I’ve been reading a lot of Michelle Malkin lately. She’s great at tracking all these Republicans who turn on us. However, when people disagree with our conservative viewpoint, I believe that makes them heroes.

It is with that spirit in mind that I’d like to present, IMAO’s First When We Feel Like It Maverick Awards!! An award that is distributed whenever we feel like it.

(Audience Applause)

This time around, we had so many wonderful candidates. One of the first nominations went to Carls Jr. for using an ad with Paris Hilton in a bikini washing a car – all while eating a burger. Not only is this accurate, I can’t tell you how many times I munch on a Big Mac while scrubbing the Hyundai, it blazed a trail for daring to use sex in advertising. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT!!! Their next commercial has Hilton rubbing herself with BBQ sauce.

(Audience applause)

Our next nomination went to Newsweek. Technically,they’re not conservative, but they are indeed a brave magazine that stepped out and told the truth. Or what they thought was the truth. Or rather, what somebody who knows somebody who has a friend who thinks he slept with somebody who for sure might know something about Koran flushing. Newsweek stepped forward at a time when others sat on their hands waiting for facts. Newsweek is a true Maverick in every sense of the word. But they, like their ad sales and subscriptions, fell short. Have they considered using Paris Hilton?

One of our top nominees was John McCain - Honorary Democrat. What do you do when you have to wage a tough fight in the battle of Good versus Evil. Work out a solution. In a time when most politicians reach down into their pants and find nothing but classified documents, John McCain dropped his to show that he has no shame of anything. Whatsover.

However, in light of recent events, we here at IMAO would like to present the Maverick award to the bravest of all souls – Illinois Senator Dick Durbin. Dick stepped forward and had the courage to call our treatment of deadly terrorist evil – on par with the Nazis, the Soviets, and Pol Pot. This surprised the Gitmo Trainees so much – they almost spit up their glazed chicken.

We will now have an acceptance speech from Senator Durbin.

(Audience Applause)

Thank you ladies and gentlemen. I see that you rolled out the red carpet. That reminded me of how Hitler used to roll out a carpet for the Jews when they first entered concentration camps. Pigs. However, I accept this award for all of my brave work in making Gitmo a better place for all those who wish us dead. I’d like to thank Howard Dean for all of his words of encouragement. I’d like to thank Al Jazeera network and CNN, without whom, much of this information would not have been brought to light. And also…

(Music starts to play. He starts to walk off stage in the wrong direction and is guided back by the onstage model)

(muttering) Sure, try to turn me around so I lose my bearings. Of course you would try something like that on me…

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Thank you ladies and gentlemen for tuning in. As always, IMAO strives to bring you the very best in entertainment.

So, we’ll keep trying.