Yes. David Sirota is a moron and a political sociopath. Can we ignore him now?

Uh oh. Hearing about current events, Biden got a shotgun and locked himself in his room. Don’t knock.

David Sirota really shouldn’t have used that monkey paw to wish for white terrorists.

Thinking about Cheney shooting his friend and Biden’s firing through the door advice, what is it with VPs and shotgun misusage?

America is an awesome country and we appreciate your cooperation in not trying to blow it up.

I’ve been saying for a while we need to crackdown on losers in this country.

So have we completely ruled out they were protesting taxes?

Let’s not act like it means anything or is surprising that one of the suspects preferred Obama over Romney in the last election.

“If that guy Romney get elected, he’ll destroy America. Oh, by the way, DEATH TO AMERICA!”

I hope the new Superman movie has his origin story in it because I’m really curious what that is.

If your state has stricter gun laws than states with less crime and your solution is even stricter guns laws, you’re an idiot.

I mean, there’s basically and mountains and mountains of evidence that “gun control” is not the root cause problem here.

Send in the special dogs trained to eat criminals.

Is punching him in the junk considered torture? Whatever it is, just do it.

This is serious; what’s Obama doing on TV?

Obama: “I was like, ‘We should capture that guy.’ And then we did. And it was my idea. That’s why I’m president.”

Every time I see “Dzhokhar” I think “Dothraki.” I can’t be the only one.

Do you have to read a suspect his Miranda rights before you can beat him with a phone book?

I don’t get Miranda rights. They’re these magical rights you only get if a cop reads them to you?

Why don’t they just release a new edition of the Koran with the parts about blowing people up edited out?

Yes. We really need to ban .50 cal rifles to stop those zero murders a year from them. Gun control people are so smart and serious.

As I understand it, Hitler was like this anti-government, anti-tax extremist who wanted no regulations on guns.

Yay! New book contract! This one will come out in print like I’m a real author.

I get this thing called an “advance” where they send me money even though I haven’t written anything yet. That puts some pressure on me.

This will be another political humor book. Still hope to have news on my fiction getting published in not too long.

I’m rewriting “Candle in the Wind” for Dzhokhar – except it ends with stomping the candle because it isn’t dying fast enough.

Showed Buttercup a clip from the end of Empire Strikes Back. Her eyes lit up when she recognized the exchange we had been practicing.