The Russians are trying to figure out what to do with the body of Lenin. I have a few ideas:
* Chuck him in the river. It’s highly economical. Just do it the middle of the night and leave a note in the glass case saying, “Lenin was here.”
* Russia is always in need of cash, so sell him on eBay.
* If there’s something I don’t have a need for anymore, I like firing it out of a cannon. If they aim the cannon at a wall, he’ll go all splat and people will be like, “Yay!”
* I also like blowing things up. He could have explosives planted inside him, be suspended in the air, and then blown up surrounded by a crowd. Then everyone will scramble to get their own piece of Lenin.
* Instead of a boring display, why not tie strings to Lenin limbs and have him do a marionette show once a day called the “Old Time Commie Puppet Theater.” He could dance and sing songs about a dictatorship of the proletariat.
Well, those are my ideas. Any others?
They could use the body
to stage an elaborate farce, a la “Weekend At Bernie’s.”
Pomoze Bog.
“Instead of a boring display, why not tie strings to Lenin limbs and have him do a marionette show once a day called the “Old Time Commie Puppet Theater.” He could dance and sing songs about a dictatorship of the proletariat.”
ROFLMAO!!!
That’s a great one. 🙂
Who would they use for the voiceover, though? Gore Vidal? Noam Chomsky?
One other thought for an “alternative use” for the unlamented Ulyanov:
Run him as the VP candidate with Hillary in 2008.
After all, she is a Neo-Comm and a big proponent of recycling…
I guess I’m being too serious, but destroying Lenin’s body won’t hurt communism. All it will do is waste Jesus’s time at the Resurrection*, having to gather body molecules scattered everywhere.
* By which I mean the last, last, LAST resurrection, when everyone wicked gets resurrected just because the scriptures say everyone will be resurrected.
Send him to San Francisco. He’ll receive a hero’s welcome and will instantly become the democrats front runner for govenor.
Give him to ANSWER. They’re just one of his many “useful idiots” anyway.
Can’t we tie him to a chair, put a bear in one hand, and a cigar in the other, then put him into orbit?
Then the Earth astronomers can try to find him hurtling through the night sky. It will be LOADS of fun!
Send him to San Francisco. He’ll receive a hero’s welcome and will instantly become the democrats front runner for govenor.
That was one of my thoughts, as well. We could also get him appointed to the factulty at Berkeley, MIT (linguistics department), Colorado, Michigan, or any of a number of other universities.
I haven’t worked out all the details yet, but I’m thinking Piniata!
All very good ideas, but the Russians have already been there/done that with the whole cannon thing.
It was way back in the day when this polish dude pretended to be the miraculously resurrected son of Ivan IV (who had died playing mumblypeg) He made some unpopular decisions, and eventually the public stormed the palace. He fell out of a window trying to escape. Broke a few things. Got shot and stabbed several times, then mobbed and beaten. Eventually they left him out on display and finally buried him for a few days before digging him up again, cremating him, and shooting the ashes out of a cannon towards Poland to dispel romurs that he’d been reanimated as a sorcerer.
Russians are weird sometimes.
Couldn’t ping you for whatever reason, so added this headline at http://members.aol.com/lyngperry
Thanks for the funny ebay suggestion…
lgp
HEADLINE JUST IN: NY Times
Russia Weighs What to Do With Lenin’s Body
Cash-strapped nation considers eBay
(HT to Frank at IMAO)
I say the ebay idea is great, as long as we keep tabs on whoever buys him. If they don’t do something with the body that dishonors communism, wouldn’t that make them a enemy combatant under the Patriot Act? That acronym is phat.
Turn Lenin into a Pinata full of blue jeans. Every former conrad gets two swings.
Belloq
Soylent Green is people! It’s people!
He could open for the Rolling Stones.
“That was one of my thoughts, as well. We could also get him appointed to the factulty at Berkeley, MIT (linguistics department), Colorado, Michigan, or any of a number of other universities.”
He an Ward Churchill should get along famously. They’re both literally brain dead.
Ah, I’m reminded of a stunt I did in college in 1989. I was a TA for a Trig class and every TA for that class took a turn writing a Quiz for the class. Every quiz had to have a word question. Mine went something like this:
“You are the commander of an artillery unit overlooking Red Square. The angle of declination from the Howitzer to Lenin’s Tomb is 17.5 degrees. You are on a hill 305 ft high. What is the straight line distance from the muzzle to Lenin?”
The only reason I got away with it was that the Prof was sooooo liberal she had no idea what a howitzer was.
So, let’s fire a cannon into him! Yay!
Convince al-Qaeda that Lenin’s Tomb is a site sacred to capitalism, where the American devils hold their nightly orgies of booze, sex, and worship of any god except Allah. Then let nature take its course.
None of you guys are thinking big enough. I say they should make a cast of his body and start mass-producing fake Lennins for people to put in their homes. It would be the ultimate conversation piece. Imagine visiting your best friend and turning the corner and thinking “Holy crap, it’s Lennin! Oh no, wait, it’s just a fake. Good one Bob.” Think of all the hilarious situations and pranks people could create with their very own personal Lennin.
I already did that while I was living in Russia circa 1995. Free Lenin statues everywhere! Had him in the apartment for a while, put him on the balcony when we need more room.
He died tragically when the unsafe balcony (we were told never to step on it it was going to fall, but no one could fix it) came crashing down 5 stories. The debris was still there a year later. 🙂
Isn’t there some free space available in the Clinton Library. He’ll fit right in.
“Convince al-Qaeda that Lenin’s Tomb is a site sacred to capitalism, where the American devils hold their nightly orgies of booze, sex, and worship of any god except Allah. Then let nature take its course.”
LOL!
I agree with Elvenbane.
“Commies…..in…..space!”
Feed him to a pack of starved rats, then feed the rats to cats. Skin the cats and feed more rats–
The puppet show would be fun too.
Let’s buy him for the Smithsonian! We could display him right next to Archie Bunker’s chair.
Simple: take advantage of his communist theory.
I.E. – cut him up into liiiiiiiiiittle itty bitty pieces, small enough that you can give one to everyone who lives in Russia.
I’d set mine on fire and then pee it out.
Shoot him into the moon, then nuke it.
Just make sure Hillary doesn’t get ahold of him and turn him into Cyber-Lenin, the embodiment of pure commie evil.
Oh wait…
http://www.imao.us/archives/000939.html
Put a devil hat on him, like Frisky the Fluffball, and sit him on the porch for halloween with a nametag on him that says ‘Count Floyd’. Remember SCTV?