Can’t really win the future; it can just wait us out until we’re all dead.
Going mad with power is on my bucket list.
Hate it when you find a huge bug that explains everything, you fix it, and… no change.
Favorite bug of all time was in college when a group of us spent hours with logic analyzers to realize we plugged a square chip in sideways.
Ft. Wayne, Indiana, is looking for a name for its government center. And they’ve opened it up to suggestions via the city’s feedback Web page.
The top suggestion so far? Name it after the city’s longest-serving mayor, Harry Baals.
Baals – pronounced “balls” by the then-mayor but “bales” by his descendents – became the Republican nominee for mayor in 1934 and was elected for three successive terms. He returned to politics in 1951 by winning a fourth term but died in office in May 1954. His accomplishments include elevating the railroads in town and negotiating the contract with the Army to establish Baer Field as an air base.
The city’s Deputy Mayor, Beth Malloy, says the building won’t be named after the former mayor. Apparently, she doesn’t care for Harry Baals.
A lot of people, though, like the idea of Harry Baals on a building.
I don’t live in Ft. Wayne, so I don’t have a say in the matter. I could go to the feedback site and make suggestions. But I won’t. And I could encourage you to go to the feedback site and make suggestions. But I won’t. The residents of Ft. Wayne should decide for themselves how they feel about Harry Baals.
The voting, by the way, ends this week. And the 10 finalists from the voting will be given to the mayor. I wonder how his staff will handle Harry Baals. Or the other finalists.
If they do select the former mayor’s name, there will be some residents that won’t like it, I’m sure. It may be that many residents of Ft. Wayne will just have to learn how to live with Harry Baals.
Out in the West Texas town of El Paso
Someone is selling a Mexican finger.
Okay, I apologize to the memory of Marty Robbins
But someone is trying to sell Pancho Villa’s finger. You know about Pancho Villa, right? Killed Americans. Was supported by Germany during World War I. That Pancho Villa.
Anyway, a pawn shop in El Paso is trying to sell Pancho Villa’s finger.
That got me thinking… What other famous body parts might be on sale in the future?
What other body parts might be found in a pawn shop one day soon? Or which ones would you like to see?
NOTE: Brian of Snapped Shot is having a Angry Egyptian Camel Guy photoshop party at his place.
Here’s a handy cutout of Angry Egyptian Camel Guy to make it easy to stick him into pictures he doesn’t belong in.
If you’re really proud of your work, you can send it in to me, too, for next week’s lolterizt!.
Or just go with something from the Egyptian Riot Helmet collection (scroll down to the second set of pictures).
This week, That One. Next week, terrorists. Submit for either at lolterizt@gmail.com
Meanwhile, pass ’em around, spread the love, and if you make your own, don’t be shy about dropping a link to your pics in the comments. The more, the merrier.
NOTE TO READERS: Hovering your mouse over the picture activates closed captioning for the l33t-speak/txtmsg impaired.
From George:
From Kris:
From Kris:
[reference link]
From Kris:
From Kris:
From me (Harvey):
[This IMAO post]
My favorites from the submissions using last edition’s uncaptioned picture:
From Anniee451:
From Arik:
From Arik:
From Arik:
From Kris:
[reference link]
From Larsinkima:
From Robert:
From Shane:
This week’s uncaptioned picture for you to play with:
PRODUCTION NOTES:
#1: When creating lolbama! pictures, please caption with either black or white text, as colors like red and yellow tend to blur badly when I compress the images.
#2: Standard image size for these posts is 350px wide by whatever high. If you can have your images 350px wide before you caption them, I won’t end up shrinking your captions into illegibility when I re-size the images.
MAKE YOUR OWN: The free lolbuilder from I Can Has Cheezburger.
STYLE NOTE: Short captions are usually better. Your goal is 10 words or less, with humor value tending to increase exponentially as the number of words approaches 1.
Send your submissions to lolterizt@gmail.com and – if they aren’t obscene (IMAO is a PG-13 site) and don’t suck too terribly bad – I’ll post them for you. Remember to include your name (and blog URL, if applicable) so I know who to thank.
The Huffington Post was sold for $315 million to AOL — that’s 315 million times more than Newsweek was sold for. That kind of seems like a lot, but apparently HuffPo is good at getting the clickies. As for AOL, I didn’t even know they were still around? What do they even do now? Do they still sell dial up service?
What kind of traffic does HuffPo get anyway? I’m seeing like something like 26,000,000 unique visitors a month. So what’s IMAO worth then? I’ve been kind of sucking it up at 100,000 unique visitors a month. So divide that by 26,000,000 and multiply by $315,000,000…
HOLY SCHNIKES! IMAO IS WORTH 1.2 MILLION DOLLARS!!!! THE INTERNET BUBBLE IS BACK!!!!
