Here are the Top Ten Facts About The Meow Mix House That The Government Doesn’t Want You To Know
10. The living space is designed on early blueprints for the Guantanamo Detention Facility, which were rejected as “too inhumane” and in gross violation the Geneva Conventions.
9. The handlers and assistants have also been neutered and spayed.
8. Felix the Cat was the first image ever to be broadcasted over television. A reality show about cats is an attempt to bring about the end of television as written in The Gospel Of Farnsworth. Once the Messiah Tesla returns to separate the damned from the saved, the broadcast spectrum will be destroyed forever. But first, these commercial messages…
7. There’s a Chinese Restaurant next door, and their sign has recently been corrected to read “Meet the Meow Mix contestants.”
6. The four cameras can pan, tilt, zoom, and fire darts tipped with neurotoxin. (Just like in Big Brother)
5. If you read the privacy policy, it says nothing about handing over data to the Bush Administration. By using this site, your cat may become an unwitting victim in the Global War On Terror, shipped off to Kitty Gitmo for years and years.
4. One of the contestants turned out to be Glenn Reynolds in a cat suit. (Don’t ask)
3. Snoop-Dogg came up with the original idea for the show. F/X passed on it, Animal Planet balked at the TV-MA rating, and the rest is history. (Not to be confused with the History Channel, which keeps telling us that Hitler lost the war, the Moon Landing was real, and that the dinosaurs didn’t have shotguns.)
2. There is no ventilation in the chamber, and the occupants are rapidly running out of oxygen. Where is Jack Bauer when you need him?
And the number one Fact About The Meow Mix House That The Government Doesn’t Want You To Know?

1. The cats are really eating Science Diet. (Meow Mix makes them puke)
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go now. The Fancy Feast Protestion Program has a job lined up for me in Singapore.