I got quite a gem of an e-mail last night. I thought it was like Nigerian spam at first glance, but apparently I got on some crazy e-mail list. The subject is “[0war] WORLD AGAINST WAR I [London to DC (March 2008)]” and it’s just beautiful:
WORLD AGAINST WAR I
London to DC (March 15-19 2008)
-Join us for World Against War I, the antiwar protest for the people and planet.
The planet cares if we war? This is between us people; the planet should stay out of it.
We are a clandestine organization located within the United States forging an underground movement for the people.
At about this point I’m wondering if the FBI knows I got this e-mail.
We are deeply affected by the events following September 11th and the genocide in the Middle east.
No you’re not. You probably don’t know a single person in the Middle East. But nice to know you’re honest about not being affected by the events on September 11th.
Our intention is to disrupt the illegal empire and stop the war machine from functioning from the inside.
Maybe I should forward this to the FBI.
We will engage the enemy, take advantage of vulnerabilities and expose every weakness.
I think you masturbating in your parents’ basement is more probable.
We encourage the people to standup and stand strong with confidence, leadership, and continue organizing against every form of struggle.
“Organizing against every form of struggle”? You’re against struggling? Like no more open clam shell packaging?
The politicians in America will continue to wage war for glory and the pigs will not stop, until they are jailed for their crimes against humanity.
War for glory? I thought it was a war for oil. No blood for glory?
We call on all free nations of the world, to unite, in our struggle against tyranny and imperialism.
I thought the war was a struggle against tyranny and imperialism… but one that actually accomplishes something. And aren’t you against struggling?
The u$ government, International Bankers, war profiteering corporations, along with the president and his administration are guilty.
Well, no arguing with that!
In just four short years, the people of the united states has murdered over one million civilians in Iraq.
Can you prove it was us? Did the CSIs find any GSR on the people of the united states’ hands?
The parties representing the American people during the genocide, were the DEMOCRAT and REPUBLICAN Parties.
Which parties? I still can’t see. You need to use bigger caps.
The current Democrat and Republican parties that are campaigning for President were DIRECTLY involved in these Crimes Against Peace and will continue using the imperial doctrine.
Well it’s nice to know that bipartisanship is still alive and well.
The military war machine continues to feed off the blood of the innocent ruled by the wealthy elite majority.
I think you’re trying to shove a little too many concepts into each sentence.
They are now continuing to spread more lies about other countries, breeding hate for the next targets for preemptive invasion.
The other day they told me that Liechtenstein is a very large country.
The American media networks are also guilty of war crimes and crimes against humanity for their involvement in using advanced propaganda techniques against the American people.
Advanced propaganda techniques? Those guys barely understand blogging.
America’s dignity and long standing history has been destroyed forever and the people will continue to struggle.
And we have to stop struggles!
We must demand an International tribunal for the entire federal government, media organizations, and all those who participated in these war crimes.
I demand cheesy fries. We should both get used to disappointment.
Rebel States must consider separation from the union to save itself from slavery by the Federal Reserve dollar.
Ron Paul? Is that you?
We the people must use every resource available to save mankind from American politicians and special interest war profiteering corporations who will continue to lobby war for profit with the blood of innocent children.
Dude, you have to break things like this up into multiple sentences. I can’t even follow it. You’re saving who from what now? Who is profiting off of children blood? If I have some children blood to sell, who should I talk to?
Join us for…
WORLD AGAINST WAR I
MARCH 15-19 2008
I’ll be with you in spirit.
jim and the CHANGE team
WE WILL NEVER FORGET, WE WILL NEVER FORGIVE
WE WILL NEVER GET LAID
this message has been sponsored by 0War & LOOSE CHANGE
http://loose-change-911.com
Those crazy twoofers. What conspiracy will they dream up next?
I think this message will lose a lot of its subtleties in Hungarian.
PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY…thanks
PLEASE FORWARD THIS BLOG POST TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY… thanks
I used the Google translate tool, but it doesn’t have the ability to translate this to Sane.
Please tell me these people aren’t serious
NO GLORY FOR WAR BLOOD! ERR, NO BLOOD OIL FOR STRUGGLE! AWW, SCREW IT, I’M GOING UPSTAIRS! MY MOM MADE COOKIES!
Man, I wish I was that crazy… I mean, look how excited this dude is about his own importance in saving the world! Sound really fun.
I think I’ll start sending chain-letters to people telling them they must join me in the fight to save the world from the Evil…uhm.. Joos (yes, that’ll work) who are enslaving… uhm.. enslaving… oh they’re enslaving people to work in their underground Matzo Mines and we MUST STOP THEM FOR WORLD PEACE AND EVERYBODY BRING YOUR V-MASKS BEAUCE BUSH CO WILL BE WATCHING!!!111!1!
