…tried cost effective advertising, which unfortunately was confined to the geriatric demographic because the only song they had to work with was by Kiss…
Hire a copyright troll to go after all media sources that use any form of “drive-by shooting” in print, movies, music or video, since Detroit patented and copyrighted that during it automobile heydays.
…is bringing in the Blues Brothers to clean things up after, that is, they are cleared by the IRS and phone records are taken..wait, they have no reported income and only use pay phones….wait, there are no pay phones any more…..
…is seriously considering doing something. The current plan is to get the media to convince flyover Americans that a huge hurricane blew up out of Lake Erie and destroyed Detroit so that they can get the Feds to send them emergency disaster funding.
That’s no good. The only people who want to rent the houses in Detroit are crack ho’s and they only want to rent by the hour. And they only want to pay with…um…well…not cash.
. . . is eagerly awaiting a lot of money from somebody in Nigeria
. . . is auctioning off its stock of Chevrolet Vegas (for those of you too young to remember, the Chevrolet Vega was possibly the worst car that General Motors ever produced, to which I can testify from personal experience, having owned one)
. . . will be selling off naming rights to every gang, needle-exchange site, food-stamp office, etc.
…found a chemistry teacher that had lung cancer and had him cook up a LOT of meth, which gave the entire population of Detroit jobs as dealers, except for the one guy who had to go buy a real big plastic container, don’t ask why
…shouted COPS really loud, forcing all the deadbeats to flee quickly, allowing the remaining people to reestablish a functioning society
…Found a hockey team (since they really don’t have one now) and seceded to Canada
…Called the A-Team to fix things
…called the IRS and asked for a list of potential non-voluntary fiscal donors in the region
…….Needs to start importing rich businessmen and good workers and exporting the people who are living there now. Then they should set up a immigration facility that only allows people who know how to work hard, clean their houses, yard and selves. They need to be educated, married and have children that aren’t delinquents. Entrepreneurs welcome. Union workers not. The people also need to self aware. They need to know their faults and be able to take constructive criticism, to work with others and to do the right thing no matter who is or isn’t looking. It’s called integirty
Tried to pawn the whole city to those Hard Core Pawn guys, but got thrown out of the shop when they threw a fit after the owner told them there was no market for Democratically controlled, Union overrun hell-holes and he could only give them $50.
…coagulated
…uh…. to late dat.
…was placed in double secret probation.
…relected Kwame Kilpatrick…at least that was more entertaining.
…annexed itself to Canada.
…called in all those promises from Obama…. Uh… they’re still good after the election right?
(….must be proximity. I’m sitting here at 12 mile today, and I’m tired about hearing about Detroit’s problems on the news every day.)
… is holding a Lottery, with the winners getting their choice of weapons confiscated by the police.
To avoid insolvency, Detroit…
…replaced their kleptocratic Republicans with fiscally prudent Democrats.
….asked the UAW for a loan.
…put Miguel Cabrera on the market.
…did nothing, that seemed to work in the past.
…declared the city open to all illegal immigrants since they are what powers economic recovery.
…put itself on double secret probation.
…held up Windsor.
… is leasing itself out for the Live-Action version of “Car Wars”.
To avoid insolvency, Detroit…
…offered a virgin sacrifice to the Gods of Prosperity.
… will be used as the new “set” for “Defiance”.
To avoid insolvency, Detroit…
…decided to go with “RoboCop, the reality series”.
… has agreed to have the entire city recycled.
renamed itself Texas.
…declared itself an “insolvency-free zone.”
To Avoid Insolvency, Detroit is raising funds by selling Chicago – you can do that, right?
To Avoid Insolvency, Detroit is being purchased by China (reality answer).
To avoid insolvency, Detroit tried outsolvency.
…tried cost effective advertising, which unfortunately was confined to the geriatric demographic because the only song they had to work with was by Kiss…
…is going to tax rubble.
…moved back in with mom.
@walruskkkch – that would mean its in quadruple secret probation.
@FredKey – 16 – actually that one is pretty good.
To avoid insolvency, Detroit…
…called in Dr. Detroit.
…opened a Lemonade stand. [Which was then closed by OSHA for health and safety violations]
@rodney dill – I call your double double secret probation and raise you 10,000 marbles.
…decreed that ALL murders will now be for hire.
…got John Roberts to state that Detroit is not a penalty but a tax and Detroit has just asked for their refund.
…started selling it’s red ink to their gang members favorite tattoo parlors.
…got the EPA to halve their charges to remove bullets from the victims of stray gunshots.
…quit printing IOU’s and started yelling UOMe’s.
…rezoned their debt to the status of a Libyan consulate and hoped everyone would ignore it until it was killed during a spontaneous demonstration.
Burned it’s self down for the insurance money.
Built a giant switch so last person leaving could turn off the lights.
Left their bills on Obamas desk and yelled ‘no give backs’
@walruskkkch – I lost my marbles a long long time ago.
To avoid insolvency, Detroit…
…fired some low level employees in Cincinnati.
