Yeah, so internet crashed, and I lost a significant amount of 24 blogging. So I guess it’ll be tomorrow.

Group song with all of the top 12 + Carrie Underwood. They’re singing “I’ve Made it Through the Rain”, which is almost as bad as last year’s “He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother”. No no. Nothing could ever be that painful. I’m having a seizure just thinking about it. They’re completely in white, which is unfortunate. Every time Carrie Underwood or Taylor sings, everyone cheers real loud.

And now we have the first of many montages. It’s funny, though. They showed Randy saying the same four Randyisms over and over. On Paula, it’s her being emotional (playing “I Get So Emotional” in the background, LOL) and being drunk. For Simon, it’s The Ego Has Landed. Cute. Simon can have an ego, though. He’s the only one who ever has anything to say, and he is all that.

Continue reading ‘American Idol – The Finale’ »

Don’t know why I’m so excited. I know I’m voting for Taylor unless Katharine pulls out something I’ve never heard from her. Taylor is definitely the most talented, and I don’t care how spastic he is. Really, I’m not watching him when listening to his CD. Then again, if they’re both boring and safe, I may not vote.
Simon looks suave in his nice jacket. Paula and Randy have meaningless nothings to say, and Simon says each should hope the other forgets the words.
They’re showing the Bad Day stuff for both contestants, since neither one gets it tomorrow night.
BTW, sorry about 24. I’ll get to it tomorrow. Today I had lots going on.

Continue reading ‘American Idol 5 – The Final!!’ »

I totally called that. You NEVER say “I’ll be right back.” And you CERTAINLY don’t say it twice. And I did say exactly who would be behind that door.
BTW, I decided to take tonight off from 24 blogging. I didn’t want the 2-hour season finale to take us 4 hours to watch, because um… ALIAS series finale tonight. WHOA! Special guest star Merrin Dungey, are you kidding? Didn’t she die? Twice?
I’ll get to blogging 24 tomorrow some time. But you know, I’ve got cleaning, dog training, a massage, and probably a few seizures on the way tomorrow, so it might not be early.

So it is down to three. Chris is gonna do way better, so we’re all over him getting kicked off in favor of Katharine, who was almost as shocked as Chris was.
Well, I can see the cocaine and boob job crowd is out in full force tonight. No, I’m not talking about Paula. I’m talking about all those fake boobs in the front row.
3 songs from each tonight. 1 picked by the judges, 1 picked by Clive Davis, 1 picked by the contestant. This is the show where Clive or the judges or both can sabotage a contestant by picking the wrong song for the contestant.
Now here’s the skinny: If the finals are Taylor / Katharine: Snore. Elliott / Katharine: Weird dream snore. Taylor / Elliott: Fun and interesting.

Continue reading ‘American Idol top 3’ »

Previously on 24, President Estrogen tried to shoot down Jack’s plane, but they landed in time. Rico Suave helped Jack escape. Bierko got onto a transfer van where he will wreak havoc and escape. Mr. F, Bill, Chloe, and Jack worked together, and Chloe worked on the recording but didn’t bother to copy that. Miles the Weasel decided to intervene and erased the recording to help the president. Jack kissed Audrey’s knee when they reunited, SarahK vomited in massive quantities. Estro was just about to kill himself when Miles called him.

Continue reading ‘24 Day 5 – 4:00 a.m.’ »

I don’t have a good feeling. I really think Chris is gone. Oh, but seriously. ALIAS DETOUR! I’m gonna get all caught up on my ALIAS snarkage real soon, because tonight’s episode is possibly the most snarkworthy EVER!!! (No, wait. Blowback from Season 3 can’t ever be beat, truth be told.) GHOST OF NADIA, THANK YOU J.J., I’M IN SNARKER’S HEAVEN! Can you tell what we just watched?
LOL, the Ford commercial (“Wonderful World”, our wedding last dance) reminds me of last week’s ALIAS, which I really need to snark, because the blatant Ford commercial where Nadia asked Jack about getting the Hybrid was even more blatant a Ford commercial than the Blowback one with the F-150 and the blue Focus. It’s so hilarious that I remember the cars (colors and everything!), so Ford is getting its money’s worth. Anyway, this AI commercial stunk.

Continue reading ‘American Idol top 4 results’ »

Ryan should keep his hands out of his pants pockets tonight, because the hands in the pocket are making his suit give him boobies. For reals.
Anyway, I suspect tonight will be one of the biggest beatings of my life, ranking right up there with the night Frank beat me silly because I forgot to have his dinner ready when he got home from work and my great bike crash of 2002 that left me scarred, bruised for 6 months, and battered.
For the two of you who don’t know, I can’t change the station fast enough if I hear Elvis on the radio. Especially slow songs. Gag me with a spork.
Tommy Motolla is helping. I can’t show respect for someone who married Mariah Carey.

