If the government gives a big wad of cash to your business, they can tell you how much you can pay your employees, what mode of transportation you can take, and where you can travel to because you’re on the taxpayer’s dime.
BUT
If the government is spending big wads of cash on your health care, they promise not to interfere with any health-related choices you’d care to make, no matter how many taxpayer’s dimes it costs.
Anybody buying this?
I did just buy a new home, and values are down in the neighborhood, but I really don’t think it’s my fault.
I’d figure a bad economy would mean more stray puppies no one is keeping track of, which you’d think would mean he’d be in a better mood.
Obama wants to do lots of crazy socialist stuff, and that’s his prerogative. The only thing is we conservatives don’t like it and like to yell and join mobs. Obama doesn’t want to compromise, though, but maybe he doesn’t have to. While he’s busy socializing health care or taking over private industry, maybe he can at least give conservatives something else they’d like.
TOP TEN THINGS OBAMA COULD CEDE TO CONSERVATIVES
10. Recognize our Constitutional right to flamethrowers.
9. Set Barney Frank on fire.
8. Designate special “Speaker of the House Paper Bag with Eye Holes” that Pelosi has to wear.
7. Instead of disposing of decommissioned military hardware, give it to people who would still enjoy it.
6. Give us letters of marque so we can be pirates.
5. Let us pick one country to go to war with for no good reason.
4. Nuke something. Anything. Maybe the moon…
3. Command Keith Olbermann to do a silly little monkey dance for us.
2. Declaring punching hippies a constitutionally protected form of speech
And the number one thing Obama could cede to conservatives…
Continue reading ‘Top Ten Things Obama Could Concede to Conservatives’ »
Know what’s one of the most recession proof jobs? Congressman. In the middle of this recession, they were even thinking of spending $330 million on new jets for themselves.
That’s crazy.
Maybe we should start tying Congress’s perks directly into the economy. If it’s failing, we cut their pay, turn off the air conditioning in the Capitol, that sort of thing. And maybe start laying them off. “Sorry, we can only afford 400 arrogant jerks to mess around with the country’s laws right now.”
Worth considering.
Obama is friends with lots of dictators. Couldn’t he get tips from them on how to do a more convincing staged rally?
To all those objecting to Nazi comparisons: Know who also wouldn’t want hated groups compared to the Nazis? The Nazis.
Obama just needs to come out and carefully explain to the American people that they have no choice in the matter so shut up.
The president had it “Town Hall” photo-op today. And he used the opportunity to explain how the government health care plan is a great idea:
Note where he said, “U.P.S. and FedEx are doing just fine. It’s the post office that’s always having problems.”
My fears are now allayed: I’m thrilled to hear that government-run health care will be as efficient as the post office. And that’s according to the president.
Your hard-earned money will be collected from your paycheck via taxes, and sent to finance a program that will be run like the post office.
Let me say that I have a brother-in-law that works for the post office. He’s a good guy. And most of the postal workers I’ve met are good people, too. I say that so they won’t … well … go postal on me.
Anyway, the president has convinced me. We need to have government-run health care. And the post office example sold me.
But, there are some of you, I’m sure, that aren’t yet convinced. So, as a loyal American (who doesn’t what to be flagged), I present other reasons to let the government run health care. Here are things that will present excellent examples of how government-run organizations (regardless of the level of government) operate:
If these examples don’t show you just how wonderful a government-run health care system will be, I don’t know what will convince you.
I think this is a question a lot of people are asking. Democrats do seem very determined to take all of our money through “stimulus” packages and then destroy health care so we all die, but why?
It could be because Democrats just don’t like Americans, but it’s a big leap from simply not liking Americans to actively trying to rob and kill them.
I’m guessing they are working on the behest of aliens trying to take over the planet. It may seem far-fetched that Democrats would just give up the planet like that, but it is more likely than you think. Malicious aliens could easily convince Democrats to do their bidding:
ALIENS: “We are advanced aliens. Kill the Americans.”
DEMOCRATS: “That doesn’t sound right.”
ALIENS: “But we are very smart. Look at our advanced spaceship and this pedantic paper I wrote on race in America.”
DEMOCRATS: “You are very smart! We’ll unquestioningly do everything you tell us then because we’re very smart too!”
So what should we do to stop Democrats and their possible alien-backing? Shout at them at townhalls? Perhaps. Recruit other aliens to even the odds? No, I don’t trust aliens because they look different from me. Make fun of Nancy Pelosi’s face? It is impossible not to do that.
But what we must concentrate on is undermining the power of Barack Obama (does that sound like the name of an alien?). He obviously used alien mind rays to get himself elected, but they are now wearing off and people are starting to say, “Why the hell did we vote for him? He’s a moron and has funny ears.” Whatever Obama asks of you, don’t do it. Show you are independent of aliens. Also, sneeze on him in case he’s an alien and his immune system can’t handle earth bacteria.
Next, we need to win big in the next election. If the Democrats find that destroying America hurts them at the polls, they may remove it from their platform.
