This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, it’s time to use your hand for a map, because we’re headed off to Michigan, so let’s get started …

• Michigan became the 26th state on January 26th, 1837, and was originally a penal colony for disloyal Canadians who refused to say “eh?” at the end of every sentence.
• If someone from Michigan flips you off, don’t be offended. He’s probably just trying to tell you to take I-75 to Mackinaw City.
• Famous singer Madonna was born in Detriot, Michigan, which may explain why her bras looked like the hubcaps from a ’57 Chevy.
• Michigan’s nickname is the “Wolverine State”, even though there are no longer any wolverines in the state. The last Michigan wolverine died in 1872 when it was eaten by a badger while attempting to sneak across the border into Wisconsin.
• Rogers City, Michigan boasts the world’s largest limestone quarry, which is where Fred Flintstone used to work before he made it big in Hollywood.
• Yes, I know Fred Flintstone lived in Bedrock, but he commuted.
• Being surrounded by four of the five Great Lakes, Michigan has more bridges than any other state, most of which Ted Kennedy has driven off of at one time or another.
• The Detroit Zoo does not keep its animals in cages, because they all know better than to wander the streets of Detroit after dark.
• Industrialist Henry Ford was born in Dearborn, Michigan, and invented the assembly line to streamline the process of killing union agitators.
• The world’s largest crucifix is located in Indian River, Michigan. Requests from the National Endowment for the Arts to dip it in the world’s largest jar of urine have so far been ignored.
• The Ambassador Bridge connecting Michigan to Canada was built in 1953 and has since been heavily mined to prevent more talentless, hack actors like William Shatner from sneaking into our country.
• No matter where you stand in Michigan, you’re less than 100 miles from one of the Great Lakes. If you’re in Detroit, you’re also less than 100 feet from the scene of a violent crime.
• Politician Thomas Dewey was born in Owosso, Michigan, and mentored Al Gore in how to lose a close election.
• Most snowblowers sold in Michigan are manufactured in Detroit and come with 10-year/100,000 mile warranties.
• They usually expire due to mileage.
• The name Michigan comes from the Chippewa Indian word “Mishigawa,” meaning “half my pocket change is Canadian, eh?”
• Rock & Roll legend Ted Nugent was born in Detroit, Michigan, but left the state in 1982 after he ran out of animals to kill there.
• Although the Western shore of Michigan has many large sand dunes, it has no camels as they were hunted to extinction by Ted Nugent in 1981.
• James Vernor invented Ginger Ale in his Detroit pharmacy. It’s one of the most popular drinks in the nation, except in Kansas, where it’s regularly outsold by Mary Ann Ale.
• Michigan is the only place in the world with a floating post office, which is frequently attacked by disgruntled former employees “going pirate.”
• Aviator Charles Lindbergh was born in Detroit, Michigan. His solo flight across the Atlantic in 1927 was the first recorded instance of an American being glad to arrive in France.
• Michigan has more than 11,000 lakes, all of which have – at one time or another – hidden Jimmy Hoffa.
• In the 1950’s & 60’s, the prevalence of Detroit black singing groups created the style of music known as “Motown”. Since the advent of rap, it’s been called “Mofotown.”
• In 1929, The Michigan State Police established the world’s first police radio system after inventing the chocolate glazed radio receiver.
• The state reptile of Michigan is the Painted Turtle, or – as the natives refer to it – the Crunchy Speed Bump.

That wraps up the Michigan edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll STILL be frighteningly vulnerable to Canadian moose attacks as we explore Minnesota.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go jam out to some funky Mofotown grooves.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, we’re going to where “rustic charm” is just a real-estate-euphemism for “front-yard washing machine” as we head on down to Arkansas, so let’s get started…

• Arkansas is a medium-sized state in the south central US. It became the 25th state in 1836 in an effort to make Mississippians appear comparatively well-educated.
• The pine tree is the official state tree of Arkansas, although there is a growing movement in the state to nominate the oak tree, because it’s not as hard to spell.
• The state motto of Arkansas is “book learnin’s fer sissies!”
• Little Rock, Arkansas, is the site of the Bill Clinton Presidential Library. Just look for the building that’s shaped like a damp cigar.
• There’s also a Hillary Clinton Library, which is shaped like an unquenchable thirst for political power.
• Arkansas has several state flowers, including Apple Blossoms, Violets, and Gennifer.
• Arkansas was orginally owned by the French, but was sold to the US as part of the Louisiana Purchase in 1803. Thomas Jefferson tried to return Arkansas as defective merchandise, but he forgot to keep the receipt, so we’ve been stuck with it ever since.
• America’s winningest college football coach, Paul “Bear” Bryant was born in Arkansas. His nickname came from his habit of storming up and down the sidelines with his head stuck in a jar of honey.
• The city of Hot Springs, Arkansas is known for its many natural hot-water springs, which have an average temperature of 140 degrees. The area was known to the Sioux Indians as “Degataga” which means “OW! OW! OW!”
• General Douglas McArthur was born in Little Rock, Arkansas, but soon left the state in search of more Japs upon whom to wreak bloody vengeance.
• The 4 stars inside the white diamond on the Arkansas state flag represent the 4 important aspects of Arkansas life: babes, booze, betting and brawling.
• Arkansas re-instated the death penalty in 1991, but only for capital crimes such as murder and pronouncing the state’s name as ar-KAN-sas.
• Poet, actress, and singer Maya Angelou was not only born in Arkansas, she was also invited by Bill Clinton to read a poem at his 1993 inaugural. Amazingly, she was NOT sexually harassed during the invitation.
• Some small farms in the Ozark Mountain region of Arkansas still maintain pioneer traditions such as hand-milking cows, plowing their fields with mules, and only burning witches if they weigh the same as a duck.
• The major exports of Arkansas are poultry, cattle and corrupt politicians.
• Arkansas is a great place for a family vacation since children under 18 are required to wear ball gags. “Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we… MFFMMRGRM!!!” – NOW we’re there ya little brat!
• Arkansas has embraced cutting-edge internet technology and is the first state in the US that allows citizens to bribe the Governor via PayPal.
• Arkansas contains numerous scenic cliffs, making it the most convenient state in the US for disposing of embarrassing dead bodies.
• Arkansas has a population of almost 3 million people, who, as a group, show less genetic variation than Mary Kate & Ashley.
• Arkansas provides free health care for all its citizens through numerous clinics around the state which dispense band-aids and moonshine.
• People from Arkansas are a warm and friendly folk who often greet perfect strangers and invite them into their homes before cooking and eating them.
• If someone from Arkansas says “hi” to you, shoot him before you end up in his oven.
• Wal-Mart started in Bentonville, Arkansas, but has since gone on to attack helpless cities across the United States. Sort of like Godzilla, except less radioactive.
• If your town is attacked by a Wal-Mart, don’t shoot it with bullets, because you’ll only make it angry. Try getting help from King Kong or Target, instead.
• Although Arkansas has produced such brilliant military minds as General Nathan Bedford Forrest, it has never produced anyone capable of defeating a Klingon in hand-to-hand combat.

