Tired of All the Losing

Remarks by President Trump at the Economic Club of New York, November 12, 2019:

“After losing — and this is a number that’s hard to believe, and I’ve been saying it for three years, and I know it’s right because the fake news has never corrected me. If it was wrong, it would have been headlines: “Trump made a mistake!” — But they can’t say it.

“After losing 60,000 — can you believe that? — factories under the previous two administrations, America is now gaining over 10,000 brand-new, beautiful factories, and many, many more than that want to come back in. Because under my administration, we’re producing jobs and incentives for these companies to come back.

“I’m calling, as an example, Prime Minister Abe of Japan. And I say, “Mr. Prime Minister, Shinzo, we have a tremendous problem. We have big deficits with your country. You’ve got to start building plants.” He’s building many, many car plants now in the United States that he would’ve never built here if you didn’t have this kind of a President. And he’s very happy to be doing it.

“But they’re all coming back to the United States. They want to be where the action is. Very simple: They want to be where the action is. This is where the action is. There’s nobody close. There’s no country close.

“When I meet with the leaders of countries, as they come in — kings and queens and prime ministers and presidents and dictators — I meet them all. (Laughter.) Anybody who wants to come in — dictators, it’s okay, come on in. Whatever is good for the United States. We want to help our people. But the first thing they say to me almost always: ‘Congratulations on your economy.’ They all say it.

“ ‘Congratulations, it’s incredible what’s happened to your country. It’s incredible what’s happened to your economy.’ First thing they say in almost every instance.”

— except, of course, Democrats.

This Day in Python — Nov. 23rd (and 24th)

Friday, Nov. 23, 1979

{Working on The Meaning of Life}

Up at 8.10. Leave the house at 9.15 to drive to JC’s for writing session.

A very angry, abusive letter to The Times from a man called Allott in Finchley, who clearly doesn’t like Life of Brian, but admits he hasn’t seen it. It is proposed to send a Python reply to The Times saying ‘We haven’t seen Mr Allott, but we don’t like him.’

Finally we start to read the first sketches of the new movie. Eric has a couple of quite tart monologues, then I read the first of our two blockbusters. It’s received with much nodding and the ‘Some good bits’ line. JC reads a long and rambling and not awfully funny piece about Kashmir and sex and male brothels, which doesn’t go down very well. It’s our second effort (mainly TJ’s), including the clock presentation, which is the one big hit of the session.

And for tomorrow:

Wednesday, Nov. 24, 1976

A good, workmanlike Python meeting. John and G have a good idea for a Brian storyline and their two new pieces, though short, are not just on the point, but very funny — writing ‘Go Home Romans’ on the wall is going to be a little classic. I wish I’d thought of such a neat idea.

From 22 Park Square East we all (except Gilliam) pile into John’s Rolls and purr down to Audley St, Mayfair, for a viewing of selected Biblical epics, which we feel we ought to see. We nearly run over Elton John in North Audley Street and muse on what a strange headline it would make — ‘Elton Run Over by Pythons.’

The viewing theatre at Hemdale is very comfortable, which is just as well as the films — Barabbas, King of Kings, The Greatest Story Ever Told and Ben Hur (we see bits of each) — are extremely heavy and turgid. Best performances and best writing always centre on the baddies — Herod, Pilate, etc — and the nearer you get to Jesus the more oppressive becomes the cloying tone of reverence. Everyone talks slower and slower and Jesus generally comes out of it all as the world’s dullest man, with about as much charisma as a bollard.

We had a few good ideas during the viewing (midst much silly giggling and laughter). I suggested we should have four Wise Men — the fourth one being continually shut up by the others, who always refer to themselves as the Three Wise Men. ‘Four.’ ‘Ssh!’

— Michael Palin, Diaries 1969 – 1979: The Python Years

Straight Line of the Day: If You Want a Job as a News Reporter These Days, You Have To…

Straight Line of the Day: If you want a job as a news reporter these days, you have to…


The Next Logical Step After Walking Into a Bar With Hillary and Sanders

US Chickens Headed to China After Beijing Lifts 5-Year Ban

Per the Scottsbluff (Nebraska) Star Herald | 11/18/19:

WASHINGTON (AP) — China is lifting a five-year ban on U.S. poultry, a goodwill gesture at a time when the world’s two biggest economies are trying to finalize a tentative trade deal.

