Everyone has heard from Murtha’s interview on Meet the Press about how our failure in Somalia is a model to follow and that operation in the Middle East can be conducted from Okinawa, but did you hear the other military advice he had?
MORE MILITARY ADVICE FROM REPRESENTATIVE JOHN MURTHA
* “Chimpanzees can be trained to use a rifle just as easily as a man. The smart thing to do is to send armed chimps into urban combat zones.”
* “Decision shouldn’t be made by people in air conditioned rooms sitting on their large behinds, because AC destroys brain cells. I once got my head stuck in an AC unit, and I haven’t been the same since.”
* “President Coolidge’s failure against the Ewoks demonstrated that it is too difficult to take on an entrenched enemy, even if we have a weapon capable of destroying planets.”
* “Zarqawi could have been captured just as easily by conducting operations outside of Iraq… or maybe even underwater if our foreign policy hasn’t ruined our relations with Aquaman.”
* “Combat should be done by our robots. And don’t tell me we don’t have robots, because I just saw one this morning and it stole and ate my pills for fuel.”
* “It’s foolish to think that running from Iraq means we’re abandoning it. Wherever we run to, we’ll eventually have to run from there, too… and then we’ll run from there. Eventually, we’ll run right back to Iraq when it’s less scary than whatever is outside it.”
* “We also need to get our troops out of Wisconsin. I was there recently, and I saw some teenagers that scared me. Something is going to erupt there soon, and we don’t want to be caught in the middle of it.”
He should just retire and enjoy his golden years somewhere – Florida maybe?
“He should just retire and enjoy his golden years somewhere – Florida maybe?”
Posted by: fluke_boy on June 20, 2006 03:12 PM
No frickin’way fluke_boy, we have our hands full with all the frickin’ canadians!
The guy belongs in Never-Never Land! I have cats that are smarter than this guy.
Murtha, like his effete Brokeback buddy Kerry, are two fine examples of American soldiers turned politicos. At least Murtha had the good taste to let age and dementia provide a jot of an excuse for his sorry behavior, Kerry couldn’t wait to get the third of his bogus purple hearts so he could come home and trash his fellow soldiers. Although Murtha is struggling to be as unpatriotic as Kerry, he hasn’t rushed to Iraq to discuss U.S. surrender terms to Al Qaeda, yet. I do not think it is a coincidence that neither of these quislings has released their medical records from their time in service. I fart in their general direction.
At 2:51 pm today on the floor of the House he announced support for moving all of NASA’s current operations to Atlantis. Then, he spent the next several minutes yelling: “You kids get off of my lawn! I know who your parents are!”
FrankJ, as crazy as soldier robots may seem (I myself have seen them rummaging through my medicine cabinets), the U.S. Navy has found that the biological sonar of dolphins, called echolocation, makes them uniquely effective at locating sea mines so they can be avoided or removed. Other marine mammals like the California sea lion also have demonstrated the ability to mark and retrieve objects for the Navy in the ocean. In fact, marine mammals are so important to the Navy that there is an entire program dedicated to studying, training, and deploying them. Unfortunately, many of them are registered as Republicans but that is a different story.
However, animal rights activists are blasting the U.S. Navy for its use of mine-detecting dolphins in the war with Iraq because, according to the activists, the marine mammals “have not volunteered” to be part of the war.
Stephanie Boyles, a wildlife biologist with People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA), said the use of dolphins to sweep for mines in Iraq is “just ridiculous.” “These are animals that number one, have not volunteered to take part in this whatsoever. Number two, they are being put in harm’s way…when they don’t even know they are in harm’s way,” Boyles told CNSNews.com. “There have been already enough victims in this world. We don’t have to start adding other species to it,” Boyles added.
CNN interviewed “Buddy” the mine-sweeping dolphin, and sure enough, improprieties were discovered. First, Buddy insisted that he got a letter from the Navy stating that he had been drafted; and, Buddy being a sea mammal, had no reason to believe there was no draft. Then Buddy was informed he would be echolocating “mimes” so that naval vessels would not run over them. Finally, at boot camp Buddy and his fellow dolphins were subjects of hazing, as he indicated that their aquatic barracks were often “whizzed” in by their abusive drill instructors. Buddy said, “Yeah, they would pee in our barracks, just for the halibut”!
Just another example of the secretive Bush administration victimizing another segment of our society that looks at us to protect them. And that’s the way it is. Hey, you! Robot, bring back my Viagra!
You forgot one Frank…
“Its foolish to keep giving these dead and injured soldiers purple hearts. Them soldiers have no idea what pain means. I don’t even have any respect for my own purple hearts. I mean, c’mon, yesterday I fell down and threw out my hip after I slipped on a plastic baggie in the produce aisle at my local Piggly Wiggly and you don’t hear me B****ing.”
I just got a nice overpriced coffee drink to celebrate a big project getting completed at work, and nearly spewed it when I hit “pills for fuel”.
Worth it, though. Totally worth it.
Kent,
Of course you’d like the one joke I stole.
Uh… I mean my “homage.”
You want your pills back? Bite my shiny, metal ass!
/Bender
hey… what’s wrong with wisconsin? i’m a teen and i don’t scare anyone away. well… maybe a little with the wallet chain. and hugging random people. and being really loud. and always wearing shirts with sayings on them. and wearing a nice portion of black… but i wear my pants where they should be!
Stole from where? Bender, or the old Married With Children where the aliens steal Al’s socks for fuel? Homage is more accurate – see the “Simpsons Did It” episode of South Park for reference.
It’s more accurate to say that it was ramping up, then went airborne at that moment. It wasn’t the only joke I liked, just the one that, after Ewoks and Aquaman, hit a much softer target. The circular premise of the next one is classic Frank, where you summarize in a few well-crafted sentences something that folds in on itself (like the time machine thing on the podcast about beating up whoever voted for income tax).
Those comments are too sensible for Murtha to have made them…
This place is hysterical. Thanks to Jay Tea for pointing it out to me.
Carry on!