Understanding Ohio.

If you get nothing else from visiting this site (BTW we hope the rash clears up - should be nothing) we hope you get a thorough understanding of Ohio and why so many presidential candidates are hanging out there.

it's time for a RightWingDuck Educational Primer.

People aren't sure what to call people from Ohio. Some use Ohioans. Others say Ohohos. Still others use, Ohana hanas. Whatever. As long as the first sounds are Oh.

The word 'Ohio' comes from an ancient Indian word meaning, "Damn, but these people are white."

When the early settlers came to Ohio, they had nothing but a loaf a bread and a couple cans of peanut butter.

They are very stingy in Ohio.

They are almost out of Peanut Butter.

Al Gore could have won Ohio last election - but he screwed up the old joke. He told them, "I'm just like Ohio, I'm round in the middle and high on both ends. "

This did not sit well with Ohiohos.

No President has ever won the election without Ohio. the other 252 Electoral votes are pretty important too. (Authors note: I don't know how many electoral votes Ohio has - I don't feel like looking it up. but 252 sounded funny and that's all that matters)

The Ohio Buckeye has been the source of confusion and more than a little embarrassment. Nobody is really sure what it is.

This has prompted weird remarks such as, "Buckeyes roasting on an open fire." and "Ohh. Bad shot. He got it right in the Buckeye."

Rumor has it that it's some kind of nut. Other's think it's some sort of cat.

Presidents have sucked up to Ohio quite a bit lately. The residents are starting to milk it for all its worth.

Last week, Ohoonas, challenged Kerry to a horse milking contest. Nobody has the heart to tell him that it wasn't MILK he was drinking there mister!!!

They made George Bush scrub down the local car wash. Poor man didn't know when to stop. He made $5.00 in tips.

Kerry had an advantage at first because Ohoola-hoolas love Ketchup.

Unfortunately, he blew that advantage when he asked, "What the frig is meatloaf."

The following week, Meatloaf endorsed Bush and performed at the White House.

There are many other interesting things about Ohio. To learn more - surf the comments section of this post and see what others can share.

Or - visit your local library.

This has been a RightWingDuck Educational Primer. I hope you learned something.

I sure didn't.