, the chair – these are ominous, scary things. The method of death is animated and lively – that means even scarier. A doctor’s table – which is basically what lethal injection is done on – is not so ominous. It’s about the same thing I lay on to give blood.
To get to my point, if you’re going to execute people, don’t be “humane” about it – because you’re @$%& killing people! No matter what you do, it ain’t going to be pretty, so go for the show. The death penalty just isn’t scary enough as it is, and that should change.
Oh, and while we’re on the subject, I have a big rant on how to argue against the death penalty and how not to argue against the death penalty – there are a lot of morons on that subject who seem to lack simple human understanding. I’ll save that for later, though.
Peace, I’m outta here.
UPDATE: Here’s a neat article on the history of Old Sparky/Smokey. Was I confused in earlier stating that the chair was retired?
First!!
Bring back ol’ Sparkey… Smokey… and execution by stoning….
HA!
I say let them choose their own manner of execution, Kind of like a last meal request. We could see cool things like eaten alive by monkeys or sufforcated by grape jelly. Hell, let’s not make it scary, let’s make it fun!
Naaa… we want scary, REAL scary. How about execution by drop from an airplane at 10,000 feet? That would give you a little time to pray for forgiveness before the big “splat!”
hehehehe…
Off topic: Frank, you mentioned being a fan of the show Firefly before on IMAO, so I just thought I’d inform you that the Firefly movie (Serenity) coming out in 2005 was delayed from April 22 to September 20, based entirely on a marketing decision. I am so pissed off about this.
Execution is wrong. It’s way, way too lenient. I mean, think about it: thousands of people voluntarily commit suicide every year.
That’s why it’s time to bring back HARD LABOR. No one voluntarily does HARD LABOR (at least not without compensation). That’s real punishment.
So let’s end the death penalty and stop letting people off lightly. Instead, let’s put them to work in the salt mines. If we don’t have any salt mines, we’ll build some, just for convicts. The point is not to get more salt. The point is to make criminals shudder every time they see a salt shaker.
How about we make the mode of execution so frightening that the person to be executed dies of a heart attack before they even get put into it?
Make it look like a medieval rack, with a bare wood plank that the executee would be secured to by combination of heavy iron shackles and thick leather straps. Let all of these things be stained dark with dried blood, to the point that the table stinks of it. Looming over the table would be an assembly of robot arms, each tipped with rusty, nasty-looking implements such as saw blades, drills, blades, and hooks, and have the guy tending the thing look degenerate, sadistic, and one suit short of a full deck. Call the thing the “Dismembertron 9000”, and start spreading really ugly rumors about the thing throughout the entire prison. Then, get some top movie effects people to gin up some videos of fake executions, which will be played to the executee 24 hours before his/her execution. To top it all off, deprive the executee of sleep for a few days beforehand, and dope him/her up with as much caffeine as they can stand.
The end result: death by fright! And if that doesn’t work, we could always, you know, shoot ’em.
Being sentenced to death these days in most cases just means a private room.
How about a walk-in mircowave oven televised live on the “execution channel”!
IMO, death is too humane, and so is life in prison. I’d jazz it up a bit, and keep him guessing. Every morning, they should torture him to within a inch of death. Better yet, let him die, and then revive him. Some mornings, just march him into the “torture room” and let him wait, and think about what’s to come.
And I don’t understand how the jury could say he the murder of Lacey was premeditated, but not Connor’s. I mena, the woman was like 9 months pregnant. Kind of hard to miss, and not associate her with the baby.
Are the states that execute by lethal injection required to use an alcohol wipe prior to putting the needle in the
customer’s arm???
frank fleming,
In the future, you should probably put your name as “Mean Old Man” to avoid confusion 🙂
Executions cost us way to much money.
we are talking millions here. more than it takes to imprizon someone for life.
my solution?
Pay me a fraction of that $10,000, per hit….er uh…termination…whatever.
I would use a single 1.5 cent .22 round placed discretely behind the ear. i would even use my own firearm. problem solved after a quick trip to the crematorium.
Adam
Nope. Just ship them off to a hospital with an organ transplant unit. Salvage the heart, lungs, liver, kidneys, and as much skin and blood as possible.
Life for the law-abiding, justice for the evil.
Frank – yes, they are required to use an alcohol wipe. Sounds stupid, don’t it?
My perferred method – Remove his skin from his entire body (this will take AT LEAST a couple of hours).
Then roll him is tabasco.
Show the entire thing on pay-per-view. Hey, let california make a buck or two out of it. They have this slight budget problem, last I heard.
There are some good suggestions here. I do lean toward the tortureous, fear ridden solutions myself.
How about:
– Tied in an Anthill naked, head barely sticking out, covered with something ants like. ? I hear you go totally bonkers when they start eating your brain, ‘specially since their favorite entrance ways are your nose, eyes, and ears.
