Pro Tip: Never directly meet with a publisher to leave open the possibility you’re actually J.K. Rowling.

The death of Trayvon Martin was all about race to racists.

A “the 80s called” joke would have been a great thing to put in a time capsule buried in the 80s.

If robots from the future are attacking, the easiest way to fight back is to put nuclear bombs in time capsules.

Why are they being violent in California? People aren’t allowed to carry guns in CA. …Oh, that’s why.

What really complicated the Zimmerman case was that when all the cops arrived at the scene of the shooting, they started breakdancing.

I don’t know what that’s about. Don’t ask me.

If you don’t like creepy ass crackers, what are you doing on Piers Morgan’s show?

I’ve been called a creepy ass cracker before and it never stops hurting.

BuzzFeed listicles seem to be for people who find Cracked articles to be too intellectual.

If there is a guy named Locke who likes to shout and made Captain in the military, I have a good nickname for him.

Eric Holder is one of the most thoroughly useless and awful people in government, and that says a lot.

So is there this outbreak of black youths being shot under Stand Your Ground law or is everyone just idiots when its comes to guns again?

Too many on the right like Liz Cheney which makes me not trust her.

“If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!”
“As powerful as a gorilla with T. rex heads for fists?”
*pause* “I underestimated your imagination, Darth.”