Curling is a popular sport that nobody understands. What I mean is nobody understands why it is popular. Perhaps we can Help! Here’s your Guide to Curling.

Play begins when the team’s Mad Scientist — don’t let these technical terms confuse you, just follow along — hands the next player (called the “Lead Guitarist”) the Fiendish Thingy.

The Lead Guitarist takes the Fiendish Thingy and runs forward…

… then slides it down the ice toward the other players.

The goal is to knock over the player with the French-looking shirt (called the “Drummer”).

If the Lead Guitarist fails to knock over the Drummer, he and another player (called the “Lead Singer”) tackle the Drummer…

… dragging him across a red line to where another player (called the “Bass Player”) is positioned.

The Fiendish Thingy then blows up…

… at which time the team locates the White Cliffs of Dover. First one there wins.

Now, you’ll be able to enjoy Curling with a firm knowledge of the rules. I’m glad we could Help!

Major League Baseball plans to change the rules so that catchers won’t be able to block the plate, and runners can’t target the catcher.

You know the deal. Runner on the base path heads for home. Outfielder throws to the plate. Catcher stands just down the third base line to grab the throw and tag the runner out. Collision at the plate.

That’s baseball.

Remember this?

July 14, 1970. Riverfront Stadium in Cincinnati. The All-Star game. The National League had tied the game at 4 with a three-run bottom of the ninth. Now, it’s the 12th inning. The Angels’ Clyde Wright is pitching in relief. He had thrown a no-hitter a week-and-a-half earlier and was in the middle of a 20+ win season. He got the first two batters, then the Reds’ Pete Rose and the Dodgers’ Billy Grabarkewitz hit back-to-back singles, putting runners on first and second. The Cubs’ Jim Hickman then singled to center, and the Royals’ Amos Otis fired the ball to the Indians’ Ray Fosse who was behind the plate. The ball was just to the third-base side of the plate, and Fosse was in position to take the throw. Rose hit Fosse, who wasn’t able to field the ball, and scored the winning run.

Those that were watching the game on TV that night — me included — will never forget it. That was a classic baseball moment.

Fosse was hurt on the play, but continued his career until 1979 when a different injury ended his career. He made it back to the All-Star game the next season, and won two World Series rings with the A’s in ’73 and ’74.

Rose was later banned from baseball for gambling.

But that was in the 1970s when players played that way. 1980s too. That’s when men — hard playing men, real men — played baseball.

Today, we have a commissioner who thought a tie All-Star game was a good idea, because it was late and people were tired. They had played 11 innings, after all.

No, it was no longer the 1970s when a 12th inning collision at the plate was how an All-Star game ended.

And now, the ladies that run Major League Baseball will make sure that never happens again.

I’m thinking they’ll start pitching underhand soon. And ban spikes on shoes. High heels will be okay.

After January 20, 2017 — a date which can’t come soon enough — Barack Obama will be in a position he’s placed millions of Americans in: he’ll be out of a job.

But, he has his eyes set on a new job already: he wants to host SportsCenter.

Now, some people laughed when they heard that. But consider: he has the qualifications.

For instance, I bet you thought the NBA team in Miami was the Miami Heat. Not so. Obama knows what no other person on this planet knows: it’s the Miami Heats.

His bowling prowess is legendary. Not only did he bowl a 37 when he was running for president, after he took office, he compared his bowling skills to Special Olympics. That’s the kind of skill and commentary that’s missing from sports today.

Of course, he would bring a unique perspective to our nation’s pastime. Not just the mom jeans, or his little sister pitching style, but his unique knowledge of Chicago’s Kaminsky Field, which most residents of the Windy City don’t even know exists.

Some of you say he has no qualifications to host SportsCenter. But, lack of qualifications didn’t keep him out of the White House, did it?

What do you think? Is SportsCenter host a good fit for Obama? Or is there a better job out there for him?

I’m a football fan. Real football. Not that kickball they play over in Europe, Brazil, or some other God-forsaken place.

American football.

Now, don’t get me wrong. That futball stuff they do in other, lesser places, can be fun. It’s great for keeping a bunch of 5-year olds entertained while the dads hit on the single moms. Plus, when one gets kicked during all that running around and kicking, and the kid gets back up and knocks the bejeezus out of the kid that kicked him, you know he’s now ready for real football.

But, some people like both kinds. Or say they do. That’s like me saying I like my iPad and my Etch-A-Sketch. (Full disclosure: I have the Etch-A-Sketch app for my iPad.)

They’re not the same thing. But, they say they like ’em both, and I’m not gonna call them liars. So, now what? Well, they’ve redesigned all the NFL team logos to look like futball logos.

Really.

Here’s the logo for the Falcons (nearest team to me):

Here’s the logo for the Jaguars (next-closest team, and closest to my home town):

That just doesn’t say “football” to me.

Of course, I’m not really a fan of NFL football. I prefer the college game.

Unless they put my Georgia Bulldogs in those silly Power Ranger uniforms again.

I’d rather watch soccer.

Last weekend, in Texas, the Aledo High Bearcats beat the dog snot out of the Western Hills Cougars. How bad? The 91-0 score knocked the Western Hills Website offline.

I hate it for the Cougars, but stuff happens. Sometimes you get your butt kicked. Even by teams that are playing second-stringers in the first quarter.

So, how do you deal with it? Well, if you’re a cry-baby parent, you file a complaint accusing the winning team of bullying.

It’s not bullying. It’s football. Of course, I’m from Georgia. That’s the same state where Georgia Tech is located. And Georgia Tech is the team that beat Cumberland 222-0 in a game one time.

Now, in that game, head coach John Heisman (yes, the guy they named the trophy after) was trying to run up the score. Earlier that year (1916), Cumberland used professional players in a baseball game against Tech (Heisman was also the baseball coach, as well as basketball coach), beating the North Avenue school 22-0. Heisman didn’t like that, not one little bit. So, in October, he had the football team run up the score. They stopped at 222 points. Because the game ended.

That’s football. It’s not bullying.

Nobody wants to be on the high school team that got beat 91-0. But nobody wants to have their mommy run call the opposing coach a bully.

Maybe the Western Hills Cougars should file a complaint … against whiny parents.

Any Volunteers?

How about some good old-fashioned SEC football?

Oh, and there’s a girl included.

According to Fox Sports, University of Tennessee football fan Gary Yates has tickets to this weekend’s game in Gainesville, Florida, between the Tennessee Volunteers and the Florida Gators. Tickets for him, his wife Brenda, her daughter Jessica, and Jessica’s date. Only, Jessica’s date backed out.

So, he went to Craig’s List and put up an ad, trying to get Jessica a date.

He says his family, including his wife Brenda, is flying down for the game — and also using the trip to check on a retirement home they’re building in Punta Gorda. The “winner” of the ad will sit with him, Brenda and Jessica at the game.

Turns out, I’ve got other plans this weekend. It’s my grandmother’s birthday, so I’m heading to southeast Georgia. While there are some in the family that will skip an old lady’s birthday to go to a football game in Florida, I’m not one of them. So, I’m not going after it for that reason. And maybe a couple more.

But, hey, you might want to give it a shot. The worst that could happen is you see a college football game.

Okay, maybe something worse could happen. But, at least you get a football game out of it. Be thankful for the little things.