The Democrats in New York's City Council are now moving to ban all toy guns, realistic looking or not. They say you can spray paint an unrealistic gun and then get yourself shot by police, and that, they also say, is a bad thing. One case they mention in favor of this ban was how a 17-year-old got himself killed after pointing a toy gun at the head of a police officer in an attempted mugging. Maybe I just don't think like other people, but instead of my first reaction to that story being “We must ban toy guns immediately to prevent such tragedy” it’s “Dumbass! Good thing he killed himself off."

Who will be most affected by this ban? It's The Children™, that's who. Boys love nothing more than to pretend to shoot each other, but, being denied toy guns to play with, they'll have no choice but to become flaming homosexuals. But children's feelings can be dismissed in legislative decisions because they can't vote. That's because most people believe that, if children are left to their own resources, they'll do nothing but stick their fingers in electrical outlets and drink Drano. I, on the other hand, think children can have some political clout. They need to realize that, if first the government is allowed to ban toy guns, nothing prevents videogames or Barbie from being banned as well. So, children need to use a Democratic debating technique that they actually invented: the nagging whine.

"Mommy! I don't want there to be Democrats in office!" a child can scream and then pound the floor with his fists. Eventually, the parent will have no choice but to vote out all the Democrats. Otherwise, the federal penitentiary will fill up with eight year olds found in illegal possession of squirt guns, which, I guess, will also end the nagging.

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