Former Attorney General Ramsey Clark has now joined Saddam’s defense team. Apparently, he only defends people who are responsible for a minimum of one thousand deaths. But what could be the possible defense for Saddam Hussein? Here are a few of my ideas:
DEFENSES FOR SADDAM HUSSEIN
* “I was stuck in the spider hole for years! It was one of my look-alikes doing all that evil!”
* “I was just try to keep an appropriate ratio of Kurds to Whey.”
* “It wasn’t me! It was Tom Sellek!”
* “Let he who hasn’t invaded an oil rich nation throw the first stone.”
* “Yes, you could prosecute me, but then you’d just validate Bush’s illegal war. And what’s more important: doing away with a murderous dictator or proving Bush wrong?”
* “Are you, members of the jury, so high and holy as to pretend you’ve never thought about oppressing an entire nation before?”
* “I’m mourning the loss of my murderous sons; isn’t that punishment enough?”
* “I was framed! I’ve never even seen Iraq! I’m really the president of Lichtenstein!”
Any other ideas? Put them in the comments.
“The demincates of the USA make my case; the intelligance was wrong. I have no WMDs and was no threat. This was an illegal war and I should be reinstated as president of Iraq!”
Wait, I can fly you can’t hurt me
I’m too pretty for prison!
Hey, what happens in Baghdad stays in Baghdad. Just ask the French.
I have IMAO on an RSS feed, and I saw the two headlines in a row:
Saddam’s Defense; shooting is fun!!
Maybe the Iraqis can hold Ramsey Clark in contempt of court and salt him away to Abu Grab for 5-10.
“It was the Zionists!”
Not guilty by reason of insanity
Reading of the Koran inhibited his ability to know right from wrong
I know – both of those are completely believable…
This reminds me of a son by the Smiths…perhaps Sweet and Tender Hooligan?
Is this the same Ramsay Clark that was a traitor to the Viet Cong during the VietNam War?
Is this the same Ramsay Clark that was a traitor to the Viet Cong during the VietNam War?
Well, actually, he was a traitor to the United States, siding with the Viet Cong. He was also the Attorney General of the United States (even Lyndon Johnson, who nominated him, was embarrassed by that). His father was a Supreme Court Justice. I think that there’s a good country-and-western song in there somewhere.
Well, you see, first we were just going to saran wrap the toilet seats of all the kurds and put vaseline on the doorknobs. Next thing you know, Achmad gets this crazy idea to use a giant smoke bomb and freak them out a bit and someone grabbed a REAL gas bomb… they’re hard to read the labels on these when you’ve been drinking… seriously, they’re written in french!
My mom didn’t change my diaper often enough. My dad beat me. My therapist says that I am suffering from Post Election Stress Syndrome. When I was a little boy I saw the Kurds sitting in the back of the bus. One day a Kurd moved to the front of the bus. I decided then that I didn’t have to sit in the front of the bus. That I could sit in the back with the Kurds. We got so close that they started calling me Bubba. But then my buddies started making fun of me and they splattered me with pigs blood and said that if I “didn’t nuke the Jooos off the planet”, I would die an infidel. Yeah Yeah, I ran a few people through the plastic shredder. Look around…this ain’t exactly paradise. There ain’t shiite to do around here, dude. Do you know what it’s like to have like a gazillion frequent flyer miles but you can’t get out of the, quote: “No Fly Zone”. It drives me mad, mad I am telling you.
“Hey, we can use the yellow cake . . . er . . . the twinkie defense”
damn those guys they told me it was all part of pledge week
The Great Saddam was not born an A-hole.
I had to work at it my whole life.
And if truth be told, I have an a-hole for a wife.
I hereby renounce my evil ways, convert to Christianity and wish to apply for United States citizenship…
(there’s gotta be more ethnic minorities for me to mass murder in America anyway…)
Sorry,
I did this bit last month.
http://rociburden.blogspot.com/2005/10/saddam-hussein-gets-fair-trial.html
It wasn’t me it was Haddam Sussein!
Chewbacca was a Wookiee! But he was on Endor! This does not make sense, therefore you must acquit!
I’m not responsible!
It’s the government’s fault.
I’ll cut you a deal. We transfer every Iraqi into America, and you can transfer everyone who voted for Kerry into Iraq, and then just let me go back home and continue what I was doing. How’s that sound?
I’m a changed man! I even wrote a children’s book warning kids of the dangers of rape and torture.