As liberals got disappointed at not having a Tea Party member shoot up people, they still see opportunity in all the death — maybe they can get the ball rolling on gun control again! It’s a simple argument: “If we can take away fundamental human rights, we could possibly eliminate the .0001% chance of being in a mass shooting.” Except they’re not going to make a logical argument for obvious reasons and instead rely on emotion and propose the usual grab bag of laws that wouldn’t have stopped the tragedy (saw someone from the Brady campaign talking about gun shows even though Loughner didn’t get his gun from a gun show).

I think people are over this now, though. It used to be the left could ride a tragedy to pass for gun laws, but that doesn’t seem to work anymore as there we’ve gone past a number of shooting (usually in “gun free” zones) without any more gun control laws being passed. The majority no longer thinks you make people safer anymore by disarming them. So keep vigilant, but I think we won this one a while ago.

So there was a tragic shooting in Arizona and the first thing many liberals did — before any facts were out — was blame Sarah Palin. This has happened a number of times now where with pants-wetting glee people like Paul Krugman and Kos jump on an instance thinking they finally have the right-wing violence they’ve been waiting for only to be disappointed. And it’s purely a left-wing thing; I don’t see the right constantly worried that the left’s over the top rhetoric is going to get people hurt. And the only conclusion is that the left has a problem with the concept of free speech.

The whole point of free speech is that the country benefits from other viewpoints being out there. While one group may think what they’re doing is pure good, it’s good for those ideas to moderated by other’s questioning them. But liberals can’t stand that. They live with this constant delusion — not backed by any facts — that the right’s speech against their views is going to lead to violence. They like to say they’re talking about “heated rhetoric”, but it soon becomes apparent that anything against them falls in that category. Like the moron Sheriff Dupnik in Arizona said “one party blocking another party’s efforts to better this country” could have led to this shooting; so even the most basic act of stopping legislation you disagree with is now bad speech that gets people killed.

So the left is constantly imagining danger from people disagreeing with them, and that conflicts directly with the idea of free speech. We need a debate in this country, but the left thinks that’s a constant danger. People who think like that have a fundamental problem with American values.

Apparently there are halal KFCs in Australia, and someone asked for bacon there and… it did not go well. I’m glad that hasn’t happened so far when I asked for bacon on my 5 Guys burger. I mean, what if asking for bacon becomes a hate crime? That would be bad because bacon is all about love.

That gets me to thinking: What are ads for Beggin’ Strips like in Muslim countries since they hate both bacon and dogs? I guess in the ad the dog is sniffing around yelling, “It’s bacon!” but then comes to a Muslim holding the bag who says, “It’s not really bacon. I tricked you, infidel!” And then the dog gets strangled.

Now that Republicans are in charge of the House, the Democrats need to start fear-mongering about them. Here’s some attacks I hear they’re working on to get people good and scared of Republicans:

IF THE GOP HAS ITS WAY…

…not only will there not be abortions, Republicans will put more babies in you.

…NPR will be nothing but Juan Williams expressing fear of Muslims.

…Latinos will be hunted for sport.

…the only book used in science class will be the Bible.

…the ability of the government to help you will be limited by a document written by rich, white racists.

…everyone will get the same health care as horses.

…they’ll tax being poor.

…we’ll declare war on Islam and start by invading Michigan.

…children will be so fat they’ll be legally required to say “Hey hey hey!” before announcing their names.

…they’ll only allow gay marrying if you show competency with a firearm.

…racism against taxes will reach dangerous new levels.

…Obama won’t get a 2nd term which was when he was saving all his competency for.

The GOP reading the Constitution was a pretty obvious political stunt, and all the liberals had to do was ignore it and it would go by unremarked. But they just can’t help themselves. So instead you had Democrats objecting to the Constitution being read, the NYTimes writing editorials about what a horrible waste of time it is, and liberals on the net freaking out like Gremlins when exposed to a bright light. It’s like they’re Muslims and the Constitution is bacon.

The left has just lost control of themselves. They’re angry all the time and they don’t even have coherent reasons why. They are about as hard to politically outsmart right now as it is to outsmart a cat. I mean, the Republicans could have announced, “We’re going to read the Constitution so the left will freak out and prove they hate it.” and the left would have said, “Oh yeah! We’ll show you by freaking out even more than you expected!” Anyway, we now have plenty of clips of “Democrats hating the Constitution” for 2012. Of course, if the left doesn’t eventually get some control over itself, it’s not like it’s going to take lot of political maneuvering to be successful next election.