Continue reading ‘American Idol 5 top 4
The God and the American Idol Producers Hate SarahK Edition’ »

Previously on 24, President Estro is crazy insane. Chloe double-tasered an annoying guy in a bar, where she is helping Jack remotely. Bill was taken into custody so it doesn’t look like F is helping Bill and Chloe. F’s henchman, Miles the Weasel, called Mike Novick to tell him that he doesn’t think F is doing a good job. Estro’s totally awesome crazy insane wife who’s not actually crazy insane downed a bunch of pills with a bunch of wine and called Estro, who basically hung up on his wife, because he’s a pinkytoehead. That’s not to call him a little blonde, that’s… well nevermind. Jack got Robocop’s recording and is trying to land the plane. Halliburton told Estro to shoot down the plane that Jack Bauer is on. And they captured Bierko, who’s been absent several episodes.

Continue reading ‘24 Day 5 – 3:00 a.m.’ »

So I’m just now watching this, because we had a dinner to go to last night. Hey look, there’s Anthony Federov in the audience. I liked him for a while.
Paula looks pretty. I wonder if she’s drunk. Y’all were all wondering the same thing when you watched it. UPDATE: Apparently they took away her happy pills. She seems normal.

Continue reading ‘American Idol 5 top 5’ »

Previously on 24, President Estrogen admitted that Palmer’s killer works for him, Marty flipped out, Estro said pretty please don’t ask anymore questions, Robocop told Estro that he’s saving the tape for in case the President has him offed, Miles the Weasel found Chloe at Bill Buchanan’s house, Mr. F called and tipped off Bill and Chloe that CTU was on the way, Chloe (who has reapplied lipstick) couldn’t leave because she’s still helping Jackiepooh, Rico Suave returned to save Audrey and captured Robocop, which made SarahK happy (all except the saving Audrey part), and Audrey started to kinda sorta grow on SarahK. But she’s on a really short leash! Also Jack tracked the recording to a chartered diplomatic flight and hopped aboard below deck just as the plane started to rev up, and nobody noticed.

Continue reading ‘24 Day 5 – 2:00 a.m.’ »

I can’t believe I wasn’t blogging it, stupid migraines. Kellie finally leaves us. Yes. I screamed in the livingroom. I thought it too good to be true that she might go home.
They had a new version of the “Bad Day” song, which I desperately need. They showed Kellie taking a load off her calamari-eatin’ chest, but no “what’s a ballsy”. And thank goodness. They love me enough that they just talked her up until the end of the show and didn’t have her sing. That was my favorite thing all week, Kellie not singing.
Andrea Bocelli was wonderful. David Foster’s awesome.
Chris & Katharine were the top two. Katharine surprises me, because even when I watched her again this morning it was awful. I’m apparently among very few who thought that, though. Even Simon apologized for being harsh. I suppose I can be wrong occasionally, but when I watched it again and subjected myself to her undies, I still felt the same way as last night. Though honestly, it was probably her ridiculous facial expressions — she was waxing Kellietically. Maybe I just couldn’t get past the faces.
Elliott and Taylor were the middle.
Kellie forgot to thank Vote for the Worst for keeping her in it this long.
Gotta go. Hockey’s on, and my Stars have mucho ground to make up in Denver tonight.

And by top 6, I don’t mean the best 6 singers of the season. Obviously.
I forgot to pick the songs everyone should sing this week. But Sa called and told me what Kellie sang, and I couldn’t be happier. This is going to be fantastic.
LOL, Ryan says that it was bad luck for the ladies last week, because Ace left. Frank and I both thought, one of the ladies went home.
Anyway, tonight it’s love songs with Andrea Bocelli. And David Foster (who’s produced Celine Dion a million times and written a million of her songs if I recall correctly) worked with him on this latest album, so he’s there helping out. And Foster’s like, “Are these the finalists?” when they vocalize. And showing Foster doing the critiques, I want him on every single week to critique and coach and yell.

Continue reading ‘American Idol 5 top 6’ »

Previously on 24, Daddy the Pit Bull SecDef got involved to try to help but ended up messing everything up by betraying Jack and trying to get things done his way, in order to save the government. He asked for President Estrogen’s resignation, but when Robocop got the recording from Jack, Estro instead asked for Daddy’s resignation. Chloe got arrested for helping Audrey and Jack when Miles the Weasel and the Unstable Sexual Harassment Girl teamed up. But Chloe escaped and threatened to recommend Unstable Girl for psych evaluation and told Unstable that Estro’s behind everything. Chloe went to Bill’s house. SarahK still wanted to know: Where’s Rico Suave? Aaron and Marty went to meet behind the stables at the presidential retreat, but all that showed up of Aaron was his cell phone. Robocop cut Audrey’s arm and made her bleed all over her pretty white jacket. He should be executed for ruining that jacket. Jack gave up the recording to save Audrey, because he’s an idiot who loves needy women.

Continue reading ‘24 Day 5 – 1:00 a.m.’ »

Computer just turned itself off at the first commercial break. I was just about to hit publish. So I’ll do the rest of the show tonight but won’t be able to go back and do the beginning until morning. Darnit, I was funny, too. Really funny. I hope I remember all my jokes. If the first 15 minutes aren’t funny, it’s because the computer killed my entry.