That wraps up the Arkansas edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be slowly realizing that the idea of turning Los Angeles into a walled-off deportation center for degenerates shouldn’t have stalled out with a movie starring Kurt Russell as we take a look at California.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go PayPal the Governor.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, it’s time throw empty Bud cans at those pathetic Royals, because we’re headed to Missouri, so let’s get started …

• Missouri became the 24th state on August 10th, 1821. It was originally admitted to the Union as a “slave” state, but eventually exchanged slavery for the slightly-less-evil institution of Country music.
• The state bird of Missouri is the Bluebird, which – unlike its cousin, the Swallow – CAN fly while grasping a coconut by the husk.
• Missouri has the second best educational system in the U.S. It WOULD be first, but for the fact that they fail to teach their kids that there’s no “r” in “wash.”
• Missouri was named after the Missouri Indian tribe, whose name means “seriously, there’s no ‘ah’ at the end… idiots…”
• Missouri’s nickname is “The Pronouncing Invisible Letters State.”
• Missouri’s license plates contain the motto “Show Me”. They should not be confused with Louisiana’s license plates, which say “Show Me Your Boobs.”
• Baseball coach Yogi Berra was born in St. Louis, Missouri, and is famous for his quaint, mixed-metaphor sayings, like “It ain’t over till the clip’s empty.”
• The state insect of Missouri is the honeybee, which is usually served deep-fried and sprinkled on waffles.
• The crinoid became Missouri’s state fossil after a group of students at Lee’s Summit high school conducted an experiment to see how much is costs to bribe a state legislature.
• Ten thousand dollars, a case of whiskey, and a dozen hookers, if you’re curious.
• The capitol building in Jefferson City, Missouri burned to the ground in 1911 after being struck by lightning during an attempt to make a DeLorean travel through time.
• Kansas City, Missouri, has more miles of boulevards than Paris, but fewer German armies have marched down them.
• The Gateway Arch is located in St. Louis, Missouri, and was originally the symbol for the now-defunct NcDonald’s restaurant chain.
• Aunt Jemima Pancake Flour was invented in St. Joseph, Missouri, and was the first commercially successful self-rising flour. It was later followed by the less-well-received “Uncle Tom Cake Mix.”
• Springfield, Missouri, was founded by a group of tourists who got lost on the way to Branson.
• Carthage, Missouri, is home to the Precious Moments Chapel, a museum filled with adorable porcelain bisque figurines of big-eyed children, featuring such titles as “Mommy’s Been Drinking Again” and “Please, Daddy, Not The Belt!”
• Weldon Springs, Missouri, is the site of the Nuclear Waste Adventure Trail and Museum. While there, be sure to try the Paint Chip Nachos.
• The “Elvis is Alive Museum” can be found in Wright City, Missouri. It’s conveniently located between the “Al Gore Won” and “Michael Moore Would Recognize Truth If It Jumped Up And Bit Him In the Ass” Museums.
• Black inventor George Washington Carver was born in Diamond Grove, Missouri, and is proof that black people used to be able to become famous for something other than sports and political activism.
• President Harry S Truman was born in Lamar, Missouri. The “S” stands for “so let’s nuke the Japs.”
• Rush Limbaugh was born in Cape Girardeau, Missouri, where he got his start in radio by beating up liberal talk show hosts and stealing their lunch money.
• Author Mark Twain was born in Florida, Missouri, where the rumors of his death are no longer greatly exaggerated.
• Outlaw Jesse James was born in Centerville, Missouri, and was known as “the most dangerous man in America.” At least until Rush Limbaugh got his first radio job.
• Iced tea was invented at the St. Louis World’s Fair in 1904 as a method of frightening away the stuffy and annoying British tourists.
• Seriously… what’s the point of hot tea, anyway? It’s like drinking boiled Kool-Aid.
• The ice cream cone was also invented at the 1904 World’s Fair, after an ice cream vendor discovered that all of his paper cups had been destroyed by a mysterious fire.
• Probably of British origin.
• Anheuser-Busch of St. Louis, Missouri, is the world’s largest brewery. In 1872, they patented their secret formula for “Alco-swill”, which was later re-named “Budweiser” for marketing reasons.
• Robert Wadlow – who was the world’s tallest man at 8 feet 11 inches – was born in St. Louis, Missouri. His “Where’s Wadlow” line of children’s books was a dismal failure.
• “Wild Kingdom” host Marlin Perkins was born in Carthage, Missouri. He gained fame documenting his travels around the world as he searched for new and exotic toppings for Imo’s Pizza.

That wraps up the Missouri edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be redlining down 7,000 miles of copless interstates as we tour Montana.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go grab me a can of Alco-swill.

Hey… it’s after 5pm somewhere…

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, it’s time to buy grossly overpriced lobster-shaped souvenirs, because we’re headed up to Maine, so let’s get started …

• Maine became the 23rd state on March 15th, 1820 and also became the only state with a one-syllable name after they shortening it from “Mainingtonia.”
• The state bird of Maine is the chickadee, and NOT the much more common Cracker-Barrel Buzzard or Bald Coot.
• Maine is one of America’s largest producers of leather products, most of which are exported to San Francisco during Gay Pride Week.
• The state flower of Maine is the pine cone. Although most people wouldn’t be dumb enough to confuse a pine cone with a flower, keep in mind that some people actually considered Dan Rather to be a journalist, too.
• The state motto of Maine is, “Fleecing tourists is fun!”
• 90% of America’s toothpick supply is produced in Maine, and I’ll bet those idiots probably think THOSE are flowers, too.
• The state song of Maine is “Rock Lobster” by the B52’s.
• The state tree of Maine is the white pine… which obviously means they’re racist.
• The top prize in Maine’s state lottery is having Stephen King personally bury your dismembered corpse in his back yard.
• Eastport, Maine, is the easternmost city in the US, and therefore the best place from which to launch a nuclear strike against France.
• Not that… you know… America is actually PLANNING anything like that…
• Hey… I’m just saying we should keep our options OPEN, people!
• Maine is the only state in the US that shares a border with only one other state. It’s nothing personal, it’s just that a LOT of dead lobsters wash up on the beach, and no one wants to be next to a state that smells like Roseanne Barr’s underwear.
• Every year, 4 million lobsters are caught off the coast of Maine – most of them on their way to Canada to buy cheap prescription drugs.
• Maine produces 99% of America’s blueberries, which is why most blueberries can’t pronounce the word “car” correctly.
• Maine was originally settled by Canadians who were searching for the religious freedom to worship their pagan moose-god, Bullwinkle.
• Freeport, Maine, is home to the LL Bean Company, purveyors of fine outdoor clothing. This may explain why Maine’s license plates are made out of plaid flannel.
• Although Maine has many old lighthouses, they are rarely lit these days except by brave Hobbits attempting to signal the armies of Rohan.
• The first naval battle of the Revolutionary War was fought off the coast of Maine in 1775. It was technically a draw, since both the American and British crews were devoured by giant radioactive lobsters.
• The state insect of Maine is the honeybee, and most farmers who raise them still milk them by hand while sitting on a tiny stool.
• Most small towns in Maine still govern themselves through the use of “Town Hall Meetings,” which consist of a series of boring speeches, followed by a picnic and ritual cannibalism on the Town Commons.
• All new mothers in Maine face the difficult choice of whether to bottle feed their babies or give them their clam chowder straight from the breast.
• A great deal of Maine consists of marshy swampland. Sorta like Florida, except that in Maine, all the gators were eaten by giant radioactive lobsters.
• If you go to a bar in Maine, you’ll be tempted to try the “Moose Meat Margarita.” Resist.

Well, that wraps up the Maine edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be stopping by the birthplace of the world’s violentest national anthem – and the rest of the world better not forget that if they know what’s good for ’em – as we visit Maryland.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go out and milk the honeybees.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week: first in our hearts, first in the alphabet, dead last in shoes per capita, we’re headed down south to Alabama, so let’s get started…