China had blocked U.S. poultry imports a month after an outbreak of avian influenza in December 2014, closing off a market that bought more than $500 million worth of American chicken, turkey and other poultry products in 2013.

“The United States welcomes China’s decision to finally lift its unwarranted ban on U.S. poultry and poultry products. This is great news for both America’s farmers and China’s consumers,” said U.S. Trade Representative Robert Lighthizer, who predicted that U.S. poultry exports to China could surpass $1 billion a year.

China agreed to buy more U.S. farm products, and President Donald Trump dropped plans to hike tariffs on $250 billion worth of Chinese imports.

I know there’s a joke in there somewhere about white meat becoming Red meat, but let it pass. In the meaantime, savor General Sun Tzu’s chicken.


An Unearthly Child

The first episode of Doctor Who first aired on November 23, 1963 on BBC.

[Archive.org]

I’ve enjoyed many of the episodes over the years, some more than others. I really liked William Hartnell’s Doctor.

Friday Night Open Thread

I love Weird Al.

[The YouTube]

Do you have something you’d like to share? A link? A joke? Some words of wisdom? A topic to discuss? It’s Friday Night Open Thread.

What’s on your mind?

IMAO Time Machine: Santa Answers – Part I

RightWingDuck posted this in 2005. — The Editors


Posted by RightWingDuck as a favor to Santa Claus.

Santa has been kind enough to answer questions for the fans of IMAO. You folks have no idea how special you are!

Here are just some of the questions that you asked Santa along with his special one of a kind answers….

Ask Santa – A special IMAO session

Question: Santa – Since Christmas has not been cancelled due to a strike or labor costs, I assume that your elves are non-union. Am I correct?
Posted by The Man

Ho, ho, ho. You are so The Man. yes, you’re right. I don’t use union labor. This explains why products from the North Pole seldom break down.

You know the secret – hiring the right people You should interview one of my foremen Elves – like Juan Garcia. Or the other Juan Garcia. Unfortunately, this year I did lose some elves when they decided to go get some work rebuilding New Orleans.

Ho. Ho. Ho.

Question: Santa – I would really like to have Chucky Schumer’s head on a pike for Christmas.

Is that doable?
Posted by jimmyb

Ho ho ho. Oh, Jimmy B. You ask for that every Christmas. I’d like to say yes to you, but only if that is also the wish of Chucky Schumer himself. Otherwise, I’ll have to bring you your second choice – Barbra Streisand Sings Her Favorite War Protest Love Songs.

Ho. Ho. Ho. Merry Christmas, little Jimmy.

Question: Oh Santa…I have a weakness for furry, overweight men, with bags full of neat toys – Does Mrs. Clause ever let you out, other than Christmas time?
Posted by Wonder Woman

Ho.

If you like getting frisky, may I suggest you use something besides the invisible jet? Really, lady, you’re not hiding anything. You’re on the naughty list this year and I didn’t even have to do any spying. Mrs. Claus and I enjoy each other’s company very much. Thanks for asking.

Ho. Ho. Ho.
Continue reading ‘IMAO Time Machine: Santa Answers – Part I’ »

Love Solar

Clouds: “Hey, what’s going on over here? Come on, guys!”

Weeds: “Since no crops can grow here, guess we’ve got the place to ourselves!”

Solar Panels: “We’re liberals! We cost plenty to manufacture; and it’ll be way more difficult to dispose of us than you imagine!”


The Similarity Is Striking

Doesn’t he get it? Royal Family step in AGAIN and force Prince Andrew to cancel junket to Bahrain that he was planning to take just 48 hours after ‘stepping back from public duties’ – as the Queen and Charles tell him ‘it’s not a good idea’

Daily Mail | November 21, 2019

Prince Andrew was last night forced to pull out of a work junket to Bahrain this weekend after being persuaded by his family that it was ‘not a good idea’ in light of this week’s dramatic events.

The beleaguered royal had planned to fly to the Middle East to attend an event connected with his Pitch@Palace initiative – less than 72 hours after being forced to step down from royal duties over the Jeffrey Epstein scandal.