To avoid insolvency, Detroit…
…posted more cute kitten videos on line. I mean, come on, they’re so cute!
…held a “Panic in Detroit” fundraiser.
@30: Then that makes you a Crackpot!! Join the Crackpot Club.
Hire a copyright troll to go after all media sources that use any form of “drive-by shooting” in print, movies, music or video, since Detroit patented and copyrighted that during it automobile heydays.
decided to raise taxes because it has a great track record
will make it illegal to own, buy, sell or transport in or out of the city limits, all solvents
…mayor Dave Bing sued Bing! over rights to his name, then declared he wouldn’t run for a second term, now that he’s set for life.
… became watercolor rather than oil-based.
…is collecting underpants.
@11, like they could find a virgin in detroit.
To avoid insolvency Detroit.. started selling magazines door to door.
To avoid insolvency Detroit.. kidnapped piers morgan.
…is bringing in the Blues Brothers to clean things up after, that is, they are cleared by the IRS and phone records are taken..wait, they have no reported income and only use pay phones….wait, there are no pay phones any more…..
To avoid insolvency, Detroit…
…who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!
…will join the witless protection program.
…is seriously considering doing something. The current plan is to get the media to convince flyover Americans that a huge hurricane blew up out of Lake Erie and destroyed Detroit so that they can get the Feds to send them emergency disaster funding.
Being that 1/3rd of the homes in Detroit are vacant, time sharing seems obvious!
@ 45 Doug
That’s no good. The only people who want to rent the houses in Detroit are crack ho’s and they only want to rent by the hour. And they only want to pay with…um…well…not cash.
. . . is eagerly awaiting a lot of money from somebody in Nigeria
. . . is auctioning off its stock of Chevrolet Vegas (for those of you too young to remember, the Chevrolet Vega was possibly the worst car that General Motors ever produced, to which I can testify from personal experience, having owned one)
. . . will be selling off naming rights to every gang, needle-exchange site, food-stamp office, etc.
…continued to wait in line for Obama’s stash.
…renamed itself Washington, DC, and began printing cash.
…sold the Lions and Tigers to a circus, the Pistons to a Chinese scrap metal foundry, and the Red Wings to some chicken joint in Cleveland.
To avoid insolvency, Detroit…
…make a jump to the left!
…started taxing welfare, section 8, unemployment, food stamps, and medicare
…blamed Bush
…gave all union employees raises and increases in pension benefits
…unionized the unemployed
…audited both residents that still have a job
…held a bake sale
…found a chemistry teacher that had lung cancer and had him cook up a LOT of meth, which gave the entire population of Detroit jobs as dealers, except for the one guy who had to go buy a real big plastic container, don’t ask why
…shouted COPS really loud, forcing all the deadbeats to flee quickly, allowing the remaining people to reestablish a functioning society
…Found a hockey team (since they really don’t have one now) and seceded to Canada
…Called the A-Team to fix things
…called the IRS and asked for a list of potential non-voluntary fiscal donors in the region
…used DNA evidence to prove her sister city, Riyadh, is actually no relation and they will get married next week.
…had Dave Bing keep an eye out for any insolvency.
.. put on a hat and dark glasses and started leaving by the back door.
…….Needs to start importing rich businessmen and good workers and exporting the people who are living there now. Then they should set up a immigration facility that only allows people who know how to work hard, clean their houses, yard and selves. They need to be educated, married and have children that aren’t delinquents. Entrepreneurs welcome. Union workers not. The people also need to self aware. They need to know their faults and be able to take constructive criticism, to work with others and to do the right thing no matter who is or isn’t looking. It’s called integirty
so sorry I forgot! YGDFT!YLTATSOTE!
…banned division by zero.
Tried to pawn the whole city to those Hard Core Pawn guys, but got thrown out of the shop when they threw a fit after the owner told them there was no market for Democratically controlled, Union overrun hell-holes and he could only give them $50.
sold gold futures in their empty houses
Is planning to mug Cincinnati.
…just sold the Lake Erie Bridge to an elderly couple in Florida.
…harpooned Michael Moore and is selling his blubber by the pound.
@56 Had To Sell A Kidney, A Cornea, And All The City’s Libertarians Bacon to seanmahair!
http://tinyurl.com/YGDFTYLTATSOTE
To avoid insolvency, Detroit…Borrow against future movie receipts and hire Kurt Russel to play an aged Snake Plissken in “Escape From Detroit”.
…Soylent Green
…doing what they’ve been doing all along… and expecting different results.
…Nothing. No one expects the Insolvency Inquisition…
…cancelled cable TV, high speed internet, and the police department; you know, the “non-essentials”.
…disguised itself as a green energy company, got a bailout from Obama.
…pretended that they were a Left Wing organization, then filed for tax exempt status. Just kidding! They didn’t have to pretend.
…tried to sell the Detroit Lions for one billion dollars. Then 500 million. Then 100 million. Then…
gave itself back to the indians