• Alabama is a medium-sized state in the Southern US. It’s very similar to its neighboring state, Florida, except it doesn’t have as many old people or alligators.
• The first Mardi Gras parade was held in Mobile, Alabama in 1711. It featured colorfully decorated, slow-moving cars driving down the streets amongst a crowd of stumbling, drunken pedestrians wearing funny costumes. This is the source of the Alabama state motto: “Alabama – where every day is like Mardi Gras!”
• The state motto has since been changed to “Alabama – the sorta shaped like a beer gut state.”
• Workers from Alabama built the first rocket designed to put humans on the moon. It was launched from Florida so that wouldn’t be attacked by angry villagers with torches and pitchforks who thought it was a tool of the devil.
• The world’s first Electric Trolley system was introduced in Montgomery Alabama in 1886. It was immediately destroyed by angry villagers.
• Perhaps NOW you understand NASA’s fear.
• Alabama is the only state with all the major natural resources to make iron and steel. This explains why all the villagers had pitchforks.
• To help fund education, Alabama instituted a America’s first pitchfork tax in 1937.
• The flag of Alabama is a big red X on a white field which symbolizes the states high illiteracy rate.
• Maybe they need to raise the pitchfork tax.
• Montgomery Alabama was the capital and birthplace of the Confederate States of America, which earned Montgomery the nickname “Birthplace of Bad Ideas.”
• The Confederate Flag was designed and first flown in Alabama in 1861 by the great-grandfather of Bo and Luke Duke.
• Alabama became the 22nd state on December 14th, 1819. This posed a problem for celebrating the event, since most Alabama citizens couldn’t count past 20, even with their shoes off, although certain of the more inbred sections of the state didn’t seem to have as much of a problem with it.
• Alabama is actually a Creek Indian word meaning “can’t count past 20 even with his shoes off.”
• Alabama’s state government is known for its love of high-spending pork projects, and its state capitol building was once blown down by a hungry wolf.
• Serves ’em right for building it out of sticks.
• Baseball player Hank Aaron was born in Mobile in 1934. He started playing for the Mobile Black Bears in 1950, but his career there was cut short when he was arrested for “Batting While Black.”
• The state song of Alabama is “Alabama.” I’d sing it for you but it has no words, since nothing rhymes with Alabama.
• Well, except “gamma”, but the Greek alphabet is outlawed in Alabama, so that doesn’t really work.
• The highest point in Alabama is Mount Cheaha at 2405 feet. The second highest point is in Trashy Acres Trailer Park at the top of Mary Lou Clanton’s hair-do.
• The musical group Alabama has a fan club and museum in Fort Payne, Alabama, which was burned to the ground by angry villagers after the group used the word “gamma” in a song.
• Governor George C. Wallace served four terms in office and spent two of them shooing colored people away from his drinking fountain.
• In 1995, Alabama native Heather Whitestone was the first disabled woman chosen to serve as Miss America. I’m not sure exactly WHY she was classified as disabled, since the Johns Hopkins Medical Encyclopedia lists “being an Alabama native” as a “handicap” rather than a “disability.”
• Hitler’s typewriter is on display at the Hall of History in Bessemer, Alabama. It’s unknown whether it still works, since no one in Alabama can correctly spell the sentence, “The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.”
• The city of Mobile, Alabama is named for the Mauvilla Indian word meaning “Damn! Squaw have heap big hairdo!”
• Alabama’s official state mineral is automotive rust.
• Alabama’s state insect is the Monarch Butterfly, or – as natives refer to it – “that pretty little bug what’s flappin’ around over there.”
• Alabama’s state bird is the pecan pie.
• Long story. Something to do with a gallon of moonshine & Hitler’s typewriter. I’m not really at liberty to discuss it, since it involves the word gamma.
• In 1864, at the battle of Mobile Bay, Union Admiral David Farragut issued his famous command “Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead!” Also uttered that day was the less famous Confederate reply – “Holy crap! They’re coming right for us! RUN!”
• Despite having only 50 miles of coastline, Alabama’s beaches are a popular tourist destination. Be sure to visit during early March to witness the “Feed Yankee Tourists to the Sharks” Festival.
• The town of Enterprise, Alabama houses the Boll Weevil Monument which celebrates the role this destructive insect played in encouraging farmers to grow crops other than cotton. But despite all their contributions, Alabama still doesn’t allow Boll Weevils to either vote or ride in the front of the bus.

That wraps up the Alabama edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be hitting the frozen tundra – and a few baby seals – as we take a look at Alaska.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to get back to working on the lyrics for Alabama’s state song:

I live in Alabama… I really hate my mamma… I hit her with a hamma… and they threw me in the slamma…

Hmmm… not bad.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, we’re stopping in the heartland of America to visit Illinois, so let’s get started …

• Illinois became the 21st state on December 3rd, 1818, and – except for Arkansas – is the only state that carries the death penalty for pronouncing the S at the end of the state’s name.
• Politically, Illinois is like 2 states in one. The Chicago area – which is urban and heavily Democratic – and the rest of the state, which is rural and sane.
• Chicago politicians are easily identifiable by their colorful “Bribe me!” lapel pins.
• During the Civil War, Illinois was bitterly divided between those who wanted black people to vote and those who wanted to restrict the franchise to white people and the dead.
• 10% of Illinois’s economy is based on the production of various corn products. The other 90% consists of official “Just wait ’till next year!” logo Cubs merchandise.
• Although Illinois borders both Lake Michigan and the Mississippi River, most citizens get their water from large, camel-like humps on their backs.
• Every year, millions of Illinoisans head north to the Wisconsin Dells to spend their money on water parks, souvenirs, and speeding tickets.
• Illinois is currently experiencing rapid population growth because an Illinoisan’s only natural predator is the Wisconsin State Highway Patrol.
• Few people shop at the malls in Illinois due to the twin hazards of high sales taxes and recklessly-driving Blues musicians.
• The first skyscraper was built in Chicago in 1895. When completed, it was 9 stories tall and was immediately destroyed by God for using non-union labor.
• At least according to the Teamsters who witnessed the event.
• Thanks to Illinois’s strict gun control laws, you may wander about freely after dark without having to worry about being mugged by a law-abiding citizen.
• Due to the extremely harsh winters in Illinois, natives of the state grow thick coats of fur to protect them from the elements, and are frequently clubbed to death by Alaskan tourists.
• People from Chicago like to brag about their “Chicago-style” pizza, but it’s really just regular pizza sprinkled with bits of people who hired non-union labor.
• Springfield is the capitol of Illinois. While there, be sure to visit Lincoln’s Tomb and Moe’s Tavern.
• The state dance of Illinois is the Square Dance.
• Except in certain parts of Chicago, where it’s the “I NEED CRACK!” jitterbug.
• Chicago was setting for George Romero’s movie “Night of the Voting Dead.”
• The Sears Tower in Chicago is the tallest building in North America and contains enough office space to hold a year’s supply of Twinkies for Michael Moore.
• The state tree of Illinois is the White Oak, which is just plain racist.
• The state snack of Illinois is popcorn. MORE racism!
• The first McDonald’s restaurant opened in Des Plaines, Illinois in 1940 after the McDonald brothers perfected their technique for making thin, round patties out of rat turds and sawdust.
• Early in the church’s history, the Mormons settled in Nauvoo, Illinois, but moved to Utah after the Iroquois Indians gave them smallpox and stole their land.
• During the Civil War, Illinois was home to the notorious Rock Island prison camp, where it’s estimated that over 100,000 Confederate prisoners were either starved to death or denied access to Korans.
• 13% of Illinois’s population is foreign-born. Mostly Irishmen who ran out of money while traveling to Idaho’s annual Spud-Fest.
• People from Chicago must pass a literacy test before they are allowed to vote, which consists of correctly identifying the letter “D.”
• It was the original French settlers who chose the White-Tailed Deer as the Illinois state animal. They looked upon it as a kindred spirit, since it appeared to be raising a white flag while fleeing at the first sign of danger.
• Chicago is home to the world’s largest public library. Sadly, not enough of the books have pictures to make it of any use to the Irish.
• In 1999 the city of Kankakee, Illinois, was voted “America’s Worst Place to Live.” It improved to “America’s Best Place to Live” after the city implemented its “free breast implant” program.

That wraps up the Illinois edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll disappointed to learn that there ARE some places where you’re not allowed to drive 200 mph as we visit Indiana.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go eat some popcorn because I’m a racist.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, it’s time get stinkin’ drunk, float down the Big Muddy, and wash up on a sandbar with a hangover, because we’re headed to Mississippi, so let’s get started…