– Live Food for Zoo animals like Polar Bears? Helps in 2 ways and actually reduces overall costs for the hosting state. And sell tickets to further support the zoo.
LOL. i saw frank fleming and thought “why’s he signing it like that? what a goofy goof!”
yeah, Mean Ol’ Man would be less confusing. 🙂
We need capital punishment, but there’s a reason why cruel and unusual punishment is unconstitutional.
Remember ‘Braveheart’ when they lead Mel up to the place, show him the instruments of torture, rack him, all the while telling him to beg for mercy.
The Founding Fathers’ attitudes must have been, ‘been there, done that, and Frank doesn’t have that t-shirt.’
There are tried and true methods. Hanging is pretty basic, firing squad’s been used in my lifetime (at the request of the victim, no less -GG), electric chair is the worst in my mind. Think of it. You boil to death internally.
Lethal injection salves the liberals’ conscience, but they oppose CP in principle anyway.
I say give the executionee a choice: hanging or firing squad.
OH, OH!!!
I like the crematorium idea, but why wait until they are dead? Just turn up the heat slowly so that they kinda slow roast….
AIC
Great, now I’m afraid to go give blood …
This is why people should do their killing in Texas, not California. Around here, we’ll finish you off in a timely manner.
hang’em high.. and hang’em often..
I love the Punchline from Blue collar Comedy about Texas and the Death penalty… “other states are trying to abolish the death penalty, meanwhile Texas is putting in an express line”
I’m an attorney and you are dead wrong. The OJ verdict had everything to do with race. That was jury nullification. If the prosecution would’ve moved for a change of venue, OJ would’ve been on death row. The proof. Every white person still thinks he’s guilty. Every black person thinks he’s not.
As for Scott Peterson, if he’s given the death penalty, which he should get, and you’re correct, in an inhumane way, the truth of the matter is that the appeals process takes about 18-20 years. That means he’s given his own cell for all that time, answering love letters from sick women and living a relatively good life. If, on the other hand, he’s given life without benefit of parole, he will be put in the general prison population. Prisoners hate baby killers. They know he killed baby Connor. He’ll be dead within two years and it won’t be a pretty death either. I say let the prisoners exact justice. They will, but good.
Aaaack! who left the door open? I told yall a lawyer would smell the blood of the working class and sneak in for his share! sheesh– now we gotta spray!
How about we make the mode of execution so frightening that the person to be executed dies of a heart attack before they even get put into it?
Make it look like a medieval rack, with a bare wood plank that the executee would be secured to by combination of heavy iron shackles and thick leather straps. Let all of these things be stained dark with dried blood, to the point that the table stinks of it. Looming over the table would be an assembly of robot arms, each tipped with rusty, nasty-looking implements such as saw blades, drills, blades, and hooks, and have the guy tending the thing look degenerate, sadistic, and one suit short of a full deck. Call the thing the “Dismembertron 9000”, and start spreading really ugly rumors about the thing throughout the entire prison. Then, get some top movie effects people to gin up some videos of fake executions, which will be played to the executee 24 hours before his/her execution. To top it all off, deprive the executee of sleep for a few days beforehand, and dope him/her up with as much caffeine as they can stand.
The end result: death by fright! And if that doesn’t work, we could always, you know, shoot ’em.
LOVE IT
I saw a poll on whether he should be executed and I voted no. Not because I want the SOB to live but because as mentioned earlier he gets a private room on death row. Put the SOB out with the general Population and let him become someones girlfriend. Much better than a private room on death row.
“Execution is wrong. It’s way, way too lenient.” “death is too humane”
Comments like these are obviously comming from people who do not believe in Hell. Let’s get all murderers, rapists, and child molesters to Hell ASAP. God has devised a better means of eternal torment than we could ever come up with.
As far as deterants go, the death penalty is the best because it deters murderers, rapists, and child molesters from murdering, raping and child molesting again. Think of the number of people who have been convicted of one of these vile crimes, does some time in prison, and gets released on paroll only to do it again. The number isn’t small.
So in a way, everyone supports the death penalty. You either support it for murderers, or you support it for their future victims…
“Execution is wrong. It’s way, way too lenient.” “death is too humane”
Comments like these are obviously comming from people who do not believe in Hell. Let’s get all murderers, rapists, and child molesters to Hell ASAP. God has devised a better means of eternal torment than we could ever come up with.
As far as deterants go, the death penalty is the best because it deters murderers, rapists, and child molesters from murdering, raping and child molesting again. Think of the number of people who have been convicted of one of these vile crimes, does some time in prison, and gets released on paroll only to do it again. The number isn’t small.
So in a way, everyone supports the death penalty. You either support it for murderers, or you support it for their future victims…
sorry for the double post. I got an error, so I clicked “post” again…
AWG, I like your idea, but now I’m scared of you.
I say we dress him up like a baby and drop him off at some Dutch hospital.
