Cindy Sheehan and her little friend Medea Benjamin of Code Pink are out protesting in Korea, but neglected to proofread their sign:
[pic via alert from GOP and the City]
Here’s the original Yahoo! News story (and a screenshot, in case they delete it)
Near as I can tell, it’s not a photoshop job. However, that just means that it ought to BE one.
I took the liberty of removing the words and leaving a blank sign. I also rotated the picture some so that you can easily add your own text without having to rotate it and make it all distorted.
Have fun with this. If you make your own sign, leave a link to your post in the comments.
Or – if you’re photoshopically deficient – just leave what you think the sign should say.
Like maybe:
“Stupid and oblivious”
“Desperate for attention”
or my personal favorite:
(see also GOP & The City’s Photoshop Contest)
Archive of posts filed under the Best of IMAO 2006 category.
A Ducky Editorial: In Praise of Madonna
This may sound strange to state, but I have to agree with Madonna and her recent decision to adopt a young, dark child. It’s not that I don’t like Madonna. Afterall, I do appreciate her sacrifice on the cross. A sacrifice she makes at her concerts several times a week, twice on Saturdays. It’s just that she’s always so darn preachy.
Well, now I’m on board with the program. That’s why I say we should all follow Madonna’s example of lovingness. Yes, we should all travel to foreign countries, find poor families, and take away their children.
This young boy did not have a mother but he did have a father. I’m not sure how this qualifies as being an orphan, but who am I to judge the ways of these weird third world countries.
But sweeping a young man away from his father and taking him to live with a rich, white singer is the right thing to do in most cases (the exception being the Britney Rule.) If this catches on, maybe one day we can bring this program to America. I can just envision rich white couples cruising the streets of Harlem saying, ” Ooooh. I want that one.”
Anyway, I commend Madonna and her actions. So if you know somebody who is poor and struggling, maybe you too can come and take away their kids. It’s really for the best. Poor people tend to grow up without money, and that’s bad for the economy. Not only that, but they also tend to vote Democrat. This leads to a vicious cycle of being poor and stupid, poor and stupid. Many stay in that horrible cycle for decades. Some break out by discovering acting.
Remember: You too can make a difference.
Disclaimer: RightWingDuck is not up for adoption but does accept donations. Neither RWD nor IMAO endorse the snatching of kids and recommend that all kid snatching be done through appropriate channels such as adoption agencies and Mark Foley’s office.
Terrorist Awareness Quiz
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
I think it’s wonderful that citizens are aware of the terrorist threat, but recently there have been several false alarms turned in by folks who obviously aren’t qualified to spot terrorists. For example:
Cargo containerfull of explosives in Seattle! … just dirty rags.
1000 cell phones bought by Arabs for explosive triggers!… just buying them cheap to re-sell later.
Crazed jihadi hijacks plane with napalm!… just a claustrophobic grandmother with a jar of vaseline.
Are YOU qualified to spot terrorist threats? Take this short quiz and find out:
1. 12 men are huddled together whispering to each other. They are.
a) Terrorists
b) A football team about to get a 5-yard penalty
c) The Disciples killing time waiting for Jesus to get back from Starbucks with their morning coffee.
2. Someone sits at a workbench, alternately mumbling curses and prayers to himself as he sticks wires into high explosives. This is:
a) Terrorist activity
b) Just another day at Industrial Light & Magic
c) The ever-optimistic Wile E. Coyote
3. An angry, bearded man shakes his fists and ululates at the sky. He is:
a) A terrorist
b) Harvey stepping on a nail
c) Al Gore giving a speech
4. A stray dog wanders up to you as you sit at an outdoor cafe. You should:
a) Suspect that terrorists have strapped explosives to it
b) Change tables – your shoes are both expensive and not drool-proof
c) Angrily send the dog back into the kitchen, complaining that you specifically ordered “well done”.
5. You see a piece of unattended luggage at the airport. It’s probably:
a) A terrorist’s explosive device
b) A clue in some stupid race-around-the-world reality show
c) Odo doing undercover work
6. Middle-Eastern men are taking surreptitious camera-phone pictures near a national landmark. They are:
a) Gathering intelligence for a future terrorist attack
b) Just dorky tourists who are too cheap to buy a REAL camera
c) Gathering photos for later uploading to their hotnakedankles.com porn site
7. You open a package and notice a white, powdery substance. This is a case of:
a) A terrorist anthrax assault
b) The post office brutally mishandling your order of Enzyte
c) You forgetting to wash your hands after scattering lime over the shallow graves in your basement
Score as follows:
a – 1 point
b – 2 points
c – 3 points
Grading:
1-6 points: Either you suck at math or you skipped a question.