But hours after the Daily Mail contacted Buckingham Palace to say it was about to reveal details of Andrew’s foreign jaunt, sources said he had decided to cancel it.

I, too, was planning an all-expense-paid junket to Bahrain on the monarchy’s dime, and Buckingham Palace said it wasn’t a good idea. Well, well. Small world.

Future Headline

Isle of Wight (South of England) Evacuated
Residents “Too Smug”
“We Will Not Tolerate Wight Supremacists In Our Dominion,” Says UK Minister Abnekhar Al-Ibraihaimi

The Analytical Rodney Dill: Ifs, Ands, or Bots

I’m putting this out there in hopes that some Google bot or something will scoop it up and it’ll go viral.

Note to liberals:

If you look around the room and can’t spot the Electronic Voting Machine … then you’re the Electronic Voting Machine.

Rodney Dill

“Smell Ya Later,” Losers!

The feel-good story of the week.

Were Other Humans the First Victims of the Sixth Mass Extinction?
Phys.org / November 22, 2019 / Nick Longrich

Nine human species walked the Earth 300,000 years ago. Now there is just one. The Neanderthals, Homo neanderthalensis, were stocky hunters adapted to Europe’s cold steppes. The related Denisovans inhabited Asia, while the more primitive Homo erectus lived in Indonesia, and Homo rhodesiensis in central Africa.

Several short, small-brained species survived alongside them: Homo naledi in South Africa, Homo luzonensis in the Philippines, Homo floresiensis (“hobbits”) in Indonesia, and the mysterious Red Deer Cave People in China. Given how quickly we’re discovering new species, more are likely waiting to be found.

By 10,000 years ago, they were all gone. The disappearance of these other species resembles a mass extinction. But there’s no obvious environmental catastrophe—volcanic eruptions, climate change, asteroid impact—driving it. Instead, the extinctions’ timing suggests they were caused by the spread of a new species, evolving 260,000-350,000 years ago in Southern Africa: Homo sapiens.

We’re number one! Whoo-hoo!

Optimists have painted early hunter-gatherers as peaceful, noble savages, and have argued that our culture, not our nature, creates violence. But field studies, historical accounts, and archaeology all show that war in primitive cultures was intense, pervasive and lethal. Neolithic weapons such as clubs, spears, axes and bows, combined with guerrilla tactics like raids and ambushes, were devastatingly effective. Violence was the leading cause of death among men in these societies, and wars saw higher casualty levels per person than World Wars I and II.

Old bones and artifacts show this violence is ancient. The 9,000-year-old Kennewick Man, from North America, has a spear point embedded in his pelvis.

9,000-year-old men generally have it coming to them.

The ability to cooperate, plan, strategize, manipulate and deceive may have been our ultimate weapon.

Works for Democrats.

The incompleteness of the fossil record makes it hard to test these ideas. But in Europe, the only place with a relatively complete archaeological record, fossils show that within a few thousand years of our arrival, Neanderthals vanished. Traces of Neanderthal DNA in some Eurasian people prove we didn’t just replace them after they went extinct. We met, and we mated.

Elsewhere, DNA tells of other encounters with archaic humans. East Asian, Polynesian and Australian groups have DNA from Denisovans. DNA from another species, possibly Homo erectus, occurs in many Asian people. African genomes show traces of DNA from yet another archaic species. The fact that we interbred with these other species proves that they disappeared only after encountering us.

Yecch.

Our elimination of other species probably wasn’t a planned, coordinated effort of the sort practiced by civilizations, but a war of attrition. The end result, however, was just as final. Raid by raid, ambush by ambush, valley by valley, modern humans would have worn down their enemies and taken their land.

Yet the extinction of Neanderthals, at least, took a long time—thousands of years. This was partly because early Homo sapiens lacked the advantages of later conquering civilizations: large numbers, supported by farming, and epidemic diseases like smallpox, flu, and measles that devastated their opponents. But while Neanderthals lost the war, to hold on so long they must have fought and won many battles against us, suggesting a level of intelligence close to our own.

{Spikes the ball}: Better luck next time, Neanderthals! {Pulls out handgun and iPhone and revs up SUV with babe in miniskirt and TV in console} Call me when you get these. LOL!

