The low charitable givings actually helps Democratic candidates. Giving your money away voluntarily is seen as disrespectful to government coercion.
I got Call of Duty Black Ops 4 with a new computer, and that game make me feel old. I think they Fortnited Call of Duty and I have absolutely no idea what’s going on.
I played Black Ops 1 & 2 multiplayer, and those made perfect sense to me. 4, though, has a million things to click on in its interface — all these events its advertising that I have no idea what any of them are or what they mean.
And every once in a while it says I unlocked something, but I’m not sure what or how to use it or where to get it. I’m just constantly confused. All I want to do is shoot people!
I hope the Mueller report is really simple—like one line that says “He did crimes!” or “He no do crimes!” Otherwise it seems boring and stupid and I don’t care.
To make this more exciting, they should hide the Mueller Report in Al Capone’s vault and have Geraldo open it and read all its findings.
The Mueller Report ends with the instructions to clap your hands and say, “I do believe in collusion!” over and over.
Now’s the perfect time for Trump to start colluding with the Russians.
On page 274, it’s revealed that Trump tried to give Mueller a “Get Out of Jail Free” card to end the investigation. This almost worked, but on closer inspection Mueller saw that card came from a game of Monopoly and was not an official one from the DoJ. More obstruction?
Trump must have thought the report was going to go the other way, because the subject of the fundraising email I got from him this morning was “BAIL MONEY.”
My sons pointed out something with Disney’s Snow White that I never even noticed: With all those gems, the dwarves should be filthy rich. What do they even do with them?
Kind of funny to me that my kids are, by request, watching a movie over a decade older than their grandmother.
My son just confirmed that he counted them and there are in fact seven dwarves. Another thing I never thought of while watching the movie.
Man, when Snow White first appeared in theaters, no one had even heard of Superman. Can you even imagine a world where no one knows who Superman is? That was always the biggest suspension of belief when watching Smallville.
Man, can you remember a simpler time before we even heard of Trump?
No. Wait. I can’t. He’s been pretty ubiquitous in my life time.
Decided to broaden my horizons by watching more cinema in between seasons of TV shows. Finished The Tick season 2, so tonight I’m watching Aquaman.
Anytime I see “Present Day” appear onscreen on a movie, I always say “That’s the day we all get presents!” And everyone laughs.
Man, there is so much exposition in this fish superhero movie.
My 5yo son asked, “Can I ask other people if they have peeps to make sure they’re boys?”
Yeah, not getting woke quotes from my kids.
I got Baba Is You for Switch thinking it would be a fun game to play with the kids, but those puzzles get up to genius level really quick.
“Okay, have to think outside the box for this one.”
“Now I have to get even further from the box.”
“I can no longer see the box.”
“Uh oh. I think I have to think inside the box for this one, but the box is but a distant memory and I don’t know if I can find it again.”
It would seem unfair if the Trump presidency ended without at least one impeachment hearing.
They did it. They ended with “I am Aquaman!” And they dared you to laugh.
And I did.
Well, that was a big dumb blockbuster filled with crappy pop music—but never boring. I never imagined spending $200 million on an Aquaman movie would be a good investment, but I guess that’s why I’m not a movie producer.
My son’s advice while playing Cuphead: “Watch out for EVERYTHING.”
“There aren’t black widow spiders near us, are there?”
“No, they live…”
sees on Wikipedia they live on every continent except Antarctica
“Where do they live, Daddy?”
pats daughter on head
“Not Antarctica.”
How about instead of college loan forgiveness, big bonus checks for those of us who paid off our student loans.
An impeachment hearing for Trump sounds like it would be a completely pointless and dumb spectacle and I feel like we’d have been cheated if we didn’t get to experience it.
I wouldn’t be for loan forgiveness until there’s admission there’s a criminal conspiracy between loan companies, universities, and the federal government to sucker teens out of money and they do something to stop that.
“Hey, colleges, what if we gave dumb teens who can’t think past next Tuesday $100k in spending power?”
“We’d be able to inflate expense like no other industry! But who would loan them the money?”
“We’ll make the loans inescapable!”
everyone laughs evilly
People entering the Democratic primary race would be a lot more exciting if each time a screen popped up “A New Challenger Approaches” like in Smash Bros.
Everyone knows the phrase “Hell is other people,” but I find it interesting that C.S. Lewis’s concept of hell is the opposite — it’s where you “win” against God and get to be all about yourself.
One thing I have learned is that if you want to be miserable, focus solely on your wants.
The universities could cancel the student debt by refunding the money.
All the politicians are so stupid and short-sighted and are just going to make things worse.
Get the government out of student loans. That’s the only solution that doesn’t contribute to the problem.
The cost of college has been skyrocketing — far outpacing even medical expenses in inflation. If your solution involves throwing more money at that, you are worse than Hitler.
(I have four kids I’m saving up for college for)
I don’t get donating money to politicians. You would literally get more value out of your money by burning it. That would at least produce heat.
I love how everyone reacts to “let’s just have the government pay for everything!” like that’s some bold, original plan and not the thinking of a child.
If student debt is forgiven, shouldn’t universities pay for most of that? Who do the people with debt think victimized them?
College should not be “free” and the government should have nothing special to do with loans for it.
I propose a rich populist tax: 90% wealth tax on any rich person using populist rhetoric. We’ll use the money to pay for… Eh. Just throw it in the river.
I want a punitive tax, but I don’t want to encourage more government spending.
Elizabeth Warren is the biggest phony in the race… and that’s saying a lot. It’s John Edwards all over again; I’m absolutely baffled not everyone sees it.
How about people in prison can vote so if you want 16 year olds to vote you need to put them all in prison.
“If Adolf Hitler was resurrected by black magic and snuck across the Mexican border into the U.S., should he be allowed to vote?”
BERNIE SANDERS: “Absolutely.”
The 2020 election will come down to do you want to keep the dangerous idiot you’re used to or do you want to roll the dice and try out a new dangerous idiot?
I have a super busy weekend of games for my 3 kids in tee-ball/softball. And then their final games are the weekend after. So maybe the weekend of May 11th I can see Endgame, so no one spoil it until then.
Oh, and I haven’t seen Captain Marvel. Anything I need to know from that first? She shoots lasers from her hands or something?
I guess in the next election we’ll get that Dukakis question but instead of being about whether one supports the death penalty it will be about whether you’d want that person to vote.
Why didn’t they just get Joseph Gordon-Levitt to play young Will Smith?
I used to like Looper, but after The Last Jedi I now hate and it ruined time travel.
“What do you think of the Breaking Bad episode Ozymandias?”
“Perhaps the greatest episode of television ever.”
“You know, it was directed by Rian Johnson.”
“That episode ruined Breaking Bad. It was left up to those last two episode to get the series back on track.”
Just accept the fact that whoever wins the 2020 presidential election is going to be horrible and then you can enjoy the show.
summit of Trump and Jack talking about Twitter
“People keep asking me to add an edit button to help with typos and…”
“What’s a typo?”
No one has a right to a 4K TV. That’s why you can get one for like $250 on Amazon.
“Hi. I’m Capitalism. I could make health care and college really cheap if you’d just…”
“No! You’re mean and ugly! Go away!”
“Aww…”
So has anyone polled convicted rapists and murderers to find out who their preferred candidates are?