Hey, that WAS fun!
AFter reading this garbage all I can do is quote Frank J. himself:
“Freedom of speech should be tempered by the right to punch jackasses in the face”.
Amen to that.
As we struggle in this struggle against struggles, we must struggle to stop all strugglers from struggling.
The word just loses all meaning after a while, doesn’t it?
This email is the very definition of mental masturbation.
I HAVE A BIG PENIS!
There is nothing wrong with peaceful war protests or sending weird emails to your friends. But spamming is uncalled for. I do not condone spamming and that’s what these inconsiderate war protestors did to Frank.
But today is Valentine’s Day. We should be happy. Not complaining about spam or antiwar peeps. Look at these oh-so-very-happy Valentine cats. 😀 🙂 :>) :=) :*)
HAHAHAHA
Nate: it’s funny. Funny is good. Making fun of stupid people is even more fun. There’s no angst — we’re just having fun at the expense of the terminally idiotic.
“The military war machine continues to feed off the blood of the innocent ruled by the wealthy elite majority.”
As a member of the military war machine, I would just like to point out that feeding off the blood of the innocent is ultimately a losing proposition, as innocent people are more rare than untapped oil fields and limitless open government contracts.
Sig
I think he doesn’t know what genocide is. If America wanted to genocide someone, we could do MUCH better than this. Also, this guy sounds like he listened to System of a Down too much:
http://www.sing365.com/music/lyric.nsf/Boom-lyrics-System-of-a-Down/DE178B54CD863B3648256C700007CEE8
“Those who abhor violence can only do so because others commit violence on their behalf”
-Wish I could remember who said this…
Struggles are like Muggles, but even more so. They tend to gather in small clusters around a kind of ad hoc leader, who usually carries bongo drums or a very battered guitar. They communicate with primitive grunts, odor recognition and poo flinging. They are nomadic and just clever enough to keep their ancient Volvos and VW buses in running condition. The largest population of Struggles is currently located in Berkeley. Struggles smell really bad.
Eliminate the Struggles! Punch their Struggle faces!
Well it’s nice to know that bipartisanship is still alive and well.
Simple, cool, and damned funny. One of your best, Frank.
Do you think these folks will send me a Valentine card? Or maybe just send one to my military war machine? It’s pining away for lack of the blood of the innocent ruled by the wealthy elite majority.
Obviously, “it” should have studied more English in the parent’s basement. (That’s why it won’t readily translate to Hungarian.)
…and History might have come in handy as well.
The Rebel States already tried that separation from the Union thing…
I just want to see the look on it’s face when it realizes that the reflection pool in D.C. has been replaced by a (horrors) war monument.
Nate: it’s funny. Funny is good. Making fun of stupid people is even more fun. There’s no angst — we’re just having fun at the expense of the terminally idiotic.
It’s not stupid to want peace. It’s nice.
There isn’t going to be peace tho because of the cycle: we buy oil -> saudis fund religious extemists to keep saudi arabia kingdom stable -> extremists use money to feed and brainwash poor young arab men -> brainwashed arabs bomb westerners -> we buy oil
Staying in Iraq won’t break this cycle and therefore it is pointless to be there so why not protest the war? I say it’s a great idea to protest it. Protests are also a fun way to meet people. If you like to war so much you should start a protest march in favor of the war. I think you should start one yourself r2streu – you sure seem like a big enough dork to march in one to me!
London eh? Well, I guess I know where the Limey will be March 15-19th.
One question, since it’s a 4-day event and judging from this part London to DC (March 15-19 2008), are they saying they’re going to march from London to DC? And if so, where can I send donations?
We’ll have to rewrite the old lawyer joke though,
Q:”What’s a million moon-bats on the bottom of the ocean called?”
A: “A good start.”
I do have to sort of agree on one thing
America’s dignity and long standing history has been destroyed forever
As far as their American cohort is concerned, they’re absolutely correct. They have no dignity and they surely don’t know any history.
Oh, and James, it does have the ability to translate into sane, the problem being that it’s all insane so you get a nearly blank page after the translation. It left in one use of the word “the”.
Frank opens e-mail; out pops Nate as a #2.
Little baby struggles: They must be stopped.
I see by the ad on their website that Cynthia McKinny is also running for President. Who Knew??? Obama better step it up a notch.
My favorite line is this one:
“We call on all free nations of the world, to unite, in our struggle against tyranny and imperialism.”
Isn’t it our ‘War Machine’ that has allowed those nations to remain Free from Tyranny and Imperialism until now?
