Good news! Not quite as pukey today!
Bad news! Itchy! Burny!
Our ship docked in Key West today, so the lovely and talented Sarahk and I decided to take in the sights of the “Conch Republic” (pronounced ‘KWEER-VILLE’).
After forcing down some lunch, my stomach hasn’t entirely recovered yet, we decided to split up for the afternoon. Sarahk would get a massage at a local spa while I joined a small group on a snorkeling expedition. As it turned out, I should have opted for a facial. The snorkeling itself was great (I will post some pictures from my disposable underwater camera when I get the film developed)–it was only after we returned to the ship that the unpleasentness began.
You see, shifting ocean currents sometimes bring pinhead-sized larvae (commonly refered to as “sea lice”) near the shore. If you are unfortunate enough to swim into a group of “sea lice”, as I was, your swimsuit acts like a net to trap the larvae. The friction of your swimsuit and body creases causes the nematocysts of the “sea lice” to fire and sting you. If I had been swimming “au natural” I wouldn’t have had any problems, but modesty prevented that–not to mention I think the dive master was a little on the ‘Conchish’ side, and there were several schools of hungry looking fish in the vicinity.
I didn’t feel anything while we were actually snorkeling–it was only about 3 hours later when the intense itching began. At first I ignored it , but as the itching became more and more intense, and a noticeable rash began to form on my, um, backside, and, um, other swimsuit areas, I went to the ship doctor. He knew right away what it was and gave me some antihistamine and hydrocortisone cream. The rash should resolve within a week, and poses no long term health dangers, but it itches like the dickens and I likely will have difficulty sleeping for a few days. A pox upon your house, Aquaman!
PS: Sarahk got slightly over-exfoliated at the spa. STOP SPENDING ALL MY MONEY, WOMAN! I mean, the poor baby.
PPS: The swelling that went with the rash is quite impressive! But sorry ladies and ‘Conchish’ guys, there won’t be any photos of that, at least none I’m sharing with you ronin. But I will share a pic of the rash–not for the faint of heart . . .
I hear visiting Key West is like watching the Flintstones:
You’ll have a gay old time!
Okay first off…WHY ARE YOU TWO PARTING WAYS ON YOUR HONEYMOON!?! MY GOODNESS!!! If you two would stick together, you, FRANK, would not have to worry about getting hit on by the Conch residents and not be gallavanting around in the ocean to be eaten alive by sea lice!!
You’re newlyweds dammit!!
The downside NOW is… a bad skin rash… on his honeymoon…
we should be able to hear the crying or screams from here
Why do I keep clicking on “read more”? Gadzooks!
let’s carry the one:
SarahK and Frank J. go to Epcot — SarahK gets red, burning rash all over both legs.
SarahK and Frank J. to on a Disney cruise – Frank J. gets red, itchy, disgusting-looking rash all over bathing suit area.
DISNEY IS THE DEVIL!
hmmm… that should read “go” not “to” and a double dash, not a single.
Damn it Frank I wished you’d quit making rash decisions!
Frank – Eeek! sorry to hear about the Honeymoon from beyond the river Styx. May your marriage be nothing like it (from one Carnegie Tech guy to another).
In light of your experiences, I have taken my plans for a honeymoon (wedding on 12/31) and tabled them indefinitely (we’ll) just take the week off at home. Neither of us want to risk serial vomiting, stinging parasites, or over-exfoliation.
Yet in all this, may God bless your marriage!!!
When I was younger and single and still dating we always joked about stuff like this but we never rubbed cream on it… Usually we got a shot of something in the ass when we caught what we ALL suspect your REALLY have Frank! And that would explain you and your lovely going separate ways during your honeymoon? You didn’t get bent over an old rusting anchor by Aquafag while diving did you, Frank? He’s a frisky little skamp…
Dude! I hope the other … ummm … honeymoon stuff is going ok, otherwise this is like the worst honeymoon ever!
Russ
OY! (winces)
I hope the rest of the trip is a heck of a lot better for both of you.
That’s it. I’m never swimming with trunks on again!
you are a walking train wreck…
I always thought that a honeymoon cruise would be great… but now I’m thinking otherwise. I believe i’ll just rent a hermetically sealed cabin out in the woods, with plenty of snack foods and gatorade, not too far or near from civilization, but far enough away that Aquaman can’t spoil the fun.
Anyway, thanks for ruining my dreams, Frank.
“If you are unfortunate enough to swim into a group of “sea lice”, as I was, your swimsuit acts like a net to trap the larvae. The friction of your swimsuit and body creases causes the nematocysts of the “sea lice” to fire and sting you. If I had been swimming “au natural” I wouldn’t have had any problems,”
Perhaps not with “sea lice”, but the crabs would come in the thousands.
What? You guys have sick minds.
I thought I’d password-protected those photos.
Sheesh.
I just thought I wanted to hear all about your honeymoon. Ick. Hope you are having fun. No sea lice in Cayman …been there done that…no worries now.
Dude… what are you doing BLOGGING while on your honeymoon? I guess that’s a dumb question since you both are blogguru’s…
At least your honeymoon is not uneventful… you’ll laugh about this someday. 🙂
Good to hear that your stomach is better. Hopefully, your rash will get better so you can get down to some, ahem, other business…
Frank
Dude! Dating SK you fall down the Grand Canyon. Married, you’re sea sick and then your boys are attacked by something I’ve never heard of before, (And I was in the Navy for 10 yrs, for crying out loud!) Dude, stay in your cabin! She’s after your estate and billions you’ve stashed away from gun running! Remember that guy from CT whose new wife dumped him overboard of their honeymoon cruise? Dude! Do not seek the treasure!!
Great honeymoon so far. Any pirate attacks yet? How about hurricanes, waterpsouts, legionaires disease, clouds of jellyfish, great white sharks, salmonella, rowdy drunken shuffleboard riots that spill onto the lito deck, knocking Captain Steubing’s hat off his head? Any Jamie Farr encounters yet?
…and it’s only Tuesday.
Happy nuptuals. Speaking of nuptuals, hope the swelling goes down soon.
Frank, I feel sorry for you. But not enough not to laugh at you! Hahaha!
Could have been worse…
After my parents married, they spent part of their honeymoon camping with my mother’s brother and his new bride up in western Oregon.
Hot summer day, while the girls are fixing dinner, the guys are sent to collect decorative flora, sans shirts.
Not having grown up on the west coast, neither guy recognized the bright red-leaved plant as poison oak.
It was the better part of month before either could touch their respective wives.
My sisters and I didn’t learn until we were in high school why, exactly, dad didn’t seem all that fired-up about camping trips.
Ew. That’s gnarly.