• Mississippi became the 20th state on December 10th 1817. Although the new state’s entry faced violent opposition, it managed to get admitted to the Union since people with lisps did not yet have the right to vote.
• Mississippi has 82 counties, all of which have at least one town named “Bubbaville.”
• Talk show host Oprah Winfrey was born in Kosciusko, Mississippi. The world’s largest couch was built there in her honor, just in case Tom Cruise stops by.
• Chitlins were first served in Shuqulah, Mississippi, which – I assume – is home to a disproportionate population of the hopelessly insane.
• Mississippi gets its name from the Chippewa Indian word “mici-zibi,” which means “River’s flooding again… WHY do these stupid white people keep rebuilding here?”
• Mississippi has a population of 3 million people and 6 million teeth.
• Singer Elvis Presley was born in Tupelo, Mississippi. Does anyone else find it ironic that he once had a hit song about shoes?
• In a fight between Aquaman & someone from Mississippi, the Mississippian would lose, but he’d write a great blues song about the fight that would make millions.
• Most people from Mississippi have several Confederate flag sticker on their cars. This doesn’t make them racist, it just means that they’re too poor to afford enough duct tape to hold their cars together.
• If you’re in Mississippi and someone tries to mug you, just yell, “Look! Snow!” The mugger will become paralyzed with confusion and you can make your escape.
• Although Mississippi is frequently the 50th ranked state in quality of education, it IS ranked #1 in the category of “boosting self-esteem for students in the other 49 states.”
• The world’s largest Bible-binding plant is in Greenwood, Mississippi, and uses only genuine atheist-skin leather.
• …And people wonder why I’ve never been to Mississippi…
• The Stetson hat was invented in Dunn’s Falls, Mississippi, which is constantly being attacked by Texas Crusaders seeking to recapture their holy city.
• Football player Walter “Sweetness” Payton was born in Columbia, Mississippi, and was the first athlete to appear simultaneously on boxes of “Wheaties”, “Gritties”, and “Chitlinies” cereals.
• Petal, Mississippi is home to the International Checkers Hall of Fame. Requirements for induction include winning a tournament on a 5-jump, double-king combo move, and appearing on a “Chitlinies” box.
• The Vicksburg National Cemetery is the largest national cemetery in America. Some people say that the Arlington National Cemetery is larger, but it’s stuffed with all them damn Yankees, so it doesn’t really count.
• Legendary Football quarterback Brett Favre was born in Kiln, Mississippi. He was reputed to be able to throw a football hard enough to break a receiver’s fingers, but he only did that if the guy was late with his protection money payment.
• Singer Jimmy Buffett was born in Pascagoula, Mississippi, but was banished after all the town’s salt-shakers mysteriously disappeared.
• It was his own damn fault.
• Mississippi is the only state in America that doesn’t offer personalized license plates. The state’s DMV figures it’s not worth it, since no one can read those big ol’ 6-letter words, anyway.
• The fried peanut butter and banana sandwich was invented in Tupelo, Mississippi by Elvis Presley in 1945. He never patented his invention, and died in bankrupt obscurity in 1977.
• It is NOT true that the Governor of Mississippi is chosen as a result of being the victor in a greased-pig-catching contest. They don’t actually grease the pig.
• Actor James Earl Jones was born in Arkabutla, Mississippi, but soon moved to Coruscant to complete his Sith training.
• Mississippi has the lowest percentage of high school graduates in America, since the graduation exam requires students to spell the state’s name without using the words “crooked-letter” or “humpback.”
• During a hunting expedition to Mississippi in 1902, President Teddy Roosevelt refused to shoot a captured bear. This act resulted in the creation of the world-famous stuffed animal, the “Stupid Yankee Bear.”
• In 1807, Aaron Burr was arraigned for treason in Washington, Mississippi, beneath the Burr Oaks. Optimists in the city have since planted a grove of Jane Fonda Oaks, just in case.

That wraps up the Mississippi edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll get tricked into whitewashing fences by Tom Sawyer when we visit Missouri.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go pour me a big ol’ bowl of Chitlinies for breakfast.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, grab your racing gear because we’re headed to Indiana, so let’s get started…

• Indiana became the 19th state on December 11th, 1816. Its residents are nicknamed “Hoosiers,” which is a Chippewa Indian word meaning “What the hell does that word mean?”
• The city of Gary, Indiana, was named after Gary Coleman, and is populated entirely by black midgets.
• Singer Michael Jackson was born in Gary, Indiana, but was eventually exiled from the city for being too tall and too white.
• The state bird of Indiana is Larry.
• Natives of Indiana are the only people in the US who can say “French Lick” or “Ball State” without giggling.
• Beaver City, however, makes EVERYONE snicker.
• Actor James Dean was born in Marion, Indiana, but soon left the state, as all cool things do.
• Indiana is SO boring that people will actually PAY MONEY to watch other people drive around in circles. No wonder James Dean left.
• Crazed socialist nut job and vocal World War I protester Eugene V. Debs was born in Terre Haute, Indiana. He was sorta like an early version of Jane Fonda, except less skanky.
• The state of Indiana was once 80% forest, but over the years has lost 3/4 of its trees to hordes of plundering Amish furniture-makers.
• Indiana is home to the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, which – with relative safety – combines public drunkenness and reckless driving.
• 25% of people in Indiana are of German extraction, leading to occasional blitzkriegs into Ohio and Illinois.
• Indiana has more covered bridges than any other state, mostly so that the bridges don’t go around flaunting their sexuality and frightening the Amish.
• Some of the more rural parts of Indiana only accept farm animals as currency. However, a lot of the small-town general stores DO take MasterCow.
• Although people in northern Indiana must contend with long, harsh winters, at least they’re safe from the cruel assault of bluegrass festivals that plague the southern part of the state.
• The state flower of Indiana is the peony which – being large, pink, round, and smelly – perfectly represents the people of the state.
• The city of Santa Claus, Indiana, has a 20-foot statute of the jolly old elf at the outskirts of the town, which is usually covered in graffiti by gangs from the nearby cities of Grinch and Scrooge.
• Indiana has only 40 miles of shoreline along Lake Michigan, most of which is covered by the corpses of people who hired non-union labor which wash in from Chicago.
• The highest point in Indiana is only 1200 feet above sea level. Geographically speaking, if Indiana were a woman, it’d be Olive Oyl.
• Traditionally, Jewish people in Indiana wear yarmulkes made out of used Indy Car tires.
• Well… they WOULD… if there were actually any Jews in Indiana.
• Indiana’s state tourism motto is “Hope you brought something to do.”
• The city of Peru, Indiana, was known as the “Circus Capital of America” until 1952 when it was wiped out by an epidemic of Mad Clown Disease.
• South Bend, Indiana, is home to Notre Dame College. Their nickname – The Fighting Irish – is considered offensive by some, but it’s still better than previous nicknames such as the Brawling Bog-Trotters and the Surly Spud-Munchers.
• Stainless steel was invented in Kokomo, Indiana, by Elwood Haynes in a desperate bid to get his wife to stop nagging him to “polish the damn silverware!”
• Singers Axl Rose and John Cougar Mellencamp are both natives of Indiana. In a knife fight between Rose and Mellencamp, bet on the guy with the most tattoos.

That wraps up the Indiana edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week… well, I hope you really like corn jokes, because we’re headed to Iowa.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go put fifty bucks on Axl Rose.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, lift your shirt and earn some shiny beads – we’re headed to Louisiana. So… let’s get started…

