What do you do when your country is overwhelmed by illegal immigration?
In America you hunt them down and talk them into voting for you. In Mexico, they build more DETENTION CENTERS!!!
Here’s a headline right from the front page of our local spanish paper La Opinion (Motto: Habla Espanol?).
It turns that Mexico is having a bit of a problem dealing with illegal immigrants. Thankfully, it occured to them to send the illegals back. This is much better than creating an express lane to Tijuana, with a free pass to the underground tunnel.
Here’s a translation of the first few paragraphs.
Mexico will construct more deportation centers . Between 2002 and 2006 the total number of undocumenteds rose 74%.
The Mexican government plans to build at least 13 detention centers to deal with the increasing number of foreign migrants on their way to the United States. In the last 4 years this total has risen 74%.
There’s more.. it goes on to detail that …
Mexico has committed to an agreement with four other countries stipulating that deportation be safe, dignified, and fast.
…All deportations will occur within 24 hours. That is, between the time a person is caught and the time they are on a bus on their way back to their country, there should not pass more than 24 hours.”
Somebody call Harry Reid. Not only is Mexico forcing illegals to go back home but I’m sure that they aslo require the illegals to speak in Spanish. That has to be racist.
Archive of entries posted on May 2006
IMAO: The Place to Discuss the Issues
I think we here at IMAO should continue to encourage reader discussion… not just to drive up hits to the site so we can charge more with advertisers… but because we want to know what you think.
Today’s issue: Did you think the end to Huckleberry Finn was just tacked on? I mean, the book was great and seemed to cover many important themes, but it’s like Twain just ran out of ideas when he got to the end. Actually, after finishing the book, I just wanted to punch Mark Twain in his big stupid mustache.
Discuss amongst yourselves.
Having Your Chocolate and Eating It Too
I guess with his reelection, Mayor Ray Nagin is now the Marion Barry of the new millennium. This raises the important question: Do we really need a New Orleans for anything? I mean, people can get drunk and make women take off their tops for beads about anywhere… and most of those other places won’t be ruined deathtraps run by the incompetent. Thus, I want to be the first to start a campaign to have New Orleans razed to the ground. Why spend countless dollars rebuilding the city and making new, stronger levies when it can be abandoned for free?
Am I talking anything other than sense here?
Maybe they’ll change to “Serbia or Montenegro”
BAD NEWS: The next flag to be raised as an independent nation at the United Nations won’t be Kurdistan.
GOOD NEWS: It won’t be “Palestine” either.
Carnival of the Cats #113
Why are you looking at me like that?
Oh– I get it– it’s time for the Carnival of the Cats!
The Carnival of the Cats is a weekly roundup of cat-related posts on weblogs. Its purpose is to provide a non-political respite from the vehement echo chamber that the Blogopshere spins itself into during the week, demonstrating that even the mightiest and meekest of pundits have a love of cats in common.
I think we’re up to 113 COTC at this point. Shall we begin?
Continue reading ‘Carnival of the Cats #113’ »
First the Book… Then the Movie?
With all the talk of In My World™ fan-fiction (which is essentially fan-fiction of fan-fiction), I should mention that the editing for the first In My World™ book is done and I’m going to be focusing my free time on getting that out as soon as possible.
More soon.
How To Tell The Difference Between an Homage and a Rip-Off
Homage.
Rip-off.
If anyone sees Liam Smith, pistol-whip him. Even if it means marring the finish.
[Hat tip to IMAO reader Robby]
In Frank’s World – Fan Fiction Round-up
The Order of the Blue Square has President Bush (who does NOT look fat in that suit) sending in the Marines. Or a Marine, as the case may be.
Morgnet follows Tony Snow as he gets initiated into the inner workings of the White House. Personally, I want to download the files on Bush’s PDA.
The Moxargon Group is right – it IS fun being an illegal alien! Also, I had no idea that the White House had an official Oval Office poking stick. Hope Frank J. doesn’t get one of those.
