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August 22nd, 2004
Sunday

"Hurts... to... move..."

I was in so much pain that morning, I could barely make the walk to the bathroom (where I found a squished scorpion but forgot to take a picture). But, we not only needed to trek seven miles uphill with the sun bearing down on us, we had to do it with packs on our back. It seemed impossible. Still, I told SarahK we couldn't give up.

"We... must... head... back... AHH! It hurts to stand!"

It was time to say goodbye to Camp IMAO.

Camp IMAO

So we packed up, each movement causing pain to shoot through our bodies, and were soon ready to go.

Ready to Go

Well, the journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.

"Ahh! That one step hurt like all 'ell!"

With a constant chorus of "Ow! Ow! Ow!" we walked out of camp carrying our eighty pound packs that got heavier with each step. Soon the sun was in full force, and we slowly walked a couple yards at a time, stopping to rest and drink in any shade we could find. Soon we made it to the pump house where the crazy pump house man lived.

"How far have we gone?" I asked SarahK.

"0.2 miles."

"How much do we have left?"

"6.8 miles... straight up."

"D'oh. Let's trudge on then!"

We kept moving though our bodies begged us to stop. Stupid bodies. Each step just increased the pain. Soon, the whole trip was a blur.

Pain! Hurt! Pain! Ooh... pretty! PAIN!

"Let's give up," SarahK beckoned.

"Giving up means dying, and dying still seems worse than moving... for now."

"Leave me then!"

"No... you have some Gatorade left and I'm all out. Let's move on!"

Soon we came around a bend and could see our destination - our very distant and high up destination.

The Destination

"You're going to die! You're going to die!" the ground squirrel seemed to chatter as the vultures circled overhead. Sweat dripped from us like rain, and the sun tried to press us to the ground. Any step over four inches high took a deep breath before attempting it, as it meant pulling up one's entire weight plus the pack with one sore leg. I started to hallucinate and thought I was being attacked by monkeys. At least that kept me moving.

As the sun finally began to set, we reached the last mile which was straight up. After some walking, we made it back to Coconino Overlook. Two guys whom we ran into earlier and assumed to be gay took a picture of us.

Me and SarahK at the Overlook

Soon we were in the kind shade of the trees, and it appeared there wasn't much left to go. Then we spotted a baby deer and its mama.

Deer

They let us get pretty close to take a picture.

BUT IT WAS A TRAP!

While distracted by the deer, the ground squirrels attacked! There were hundreds of them, and they knocked me off the cliff.

Scream of Me Falling

I then hit the ground, my pack being knocked off from the fall.

Frank Fallen

Broken and bloody, I could hear SarahK screaming, "Eek! Ground squirrels!" I forced myself up, and, with a Herculean effort, I grabbed my pack and raced up the trail. I found SarahK surrounded by those evil rodents, and I swatted them all with my pack sending them flying down into the canyon to never be seen again.

Finally, we made it to the end of the trail and declared victory.

Me and SarahK Victorious

Next mission was to get cleaned up and rejoin the civilized world. I soon noticed that the fruit punch Gatorade that had sustained me through the trip now made me nauseous at the thought of it now that it was no longer needed.

First plan was to get a shower. They were pay showers, so I suggested to SarahK that we save money by sharing a shower. After I got up from the ground (it hurt to get up; I was so sore) I went to get my own shower. The first one just swallowed my quarters. There I was - naked and robbed! You owe me $1.25, Grand Canyon!

I soon got a shower, shaved, and was all cleaned up and back in my street clothes. SarahK and I then went to the lodge for dinner. So agonizingly sore, we shuffled through the parking lot like a couple of ninety year olds. We ran into those gay guys again in the parking lot who offered us some sandwiches. Though I really wanted a steak, that involved more walking. Still, we persevered.

I quickly ordered a steak and a beer, while SarahK asked the waitress for whatever was the most expensive menu item and most expensive wine. Again, she just took three nibbles from her meal, but she did finish all the wine. She was so tipsy from one glass, she could barely speak (even sober, Klutzy could barely walk). We needed to get to sleep so we could head out early for the Dave Matthews Band concert back in Albuquerque, so I ended up having to drive us back to our campsite - the campsite that was 8,000 ft in altitude.

"S-so c-c-cold..."

COMING SOON - HE SAID MONKEY!

UPDATE: SarahK has her version.