• Louisiana became the 18th state on April 30th 1812, mostly to make President Madison’s wife stop nagging him about “when are you going to get up off your butt and do something with all that land west of the Mississippi?”
• Ya know, it wasn’t Manifest Destiny that built this country, it was naggy wives.
• The state bird of Louisiana is the brown pelican, whose enormous beak could, in theory, hold enough beer to get an Irishman drunk.
• The state boat of Louisiana is Noah’s Ark.
• Louisiana is the source of most of America’s seafood, and annually produces more shrimp than a Wizard of Oz cast party.
• The state motto of Louisiana is “Help! I can’t swim!”
• The state flower of Louisiana is the magnolia… although that may soon change to the water lily.
• The highest point in Louisiana is Mt. Driskoll, at 535 feet, while the lowest point is [insert gurgling sound here].
• Louisiana was named after the French King, Louis the 14th, and NOT after the French pronunciation of “lousy, ain’t it?”
• The official soil of Louisiana is silt.
• Louisiana has the tallest state capitol building in the US. It’s 450 feet tall, and is capable of holding nearly a week’s supply of the Governor’s bribe money.
• The state song of Louisiana is Led Zeppelin’s, “When the Levee Breaks.”
• The US acquired the Louisiana territory from France in 1803 in exchange for $15 million dollars in gold and a promise to stop referring to the French as “surrender monkeys.”
• HA! Stupid, gullible, surrender monkeys!
• The state tree of Louisiana is whichever one Katrina didn’t knock down. Probably an oak tree in Shreveport, or something.
• Jazz Great Louis Armstrong was born in New Orleans, Louisiana. His famous song, “What a Wonderful World,” describes his feelings about moving out of the state.
• Rock & Roll legend Jerry Lee Lewis was born in Ferriday, Louisiana on September 29th, 1935. Although he DID at one point marry his 13-year-old cousin, he was NOT actually a degenerate pedophile – just Southern.
• Baton Rouge, Louisiana hosted the Special Olympics in 1983, prompting accusations from Alabama that it was actually just a scheme to raise the state’s standardized test scores.
• Louisiana is famous for its many slow-moving rivers or “bayous.” The word “bayou” is a Choctaw Indian word meaning “Frenchman’s urinal.”
• The first governor of Louisiana chose the pelican as the state bird because it is such a devoted parent that it would tear at its own flesh to feed its young rather than let them starve. The governor was so impressed by this that he substituted “the rich” for “flesh,” and thus was born the Louisiana tax system.
• The state dog of Louisiana is the Water Spaniel.
• St. Joseph Cemetery in Rayne, Louisiana is the only cemetery in the US where the graves have a north-south orientation. All other cemeteries are laid out in a pentagram pattern to facilitate raising the dead via unholy rituals.
• The city of Kaplan, Louisiana is known as the Cajunest Place on Earth and is home to the famous Gumbo World theme park and resort.
• The city of New Orleans was once a haven for pirates, which may explain why most of the post-Katrina looters had parrots & eye-patches.
• The Old Town Hall Museum in Pineville, Louisiana is the only museum in the US devoted to municipal government. While there, don’t miss the Graft & Corruption exhibit in the Huey P. Long Memorial Corruptitorium.
• At the age of 13, all young males in Louisiana undergo a ceremonial rite of passage wherein they finally learn the horrifying truth – that Mardi Gras is NOT a national holiday.
• They are NOT told, however, the horrifying truth that they are descended from the French, as this would completely destroy their fragile minds.
• Whether you pronounce it “New Or-lins,” “New Or-leenz,” “New Or-le-ans,” or even “Nawlins,” SOMEONE in Louisiana will correct your pronunciation.
• When they do, tell the annoying little SOB that he’s descended from the French. THAT will shut him up.

Well, that wraps up the Louisiana edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week I’ll be getting mugged by gangs of feral lobsters in Maine.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go ahem “use the bayou”.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, the natives will be tricking us into believing that buckeyes actually come from the annual shedding of the male deer’s eyeballs as we visit Ohio. So let’s get started…

• Ohio became the 17th state on March 1, 1803 and was originally populated by people who were improperly whacked by the Detroit mob and dumped into Lake Erie.
• The state flower of Ohio is the Scarlet Carnation, more popularly known as “the cheapskate’s rose.”
• The first ambulance service in the US was started in Cincinnati, Ohio, in 1865 as a method of promoting physical fitness among lawyers.
• Cleveland, Ohio is home to America’s first traffic light. The idea was borrowed from the French “war light,” whose green, red, and yellow signals told French citizens whether to flee, surrender, or collaborate.
• Ermal Fraze invented the pop-top can in Kettering, Ohio, which replaced the older, less reliable method of opening cans – outraging a Muslim into suicide-bombing it open for you.
• Singer Dean Martin was born in Steubenville, Ohio, and was the last non-Frenchman to sincerely believe that Jerry Lewis was funny.
• The cash register was invented in Dayton, Ohio in 1879 by James Ritty. The first model consisted of a locking drawer attached to his wife’s cleavage.
• “Hang On Sloopy” is the official state rock song of Ohio, which narrowly beat out “Smack My Bitch Up.”
• Although Ohio’s state nickname is the “Buckeye State,” long-time residents still prefer the previous nickname of the “Big Red Dangling Nuts State.”
• Ohio’s name comes from an Iroquois Indian word meaning “Lake Erie’s on fire again.”
• Founded in 1869, the Cincinnati Reds were the first professional baseball team. The second professional team wasn’t created until 1870, which may explain why the Reds won their first 130 games by forfeit.
• Akron, Ohio was the first city to use police cars. Coincidentally, it was also the first city with a donut shop.
• Cincinnati was the first city with a full-time professional fire department, originally consisting of 25 Dalmatians with bladder-control problems.
• Akron, Ohio is the rubber capital of the world, annually producing enough of the material to supply rubber chickens to every crappy prop comic on earth. Or to supply one Carrot Top show.
• The American Federation of Labor union was founded in Columbus, Ohio. It offers all the high-quality corrupt thuggery you’ve come to expect from East Coast unions, but with a pleasant mid-western accent.
• At the age of 77, Ohio senator John Glenn became the oldest man to visit outer space aboard the space shuttle Discovery. The ship was grounded for six months afterwards while crews worked around the clock to get the “old person smell” out of it.
• Cleveland, Ohio, is the home of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, which is located across the street from the Alcohol and Drug Abuse Museum.
• Ohio is the nation’s leading producer of greenhouse and nursery plants. None of which are marijuana. And no, I don’t know where you can get any. Now get away from me, you stupid hippie!
• Canton, Ohio, is home to the Pro Football Hall of Fame. There’s no doubt in my mind that Terrell Owens will make it in there someday – if he stops at the front counter and pays for an adult admission ticket.
• Neil Armstrong was born in Wapakoneta, Ohio, and became the first man to walk on the moon. The second man to walk on the moon… eh… who cares about THAT loser!
• Born in Dayton, Ohio, the Wright Brothers invented the airplane in 1903. Their accomplishment was was largely ignored until they invented the scantily-clad stewardess in 1905.
• Americans have elected seven presidents from the state of Ohio. If we elect three more, we’ll get a coupon for a free Speaker of the House.
• The hot dog was given its name by concessionaire Harry Stevens of Niles, Ohio, after discovering that people weren’t interested in buying his “snouts & sawdust sausages.”
• 50% of the United States population lives within a 500 mile radius of Columbus, Ohio. The other 50% lives with a profound sense of relief.
• Charles Kettering of Loudonville, Ohio, invented the automobile self-starter in 1911, which was a huge improvement over the old method of grabbing the engine block while peeing on an electric fence.
• In 1839, Charles Goodyear of Akron, Ohio, developed the process of vulcanizing rubber. Prior to that time, rubber could neither live long nor prosper.
• Teflon was invented by Roy Plunkett of New Carlisle, Ohio, in 1938 after he followed a recipe for homemade glue typed up by his dyslexic secretary.
• Oberlin College was founded in 1833, with the goal of becoming the first interracial and coeducational college in the US. It took a lot of persuading to get people to part with perfectly good tuition money only to be forced to rub elbows with filthy Irishmen.
• Civil War General and US President Ulysses S. Grant was born in Point Pleasant, Ohio. His only notable accomplishments were getting really drunk and killing people. Which means that if Ted Kennedy had ever become president, we’d have had a different portrait on the $50 bill.

That wraps up the Ohio edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be wondering why the musical didn’t mention tornadoes and trailer parks as we visit Oklahoma.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta go find an electric fence so I can start my car.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, we’ll be getting our asses whupped for making banjo jokes as we visit Tennessee. So let’s get started…

