(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
Sooner or later, a bunch of smelly hippies will come to your town and try protesting the War, and – also sooner or later – you’ll get sick of their mindless sloganeering and decide to take to the streets yourself to protest their protest.
No such thing as too much free speech, ya know.
But you shouldn’t go empty-handed. Bring a ClueBat.
This item is useful for “beating sense” into someone whose knowledge of “what’s what” ain’t quite up to where it ought to be. A versatile device, it comes in several sizes, so be sure to choose the right tool for the right job.
Small
For RINO’s like John McCain or Colin Powell, and also as a preventative measure for small children who just don’t know any better because they attended a public school.
Large
For politicians who just don’t know when to stop talking, like John Kerry, Ted Kennedy, Nancy Pelosi, or anyone in the UN Building (except the Stachemeister, of course).
Extra Pointy
For those with exceptionally thick skulls – Alec Baldwin, Tim Robbins, most hippies.
STFU ALREADY!
For extreme cases – Michael Moore, Cindy Sheehan, Jane Fonda.
And don’t forget to read the instruction manual before use:
“Fat end first, dumbass!”
Yes, with these handy tips, you’ll soon be doing your part as an American citizen to create a more informed electorate.
Or at the very least, you’ll have a good time.
“C’mere hippy! I want to explain my foreign policy…”
First!!!
That was great. I especially love that last little photoshop of Dubya. You know, with that bat and that armor I suggested, we could clear out D.C. in a couple of weeks!
Gunlord
“If Howard Dean can win ANY kind of election, then anything is possible if we try” ~Me
heh heh heh
Now that’s politics! Yee haw!
great!
As President Roosevelt said (No, not THAT Roosevelt. The GOOD one!):
“Speak softly and carry a Louisville Slugger”
Batter Up!!!
You forgot the spring loaded microphone/baton!!
Hehehe…
I live just outside DC.
I don’t go there (tho it’s a 25-minute ride on the Metro subway).
You can get arrested for eating a French Fry on the platform.
If I carried a ClueBat into the city I’d be flattend by mucho security types before I got past the gates.
They have to protect the liberals from ClueBat-wielding people like me, y’know…..
lol, now I just want to go out and buy a baseball bat!
The last one’s the best. Still laughing.
Now I want a bat like Dubya’s! …or an inanimate carbon rod…
Any blunt metal or wooden object will do, in fact.
How about bricks? I have a special place in my heart for projectiles.
You can use bricks with my official blessing….
I’m a limey lefty and I like fighting. I would love to take on any of you nazi goons. Oh but I forgot you can only do it with weapons can’t you. Or children. Poor little paedo johnny no-mates.
fcuk you and your pathetic chimp of a president.
Horrabin — I live just outside DC as well. Venture in everyday on the Metro system to work. If you just snarl at them, most lefties run for the hills. I think it has something to do with loving the animals, who snarl a great deal in the wild to prevent confrontation.
Judge Dread — I’m torn…the English in me wants to accuse you of being un-civilized, whilst the Irish in me wants to pummel yer skull until common sense prevails…
And last but not least, Harvey — Hilarious as usual…I’m going to be sending the bill for my computer repairs to you if you keep this up.
JD – That’s right, Americans only fight with weapons. Quickest path to victory, ya know. No sense getting into a fight if you’re not gonna win.
Judge Dread, you better watch what you say, or you’re going to end up as the next victim of the Rumsfeld Strangler. And he sure as hell can fight with his bare hands. Not that there’s anything wrong with weapons, though.
Weapons are just fun… and cool… kind of like, what would be cooler than smacking ‘judge dread’ around with a sack of door knobs? What a maroon…