I hate clamshell packaging. I hate it with a passion. I buy some shiny new toy, but it sealed away in a shell of hard plastic tighter than Han Solo in carbonite.
There is no way to elegantly open those things. No way. You’re always reduced to tearing away at the chunks of plastic like a caveman trying to open a can of food with a rock. The best I can do is take a sharp knife to it, being every careful not to cut the contents, and then try and use that hole to tear it open, trying to do my best and failing at not cutting myself on the jagged pieces of plastic.
When I’m in charge, I’m going to find whomever is responsible for clamshell packaging at put him on live TV with a dozen different objects in standard clamshell packages. He must then elegantly open each one. If he fails, he will be executed by gunshot to the head.
Frank J. ‘XX for Some Office
“@#$% clamshell packaging!”
UPDATE:
Here’s where to buy them custom made to foil any consumer. I’m trying to see if they have an FAQ because obviously be “How the @#$% are you supposed to open these?!”
In case you wrote this to get some constructive information as well as to work out your frustrations.
Not to mention amuse us, although you may not like us to be amused by your plight.
thinkgeek.com has a tool for opening those annoying packages.
You need the PACKAGE SHARK
http://www.packageshark.com/?cid=247256
For every adversary, there is a weapon !!!
Be safe Ronin
[Do want! -Ed.]
I’m afraid to get a package shark. What if it comes in a clamshell? How will I get it out.
Hey, Frank, Microsoft’s VISTA comes with instructions on how to open it. Unbelievable. Check it out:
Instructions for opening Vista
Frank, there is a toll free number to call them at the bottom of the left margin. Let us know what they say.
Have a question?
Call us anytime toll free at
800-638-1525
I wonder what’s the number one question consumers have with clamshells?
I wonder what’s the number one question consumers have with clamshells?
“how do I stop the bleeding?”
Funny you should mention it. I just spent an unreasonable amount of time trying to open two new J45 cables. A razor blade and a cable aren’t a good match so I resorted to tin snips.
Clamshell packaging sure sucks. By the way Bob Dole has slammed Rush Limbaugh. Limbaugh has been a total jackass this election. This election is rock solid proof that he has few listeners.
To open clamshell packaging, use a hand-operated can opener. That’s what Fred Thompson would do.
McCain onward to victory and beyond! McCain ’08. Ain’t nobody gonna stop John McCain!
I heard this was an anti-McCain blog. If that is true then you people need to just f*** off. Get in line and support the GOP. I voted for John McCain because he is the only candidate who will fight both terrorism and global warming. Both of these battles are important for our children. Go form your own stupid party if you don’t support science and reality. John McCain will be the nominee. DEAL WITH IT!
I would recommend a box cutter.
KILL IT WITH FIRE
There is no way to elegantly open those things. No way. You’re always reduced to tearing away at the chunks of plastic like a caveman trying to open a can of food with a rock.
You don’t have to tear at it like a caveman. I have a pair of Wusthof scissors. They work great on this kind of packaging and you won’t be left with a lot of dangerous plastic shards. Once you are done opening the package with your Wusthof scissors you can easily throw out the annoying packaging and concentrate on the fun prize inside. I am worried that this kind of packaging is hard on our environment.
Did someone reprogram the Ronbots into Juanbots?
I worked for a company that makes clam shells. The industry term is “blisters”. Blisters are also commonly heat sealed to a cardboard back. The blisters are made by running PVC off a big roll through a heater, then they are clamped by a mold, then cut from the sheet with custom shaped knives.
It is surprisingly hard to achieve the correct heat settings, vacuum pressure, and timing to produce correct blisters.
So, for a while, your pain was my gain! Cool!
Go Giants!
“Ain’t nobody gonna stop John McCain!”
The NVA did a pretty good job, Valdy!
John McCain is a good man! You dorks make me sick! If you don’t like the party find your way to the door!
– rmoore
I believe it is time for an obscure cartoon comedy reference “Up with miniskirts!”
Why is it there are so many jerks in the GOP who won’t fall in line? Quit listening to Limpbo. McCain is the GOP Choice!
#15 – Ooooh, good advice. Them’s good scissors. Use ’em at work often…they’re the only things that cut through heavy plastic.
