I don’t think Obama is a very good leader. His style lately has been to come out with some crazy proposal or policy idea, yell, “Do it because I’m Obama!”, and then people make fun of how his ears stick out until he compromises or gives up. I think somewhere before the end of his four years, people are just going to start ignoring him.
He needs to change his leadership style. And who is the best leader you know? That’s right: Me. I lead this blog. And I am awesome.
FRANK TIPS ON LEADERSHIP
* Speak with a deep voice; it’s authoritative. If needed, inhale sulfur hexafluoride.
* Have a dinosaur stand behind you. People are going to listen to anyone awesome enough to have a dinosaur stand behind… unless he’s some guy who doesn’t notice a dinosaur is behind him and about to eat him.
* Get a cool theme song. People are going to listen when your theme song is playing because they’ll know that moment is all about you. Bonus points if the song has a funky beat you can dance to.
* To make people know what you say are the words of a leader, follow everything you say with, “This I command!”
* You can’t only rule through fear (even thought that’s the totally funnest way to rule), you should also be a leader people like. That means being nice to people by telling them how you like the cut of their jib and handing out free candy. Also, institute a National Nachos Day.
* Grow a mustache. The bushier, the better.
* Learn kung fu. Eventually, people are going to challenge your right to leadership. If you don’t want to back down, make sure your kung fu is strong.
* Get a robot body. If people won’t listen to you because you’re a puny human vulnerable to traditional weaponry, a robot body with gatling gun arms will solve that.
* Have secret police. People tend to listen to whomever has the ability to drag them out of their homes in the middle of the night. Despite the name, though, make sure everyone knows about your secret police so they can be scared of them. Otherwise, when they show up at someone’s door in the middle of the night, people are going to be like, “Who are you guys? I never heard of you.” And they’ll be like, “That’s because we’re a secret.” And the guy will probably just close the door thinking it’s a prank. Happened all the time in the early Soviet Union.
* Have a giant throne. Also, have a trap door in front of your throne for anyone who displeases you. It should lead to a ravenous beast, but it can just lead to laundry if that’s easier to set up.
* Differentiate yourself. How are people supposed to know who the leader is if everyone is dressed in similar looking suits? You need something that shows you’re the leader like a cape or an important-looking hat.
* Do feats of strength. Sometimes people are going to question why you’re leader, but they won’t if you beat them all at Halo.
* To help with leadership, don’t just buy a boat and name it “Leader.” People will laugh at you.
* Use your blackness. I think that’s Obama’s most underused element for leadership. Sure, you can accuse anyone of being a racist who disagrees you, but that’s not being a good leader. Instead, get a mohawk and gold chains and inform fools that you pity them — that’s how I imagined a black president would be as a child. In the least, emulate Samuel L. Jackson more. You may need someone to follow you around and bleep you.
“* Have a dinosaur stand behind you. People are going to listen to anyone awesome enough to have a dinosaur stand behind… unless he’s some guy who doesn’t notice a dinosaur is behind him and about to eat him.”
Bill Clinton had Janet Reno stand behind him. Point taken.
”
“* Have secret police.”
Threy showed up at Waco, Texas. Bill Clinton , no good liberal that he is,knew how to command and create fear. But he blew it.
My rules:
I speak to everyone by starting all my sentences with Thou Shalt and Thou Shalt Not
Dinasours use to follow me but they kept wetting themselves from fear…
Everyone bows when then meet me…and they love it because they know I deserve it!
Tiger Woods sends me ½ his cash every year to stay off the tour I’m so awesome…
Make the trains run on time. Worked for Hitler.
If Obama looked like and acted like Mr.T and or acted like Samuel L. Jackson I’d stop ingnoring him. I’d even settle if he acted like Billy D. Williams running around tellinng everyone to drink Colt 45.
Uh, Nov. 6 is already National Nachos Day. What we need is National Nacho Hour! 3:00 everyone, time to eat your nachos. Mmmmmm…. Nachos….
Although snappily dancing to the “I Dream of Jeanie” theme song might catch my attention, there is nothing listed here that could convince me that The Self-Appointed One is my leader. It’s not your fault, Frank. There’s nothing he could do, period. Nothing, I tell you.
* quit telling people its not about you, when we all know it is. Man up and say what you really mean.
* dont have your wife? speaking in a more commanding tone than yourself
* don’t act like a six year old retarded democrat. Wait isn’t that redundant?
* have a logo that appears on everything you do so people will know you did it.
* take the swastica and reform it to your own design (you have to find your own picture of classless disgrace’s logo, I can’t look at it without puking).
I can’t believe you forgot “Grow poofy hair”. All Great Leaders have poofy hair.
Michelle needs to show up with two black eyes and Obama needs to say “know what else I told my wife?” “Nothin!” “She’s already been told twice!”
instant cool!
I’m talkin’ about Shaft
Can you dig it?
*scowl like Cheney
Very cool, very authoritative and very scary
– Develop a killer imitation of Nixon singing Whole Lotta Love
Parade Michelle around with a choke chain. Have her sit next to your throne like a leopard.
If someone implies that you were not born here, call them a ‘filthy earth creature’ and smite them with a ray gun.
* Have Chuck Norris stand behind you. With Chuck behind you, you can’t be wrong.
I use “In Accordance With The Prophecy” before all my answers. Seems to make people pay attention.
* Get a pickup truck. Real Americans love pickup trucks.
* In your off hours, wear western boots and blue jeans and look a little bow-legged at times because you still ride a horse.
* Say things like “I paid for this microphone!!”
* Stop idiots in their tracks by saying stuff like: “There you go again!”
* Invent sayings like “The Axis of Evil” and call your enemies “The Evil Empire.”
* Remind people that “Government isn’t the solution to our problems; Government IS the problem.”
…
Hmmm. I think the list is long for Ronnie, isn’t it?
Kool O-bah-muhh theme song: http://sendables.jibjab.com/originals/hes_barack_obama
Wear a Beret,nothing says Commi-Lib Leader like a Beret.>>> End all Executive Orders with, “So let it be written, so let it be done.”>>> A leader people like:’Make it Rain’ like Pac-Man Jones, or Nicholson’s Joker in the 1st Batman movie.”Hubba,hubba,hubba. Who you gona trust? Me I’m giving ot ‘free’ money…”
O-bah-muhh + Mustache = Black Charlie Chaplin, or Black Borat. Go ahead Barack, make me laugh.
“No man recognizes leadership without the challenge of combat” –Paul ‘Muadib’ Atreides, ‘Dune’>>> Make sure your Kung Fu is strong… trouble is young Barry never was able to snatch the fried chicken from Master Po’s hand.
If Barack got a robot body, he’d be a Decepticon
Have secret police… kind of like the BATF during the Clinton regime.
Differentiate? A black man who wears mom jeans , throws like a girl , and is a socialist in a democratic republic. WHAT ELSE DO I NEED TO DO TO SET MYSELF APART?
When at a
Campaign stop“Townhall meeting”, instead of singing The Internationale as you usually do, sing the Ballad of The Green Berets.Hard to fear a man whose legs are skinnier than his wife’s arms. Maybe he could get tax and spend tats on his knuckles and go around shaking his fists.
Far be it from me to correct Frank, but none of the Bushes have facial hair….