Finally, we should hunt down the aliens and give them single-payer health care and watch they all slowly die from government inefficiency. It sounds cruel but it’s what you get for messing with Earth.
This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com
Judging by the number of submissions, the baseball pic was a poor choice for captioning. My apologies. Hopefully I chose better for this edition.
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
From Peregrine John:
My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From Billy Dee
From Greg W
This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
The White House believes that while the public loudly protests its health care bill, they’re secretly into it.
When did people who react to a flag pin like a vampire to a cross become the arbiters of patriotism?
Message to black people from pasty liberals: “Your politics must mirror those of a rich, white liberal or you are a bad black person.” They don’t say “bad black person”, though; they use more colorful words.
Hi there! You may know me from the Six Flags amusement parks. But today, I’m here to tell you about the new government flags program. Sounds like fun, huh?
The Obama administration and the Democratic party are looking out for your best interests. And it all begins with health care.
The administration knows what’s best. And the best thing for you is to help push the health care bill through the Congress.
But, you know what? There are swastika-carrying people that are showing up, doing un-American things like asking questions and protesting that representatives are going against the will of the people.
To help us, here’s what you can do: report them!
Yes, simply send an email to flag@whitehouse.gov. It’s that easy! And fun!
If you know someone who opposes health care, whether it’s speaking out against the president’s proposal at the water cooler at work, or writing dissent on a blog, send us an email to flag@whitehouse.gov … and we’ll flag them!
Later, we’ll expand the program to accepting emails to flag people about all kinds of things. When we’re done, we’ll have flags for:
Sound like fun? Of course it does! It’s F-U-N! Fun!
At the new Six Flags over America program, you’ll be able to flag all your co-workers, neighbors, family members … anyone who doesn’t support the party line.
Yes, we put the F-U in FUN! Send emails of dissidents to flag@whitehouse.gov
Six Flags over America! More Flags! More fun!
Crowder get mauled by an angry mob:
To be featured on Hannity tonight, so look for Crowder there. I finally got Fox News Channel in HD, but that almost too much detail for Hannity.
A monolith had been found on Mars, which means one of two things:
1) Somehow an usual rock formation occurred.
2) Alien civilization.
Occam’s Trent Reznor says the latter is the possibility we must assume is true.
I’ve long said we need to declare war on Mars, and then if we eventually find life we’ll be prepared. It may be too late for that now. Our only option is to nuke the moon and show Mars what we’re capable of. We’ll be like, “This is what happens to large things in range of us!” Then the martians will know their monolith won’t be able to protect them. Unless they have like four monoliths.
The health care “debate” is giving us a good idea of how Democrats debate when they’re in power. Anyway, here is their whole debate cycle so you know when we’re reaching the end:
DEMOCRAT DEBATE CYCLE
* Call you a racist.
* Have you beaten by union thugs.
* Call you un-American.
* Scream at you how much smarter they are.
* Call you a racist again.
* Threaten to put you into a reeducation camp.
* Unintelligible gibberish.
* Curl into a ball and whimper.
Pelosi and Hoyner are calling dissent un-American now? How many people do you think are out there who don’t automatically dismiss anything Pelosi says as shrill lies and actually like America? Pelosi is so out of touch she’s more freakish side show than politician.
Anywho, here are a list of things that are un-American:
* Bloated federal government.
* Government control of private sector.
* Nanny-state government.
* High taxation.
* Giant, bloated bills being passed without even being read.
So, basically, the Democratic Party’s platform.
They’re going to be sending the unions after townhall protesters? So the solution to a mob is the mob?
If Obama wanted to appear post-racial, the easiest way would be to denounce in no uncertain terms the people calling his opponents racist.
Last time someone said I was part of an angry mob, I set him on fire and stabbed him with a pitchfork.
If Jeb Bush is the replacement for Martinez, can we expect the left to squeal a lot? I like it when they squeal. Squeal like stuck pigs.
I’m glad Obama doesn’t care enough about Iraq and Afghanistan to demand a mindlessly liberal approach to them.
The left compared the president to Hitler until it was yawn worthy. Now it’s a problem?
If the Nazis were still around, they’d probably compare everyone who disagreed with them to themselves.
I’m a little confused: What was the Nazis’ stance on socialized medicine and low taxes?
I like tattoos and motorized bikes. I am not your normal Republican. I am edgy.
Democrats with a majority is like a sissy with a gun: Great power, but too cowardly to pull the trigger.
Does ObamaCare cover being beaten up by union thugs?
You remember the more lighthearted days when dissent against the president didn’t get the crap beaten out of you?
Weird how we get a black president and now the exact same positions conservatives always had on taxes and health care are now racist.
The way the WaPo article linked the Obama-Joker image with racism it could have just as easily linked it with Kevin Bacon.
So we have at least 3 1/2 ahead of us of being called racist and being threatened with violence. Yay Obama!
Though my cat seems aloof, her blank stare lets me know that I exist and am moving.
Bill Maher is a little troll who hosts a talk show. Who gave him the idea he was smart?
What is the exit condition for the “Lather. Rinse. Repeat.” loop?