7-11 points: You’re far too twitchy to be trusted with our national security. Lock yourself in a closet with a Louisville Slugger, ya big scaredy-cat!
12-16 points: Your finely-honed sense of danger is balanced with a generous dollop of common sense. America needs more people like you. An Army recruiter will be contacting you shortly.
17-21 points: Fictional characters? Dog-eating? Hiding bodies? You’re a criminally insane psychotic freak. A danger to yourself and others. A Marine recruiter will be contacting you shortly.
22 or more points: CHEATER!
So… how did you do?
NOTE: Please be aware that scoring 22 or more points may cause you to be contacted by the DNC’s “Get Out the Vote” committee.
Michael Moore Gets Hugs?
Michael Moore gets hugs from Republicans?
Here’s my take on it.
Caption: For some reason, Michael Moore confused “hugs” with the effects of gravity.
Profit & Loss… Mostly Loss
(A Precision Guided Humor Assignment)
In a cost saving move, the New York Times will soon be printed on smaller sheets of newspaper, and will cut over 1000 jobs.
Apparently blabbing the details of secret anti-terrorism programs isn’t the money-maker they thought it would be.
And this is only the beginning of the exciting changes at the Gray Harlot. A number of other cost-saving and revenue-enhancing moves are in the works:
- Switching to discount brand “Gee, Your Whiz Smells Terrific!” urinal cakes.
- Eliminating wasteful i-dotting and t-crossing.
- Dumping over-paid reporters and getting news from know-it-all cab drivers.
- Instituting firm “no seconds” policy when hosting DNC fundraising dinners.
- Siphoning ink from New York Post printing presses.
- Hiring street-corner squeegee bums to clean the Times Building’s windows, and cutting their harness ropes just as they finish the top floor.
- Switching reporters to a flat salary instead of the current pay-per-lie arrangement.
- Refinancing mortgage on the Times Building and paying off those high-interest Mob loans.
- Switching from regular printer’s ink to much darker Hudson River water.
- Explaining to their paperboys that, for a mere $20 a week, they’ll “make sure nuthin’ bad happens to that nice little bike you’re ridin’… which would be a shame”.
- Using regular newsprint instead of that fancy, quilted kind.
- Stopping unrealistic “news stories unchallenged by bloggers for 30 minutes, or it’s free!” ad campaign.
- Firing their fact-checkers. They just sit on the computer playing solitaire all day, anyhow.
- Cease using William Hung songs as subscription order line hold music.
- Waiting until Democratic candidate bribe checks actually clear the bank before giving endorsements.
- Replacing boring news stories with hilarious “Fun Facts About the 50 States” pieces.
- Which would also increase the paper’s overall accuracy quotient.
- Saving on expensive photographer’s fees by replacing pictures of President Bush with royalty-free chimpanzee clip-art.
- Replacing ink-wasting word “insurgents” with shorter “dudes”.
- Three words – Arthur Andersen Accounting.
With these changes in place, the paper should be back on its feet, in the gutters, and raking muck in no time.
Mirakle Koor Demands Federal Funding!!!
Ladies and Gentlemen,
Behold the cure for what ails you. Dr. Ducks Miracle Water. But you can’t have it. Know why? Stupid government bureaucrats with secret agendas are keeping this amazing elixir from you by denying the federal funds needed to develop this further.
What can Dr. Duck’s Miracle Water do for humanity?
Here are all the things it COULD do. Let’s hear from those who are suffering. And if you don’t feel for these people and want to help them then you have no heart and deserve to repeatedly vote Republican!!
Christopher Reeves. Computer Re-animation. Hi. I’m dead. But let me tell you what I would say if I would have known about Dr. Duck’s miracle water. My name is Christopher Reeves and I used to portray Superman back in the days when he was heterosexual. Really! I can’t stand the new Superman. I mean, the Fortress of Solitude isn’t supposed to have a hair salon!! Anyway, if you approve massive federal funding for Dr. Ducks Miracle Water, then one day people like me might have a chance to stand up, walk, and defend our Superman reputation.