And you make me giggle. Such a sweetie.
#16 – I was starting to wonder. They’re kind of sounding alike at this point.
#19 – Thanks, we will! I suspect that’s not the answer the McCainiacs were hoping for, though…
#12 JTE:
“I heard this was an anti-McCain blog. If that is true then you people need to just f*** off. Get in line and support the GOP.”
Sounds an awful lot like jack-booted liberalism to me. Go ahead and get in that line. I’d rather “f*** off” than be in a party of idiot conformists.
You McCain supporters remind me of McCain himself. “Don’t like me? Eff off, you lousy full of chickenshit bastard!”
Vote Maverick! Who cares if he’s an arrogant bastard?
Clamshells are Satan’s work!!! O.O; Resist!
I have found that a 12 gauge w/ buckshot works easily as well on clamshell blister packaging as it does on McCainiacs.
The only drawback is that the goodies inside are turned to mush in both cases, the biggest loss in these scenarios is the loss of operational consumer electronics.
McCain is the one who came up with the idea of the surge. He was also brave enough to march through Baghdad with barely any troop support to prove how safe Iraq is!!! McCain = GOP nominee tomorrow!! One he is chosen other Republicans MUST support him.
McCain ’08
**The Only True Conservative
McCain ’08
**Strength and Valor
McCain ’08
**Unimaginable Brilliance
McCain ’08
**A Rock in the Rain
McCain ’08
**Committed to Excellence
John McCain
The Right Man to Lead Us
http://www.johnmccain.com
If Goldwater and Reagan were alive, McCain would be stood up against the wall of their opinions and shot down in flaming embarassment.
“McCain ’08
**Unimaginable Brilliance”
Guffaw!
I say for the next debate we hand each of the candidates a Clamshell package and see who gets it open first.
McCain ’08
**A Liberal Sort Of Conservative
McCain ’08
**The Left’s Choice For The Right
McCain ’08
**Huckabee Just Has To Be Patient
McCain ’08
**A Rock in the Rain = A Rock With A Wet Back
McCain ’08
**Old School. Really Reeeally Old School
John McCain
The Right Man to Lead Us… Where?
http://www.johnmccain.com
I find that a pair of trauma shears works wonderfully well on clamshell packaging. You can usually find them for around $5 at any uniform store or medical supply store. Plus, they are great for cutting lots of other things where scissors aren’t sturdy enough and boxcutters are awkward (or dangerous.)
This discussion has led me to a way to cut the budget. All apropriations will be sent to the agency involved in clamshell packaging. The head of the agency will have exactly 5 minutes to open the package and get the money out. If he can’t, the money goes back to the Treasury.
Since the military has lots of really cool weapons, they won’t have any problems opening their package. Other agencies, like the Department of Human Services could be in serious trouble.
How did a post aboout Clamshell packaging become a haven for McCain supporters?
Wait until you have kids. Once you stop the bleeding from the clamshell packages, you will have thousands of razor sharp wires to unravel around ever part of the toy. It takes about 15 minutes per Pretty Little Pony.
I believe it is time for an obscure cartoon comedy reference “Up with miniskirts!”
#20 – Posted by: crazyjetguy
That’s easy – The Simpsons. Unfortunately for everyone around me, I have a Simpsons quote for almost any occasion. Truthfully, you can respond to most situations using only quotes from Simpsons, Braveheart, and Gladiator.
Someone please tell me why the clamshell packaging guy teamed up with the wrap your toys in wire guy to create a milti-continental conspiracy to piss off parents and to make sure thier kids hear at least 3 of the seven dirty words in a single sentence???
I just use a scissor and cut around the circumference.
I see a common thread here linking the McCainiacs’ ranting against conservatives, with the inability of (some) conservatives to successfully open blister and clamshell packaging.
True conservatives have the intellectual rigor to argue successfully against liberal agitprop, to present their conservative ideals and conservative programs in a logical, convincing manner, and to live up to their conservative credentials when faced with opposition. Conservatives recognize that there are better and worse ways to resolve issues in the current election cycle. One way is Fred Thompson. He would have worked well on most issues as president. Another way is John McCain. He works well on some issues (Foreign Policy) but on others he is too much like our opponents in the political arena, the Liberal Socialists and their supporters, the Morons.