Fmragtops has Rummy taking a more “hands on” approach to troop training. Considering his deep and mystical understanding of the martial arts, I have to say that this would be a good thing in the real world, too.
Ya know, you guys are better at this than I thought you were gonna be.
Think maybe I should make a weekly carnival out of this?
Might help out with that “you guys never post anything on the weekend” problem.
Meanwhile, keep ’em coming and drop a link in the comments.
“What the heck is an aluminum falcon?”
NSA Monitors Instapundit
(A Filthy Lie)
Since I firmly believe in watching the watchers, I’ve bugged the NSA office and overheard the following conversation between agents Jack Boot and Eve Drop regarding their efforts to analyze phone records from the major telecom companies:
JACK: This is ridiculous! I can’t believe they actually expect us to sort through ten billion phone records! How are we supposed to find any patterns in this mess?
EVE: Unwad your panties, Jack, it’s SIMPLE. All ya gotta do is just twist the data to fit your agenda and you can prove that ANYONE is evil.
JACK: Sorta like how the Democratic Underground trolls keep “proving” that Bush is Hitler?
EVE: Exactly… Here, let me pick a name at random and show you how it’s done… AH! This Glenn Reynolds fellow will do…
JACK: Instapundit? But he’s a right-wing warmonger! He doesn’t fit the profile!
EVE: Look, strip-club-visiting muslims don’t fit the profile either – except for the 9/11 hijackers! Ya gotta be willing to follow the evidence wherever it leads, even if you have to drag it kicking & screaming to get it there. Now, let’s look at his phone records.
JACK: Here’s a call to a “Mrs. Reynolds” in another city. Probably his mother.
EVE: AHA! Obviously calling to tell her goodbye before his terrorist suicide mission!
JACK: It was on Mother’s Day. EVERYONE called their mother on Mother’s Day… except NSA agents who had their mothers killed [gives Eve an accusatory glance]
EVE: She knew too much!… Anyway, that Reynolds is a crafty devil, timing his call like that so that we wouldn’t be suspicious! Which is the most suspicious thing you can do.
JACK: Not as suspicious at THIS group of calls… must be a hundred of ’em to someone named HP. Who the heck is HP?
EVE: GOTTA be Hezbollah of Palestine! No other organization has those initials!
JACK: What about Hamas of Palestine?
EVE: That cagey BASTARD! Trying to throw us a curve with a dual-use acronym!
JACK: Either way, he’s got terrorist connections. Now all we have to do is figure out where he plans to strike & how.
EVE: Hmmm… a call to Black & Decker… coffee maker division…
JACK: Of COURSE! He’s going to use the timer from the coffee maker as a bomb trigger! It’s the ONLY explanation! EVERYONE knows that obscenely rich best-selling authors normally only drink Starbucks coffee that’s been hand-delivered by illegal Mexicans!
EVE: You mean Canadians – there are some jobs that are so demeaning that even Mexicans won’t do them.
BOB McKENZIE: Here’s yer coffee, eh? That’ll be, like, 5 beers?
EVE: Here’s a six-pack and a toque. Keep the change.
BOB McKENZIE: Beauty! I’m gonna take off, eh?
EVE: Yeah, get outta here, freak…Anyway, Jack, we know HOW he’ll strike, but that information is useless unless we know the target…
JACK: Wait… I see a pattern here… he’s called the Memphis Canine Rescue Shelter every day for the last… well… since the telephone was invented.
EVE: That MONSTER! Targeting innocent puppies! What sort of deranged freak would want to explode puppies into a thick – almost drinkable – liquid?
JACK: Who cares? All that matters is that we now have undeniable proof of his insidious plot! The evidence is rock solid! This one’s a slam…
[phone rings]
EVE: NSA Civilian Entrapment Project. Eve Drop speaking… uh huh… uh huh… oh… oh, I see… thank you…
[hangs up]
JACK: …DUNK! He’s going down like a Kennedy driving an Oldsmobile into a lake!