Feeding our service men and women the blood of innocents just won’t do. The blood of our enemies would make for a much more satisfing meal. And give them a slice of pie for dessert – they deserve it.
“the wealthy elite majority”? Huh? The majority are wealthy? and the majority are elite? How does that work?
Nate… don’t we get most of our oil from South America and Canada?
Hey – Nate finally had a great idea – a protest for the war.
I know – we could call it IMAO and it would be an online protest since we all have jobs and stuff. To help fund our protests, we could sell a couple ads on our website and maybe some T-Shirts too. We might even be able to convince someone to model the T-shirts on the site. I wonder if that domain name is available…
Nate… don’t we get most of our oil from South America and Canada?
I think so but we still buy about 15-20% of our oil from Saudi Arabia. The Kingdom is unstable – it is giant welfare state that would crumble if there was an uprising. So some members of the Saudi family pay $$$ to the crazies (to keep Saudi stable) who then brainwash the young boys who are in need of food, shelter and people to look up to and turn them into killers. Even if we stop buying their oil others countries probably wouldn’t so the cycle would continue. There are also some bad Saudi royals who try and fund extreme Islam in N. Africa and other countries.
#24 – Posted by: Nate on February 14, 2008 12:07 PM
Well, we wouldn’t need that oil if we would, waitt for it….
DRILL EFFING ANWR!!!!!!! GOD, IT’S SO OBVIOUS! STUPID POLITICIANS!!!!!!!!!
Sorry about the rage. ANWR stupidity brings out my inner Ron Paul supporter.
I also need to apologize. I should not have called r2streu a dork. That was a totally rotten thing for me to do and I’m really sorry.
well, that’s awful nice of Nate.
“entire federal government”
Those janitors must be punished!
I’m confused; why is this guy protesting World War I? And isn’t a little late to stop it?
#22 – Canada is our top source by a long shot, followed by Mexico, Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela. those last three change positions rather regularly, but Canada provides 60% more oil to the US than any of them. Saudi only accounts for %6.8 of domestic oil use. (Canada 11.1%) Middle Eastern oil only accounts for about 18% of total imports, and less than 10% of domestic use. It’s something I keep up with a lot, as most of the harping and carping over oil ceoms from people who haen’t the slightest clue about the oil industry. I enjoy smacking them around.
My favorite cry from the left is the No blood for Oil mantra. Why would we go halfway around the world to invade a craphole like the middle east for oil, when the largest source of our imports come from our northern and southern neighbor? Wouldn’t we invade them? Would make a lot more sense, but then reason has never been the left’s strong suit.
I’ll shut up now.
#17 Mr. Fisher
are they saying they’re going to march from London to DC? And if so, where can I send donations?
That was hilarious!
All I can say is WOW.
The random text that the spammer used to defeat the spam filter at work whilst trying to get me to order V1AgrA made for more lucid reading than that crap.
BTW Nate – Wanting Peace is nice, thinking that you can get peace by appeasing evil is delusional.
My favorite part:
Especially the VISUAL RESOURCE SPECIALIST at the Ferron Ranger District of the Manti-La Sal National Forest!
Justice through international tribunals!
I want to know what this “Crimes Against Peace” is. The way it’s capitalized makes me think it’s a product he’s trying to market.
“Do you have annoying neighbors? Kids not listening? Are you just plain angry? Get your Crimes Against Peace (TM) today, and show those motherf—ers who’s boss.”
Warning, Crimes Against Peace (TM) comes in clam shell packaging and may cause further struggle and general unrest for user
I think we need to come up with a better plan for them. My suggestion?
Commit suicide for peace!
It’s the only way to show those big, mean Bu$Hitler Rethuglicans that you MEAN BUSINESS!!11!!1!!!!11!
Plus, you’ll help save Mother Gaia by eliminating your carbon footprint and by no longer being able to drink milk!
Struggle…
Struggle…
Struggle…
Struggle..
Struggle…
you know if you say it enough, it ends up sounding like a pastry!
Like, would you like a strawberry or chocolate struggle?
Maybe its just me… Im just probably hungry
#33:
That bastard should hang! I hear he used a picture from a Cubs game without the express written consent of Major League Baseball!
The military war machine continues to feed off the blood of the innocent ruled by the wealthy elite majority.
How can this be? I thought we were all destined for the soup line! Do we really have a wealthy elite majority? Aren’t the terms elite and majority an oxymoron? Oh wait… the author of the message is the oxyMORON!
#7 – Posted by: I HAVE A BIG PENIS on February 14, 2008 10:40 AM
Where? In your mouth?
does that first line say they are marching from London to D.C.?
