I like to check the obituaries to see if anyone was killed by nunchucks.

A fun thing to do with cats is yell, "You're a paint can!" and then shake them vigorously like you're a paint mixer.

The first videogame with controversy over excessive violence was the game Asteroids since in the original version, instead of shooting asteroids, you shot babies.

I laugh every time I see a rat because they remind me of Italians.

Ever wonder where all those cars are going in Frogger? And how do they handle an offramp with each lane going a different direction? They should do a game about that.

I think the funniest show that was ever on TV was 21 Jump Street.

If you found that the wardrobe you bought was a portal to the magical world of Narnia, would you keep it or return it to Rooms To Go? Before you answer, remember that you do need someplace to keep your sports jackets where a Satyr can't steal them.

It's kinda weird that pretty much all the marsupials are on the faraway island of Australia. It's like they have some secret they're hiding. I bet they killed the dinosaurs.

Sometime I wonder if the reason people are crazy liberals is because their parents beat them when they were children. Then I think I might be confusing cause and effect, because if I found out that my kids were liberals, I'd beat them too.

We call the Middle East the Middle East because its the middle of what's east of us. What do they call it? Middle Here?

I think it would be really cool if they made a stealth train... except for all the fatalities every time it passes through town.