Every time I go to Canada, I get into some kind of misadventure that is neither comical nor interesting. Much like Canada itself.

My latest misadventure to Canada was capped off by a walk past the Luk Fook Jewelry (whose company profile notes they: "operates 28 jewellery retail shops in Hong Kong, Macau and Canada, realizing economies of scale for group operations and the brand name effect") store where my wife proceeded to drop an outrageous amount of money on wedding rings. Here are a couple of facts you should know:

• I've been married for five years and therefore already paid for my wife's engagement ring, a wedding ring, and my own wedding ring five friggin' years ago.
• Canadian "jewellery" isn't any less expensive than American "jewelry" but is apparently spelled "jewellry" so as to show off its decidedly non-American Canadian-ness.

Why women are reading this post right now is not a mystery to me at all: I asked you not to read so of course--you're reading... Yeah, I caught you and you're busted, honey. Lemme talk to the boys again:

I wanna ask every married man that reads IMAO a question: If you walked past a Best Buy in the mall and decided you were gonna blow three grand on a new HDTV plasma screen (even though you already have a five year-old TV that works perfectly), would your wife back you up on that little impulse purchase or would she immediately call her girlfriends, her little sister, her mom, her aunt, and the Dr. Laura show to complain about how all you care about is the NBA playoffs?

Man, if it wasn't for Tim Horton's, I'd friggin' despise Canada.

For those who don't know, Tim Horton's is to Canada what Starbuck's is to America. However, many Canadians might be horrified to learn that their national culinary mascot is owned by American food industry powerhouse Wendy's International, Inc.. Even in light of that great company being falsely accused by a finger-collecting psycho hag and her willing accomplices in the Old Media, I am a Wendy's fan. The day after that phony scandal broke I ate at my local Wendy's restaurant.

Dude, you know Texas Double-Bacon Cheesburgers are Man-food!

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