From: “Norman Britain: Ten Interesting Facts About William the Conqueror”
Anglotopia / May 18, 2020 / John Rabon
Send in the Clowns
William the Conquerer’s jester was the first casualty of the Battle of Hastings. Reports are that he went out onto the field to mock the English and played with his sword,
That was amusing, I guess . . . .
. . . which resulted in his death and the start of the battle.
Oh, God.
Momma’s Boy
Though he was raised by his father, William wouldn’t tolerate any disrespect towards his mother. During a siege on the Norman border town of Alençon, residents hung animal hides on the walls to mock his maternal grandfather and William’s bastard status.
Kind of amusi . . .
In response, when William took the town, he ordered peoples’ hands and feet cut off.
Oh, God!!
Celebrating—with Fire!
After William was crowned, some guards took the raucous cheer of the crowds for insurrection rather than celebration.
Let me guess: amusing at the moment, but . . .
The guards then decided to create a diversion to rout the mistaken rebels by setting several buildings on fire.
Is there anything about this guy that’s not tragicomic?
Lots of Descendants
According to genealogists, approximately 25% of English people can trace themselves back to William.
But I’m mainly interested in small, unmarked, untraceable Bills.
(You’ll notice they didn’t say “the English population.”)
Oh, well, as long as they taunted English knigg-its, that counts.
I guess you’re discounting the more recent conquest by the Musselmen (currently on-going)…