I got an idea to help the economy. What does a growing economy need? It needs people making more money. And there’s the problem we have now: People just aren’t making more money. And why is that? Well, maybe they’re just not motivated enough.

So how do we get people more motivated to get money? An ad campaign, that’s how! I don’t know why no one ever thought of this before, but we should put up a bunch of ads detailing the advantages of money so people are more motivated to get it.

For instance, in an ad we could have one guy say:

“I was out of luck. I didn’t have a roof over my head or food to eat. And then one thing fixed my problems: Money.”

And then another guy say:

“Through the toughest times, one thing got me through: Money.”

And yet another guy say:

“People didn’t like or respect me, but something finally changed that: Money.”

And then an ad could detail exactly all the sorts of “goods and services” money can be exchanged for. Soon people will be like, “Wow; this ‘money’ thing looks quite useful. I should get more.” And then people will go out and come up with new ways to make money and — BOOM! — the economy is back on track.

It’s a great idea. If the government would like me to get working on it, I will do it in exchange for free samples of the product I’ll be selling.

So it’s come out at that one of the strategies for the Huffington Post when it was first made was for it to appear for mainstream than it truly was. Of course, they failed at that and it became obvious to most people that HuffPo was filled with screaming weirdos. This is a big problem with liberals these days: They can’t even fake mainstream anymore.

Just look at the past couple years with liberals in charge. Basically every mainstream idea — stopping out of control spending, protecting the border, not letting a mosque be specifically built on the site of an Islamic terror triumph — has been dismissed as racist. That’s because liberals can’t even understand mainstream thought to even debate it anymore. That’s the defining characteristic of the left these days: Complete and utter ignorance of their fellow man.

And there’s the thing: Who we call liberal are anything but. They get very angry at new ideas different than their own. What we call the left are really just conservatives who are closed minded on old, stupid ideas — like socialism. And they’re very resistant to reexamining those ideas, hence yelling racism or what not at anyone who thinks differently. So the left can’t even fake mainstream anymore because the majority of them are too ignorant and too myopic in their thinking to even understand another point of view. Hence the average editorial from the Huffington Post.

In some countries, regular incandescent light bulbs have been banned. Some entrepreneurs there have come up with another option than putting a CFL in a lamp, though. Their idea is a heating source that fits in a regular light bulb socket: The Heatball. It’s very efficient as 95% of the energy it uses gets converted to heat (with 5% wasted as light). What a neat idea: Cheap, efficient heating for everyone. Liberals should be all over this.

Birds started mysteriously dying in Louisiana and Arkansas. Kinda feels like the beginning of a horror movie where seeing all these dead birds sets the tone before the real scares start.

Anyway, no one knows what is causing this, so I was thinking of some theories to explain it. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

* A prolific bird serial killer.

* Chupacabras from Mexico, running out of goats to suck, have evolved into bird suckers.

* Bird suicide cult.

* Birds are unable to avoid all our obese children and keep running into them and dying.

* Obama passed a bill to increase the number of birds.

* Cloaked Klingon Bird of Prey ships hovering in the air that the birds keep flying into.

* They’re just pining for the fjords.

Instead of speculating, maybe we should just find a bird with red plumage and sunglasses to investigate.

The left is clamoring for “filibuster reform” — to make it so that only 51 votes are needed in the Senate to pass anything. What depraved individual wants to make it easier for the government to do stuff? The government doing stuff is expensive and hurts freedom, so we should all be trying to make sure it barely ever does anything. Still, there are people out there that hate humanity and want the government constantly doing stuff and spending our money while pushing us around. They must be foiled.

Republicans should respond with some ideas to get even less stuff passed. Here are my suggestions:

* Anything that expands government needs a two-thirds supermajority.

* Bills should have a one year waiting period during which we think long and hard about whether we really need it or not.

* To decide whether a bill is Constitutional, member of Congress will need to role play as the Founding Fathers and have them debate the bill.

* Any new bill must be read on the floor in its entirety. Since there is no official language in the U.S., it must also be read in any language people might possibly use in America.

* To show that it’s serious, any new bill must be presented along with a member of Congress’s pinky finger.

* Any bill can be blocked by a challenge to a riddle contest.

* To make sure people are voting for the bill they think they’re voting for, each Congressman must count the number of times the letter ‘e’ appears in the bill and present that number with his yes vote. The vote will only count if the number is correct.