Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Thanks to new technology, the government will be able to tell who you are just by…
Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.
Thanks to new technology, the government will be able to tell who you are just by…
…accessing their database in Bluffdale UT.
tying you up and beating you until you tell them.
Don’t taze me bro.
they aren’t bringing back waterboarding?
…your facebook friends list.
..analyzing your flatulence in a chromatograph.
…asking your spouse…
…using a Ouija board…
…asking Zuckerberg…
Thanks to new technology, the government will be able to tell who you are just by…
shooting first and asking questions later.
…by reading your mind. But to throw them off, repeat over and over opening lyrics of, “I Am The Walrus”:
I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together
I’m doomed, doomed.
“I am Alpharius”
-unknown
I am Spartacus
I am Negan…
Thanks to new technology, the government will be able to tell who you are just by…
noting who your Kaisha-nunin was.
…empanelling a secret FISA court to investigate over 14 months to determine that you are in fact a fifth-generation spy from South Sudan…
Thanks to new technology, the government will be able to tell who you are just by…
guessing.
…asking Siri, “Who’s that guy?”…
Thanks to new technology, the government will be able to tell who you are just by…
telling you who you are going to be from now on. If you know what is good for you.
Thanks to new technology, the government will be able to tell who you are just by…
wanting to know.
I woke up in a Soho doorway
A policeman knew my name
He said, “You can go sleep at home tonight
If you can get up and walk away.”
Thanks to new technology, the government will be able to tell who you are just by…
How many giant signs you’ve placed on the Moon.
pulling your finger.
counting the rings around Uranus
…vulcan mind meld…. which of course means…. its aliens.
It always is.
It’s not always aliens…but it’s always aliens.
The veracity of your Tweets
Thanks to new technology, the government will be able to tell who you are just by…
playing “20 questions”.
…doesn’t matter, after our assimilation into Google is complete, we’ll all be Bezos on this bus.
… the number they stamp on your forehead
Not the tattooing of a numbered barcode on the arm?
Um, isn’t this the same government that sends out billions in tax refunds to hackers every year?
… going to Cheers, where everybody knows your name.
Reading the bumper stickers on the car your neighbor parked in front of your house the day that the Google maps vehicle drove by.
If you mean the sticker that said “Don’t blame me. I didn’t vote for the SOB!” that was on the car parked in front of my house… in 2014…on the day that the Google maps vehicle drove by??? Well…that was actually my car.
Thanks to new technology, the government will be able to tell who you are just by…
looking at your driver’s license while going through your wallet… again.
how far back you roll your eyes when Hillary Clinton speaks.
the crease in your pants (a cooperative effort with David Brooks).
the barcode tattooed in your mandated tonsure as you bow in enforced obeisance to the only statues still allowed, whoever the liberal politician de jure is.
…well, let me put it this way, it’s a technique they learned from dogs.
…the v-chip installed at your last required wellness check up. (they called it a ‘flu shot’)
The friends you keep and the enemies you make.
…eliminating, one by one, the names of people you are not.
…analyzing your voice when giving an especially impassioned rendition of I Am I Said in the shower.
…offering your cat a can of tuna to narc on you.
…satellite photography of you fleeing your secret Hawaiian volcano lair.
… going to restaurants and evesdropping on “Happy Birthday To You” songs.
To fill in the gaps that this research leaves in the population, they’re going to need substantially more funding.
Lets face it…they always need substantially more funding.