The first day of Senate hearings on Samuel Alito have started today, and I have some tips for him to help him sail through them unscathed:
FRANK ADVICE FOR SAMUEL ALITO
* Always smile; that makes you look amiable. Since we Republicans seem to have a problem with this, just make sure you know that a smile is different from baring your teeth.
* Don’t quote the Constitution; that will just confuse most of the Senators.
* If asked about Roe v. Wade, say, “I have no formal opinion on that judicial decision Blackmun crapped out.”
* You’re Italian, so you must have Mafia connections. Have them rough up any Senators who are bad mouthing you. You could have a few Senators wake up with a horse head in their beds, but Ted Kennedy might just consider it breakfast in bed.
* Make sure to bring a big meatball sub to the hearings so you’ll have something to eat if they take a long time.
* It’ll take more whacks to the head with a tire iron to put some sense into Schumer than you think, so it’s probably not worth it.
* I find that if I get nervous during public speaking, holding onto a large, fixed-blade knife helps calm me down.
* If questions get heated, don’t lose your temper. Remember: it’s a lifetime appointment, so there will be plenty of time to beat to death your dissenters in a dark alley after you’re a Supreme Court Justice.
* The Democratic Senators are not as fearsome as they seem; one Molotov cocktail hurled their direction is all it takes to intimidate them.
* If you become afraid the Senator Hillary Clinton will eat your soul during the hearings, simply wear a cross and some garlic.
* In the end, it’s just a popularity contest. So make sure to wear a leather jacket and sunglasses so people will think you’re cool.
FIRST!!! HAAAAA!!
Maybe if he hands out lolli-pops to everyone that will help. I like that.
//Maybe if he hands out lolli-pops to everyone that will help. I like that.//
…and cookies, everybody loves cookies…
You know, all this is pretty funny, but where the f*** has In My World been? There’s a wealth of stuff to riff on out there. Lazy.
🙂
Russ,
I’ll write one soon; they just take longer than other posts.
Stretch occasionally so people can see your dual shoulder-holsters underneath your jacket.
Pat the holster bulges affectionately sometimes.
“* If you become afraid the Senator Hillary Clinton will eat your soul during the hearings, simply wear a cross and some garlic.”
It’s not so simple-
Why do you think the ACLU is so close to the democratic party?
They’ll claim the cross is a violation of the separation of church and state, rendering it useless.
Since Alito is Italian, his best bet would be the garlic.
-And a wooden stake.
“…wake up with a horse head in their beds, but Ted Kennedy…”
I thing for Sen. drunkard you are talking about the wrong end of the horse…..
And while we’re on the subject of Sen. Kennedy (D – Joe’s Bar), it turns out that he has a dog named Splash. You can’t make this stuff up.
http://www.breitbart.com/news/2006/01/09/D8F180KO0.html
Don’t worry about the Constitution after all “it’s just a piece of paper”.
…but it’s a living piece of paper!
Isn’t it time to change the IMAO icon back to normal? I think New Years is over.
Thanks Frank! Actually, I know yer not lazy. You just busy with all that honeymoon lovin. That’s all.
🙂
You all finally helped me figure out why liberals don’t really care much about actually sticking to the Constitution. As a living thing they think you can just abort it like anything else they want to kill off.
All becomes clear…
E-mail me if you want a custom made fixed-blade calming device made someday. I know a couple of makers. Especially my dad. 😉