True conservatives likewise recognize that there are better and worse ways to open plastic packages. Sharp, robust scissors work well. Clawing at the sharp edges of ripped plastic works also, but not as well and with a likelihood of bloody fingers.
So McCainiacs, mark those ballots for your candidate! We who have lost the primary (but yet are not defeated) will support conservative ideals when he does, and will avoid getting our fingers bloody in the messes he will cause when he does not.
If sharp, strong scissors are too dangerous for you to use, some are made with rounded tips as well. These make it a bit harder to open a clamshell package, but work better than bloody fingers and are harder to poke your eyes out with.
Same with McCain. He has some rounded edges, so he doesn’t do some difficult things as swell as a strong pointy Fred would, but McCain has more capacity to work correctly on most things than Hillary or Obama will ever have. Hillary and Obama would be the clamshells opened by the bloody fingers of morons.
I’ll vote for anyone running on an anti-clamshell ticket!
@Jimmy in #4 above … they forgot step 4: If you have to read these instructions, box your computer up and take it back to the store because you’re obviously too stupid to own one.
I’m not bothered by the clamshell – it’s the shopping for the clamshell that I find frustrating.
Who the hell came up with the idea that there should be giant motorized carts in stores? I know they’re intended for sick or disabled people, but it’s always big fat slobs using them, and totally blocking the aisles. In addition, this unintended usage just eliminates the exercise the fat slobs would get by walking through the store…thus completing the “cycl
e of fat.”
Hey Misplaced Floridian. I don’t “own” Microsoft Vista. I’m just a misplaced, anthropological psycho-geek engineer who loves to track company’s excuses for selling crappy products.
I hate the clamshells and those little wires adamboysmom mentioned too.
I thought the link that Frank provided had a pretty ironic headline:
“If you require clamshell packaging, a blister pack, a plastic tray, or any other custom thermoformed package, National Plastics, Inc. exists to make your life easier.”
… and make your customers’ lives much more frustrating.
What’s really stupid is when scissors come in that kind of packaging.
I agree with #10–a can opener is definitely the way to go.
Absolutely priceless. From their front page:
“We are dedicated to making your life easier.”
…unless you are, like the vast majority of people on the planet, a consumer, rather than user, of our products, in which case we hate you and hope you die.
I”’ say it again, Qwai Chang McCain is the greatest American hero since Benedict Arnold!
If that lying fraud is the GOp candidate then it’s time to write off the party and start a new one. I’ll vote ofr Obama before I’ll vote McCain.
In fact, as an un-enrolled voter I took a Dem ballot today and voted Obama.
Qwai Chang is Dempcrap and the truth about his talks to convert are now out. He was asked by Kerry to run as the Dem VP and was close but he couldn’t get enough promised from the Left to make itworth his while.
He is a lying fraud and twists any question about his voting for Teddy Ks’ policies into a question of his sacrifice in Hanoi.
I flew in that war, too and I recognize what he went through but it does not excuse the crap he has done to coonservatives for the past 25 years.
If someone is going to put the final knife in America’s back it might as well be a real Democrap and not one pretending to be a Republican.
I think the McCainiacs are venting their frustration at not being able to open clamshell packaging, which, BTW, is ALL BUSH’S FAULT!!!!
You know, I think Frank has stumbled on the true root cause of terrorism.
I guess it really is America’s fault.
So-called “reclosable” packaging sucks too, though not as badly as clamshells. Inevitably the line on which they tell you to cut is too low and breaches the inner part of the bag, so even if you reclose the ziploc part, it’s still got a hole in it.
Oh, and JTE, whenever I hear the words “Get in line” I immediately step out of line. If I’m going to conform to somebody else’s standard, then dammit, I’m going to choose that standard for myself!
A gunshot to the head is way too nice. It needs to last for a while. How about waterboarding for 3-6 hours, then staking them out over an anthill, perhaps covered in a plastic clamshell.?
“#34 – Posted by: Steve L. on February 5, 2008 08:47 AM”
That made my day! Thanks!