Burger King launches low-fat french fry called Satisfries. It's the healthiest option besides eating literally anywhere else.
— CC:Indecision (@indecision) September 24, 2013
"Baby, every whip is a Miracle Whip" ~ I say, winking to the brooding dominatrix. She sighs and hands me my money back.
— Michael (@Home_Halfway) September 24, 2013
"Horatio" is Comic Sans' middle name, right? #soeasilyconfused
— Robert A George (@RobGeorge) September 24, 2013
Someone get Miley Cyrus addicted to drugs or sex or something so we can send her to rehab and get her out of the news for a couple of weeks.
— Charly J. (@chuck_dizzle) September 24, 2013
Let's quit cowering to the chimera that is Obama's mythical charisma. He can give thousands of speeches and not convert a single voter.
— David Limbaugh (@DavidLimbaugh) September 24, 2013
What's up girl? I don't understand directions. What's up? Down? Sideways? None of these things mean anything to me girl
— sweaty five dollars (@iscoff) September 25, 2013