I hear that the Republicans are looking for someone to run in Mark Foley's place. Why not me?

As a blogger based in Florida, I already bring in tens of Floridians who support me - maybe some of whom live in Mark Foley's district (I'm not exactly sure where that is, but that's what campaign managers are for). Also, has any blogger - particularly one focused on political humor - run for the House? No, and thus my candidacy is sure to bring publicity... and not just the bad kind the Republicans are already getting.

As most know, I'm a strong conservative Republican and have absolutely no sexual interest in teenage boys, but what does that mean policy wise? For one thing, you can be sure I'm not going to burden our country by trying to bring pork home to my district, because I don't even like Floridians; why would I give them anything? Instead, as a politician, I'll be solely motivated by my hatred of terrorists. Everything I do will be to help see terrorists dead, and I'll try and insert terrorist killing amendments in every bill we vote on. I'm sure eventually the older Representatives (which would be all of them) will begin to find me annoying and yell at me. But I won't be intimidated. I'll yell back at them, "Shut up, grandpa, before I break your hip!" And woe be anyone who thinks I'm bluffing.

That's a promise.

Now, some may say I'm too young. Those people are traitors. The Constitution clearly states that someone only needs to be twenty-five to serve in the House of Representatives, and I'm twenty-seven. Thus, in the age department, I'm over-qualified. If you don't agree with that, then you hate the founding father and should be executed for being a Communist.

It's time for a blogger to take political office and shake up the status quo, so urge the Republicans in whatever district Mark Foley is in to consider me. I won't disappoint my country... though I possibly will embarrass it slightly.

But no sex scandals - especially really creepy ones. That's also a promise.

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