Straight Line of the Day: With Collusion off the Table, Democrats Will Now Try to Impeach President Trump for…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

With collusion off the table, Democrats will now try to impeach President Trump for…

64 Comments

  1. With collusion off the table, Democrats will now try to impeach President Trump for…

    well I’m not saying its for being an Alien but… its for being an Alien.

  2. With collusion off the table, Democrats will now try to impeach President Trump for…

    possibly cheating on that math test in 5th grade. They don’t really think he could have gotten that 88% legitimately.

  3. …adding an extra clap in the Bingo song.

    …driving backwards through a drive-thru at 2 in the morning.

    …tilting all of the paintings in the White House.

    …drawing handlebar mustaches and mutton chops on all of Hillary’s pictures.

    …sending a dozen crates of McDonald’s hamburgers to PETA.

    …secretly switching Joe Biden’s coffee with decaf.

    …borrowing the pope’s mitre so he could wear it for the next State of the Union.

    …re-enacting the flower scene in Caddyshack right before his game with Rush Limbaugh.

  4. With collusion off the table, Democrats will now try to impeach President Trump for…

    not rewinding his VHS tapes he borrowed from Blockbuster from 1984-1991.

  5. With collusion off the table, Democrats will now try to impeach President Trump for…

    Making America Great Again.

    infuriating liberals.

    people not being able to keep their doctor.

  6. …for being a a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, d!ckless, hopeless, heartless, fat-a$$ed, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed, sack of monkey sh!t he is! Hallelujah! Holy shi!t Where’s the Tylenol?

  7. With collusion off the table, Democrats will now try to impeach President Trump for…

    not letting the refs review the call on obstruction when all the replays clearly showed it may have been committed when viewed from one particularly awkward angle.

  8. … the chance for Nadler to do his Dirty Jerry act:

    Dirty Jerry Kamalafan: He won’t be out that long.
    District Attorney: What is that supposed to mean?
    Dirty Jerry: I mean sooner or later he’s gonna stub his toe and then we’ll be right there.
    District Attorney: This office won’t stand for any harrassment.
    Dirty Jerry: You know, you’re crazy if you think you’ve heard the last of this guy. He’s gonna kill it on social media again.
    District Attorney: How do you know?
    Dirty Jerry: ‘Cause he likes it.

    • Dirty Jerry: What are you talking about?
      District Attorney: Trump’s free.
      Dirty Jerry: You mean you’re letting him go?
      District Attorney: We have to; we can’t try him.
      Dirty Jerry: And why is that?
      District Attorney: Because I’m not wasting another 40 million dollars of the taxpayer’s money on a trial we can’t possibly win. The problem is, we don’t have any evidence.
      Dirty Jerry: Evidence? What the hell do you call that? (He gestures toward the dossier on a side table.)
      District Attorney: I call it nothing, zero.
      Dirty Jerry: Are you trying to tell me that politics can’t match the target up to this trifle?
      District Attorney: It does not matter what politics can do. This trifle might make a nice doorstop. But it’s inadmissible as evidence.
      Dirty Jerry: And who says that?
      District Attorney: It’s the law.
      Dirty Jerry: Well then, the law is crazy.

  9. With collusion off the table, Democrats will now try to impeach President Trump for…

    … the longest time:


    Whoa, oh, oh
    For the longest time

    If you said goodbye to us tonight
    There would still be someone to indict
    What else could we do?
    We all conspired to prove
    That something happened — for the longest time

    Once presumption of innocence is gone
    How the show and entrapments can go on
    That’s why you find us
    Trying to put our harms behind us
    (But Biden’s been there for the longest time)

    Whoa, oh, oh, oh
    For the wronged, it’s time
    Whoa, oh, oh
    For the jaundiced —

    We’re that voice you’re hearing on your phone
    And the only principle we’ve shown
    Is how we hate you
    And how you baited us to
    That hasn’t happened for the slightest crime

    Maybe this won’t last very long
    But it felt so right
    Spying can’t be be wrong
    Maybe we’ve been hoping too hard
    But we’ve gone this far
    And it’s more than we hoped for

    Who knows how much further we’ll go on?
    Maybe we’ll be sorry when you’re gone . . .
    Nah, we’ll take our chances
    We all get our book advances
    Life hasn’t been fair for the longest time

    We had second thoughts once before
    We said to ourselves
    Go on, two years more
    Now we know the fighter that you are
    Like Underdog so far
    And Joe got what he’s groped for.

    We don’t care what consequence it brings
    We have Fall Guy Mueller for such things
    We wanted so bad
    We think you ought to know that
    We intend to hound you for the longest time

    Whoa, oh, oh, oh
    For the longest time
    Whoa, oh, oh
    For the longest time . . .

    [To fade . . . eventually(?)]

    — from An Innocent Man

  10. With collusion off the table, Democrats will now try to impeach President Trump for…

    Was that some sort of cut-and-paste error? Not sure what the ‘for’ was doing at the end of that sentence.

  11. … for giving directions to a sadistic, underaged, blonde blue-eyed (Nazi??), Vigilante. Kevin McCallister went on to brutalize two ex-cons who were just getting their lives back together.

  12. … a crime he didn’t commit. This man promptly escaped from a maximum security stockade to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, he survives as a soldier of fortune. If you have a problem, if no one else can help, and if you can find him, maybe you can hire the DJTeam.

  13. Pingback: The Slightest Crime (Song Parody) – IMAO

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