Um… So. Anyone shopping for a blog? If it’s a regular reader, I’ll make you a deal: Only $1.1 million. For that, you also get all rights to nuking the moon.
The Democrat Leadership Council has ended. It was kind of pointless since all the moderates in the Democrat Party have been chased to the Republicans or thrown out of office. And if anyone in the Democrat Party tries to moderate a stance to at least make it mildly appealing to the public at large, the Kos Kids will literally surround him and bite him. And their saliva is filled with diseases.
Here’s a big difference between the Republicans and Democrats: On the Republican side, the extremists still have views that are generally acceptable to the public at large. They like low taxes and less government, and those are popular ideas. Our extremists have to be portrayed as racist or violent to be unpalatable. The extremes for the Democrats are a different story; all that has to be done to get people against them is to accurately state their views of socialism and liberal fascism. Basically, the far left have the same views as the people we used to shoot in wars. And that side won’t let go right now no matter how much they get thrashed in elections.
We can look at this as a long term strategy for the Republicans, though. The Democrats will get more liberal and more marginalized and concentrate almost exclusively on the coasts. Then, global warming will cause them all to get flooded. Cultural victory.
Some groups are lobbying to arrest George W. Bush if he visits countries overseas like Switzerland. I’m guessing if that happened, it would not go over very well. We’re okay with Europe being all silly and useless and stuff, but if they start arresting former presidents, our tolerance would be pretty low. And like how much of Europe could we conquer before we face more than token resistance?
Actually, there’s a good solution to our economic problems there: Goad Europe into arresting Bush and then have a big war with them and steal all our resources.
…Wait a second; what resources does Europe have? Do they have any oil? I know they make the curling stones from granite in Scotland.
Not only is this year the Reagan centennial, but my favorite pistol – the 1911 – also turns 100.
Literacy is just a ploy by greedy publishers to increase sales.
I can never win the future unless I enter the cheat code for 30 lives first.
I want to be a novelist but they keep adding new Angry Birds levels.
“Audacity of Hope”, “Win the Future” – Are these supposed to mean anything or does Obama just randomly throw words together?
We can’t even get back to the moon right now, so maybe I’m worrying about this prematurely, but how will the internet work on a Mars colony? Considering current place in orbits, Mars can be anywhere from four to twenty light minutes away from Earth. That means if you’re on Mars and sent a request to see the webpage IMAO, it would take that many minutes for the server it’s on to get the request and that many minutes again to send the data back to you. That means it would take from eight to forty minutes to pull up IMAO — three times slower than normal!
Now, things like twitter and e-mail will work fine — there will just be a big delay and we’ll probably want to mark things so you know if you’re communicating with Mars and can expect a delayed response. And obviously, things like Skype and playing Call of Duty between Mars and Earth just aren’t going to happen. But we’re going to need the web and some quick way around the back and forth communication to bring up a webpage. I guess we’ll need to keep a cache of the web locally on Mars that’s constantly being updated from what’s on Earth, and then people on Mars will make their requests to those servers. The problem will be when info gets altered about something on both Mars and Earth, so we’ll need some good automated merge algorithms.
So, I don’t know when we’re going to start living on Mars, but we really should try to hammer out a solution to the internet problem before we get there. Last thing we want is to all get on Mars and be like, “Wait a second… we don’t have internet!” I’m just sketching out a few ideas on the problems we’ll have, but I can work on the solutions more fully as soon as someone in the government sends me millions of dollars (and don’t act like you don’t have millions to throw around pointlessly).
Since the State of the Union, President Obama has been talking a lot about “winning the future.” Of course, winning the future takes more than empty statements, and IMAO has been advocating measures needed to win the future for some time. Now, winning the future won’t be easy, but it’s pretty obvious what some of the things we’ll need to have a fighting chance. Here’s some of what we’ll need:
THINGS NEEDED TO WIN THE FUTURE
* Dinosaurs with rocket launchers on them.
* A flux capacitor.
* Plasma rifles.
* A thunderdome.
* Terminator reprogramming kit.
* A jaunty black vest.
* A cheap food source made from soy and lentils.
* Zombie preparedness kit.
* Tests to tell if people are human.
* Space lasers.
* Things that are half something/half something else but all cop.
* Red shirts.
* New swears like “frack” and “frell”.
* Giant robots.
* Tests to tell if the world around us is real.
* Scooty Puff Sr.
* Nukes capable of reaching the moon.
Did I miss anything?
Didn’t we spend a trillion on stimulus? How do you spend a trillion and not even make a couple jobs?
That sounds like a challenge. “Spend a trillion dollars but don’t create any jobs.” I couldn’t do it. Only Obama figured out that puzzle.
So what’s it with liberals and their supporting sex slavery and wanting to lynch black people?
New Obama plan to reduce unemployment: Murder anyone seeking a job!
Is this win the future rhetoric conceding we lost the present?