Hollywood Child Actor: Do you know me? I used to be a cute and adorable child actor. People would melt at my smile. That is before massive drug abuse led to my teeth falling out. There may or may not be evidence that Dr. Duck’s Miracle Water can heal those who are suffering from drug addiction. Drug addiction is a serious illness that requires medical attention for everyone except conservative talk show hosts — who should be put in jail forever. Anyway, if you support funding for Dr. Duck’s Miracle Water, then one day, we can cure the scourge of drug abuse and agents will start returning my calls.
Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney. Looking at Camera. What do you mean tell them who I am? They know who I am? Why do I have to say my name? What are they — racist? (Punches the camera man.)
Cameraman: If you support Dr. Duck’s Miracle Water, then one day we can cure this horrible affliction we call racism.
These are all the things that Dr. Duck’s Miracle Water might be able to do. So please won’t you write your congressman and ask that the Bush Administration provide gargantuan gobs of money for the Dr. Duck corporation???
Here are some answers to questions you might have…
Dr. Ducks FAQ
Continue reading ‘Mirakle Koor Demands Federal Funding!!!’ »
President Bush’s Top 10 Off-Mic Comments
Like a schoolyard snitch breathlessly squealing to a teacher, CNN reported with wide, excited eyes that President Bush used “the S word” when he mistakenly thought he had a little privacy.
Oddly, he wasn’t using it to describe the quality of CNN’s reporting.
Meanwhile, here are the top 10 other things that President Bush has said when he thought the microphone was off:
10) “I think I may need a bathroom break. Is this possible?”
9) “Why yes, the presidential limo DOES have a hemi.”
8) “Sure, I’ve nailed my share of interns, but at least they weren’t rolling-roundies like that Stay-Puft Marshmallow Girl of Clinton’s.”
7) “Seriously, I’ve been ringside. There’s nothing fake about WWE”.
6) “Hey Tony, can you move your f***in’ Dumbo ears out of the way so that I can get by?”
5) “‘Nuc-u-lar’ is TOO a word. It’s in the dictionary right before ‘potatoe’.”
4) “My fellow Americans, I’m pleased to tell you today that I’ve signed legislation that will outlaw Iran forever. We begin bombing in five minutes…. OOPS! Forgot about the time difference… we began bombing five hours ago.”
3) “Well, from what I understand, it’s actually a soquid that you eat with a fpoon.”
2) “So Laura… how ’bout we blow this joint & go home for a little game of ‘heiress and the pool boy’?”
And the #1 thing that President Bush has said when he thought the microphone was off:
1) “Neither. I wear thongs.”
Irony
Know Thy Enemy: Floods
Apparently lots of places in America where I don’t live are getting flooded. Thus, I had my crack research team find out all they can about floods to help you wet citizens out there.
FUN FACTS ABOUT FLOODS
Fun Trivia
The city of Berkely is going to let voters decide whether to call for the impeachment of President Bush. What will it achieve?
IMAO EXCLUSIVE: Statement from the New Head of the New York Times on the Spy Programs Controversy
With the New York Times publishing about yet another programming in current use to spy on terrorists – thus ruining the program – there has been much debate about press responsibility. The New York Times seemed to dismiss any questions about its integrity and how its reporting might help terrorists while doing little to inform the public. To get their full stance, I, Frank J., was able to get this exclusive statement from the new head of the NYT…
Kos… With a Tail!
I was thinking: Wouldn’t it be funny if Kos had a tail? Same old crazy Kos, but now with a tail. And I bet I know what would happen: he’s spend all his time blogging about how his tail was part of the neocon conspiracy to reelect Joe Lieberman and how his tail was evil and always trying to fight against true progressive ideals.
Heh, that crazy Kos; always ranting against his tail.
Why Does the New York Times Want Us Dead?
Due to their decreased circulation, the New York Times is apparently now just focusing on helping terrorists and exposing any spying operation we have against those who wish to kill us. But why? Did the NYT take out insurance policies on all of us? How do we check that?
This is a good opportunity for President Bush to show leadership in the War on Terror and increase his poll numbers. He should say how he vehemently disagrees with the NYT’s decision to publish details on spying operations done against terrorists. Then he should bomb the NYT headquarters and kill its leaders. The rest of the NYT staff should be hunted down just like Al Qaeda and sent to Gitmo. People will then say, “Wow; Bush really is serious about protecting us. Look how he killed and captured so many people involved with the New York Times.”