Straight Line of the Day: China Is Exporting Killer Autonomous Drones to the Middle East. Meanwhile…

Straight Line of the Day: China is exporting killer autonomous drones to the Middle East. Meanwhile…

DoD Warns China Exporting Killer Autonomous Drones to Middle East
Flight Global | 06 November, 2019 | Garrett Reim

China is exporting unmanned air vehicles (UAVs) to the Middle East which are capable of launching autonomous attacks.

That’s according to the Pentagon’s top leader, US defense secretary Mark Esper, who gave a speech about artificial intelligence at the National Security Commission on Artificial Intelligence public conference on 5 November.

. . .

China is developing autonomous UAVs as part of an effort to militarily surpass the USA and its allies, says Esper. AI could make autonomous UAVs cheaper and more lethal, he adds.

“Beijing has made it abundantly clear that it intends to be the world leader in AI by 2030,” he says. “While the US faces a mighty task in transitioning the world’s most advanced military to new AI enabled systems, China believes it can leapfrog our current technology and go straight to the next generation.”

China has already started selling autonomous UAVs to foreign militaries, says Esper.

“As we speak the Chinese government is already exporting some of the most advanced military aerial drones to the Middle East, as it prepares to export its next generation stealth UAVs when those come online,” says Esper. “In addition, Chinese weapons manufacturers are selling drones advertised as capable for autonomy, including the ability to conduct lethal targeted strikes.”

. . .

Esper sought to differentiate the US military from China by saying Washington would develop a set of military ethics guidelines, while still seeking funds from the US Congress to advance the use of AI.

“We will harness the potential of AI to create a force fit for our time. We believe there’s tremendous opportunity to enhance a wide range of the department’s capabilities, from the back office to the front line,” he says. “And we will do this while being recognized as the world leader in military ethics, by developing principles for using AI in a lawful and ethical manner.”

Horrors! Rules From the 1990s Are Perhaps To Be Enacted, Barring Any More Delays

When they’re handling your health care, they’ll move just as swiftly:

50,000 Food Stamp Recipients in Cook County May Have To Find Jobs Starting Jan. 1
The Chicago Tribune | November 20, 2019 | Alexia Elejalde-Ruiz

About 50,000 Cook County residents who receive food stamps are going to have to find jobs next year — or risk losing their benefits.

Starting Jan. 1, food stamp recipients in Cook County who are able-bodied, under the age of 50 and not living with children or other dependents will be restricted to three months of food assistance in a three-year period unless they work at least 80 hours a month. They can also meet the requirement by participating in a work-related activity, such as job training or volunteering.

The vast majority of Illinois’ 1.8 million SNAP recipients — most of whom are either elderly, children or people with disabilities — are unaffected by the change. But it will be a huge shift in Cook County, where 50,000 of the county’s 826,000 food stamp recipients will be subject to work requirements for the first time since the federal rules went into effect in the mid-1990s.

State officials and social service groups worry people who struggle to find or keep jobs will be driven out of the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, commonly known as SNAP or food stamps, leaving them hungry and putting pressure on food pantries. They say there isn’t enough federal funding to help connect them with jobs.

“Quite frankly, a lot of the folks who are not able to meet those requirements will not participate in the program and just drop out,” said Grace Hou, secretary of the Illinois Department of Human Services. Single adults receive, on average, $200 a month in food aid.

And how will these folks who “just drop out” (choice is such a good thing!) recoup those lost gratuities?

Anyway, I’d suggest avoiding Cook County if you don’t want to become that alternate source of income. Everyone except Jussie Smollett seems to get mugged there.


Developing Story

You’re talking about trillions and trillions of dollars of destruction would have been done to our country with the Paris Climate Accord.

And it is so unfair. It doesn’t kick in for China until 2030. Russia goes back into the 1990s, where the base year was the dirtiest year ever in the world. India, we are supposed to pay them money because they are a developing nation. I said, “We’re a developing nation, too.” (Laughter.) “Why aren’t we. . . .” Under the WTO, China is called a “developing nation.”

Remarks by President Trump at the Economic Club of New York, November 12, 2019 .

Guess it depends on what your definition of “I.S.” (international socialism) is.