We fry ’em good here in Texas. I think we’ve done 24 this year so far.
Yay!
A doctor’s table – which is basically what lethal injection is done on – is not so ominous
You obviously haven’t had any frightening experiences at the doctor’s office. Plenty of non-murderers have learned of their death sentence in such an environment.
I still give blood though.
just a simple 12-gauge shell is so much cheaper. and if we used slugs you could kill/terminate/execute/whatever 2 for the price of 1
just a thought
Only problem with the ‘life without parole’ idea for someone like Scott Peterson is that as someone who is such a celebrity, he’ll probably spend the time in protective custody….
Which means – private cell, etc…
Most of the famous ones seem to live out their natural lives in prison… Unfortunately….
Well Frank, if they have retired Old Smokey, you could always go across the border. My home Alabama still uses Big Yellow Mama I think, so come on by anytime to see a good southern criminal roast and enjoy southern hospitality (no, Florida is definitely not southern)
I’m all for the salt mine idea myself – no parole, no sunlight, and no waiting period.
I don’t know too much about protective custody in California, but in Wisconsin we know how accidents tend to happen to sickos.
You know whats wrong with our “Justice” System? We make such a big deal out of Capital Punishment. They should just give the convicts to us Kenjutsu students for suemonogiri or to sword makers for tameshigiri. Either way, I should get to cut them in half with a katana.
throw him in the pit of despair.
We could also have executions by lottery:
Great incentive not to go to prison at all if you’re just going for an ounce of weed and your ticket comes up the big winner.
Frank:
Ole’ Sparky was not retired, at least not technically. The Legislature responded to increasingly strident opinions from the Fla. Supreme Court by passing a law that essentially gives you the “choice” between Ole’ Sparky and lethal injection in the event that you are sentenced to death.
didn’t monty python do a bit about a guy who chose his own way to die, and got chased off a cliff by topless women? i think we’ll have to rule out that choice. what ever happened to that old indian thing where they bury you neck deep in the sand and let you fry in the sun? man, those indians sure knew how to kill people
Let’s See put all of these ideas down on a “menu” and have an American Idol style vote. I select “Death by Buggery” by the general population of a prison. Just through him in and say, “He’s your boys!” Or perhaps select through him tied up into the general popualtion of a women’s prison and say, “Do as you will Ladies!”
Problem with the death penalty is the sheer length of time it takes to kill someone. By the time twenty years of appeals at the taxpayer’s expense are up, if you get to dump the guy, it’s a different person than was sentenced origianlly. By now, he’s found Jesus and has had all sorts of other “life changing” conversions. I guess suddenly being aware of one’s own mortality does that. Kind of takes the fun out of the eventual whack.
And ot all of those who would worry about being “inhumane” (clearly this does not include IMAO readers, good for us IMAO readers!) it’s not like the recently deceased is going to be around to bitch about it after it’s over, so screw ’em.
Tom,
a resident of Illinois and still really pissed at George Ryan over his clearing of death row the pansy way.
Well, I’m not sure what to make it out of the post and the comments. I’m not familiar with this blog (stumbled across it via blog explosion).
It seems so outrageous that I can only hope it’s a cynical satire, in which case, I’ll sadly but also happily laugh along with ya’ll.
If on the other hand, you’re all dead serious, then you’re one lot of very sick puppies and should see your local vet before it’s too late.
If were a bunch of sick puppies, maybe we need to be put in a blender…
If were a bunch of Puppies, maybe we just need to be stuck in a blender…
Someone mentioned Texas as the place to get executed. They were close. Texas is second in executions. If you really want to ensure that death sentence is carried, commit murder in Virginia.
If you want to go the cheap route, you can just cut out that entire middle step of using some killing instrument. Just throw Mr. Death Row Convict into a locked casket and bury him.
This has an added bonus. If the governor calls in a reprieve even a day or so after the sentence has been carried out, you can go dig up Mr. Convict, and he still might be alive. Lying in his own excrement, yes, but alive.
Then again, there’s Chris Rock’s suggestion: Stabbin’ chair.
AWG, I like your idea, but now I’m scared of you.
Which is the natural order of things. :o)
I say we dress him up like a baby and drop him off at some Dutch hospital.
Ooh, kinky! I like it!!
Dress him up like a donut, and ship him to Michael Moore.
“A doctor’s table – which is basically what lethal injection is done on – is not so ominous”
I don’t know, it could be pretty ominous if it has that krinkly paper on it, I hate that stuff.
We just need to look at this from a different perspective.
So much is made of “Cruel and Unusual Punishment.” What would happen if we made the punishment simply Unusual?
Example – Shoot the offender up on crank so he stays awake, prop open his eyes so he can’t close them, and make him watch a continuous loop of Carrot Top singing “I Wanna Be Loved By You” over and over again on a plasma screen TV.
I guarantee an intracranial explosion within 15 minutes.
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EXCEPT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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