EVE: Bad news. That was the Director. Seems that this phone number database we’ve been using is phony. BellSouth, AT&T, Verizon… they ALL deny giving us any information. Seems that only telecom that provided us with anything was Bell Alliance. We’ve been had.
JACK: DAMN! Now Reynolds is going to get away scott free! Just like a Kennedy driving an Oldsmobile into a lake!
EVE: Calm down, Jack… sooner or later, he’ll make another mistake. We’ll nail him eventually…
JACK: So… wanna hack into John Murtha‘s credit record and put in some unpaid escort service bills?
EVE: Jack, I love the way you think…
Looks like the Puppy Blender has once again eluded the long arm of the law… but the Alliance will be watching you, Reynolds.
…always watching…
It’s NOT a Ripoff… It’s An “Homage”
Things inspired by the Frank’s “In My World” category:
* The New Chainik Hocker’s story of Condi gone wild.
* A 2005 Rumsfeld press conference.
What else do you Frank Worlders have for fan fiction? Isn’t ANYONE going to give Buck the Marine some foreigners to kill?
Nothing more dangerous than a Marine who ain’t out kill’n stuff, ya know.
Carnival Of Comedy #55 is Up
The current Carnival of Comedy is at fmragtops. Its all presidential!
Why didn’t I link to it yesterday when it was posted you might ask? Well I’ll tell you.
Because…um…the NSA was wire tapping my…uhh…American Idol vote…..from my cell phone, before I mowed lost it!
That’s the ticket!
Now go link to the carnival, espacially if your works of teh funny are featured in it.
Friday Catblogging
Since it’s Friday, I thought I’d spread the joy of humor-free, apolitical Friday Catblogging to IMAO (aka “I-MEOW”).
Sure, some of the IMAO bloggers have cats, but apparently I’m the only one of them drunk enough to think someone might remotely find this kind of thing interesting. I can quit any time! Don’t pressure me! I’m chewing that special Stop Drinking gum stuff for it, man!
Anyway, it’s time for Edloe the Shy:
If you’re not sure how this absurd scene pertains to IMAO, since IMAO is famous for that “political humor” thing, it doesn’t. If you must have some semblance of politics or humor in everything you read here, just assume that Edloe is… um…
Help me out here. Make your suggestions in the comments how this scene is, in fact, a political allegory.
(For more animal goodness, try Friday Ark today and Carnival of the Cats Sunday, so send your catblogging links to submissions @ carnivalofthecats.com.)
You can find more examples of Friday catblogging by searching a blog search engine such as Technorati for “catblogging.”
You can also find a roundup of catblogging posts at The Friday Ark, located at The Modulator blog. Then, when the weekend is nearly over, head over to The Carnival of the Catsat IMAO for more kitty goodness. There’s also a Flikr Group called Furry Friday.
Add to that Weekend Catblogging at Eatstuff.
Anybody I miss?
IMAO Reader Challenge: Diagnose Kos
Considering Kos’s usual paranoid delusions on his blog combined with this creepy appearance in a campaign ad, why don’t we all grab a DSM-IV and try and diagnose exactly what mental defect he has.
My off-hand guess is Irritiable Bowel Syndrome… but that’s not covered by the DSM-IV.
We Need A Name For This Phenomenon
So… aside from The Rumsfeld Strangler, has anyone else been posting “In My World” fan fiction?
It makes Frank happy, as long as there’s linkage giving IMAO credit for the inspiration.
Anyway, if you have an IMW fan fiction post, drop a link in the comments.
If you haven’t been writing IMW fan fiction, get started. I mean, it’s not like Frank is gonna get around to giving Buck the Marine a new mission anytime soon.
By the way… if Star Trek fans are called “Trekkies”, then what are In My World fans called?