• Tennessee became the 16th state on June 1, 1796, and was originally settled by outcast heretics from Massachusetts who believed that playing polo on horseback was completely inferior to playing it hogback.
• Tennessee’s nickname is the “Needs a cool spelling mnemonic like Mississippi has” state.
• Chattanooga, Tennessee is where the famous International House of Possum restaurant chain got its start in 1925.
• The Iris was adopted as the state flower of Tennessee in 1972, despite numerous complaints that it was too hard to spell.
• The state motto of Tennessee is: “Moonshine – it’s not just for breakfast any more.”
• The city of Kingston served as the state capital of Tennessee for only one day – just long enough to sign a peace treaty ending the bloody Civil War between rival factions of Hicks, Rubes, Hayseeds, Rednecks, and Hillbillies. The victorious Rednecks then moved the capital to its present Nashville location.
• The state song of Tennessee is “All I Want For Christmas Is My Thirty Front Teeth.”
• Living most of his life in Greeneville, Tennessee, Andrew Johnson held every elective office on the local, state, and federal levels – from City Alderman to US President. His shrewish mother-in-law, however, never ceased referring to him as “that good-for-nothing job-hopper.”
• Tennessee license plates are white with black numbers and feature the phrase “Barely Toleratin’ Yankees Since 1865.”
• The famous racehorse Iroquois was bred at Nashville’s Belle Meade Plantation, and left hundreds of thoroughbred descendants. Sorta like the Kennedy clan, except with more hay-eating, and less negligent homicide.
• The Houston Oilers football team moved to Tennessee in 1997 and were known as the Tennessee Oilers for two years before changing their name to the Tennessee Titans. Which brings up a question: if the New England Patriots are affectionately known as the “Pats,” what’s the Titans’ nickname?
• During the first Gulf War, more National Guard members from Tennessee were deployed than from any other state. Possibly due to a rumor that the Iraqi Republican Guard consisted entirely of Gators fans.
• Born in Bakersville, Tennessee, Hattie Caraway became the first woman elected to the US Senate. Sadly, her term was marred by the now-infamous “lap dances for votes” scandal.
• Legendary frontiersman Davy Crockett was born near Greeneville, Tennessee and was best know for wearing a coonskin cap and a snakeskin thong.
• Tennessee’s name comes from the Cherokee Indian word “tanasi,” which means “White man make-um kick-ass corn juice firewater.”
• When it opened in 1992, Chattanooga’s Tennessee Aquarium was the largest fresh water aquarium in the US, featuring over 300 different aquatic species. Due to recent budget cuts, it now consists of three fish sticks in a wooden bucket.
• The largest earthquake in the continental US was the New Madrid Earthquake, which happened in northwestern Tennessee in 1811. Locals took it as a punishment from God for their sins of sobriety and book-learnin’, and quickly mended their evil ways.
• Tennessee’s Reelfoot Lake is known as the Turtle Capital of the World. It contains thousands of these ponderous reptiles, very few of whom are named after Renaissance painters or skilled in martial arts.
• Nashville, Tennessee is famous for its country music scene and is widely known as “the city that spells ‘opera’ with a y, and ‘violin’ with two ‘d’s.”
• Famous railroad engineer Casey Jones lived in Jackson, Tennessee. He was killed when his train crashed on April 30, 1900, having failed to attain the 88 mph speed necessary for successful time travel.
• Tennessee has over 3800 caves containing a space of over one million cubic miles – nearly enough to hold an entire Senate’s worth of broken campaign promises.
• Bristol, Tennessee, is known as the “Birthplace of Country Music” and the “Graveyard of Cheerful Sobriety.”
• Elvis Presley’s home, Graceland, is located in Memphis, Tennessee, and is the most visited house in the US that does not contain the word “pancakes.”
• Or “possum.”
• Before the Revolutionary War, there was a colony in central Tennessee known as Transylvania. Contrary to popular rumor, it contained no vampires because 1) Tennessee vampires don’t exist, 2) if they did exist they’d be too ignorant to find the jugular vein on their victims, and 3) if they could find it, a toothless vampires couldn’t bite anyone.
• Tennessee will not allow you to buy beer in a liquor store. Probably because you can’t fit a Tennessee beer gut through a liquor store doorway.
• The 266 foot tall Sunsphere built for Knoxville, Tennessee’s 1982 World’s Fair still stands in its original location, although it’s currently up on blocks.
• Tennessee’s Fall Creek Falls is the highest waterfall east of the Mississippi. Unlike the more famous Niagara Falls, no one has ever gone over Fall Creek Falls in a barrel, since barrels are considered sacred by the state’s official religion of Whiskeytarianism.
• In Tennessee, it is perfectly legal to gather and consume roadkill. However, there IS a 7-day waiting period for buying a Buick.
• Jack Daniel, of Tennessee Whiskey fame, showed up early for work one morning and – frustrated at being unable to open a safe – kicked it, thus breaking his toe. He later died from infection as a result of the injury. Since then, people from Tennessee always stay home and drink all morning as a safety precaution.

That wraps up the Tennessee edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be remembering the Alamo by randomly shooting Mexicans as we visit Texas.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta go saddle up my hog for the polo match.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, it’s time to put the K in KFC, because we’re headed out to Kentucky, so let’s get started…

• Kentucky became the 15th state on June 1, 1792, despite the fact that no one in the state can actually count that high.
• The state sport of Kentucky is horse racing, mostly because you can’t lose your license for “riding under the influence.”
• In Kentucky, spitting tobacco juice on someone is considered a friendly greeting, much like the “up yours!” of a New York cabbie.
• Kentucky is one of America’s leading coal-mining states. Coal miners are easily recognizable by their almost Frenchman-like layer of black filth.
• While attending church services in Kentucky, remember that – traditionally – the collection plate is passed BEFORE the spittoon.
• They get REALLY upset when you get that wrong.
• The state reality TV show of Kentucky is the Jerry Springer show, or – as it’s known locally – “Southern Survivor.”
• When visiting a Civil War battlefield in Kentucky, try not to laugh out loud if the guide mentions how “we purt’ near won that battle.”
• The state flower of Kentucky is Goldenrod, which should not be confused with that crappy James Bond movie starring Pierce Brosnan.
• The state motto of Kentucky is “United we stand, divided we fall, drunk we pass out.”
• This replaced the old motto of “4 million people, 15 last names.”
• There are no newspapers in Kentucky, as being literate is considered snooty.
• Although Kentucky is bordered by seven different states, Kentuckians rarely shop across state lines, since most stores in other states have firm “no shoes, no teeth, no service” policies.
• Kentucky’s nickname is the Bluegrass state.
• Yeah, we all know grass is GREEN, but if you try to tell THEM that, they’ll think you’re just being snooty.
• Kentucky is the only state in the US where drivers routinely hit their brakes before running over banjo players.
• The electric lightbulb was first demonstrated at the Southern Exposition in Louisville, Kentucky in 1883, but was dismissed by locals as just another passing fad, like horseless carriages and soap.
• Kentucky’s name comes from the Iroquois Indian word “Ken-tah-ten,” which means, “wife… sister… what’s the difference?”
• The state song of Kentucky is the “Hee-Haw” theme.
• Kentucky has a population of 4 million people, all of whom are nicknamed Bubba.
• Except for the women, of course, who are nicknamed Bubba Mae.
• Or Auntie Mom.
• The state tree of Kentucky is whichever one the Governor drives into while drunk. This week it’s the tulip poplar.
• The Kentucky Derby is the oldest continuously-run horse race in America, and was the inspiration for such other races as the Kentucky Stetson and the Kentucky Yarmulke.
• Heather French became the first Miss America from Kentucky in 1999. She beat out Miss Alabama by correctly answering the question, “What is a toothbrush used for?”
• Colonel Harlan Sanders opened his first fried chicken restaurant in Corbin, Kentucky in 1952. It was hugely successful, unlike his earlier chain of Kentucky Fried Possum.
• Both Abraham Lincoln and Confederate President Jefferson Davis were born in Kentucky. They attended the same school as John Wilkes Booth, who routinely beat them both up and stole their lunch money.
• The song “Happy Birthday To You” was written by two sisters from Louisville, Kentucky in 1893, and was originally titled, “I’m Too Cheap to Buy You a Present.”