At Gitmo, after weeks of intense interrogation, it can then be revealed that Paul Krugman knows absolutely nothing. The same thing can be then determined about Maureen Dowd with a just brief glance at her.
In My World: Crazy Old Redeployment
“Here is our current military problem,” Rumsfeld told President Bush as he put a slide on screen. It was a picture of smiling faces of many different races and cultures. “Foreigners! And the solution is: Kill all foreigners.”
“I’m afraid you’re stuck in a rut, Rummy,” Bush said. “So I’m bringing in some fresh ideas.”
“Rarr!” Rumsfeld yelled. “How dare you!”
“Calm down. I just want everyone to be on board in fighting the terrorists, so I thought I’d bring in a Democrat to help with planning as co-Secretary of Defense. It was easy to pick, since there is only one Democrat actually laying out a plan.”
There was a pounding on the door to the conference room. “The door won’t open!” a voice shouted.
“Did you try the handle?” Bush suggested.
“The what?”
“Sheesh.” Bush walked over and opened the door. In walked Murtha clad in pajamas and slippers.
“Where am I?”
“You’re in a conference room at the White House to help with military strategery,” Bush explained slowly.
“Can I just go ahead and strangle him now?” Rumsfeld asked.
“No. Let’s first hear what he has to say.”
Murtha walked over to a map of the world on the wall. “We need to get out of Iraq! It’s dangerous. We need to get our troops elsewhere.”
“But where?” Bush asked.
Murtha looked over the map. “Well… uh… I don’t see it on here on the map… but we should redeploy to the moon!”
“Can I strangle him now?”
“No, Rummy!” Bush shouted.
“The moon is perfect,” Murtha continued. “We can just as easily fight terrorism from there. It’s up high, so we can see everything. When we need to strike somewhere, we can just jump and we’ll fall right towards it.”
“Brilliant!” Bush exclaimed. He then thought for a moment and his enthusiasm faded. “Hey, but what if someone nukes the moon?”
“We’ll cover the moon with a Plexiglas shield,” Murtha said. “Plexiglas is strong.”
“Brilliant!”
Rumsfeld sat down. “Just tell me when it’s okay for me to strangle him.”
“The only problem with the moon,” Murtha explained, “is that it may contain a race of angry mole-people.”
Bush shivered. “Oh no! Not mole-people!”
“If that’s true, then we’ll have to redeploy elsewhere.”
“But where?”
Murtha looked over the map and then pointed to one area. “What’s this place called?”
“The Pacific Ocean,” Rumsfeld answered as he tensed his hands for a strangling.
“Are we going under the sea?” Bush asked.
“No, there are giant squids down there,” Murtha said. “We’ll make a base that floats. Now, what floats?”
“Dead bodies,” Rumsfeld answered.
“Very small rocks?” Bush said.
“Styrofoam peanuts,” Murtha stated. “I have a lot at my house and we can make a base out of them. Now I just need to sit down for a second.” Murtha took a seat and immediately fell asleep.
Rumsfeld stood up. “I guess it’s time to strangle him.”
“You can’t strangle him while he’s sleeping; he’s a veteran.”
Rumsfeld thought for a moment. “How about I just throw him in the Potomac?”
“Okay.”
Slogans for the Kwazy Kos Kids
DarkSyde at the DailyKos is trying to find a short, unifying slogan for the Kwazy Kos Kids. He has his suggestions, but here are mine:
* I’m Running Out of Tin-Foil!
* Karl Rove Stole My Weed!
* Stop Laughing at Me!
* “Don’t Eat Paint Chips” Is One of Bush’s Lies!
* You Say “Angry” Isn’t a Platform? YOU SHUT UP!!!
* You’re Either With Us, Or I’m Going to Bite You
* No, You’re Mentally Retarded and Probably Insane!
* Bush Lied, I Soiled Myself and Cried
* I Don’t Want the Pills! Don’t Make Me Take the Pills!
* Aw Tawt Aw Taw a Putty Tat!
* Why Do You Care If I Forgot to Wear Pants When There Is an Illegal War Going On?
* YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!
Come on! Help out the Kos Kids in their slogan search in the comments.