I’m just busy trying to mentally put a face to everyone’s words here while I try hard to swallow a sammich.
Hey Frank! Instead of RONIN profiles, how about just RONIN pictures / avatars with user-supplied captions limited to 25 words? Damn that would be funny.
#14 – Posted by: Silicon Valley Jim on February 14, 2008 10:56 AM
Do you have trouble finding parts for your military war machine? I was thinking about buying one, but I hear the parts are sometimes hard to find, and expensive.
Semper Fi
I hear it’s impossible to get parts for those German made Wehrmacht style war machines. It seems they stopped making them in the mid forties. So much for German engineering.
I’ll sell you my old war machine for scraps Echo. The one I have is 10 yrs old and I want the new 08 “green” model (only uses half the innocent blood ya know).
A war machine with a reduced carbon footprint. That sounds environmentally friendly (something Barack Obomba could like. Aren’t they called “lasers?”) But I like the global thermonuclear carbon, better. Speaking of which, we really need to update our arsenal; the Chinese be catching us on all fronts. This is not funny.
Uhhh…
I’m having a problem reconciling:
We are a clandestine organization located within the United States forging an underground movement for the people.
with:
We encourage the people to standup and stand strong with confidence, leadership, and continue organizing against every form of struggle.
Oh, wait…I see… WE will standup… THEY are afraid and hiding.
Typical Hip…er…Struggler.
Who the f*ck are these people?! Where does their naivite come from? Wake the hell up.
I’m just busy trying to mentally put a face to everyone’s words here while I try hard to swallow a sammich.
That’s not the best idea Jimmy to eat your sandwich over your keyboard. Keyboards should be kept as pristine as possible. Keyboards are already home to many germs as it is. You don’t want bits of bread and protein getting in there — this might fuel the creation of even larger bacteria colonies. Also make sure your keyboard get some sunlight every day. Our Sun’s powerful and brilliant rays are too much for most bacteria.
What these strugglers want is a jihad against us, who are in a struggle (jihad) against Islamic jihadis.
I hope this has cleared it all up for anyone who thought they were just being ambiguously stupid. Thank you.
In deference to my policy of exercising self control at least once a day…. Im not going to touch Nate’s last post. Despite the temptation of the words “our suns brilliant and powerful rays”, “Bacteria”, “Nate”, & “protein” being available.
Nate: The cycle as you laid it out is deceptive, yet surely naively unintentional. The oil and money only serve to confound the core cycle.
Here it is in a historic perspective, unobscured by the oily residue:
{ extremists use torture and sodomy to brainwash poor young arab men } -> {brainwashed arabs kill anyone who is not already in the brainwashed extremist club} -> {those who resist and survive exit cycle ; otherwise, rinse and repeat}
(note: many who resisted and survived are now known as “westerners”)
Dates to remember:
500’s (when years were three digits) – extremists (and you know which ones) started their crazy torturing, sodomizing, and brainwashing antics
1885 Prototype of the modern gas engine
1932 Kingdom of Saudi Arabia recognized
So, REALLY – there isn’t going to be peace because the extremeists (and hippies) are under nuked (and under punched).
“Nate,” I normally don’t talk to you directly but in this case since it’s the big “V-Day”…
I’m using a keyboard built in 1994, so you probably don’t remember it at your age. But, it’s one of the best ever made with a tactile (not to be confused with “testicle”) sense that everyone agrees is the best they’ve ever felt. I’ve been feeding this keyboard various crumbs, sundry forms of “protein,” dust, hair, ants, multiple liquids and no doubt many “bacteria” over the years, and, it has never seen “our suns brilliant and powerful rays”. But even so, it continues to support typing at between 80 and 90 wpm. So, not to worry. BTW, it was made in Spokane, Washington. Do TerribleTroy a favor: don’t go there.
Has anyone found out whom to talk to about profiting from children’s blood?
struggle?
my struggle.
mein kampf.
hmmmmm…..
I’ll sell you my old war machine for scraps Echo. The one I have is 10 yrs old and I want the new 08 “green” model (only uses half the innocent blood ya know).
#44 – Posted by: TerribleTroy on February 14, 2008 03:32 PM
Anyone know what the blue book value of a 1998 war machine (V-8 turbo Diesel) is?
In deference to my policy of exercising self control at least once a day…. Im not going to touch Nate’s last post. Despite the temptation of the words “our suns brilliant and powerful rays”, “Bacteria”, “Nate”, & “protein” being available.
#50 – Posted by: TerribleTroy on February 14, 2008 06:08 PM
I don’t recommend touching anything of Nate’s!