Well, that wraps up the Kentucky edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week I’ll be slogging through the bayous of Louisiana.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go grab me a bucket of KFP.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, we’ll be going to the only state that serves maple syrup at communion services as we visit Vermont. So let’s get started…

• Vermont became the 14th state on March 4, 1791 after they finally stopped holding out for having the state represented on the flag by a maple leaf.
• Vermont is the largest producer of maple syrup in the US. This keeps America from having to rely on inferior Canadian syrup, which is frequently tainted with impurities such as benzene or socialism.
• The stoner-rock band Phish got its start in Burlington, Vermont. It has a cult-like following similar to that of the Grateful Dead, except fewer of Phish’s fans are old enough to have taken the brown acid at Woodstock.
• In 1916, Barre, Vermont elected a socialist mayor. This ushered in 4 frightening years when their syrup was inferior to Canada’s.
• Vermont gets its name from the French words “verts monts,” which mean “green mountains” and are the only two words in the language which don’t translate roughly as “we surrender.”
• Vermont’s capital of Montpelier has a population of under 9,000 people, which means there’s always plenty of parking for filthy hippies when they show up to protest whatever it is that’s pissing them off this week.
• Montpelier is the only state capital in the US without a McDonald’s, which – technically – makes it a backwards, third-world hellhole. Expect Sally Struthers to be doing some “save the children” commercials for the place sometime soon.
• Vermont has a cows-to-people ratio of 10 to 1, which makes me suspect that the absence of a Montpelier McDonald’s is due to heavy lobbying by Big Cow.
• Vermont’s two biggest employees are Ben & Jerry’s and IBM. IBM actually has trouble attracting workers, since it offers its habitually-baked-at-lunch hippie labor pool fewer opportunities to assuage their munchies by nibbling on the company product.
• Vermont was, at various times in its history, claimed by both New Hampshire and New York. However, like the skunk, it escaped these predators by emitting a New-Jersey-like odor.
• Until 1996, Vermont was the only state without a Wal-Mart, leaving fat women in lime-green stretch pants wandering the streets without a place to gather, gossip, and ignore their crying children.
• Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream company has always given their ice cream waste to local farmers to feed their hogs. However, since Ben & Jerry’s was acquired by the multi-billion dollar business conglomerate Unilever in 2000, the hogs have refused to eat it, citing the bitter, corporate-sellout taste.
• While living in Vermont in the 1890’s, author Rudyard Kipling invented the game of snow golf. It’s played by cursing and throwing your clubs while searching for a white ball in a snowbank.
• Born in Plymouth, Vermont, in 1872, Calvin Coolidge is the only US president born on the 4th of July, and thus the only president to get the free Yankee Doodle Dandy Birthday Sundae from the White House Cafeteria.
• Vermont’s state capitol building is one of the few to have a gold-covered dome. At the peak of the dome stands a stature of Ceres, the Greek goddess of pancake toppings.
• Over 70 percent of Vermont traffic tickets issued in 1996 were given to male drivers, most of whom were speeding because they were late picking up their fat-assed wives from Wal-Mart.
• Ida May Fuller of Brattleboro, Vermont, was the first US citizen to collect a Social Security check. After paying in $100 during her working years, she collected over $20,000 after she retired, giving her a return on investment nearly that of a Hillary Clinton cattle futures purchase.
• Wildlife biologists estimate that as many as five out of six deer can die during a hard winter in Vermont. Although this sounds harsh and cruel, it’s just nature’s way of ensuring that Vermont’s many ski resorts have enough moguls.
• Vermont does not allow billboard advertising because it interferes with the natural beauty of the state’s scenery. Companies get around this by sponsoring signs at anti-war protests, like “Make Love, Not War! – Buy Viagra!”
• Vermont has more ski resorts than any other state in the US. Although this sounds harsh and cruel, it’s just nature’s way of keeping down the Kennedy population.
• Part of the movie Beetlejuice was filmed in Vermont. The afterlife waiting room scene was shot using people returning from a Phish concert in order to save money on costumes & makeup.
• The Vermont area was first explored by Frenchman Samuel de Champlain, who claimed it for his home country after noting with approval how many deer surrendered to starvation every year.
• Inventor John Deere was born in Rutland, Vermont, in 1804. He invented the lawnmower in 1872 and the shredded foot in 1873.
• Brigham Young and Joseph Smith were both born in Vermont. They founded the Mormon church shortly after being unable to make a go of Brigham & Joseph’s Ice Cream. Possibly because of such unpopular flavor offerings as Bible Bangin’ Banana and Sodom & Gomorrah Surprise.
• On July 2, 1777, Vermont became the first state to abolish slavery. The newly freed black man was reportedly overjoyed.
• The first postage stamp issued in the US was made in Battleboro, Vermont, in 1846. Prior to this, postage payment was indicated by having a hole shot in the corner of the envelope by a disgruntled employee.
• The first person to cross the entire US by automobile was Dr. H. Nelson Jackson of Burlington, Vermont. Arriving in New York 2 months after leaving San Francisco, his first words were, “Outta my way! I gotta whiz like a racehorse!”
• The first Boy Scout troop was organized in Barre, Vermont in 1909 by William F. Milne, who made millions forcing the boys to earn their “indentured servant” merit badges.
• The first ski chairlift was used on Vermont’s Mt. Mansfield in 1940. Prior to this, skiers ascended the slopes using tow ropes attached to indentured Boy Scouts.
• The first Head Start Program, which prepares underprivileged preschool children for elementary school, was started in East Fairfield, Vermont. The original curriculum consisted simply of telling the kids repeatedly throughout the day, “get used to failure, losers!”
• The singing Von Trapp family – whose flight from Austria was made famous in the movie “The Sound of Music” – eventually settled in Stowe, Vermont, because it reminded them of the country they left behind, which also consisted of ski slopes full of snooty, Jew-hating WASPs.

That wraps up the Vermont edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be surrounded by bleached blond surfers who say “dude!” with a southern accent as we visit Virginia.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta go get paid for my “No Blood For Oil! Exxon Takes VISA!” sign.

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, we’ll be wondering how they squeeze a million square miles of tacky tourist shops into a thousand square miles of state as we visit Rhode Island. So let’s get started…

• Rhode Island became the 13th state on May 29, 1790. It was originally founded by refugees from Connecticut and Massachusetts who thought that having double consonants in a state’s name looked snooty and pretentious.
• The state motto of Rhode Island is “Size Doesn’t Matter.”
• Rhode Island license plates have black letters on a light blue background and the slogan “Clamtastic!”
• Rhode Island is the smallest state in the US, measuring a mere 48 by 37 miles. Think of it as the old maid in America’s popcorn bucket.
• Rhode Island never ratified the 18th amendment (Prohibition). They were going to, but they ran out of gas. They had a flat tire. They didn’t have enough money for cab fare. Their tuxes didn’t come back from the cleaners. An old friend came in from out of town. Someone stole their cars. There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn’t their fault! I swear to God!
• Jeremiah Johnson of Newport, Rhode Island, was the first person to receive a jail sentence for speeding in an automobile. His sentence was later reduced to picking up after all the horses that his reckless driving had scared the crap out of.
• Polo was first played in the US in Newport, Rhode Island. For those not familiar with the game, it’s sorta like hockey, except with more horses and – if you can imagine this – even fewer black people.
• The Flying Horse Carousel in Watch Hill, Rhode Island, is the oldest in the US. Since it was built in 1876, it has been ridden more times than Madonna.
• NOTE: The previous statement should be reviewed for accuracy on a day-by-day basis.
• The first circus in the US started in 1774 in Newport, Rhode Island. The ceaseless bickering between the Fat Lady and the Dog Faced Boy is frequently cited by historians as the inspiration for America’s two-party political system.
• Newport, Rhode Island is home to the Tennis Hall of Fame, which honors such widely-known tennis stars as… um… you know… that one guy… what’s-his-face. And I think there’s a couple chicks in there, too.
• Whatever. Does anybody ACTUALLY follow tennis?
• Songwriter George M. Cohan was born in Providence, Rhode Island. His big hit “I’m A Yankee Doodle Dandy,” was translated for the British stage as “I’m An American Loony Poofter.”
• In 1953, St. Mary’s church in Newport, Rhode Island was the site of the marriage between John F. Kennedy and Jacqueline Bouvier. It was a fairy-tale wedding, right up until the point where an especially drunken Ted Kennedy mistook the confessional for a men’s room stall.
• Rhode Island is famous for making silverware and fine jewelry. I personally have no idea what these are, since I’m more of a plastic spork and rubber bracelet kinda guy.
• The roof of Providence, Rhode Island’s New England Pest Control building is home to the world’s largest bug – a 58-foot-long blue termite. The second largest bug is any given Florida cockroach.
• Yeah, I know they’re technically “Palmetto Bugs,” but that’s not much consolation when one pours out of your box of Wheaties in the morning.
• At the Point Judith corrosion test site, various materials sit exposed for years to determine the effects of sun and salt air. Tests show that the thing that falls apart most rapidly under adverse circumstances is a Republican Congress.
• Rhode Island was the first state to strike a blow against England during the Revolutionary War. The English ship “Gaspee” was sunk in Narragansett Bay in 1772 after being hit by a cow that had been catapulted from a nearby castle.
• Roger Williams, the founder of Rhode Island, wrote the original draft of the First Amendment, guaranteeing freedom of speech, the press, religion, and public assembly. Sadly omitted in the final draft was the guarantee of hot-chicks-only nude beaches.
• Samuel Slater of Pawtucket, Rhode Island, invented the water-powered cotton mill in 1790. Southern plantation owners opposed the machine, fearing that it’s high efficiency and productivity could spark a wave of low self-esteem amongst the slaves.
• The first British troops sent to crush the Revolution landed in Newport, Rhode Island in 1773. They were themselves crushed by a giant wooden rabbit that had been catapulted from a nearby castle.
• Atop the State House in Providence, Rhode Island, stands the statue of “The Independent Man.” Standing above him and wielding a rolling pin is the statue of “The Nagging Wife.”
• The first girl born to American colonist parents is buried in Little Compton, Rhode Island. The first boy is also buried there, under a marker engraved with his last words, “Look! Friendly Indians!”
• The White Horse Tavern in Newport, Rhode Island is the oldest operating tavern in the US. When it first opened in 1673, the labeling of the men’s and women’s restrooms as “Stallions” and “Mares” was still considered original and clever.
• Portsmouth, Rhode Island, is home to the oldest schoolhouse in the US. Built in 1716, some of George Washington’s original spitballs can still be seen stuck to the ceiling.
• The Rhode Island Red Monument in Adamsville, Rhode Island, honors the famous poultry breed, and is the largest chicken-related monument in the world except for the Eiffel Tower.
• Built in 1763, Newport, Rhode Island’s Touro Synagogue is the oldest synagogue in the US and contains the oldest Torah in North America. And no, it’s NOT because they’re too cheap to buy a new one. Don’t be anti-Semitic.
• Pelham Street in Newport, Rhode Island was the first street in America to use gas-illuminated streetlights in place of the burning witches common to New England in that era.
• Rhode Island has a population of just over one million people, all of whom know that a “coffee-cup salute” is a shout-out to local businesses by Channel 10’s Frank Coletta, and NOT a euphemism for an unspeakably degrading sexual act.
• Don’t try asking anyone from Massachusetts about it, though.

