32 Comments

  1. . . . is that you just finished trying to explain to co-workers that the plural of the word “consortium” is “consortia”, not “consortiums” (I actually just finished doing that)

    . . . is that, when a policeman pulls you over because you were driving forty-five miles per hour in a residential zone, you don’t accuse him of racism

    . . . is that your children all have the same surname as you

    • . . . is that you just finished trying to explain to co-workers that the plural of the word “consortium” is “consortia”, not “consortiums” (I actually just finished doing that)

      There’s a reason people like you are called Grammar NAZIS, you fascist h8er. (Actually, I hear your pain. Try explaining that “media” is a plural noun and ordinarily should be used with a plural verb.) (My daughter gave me a desk sign with the phrase “I am silently correcting your grammar.” Everybody who sees it says, “Silently?!”)

  2. …all the rap songs on my last album were beats added to William F. Buckley, Jr. speeches.

    …received a 25 million dollar advance for my last album.

    …have never been pulled over once for driving while black, though I culturally appropriated a speeder a couple of times.

    …never have to ask my grandma if any close relatives are working at the strip bar that night when my team visits.

    …the country club prisons around here grant early release for good behavior, or keeping your elbow straight on you backswing.

    …liberal politicians are reduced to asking me for my vote, and I often find they went the extra step and voted for me.

  3. A sure sign that you have “white privilege“….

    You were never required to take an Ebonics course in school, and are unable to find the country of Ebonia on a world map.

    It takes six of you to offset the voter fraud from the votes cast by one member of the disenfranchised-non-privileged sector.

    At least half of your vocabulary are words classified by the perpetually offended as “dog whistles.”

  4. .. is when the 12 most qualified applicants for the 12 openings the largest employer in the county is hiring people for during a recession, and for which hundreds of people applied, including you, all just coincidently happen to be negro women.

  5. A sure sign that you have “white privilege“….

    … you are required to attend diversity training annually.

    … said training is never provided by a Caucasian, male or female.

    … aforementioned training can be summed up as “How dare you allow your ancestors to oppress mine, regardless of the fact that I have never experienced oppression myself.”

    A sure sign that you have “redneck privilege“….

    … is that the term LGBTQ makes you think “Liquor, guns, broads, trucks, and quad-bikes? Yeah, I support that!”

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