Jesse Jackson, Jr. — living proof that Chicago is full of idiots — says that the iPad kills jobs. Not Steve Jobs. Employment jobs.

(The iPad is ) probably responsible for eliminating thousands of American jobs. Now Borders is closing stores because, why do you need to go to Borders anymore? Why do you need to go to Barnes & Noble? Buy an iPad and download your newspaper, download your book, download your magazine.

When his dad, noted racist scam artist Jesse Jackson, finds out that the iPad comes in white things will really get nasty.

But, in fairness, Jesse Jackson, Jr. is right. The iPad does kill jobs. And we need to put a stop to it now!

But, we don’t need to focus on the iPad alone. We should also be wary of other technologies that eliminate jobs.

Like the automobile. Think of all the livery stables that could shut down if this whole automobile thing catches on. And blacksmiths. How many blacksmiths are able to get through the lean times because of the horseshoe trade? They may have to shut down, too.

The aeroplane. If people start using these flying machines to travel, the stagecoach could go the way of the dinosaur. Then what would Wells Fargo do? Go into banking?

Guns. This one item alone could shut down the spear making industry.

Printing press. Just the thought of this thing catching on and putting all those scribes out of work.

Television. People might stay home instead of going to a vaudeville or burlesque show. What will mediocre comedians do? And what will strippers do? It could be the end of an industry.

Yes, it’s horrible all the jobs that will be lost because of these new-fangled devices. We must nip this in the bud.

Let’s follow Jesse Jackson, Jr’s lead. Let’s start by stopping the iPad.

In fact, you can send your iPad to me. That’ll save hundreds, nay, thousands of jobs.

Do your part, America.