That wraps up the Rhode Island edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be frustratedly breaking golf clubs in Myrtle Beach as we visit South Carolina.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve gotta go visit the confessional before Ted Kennedy … EWWWWWWWW! … too late…

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]

This is a reposting of one of Harvey’s classics. There’s a link to the book in the sidebar. — The Editors

Welcome to Fun Facts About the 50 States, where – week by week – I’ll be taking you on a tour around this great nation of ours, providing you with interesting, yet completely useless and probably untrue, information about each of the 50 states.

This week, we’ll be singing our way through the cotton harvest as we visit North Carolina. So let’s get started…

• North Carolina became the 12th state on November, 21st, 1789. Then, as now, it was the nation’s leading producer of tobacco products and is the only state in the US whose constitution includes a Surgeon General’s warning.
• The state song of North Carolina is a wet, hacking cough.
• Although Carolina is currently considered a woman’s name, North Carolina was actually named for England’s King Charles I, since the Latin word “Carolus” means both “Charles” and “mincing poofter girlie-man.”
• In 1903, the Wright Brothers had their first successful airplane flight near Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. Although early flights barely left the ground, they were quite popular among amorous couples seeking to join the “10-foot-high club.”
• In the early 1700’s Beaufort Town, North Carolina was a notorious haven for pirates – cruel, dim-witted men with foul mouths and poor personal hygiene who wouldn’t hesitate to use violence to get their way. Rather like hippies, except with bigger boats.
• The famous lighthouse at Cape Hatteras, North Carolina had to be moved due to erosion problems, due in large part to endless streams of tourists spitting over the rail of the observation deck.
• The state bird of North Carolina is the Cardinal, which I assume was chosen for its red neck.
• The Andy Griffith show was set in the fictional town of Mayberry, North Carolina. It was based on an actual city, but to appease the censors, they changed Otis’ role to town drunk instead of his real job as Aunt Bea’s pimp.
• North Carolina’s state vegetable is the Sweet Potato, which was chosen by the state’s majority population of Sweet Irish.
• Harker Island, North Carolina, is home to the annual Core Sound Duck Decoy Festival which boasts more fake but accurate items than a CBS news broadcast.
• The WWII battleship North Carolina was preserved as a museum in 1963 as a reminder to the Japs that they should stick to tending goldfish.
• The first English Colony in America was at Roanoke Island, North Carolina. The entire population vanished without a trace in 1590, which is not as mysterious as it sounds, since the colony consisted entirely of deadbeat dads.
• The state motto of North Carolina is “Esse quam videri,” which is Latin for “arrogant basketball snobs.”
• At nearly 6700 feet, North Carolina’s Mount Mitchell is the highest peak east of the Mississippi and is rumored to be the hiding place of the notorious terrorist Bubba bin Laden.
• Krispy Kreme Donuts was started in 1937 in Winston-Salem, North Carolina. The donuts are staggeringly popular throughout the US, despite the fact that their name is an obvious euphemism for “stale filling.”
• The Venus Flytrap is a carnivorous plant which is native to North Carolina. It will eat dead flies, spoiled hamburger, and most other things commonly found in the kitchen at McDonald’s.
• The first miniature golf course was built in Fayetteville, North Carolina, and was originally invented to appeal to tourists who hate exercise, but really enjoy frustrated cursing.
• Babe Ruth hit the first of his record 714 home runs while playing in Fayetteville, North Carolina on March 7, 1914. He also hit his first peanut vendor in the process – his record for that (179) remains unbroken to this day.
• The Biltmore Estate in Asheville, North Carolina is America’s largest home. Designed by architect Mike Brady, it contains 255 rooms and a single, shared, upstairs bathroom with no toilet.
• The first state-owned art museum is located in Raleigh, North Carolina. All modern art exhibits there are limited by law to 1.6 gallons per flush.
• North Carolina’s Grandfather Mountain is designated by the UN as an “International Biosphere Reserve,” which is just a polite way of saying “a place for the French to hide in case they get frightened by a loud noise or something.”
• The Mile-High Swinging Bridge near Linville, North Carolina, is 5305 feet above sea level. It wasn’t originally designed to swing, but that’s Union labor for ya.
• Pepsi was invented in New Bern, North Carolina in 1898. The secret ingredient in the beverage is a closely-guarded secret, but here’s a hint: the beverage was originally called “Peesi.”
• The town of Wendell, North Carolina, was named for Oliver Wendell Holmes, or possibly for that pale, sickly kid on the Simpsons.
• Golfing legend Arnold Palmer started his career playing on the championship golf team of Wake Forest University. He’s credited with inventing the “casually kick the ball closer to the hole maneuver” now popularly known as “Palmering.”
• Born in Fayetteville, North Carolina, in 1822 Hiram Rhodes Revels became the first black member of the US Congress – inexplicably, without Jesse Jackson’s help.
• 17th President Andrew Johnson started out as a tailor’s apprentice in Raleigh, North Carolina. He became the first President in American history to be impeached, but was acquitted in his Senate trial, since his crimes DID include lying about diddling an intern.
• North Carolina leads the nation in furniture production, and is famous for its leather sofas made from the skins of unlucky NASCAR drivers.
• North Carolina was the first state in the US to establish a state symphony orchestra, which consisted of a jug, a washboard, and a washtub bass.
• In 1987, North Carolina declared milk to be the official state beverage when the clerk typing up the bill inadvertently misspelled “moonshine.”
• Born in Charlotte, North Carolina, televangelist Billy Graham – like Osama bin Laden – used the power of modern media to spread his religious message. Fortunately, his followers usually became naggy church ladies instead of suicide bombers.

That wraps up the North Carolina edition of Fun Facts About the 50 States. Next week we’ll be mortified to discover that the people in Fargo really DO sound like those people in the movie, as we visit North Dakota.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go join the “10-foot-high club.”

[The complete e-book version of “Fun Facts About the 50 States” is now available at Amazon.com. If you don’t have a Kindle, you can download free Kindle apps for your web browser, smartphone, computer, or tablet from Amazon.com]