Ever notice how inefficient Roman numerals are at expressing large numbers? Everyone should really start using the newer numbering system.
So, technically, who won the future: the Eloi or the Morlocks?
“Obama is not a natural born citizen! From his mother’s womb he was untimely ripped!”
Never got why liberals are so upset that Palin resigned as governor. If Obama resigned, I’d love him forever.
Got my pay this week in an actual physical check. I guess this is what working in the 20th century must have been like.
Just realized I have no idea how a file system works at a low level and haven’t even thought about it. Makes me feel like a silly silly person.
We’re having record winters and its also supposed to be hottest year ever. That means if we fight global warming IT WILL GET EVEN COLDER!
I bet when we get to the future there will be a big sign saying, “Sorry, but you did not win. Please try again.”
Obama: “We must work on our Sputnik moment until the future cries, ‘You sunk my battleship!’ Then we’ve won.”
Winning the future is not easy. It involves a lot of time travel and reprogramming terminators.
“It’s your kids, Marty; something has got to be done about your kids. They’re not winning the future.”
When Jim had to strand Michael in The Office, why didn’t he just ask the cameraman to tell him what happened?
Missed the first half of the Super Bowl, but I tuned in just in time for the Black Eyed Peas!
So the Black Eyed Peas are basically the Dane Cook of music.
So when exactly did “pop” become this electronica/rap hybrid?
Why is everyone focused on a football player being an accused rapist? Didn’t we have a president who was one? Wasn’t a big deal.
So HuffPo is 315 million times more valuable than Newsweek? Still doesn’t say much.
The Democrats released their 2012 Convention logo:
Look familiar? Here’s the Democrats’ Obamacare logo:
What’s changed? Well, now America has become a soulless, barren, depopulated wasteland. The few people left alive have been quarantined in Canada behind a 50 mile high wall.
I guess the Obamacare dome that protected everyone in the bottom picture actually ended up decimating the population, thus the wasteland.
Funny thing is, the ghostly people in the Convention logo look a lot more agitated than the ghostly people in the Obamacare logo. Maybe they’re just trying to say that their vision is to exile the Tea Partiers to Canada, and transform the Lower 48 into a Borg-like collective of group-thinking, obedient, blue-state liberals.
Either way, it’s an unnervingly creepy piece of symbolism.
By the way, does anyone else think that Obamacare logo looks like a Tsar Bomba strike on Minneapolis?
[Hat tip to American Glob, which has a less cynically paranoid view.]
Tried out that new Rupert Murdorch newspaper for iPad The Daily, but I think the internet ruined me too much to enjoy anything that mimics a regular newspaper. I mean, you turn through a bunches of big page full of text trying to find something that interests you. It’s inefficient. I like a bunch of links with short blurbs so I can quickly scan them and find stories I find interesting. And I don’t like it all separated into sections — like you read all the hard news before you get to the lighter stuff. I’d rather it all be mixed together so I can easier alternate between the type of story I’m reading.
I don’t know; I was just expecting something completely different than the old news format. It seems like it would appeal to people who still like newspapers and news magazines and got an iPad. Also the daily Sudoku and crossword puzzles are nice. Still, the format just doesn’t appeal to my short atten– Ooh! That squirrel outside is fat. I wonder if we also have a squirrel obesity epidemic?
Sarah and Bristol Palin are trademarking their names. This is a smart idea. If Sarah Palin got a nickel every time some liberal screeched about her, she’d be the fifth largest economy in the world.
It’s got me thinking, though: Should I trademark my name? Like, if someone somewhere else on the internet says, “I’m Frank J. I like hippies. And we should be friends with the moon,” would I have any legal recourse? Probably not now, but if my name was trademarked that person would be sent to prison and I would get a million dollars. Also, maybe I should trademark nuking the moon. That way if one day the moon gets nuked, anyone who looks at it will have to pay me cash money. And I could trademark other things as well. Like anytime a dinosaur launches a rocket and it kills a terrorist, I should get money.
In conclusion, people should send me money.
So people in Egypt are trying to depose a dictator. That’s a tricky thing, but there are a few preferred methods for getting rid of pesky dictators.
PREFERRED METHODS OF DEPOSING DICTATORS
* Catapult.
* Fire him out of a cannon.
* Have a large gorilla pick him up and throw him out of the country.
* Use a giant slingshot. Can also try to hit some pigs with him if you want to pretend he’s an angry bird.
* Tie him to a rocket. Launch rocket.
* Catapult a cannon into the air which midair fires out the dictator.
* Catapult a cannon into the air which midair fires out a large gorilla which throws the dictator.
* Slingshot a catapult into the air which midair catapults a cannon which fires out a large gorilla which throws the dictator.
* Greyhound bus.
* Greyhound bus driven by a large gorilla.
Every time I see a gorilla flying through the air I think of freedom.
