CAIRO, Egypt (AP) – In an audio tape posted on the internet, Al Qaeda leader Osama Bin Laden said that Muslims across the world “must take action” to help the millions of Haitians suffering in the aftermath of a tragic earthquake.
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“Although our holy Jihad against Jews and infidels (may their stomachs roast in hell) is important,” said Bin Laden, “even more important is the human tragedy in Haiti. The Western nations natter and dither while innocents die because the Great Satan is indifferent to the fate of the impoverished. As Muslims, however, we do not have the luxury of indifference. Allah is a God of mercy and compassion. As his followers, we are compelled to be the instruments of that compassion.”
“Many Muslim nations,” continued Bin Laden, “are awash in oil wealth. In the name of Allah the all-giving and all-loving, we are obligated to use that wealth to the benefit of Allah’s neediest children, no matter where they are, and even though they do not share our beliefs. There is a time for the sword, but there is also a time for the hand of mercy and charity to lift up those in their hour of greatest desperation. The decadent West has failed, and it is up to the world’s Muslims to lift up the lamp of Islamic generosity to give hope to those who are now hopeless.”
Surprisingly, the terrorist leader and most wanted man in the world has vowed to risk his own life to personally bring aid to the decimated areas of Haiti. “Although I am not a prophet with the greatness of Mohammed (peace be upon him), I am still a man,” said Al Qaeda’s #1, “and my fellow man is crying in sorrow. I, myself, will lead an aid mission into Haiti as a visible missionary of succor to this devastated nation, even though the infidels may martyr me on sight.”
“I can only hope,” concluded Bin Laden, “that the rest of the world will follow the Muslim example, set aside their petty squabbles, and do the right thing to save the innocent lives that hang in the balance.”
Let me guess, he is staying at john stewarts house.
Maybe our president will lend him his magic carpet to ride into Port-au-Prince.
That was a beautiful speech.
Sa-Lute!
Come here. I want to congratulate you. I want to shake your neck.
Bin Laden has just issued a fatwah upon you.
Now that is “Compassionate Jihadism”.
By the forked beard of the Prophet Mr. Plentyobailouts I am not staying at John Stewart’s house. While he is a useful moron who’s opinions assist my cause…I also find him to be a dog of an infidel who will be among the first ones sent to the holy chopping block when Allah delivers the Great Satan into my hands. Until then I’m staying with Keith Olbermann; a man who has been my secret ally from the beginning and who places all my sports bets for me….OBL, Formally in the third cave from the left, Pakistan.
Good for you for exposing that false moral equivalence liberals do when they don’t want to look racists but hate Muslims. Liberals are cowards. (what does that say about us that they pwned this country the 60’s)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S-vybA54BF4
Ill tell you where this country went irretrievably wrong when government run education (that was step 1) started focusing on left-wing indoctrination and thus deliberately had to avoid teaching critical thinking skills. Now we have several generations of people who cant perceive false equivalence, straw-men arguments or funny parody with sarcasm about themselves.
“First, note that with the exception of miniscule aid from Turkey (an emergency management expert and a psychologist), not one single Moslem country is providing a dime. It is one of Mohammed’s five requirements to be a Moslem that you contribute to charity – for other Moslems. People who aren’t Moslem aren’t really people at all, they are sub-human infidels, kafrs, not deserving of charity.”
http://www.tothepointnews.com/
Actor Danny Glover is blaming the Earth quake in Hati on Global Warming. Anybody who has a 5th grade education knows it plate tectonics that cause Earth quakes. Next I expect Nancy Pelosi to come out and say it’s Bush’s Fault, and the the Hatians are a bunch of Astrotuffers.
Don’t be silly. Everybody knows that “Bush’s Fault” was the name for the site of the earthquake in Afghanistan:
http://www.imao.us/index.php/2009/10/lightning-round-10-30-09/
Tell me they’re going to raffle off the positions on the firing squad when the prophet of hypocrisy himself shows up to give the Haitian people his donation.
What would he donate anyway? A Koran and a pallate of shemegh? Probably includes a huge speech about how the hospital ship and the carrier full of supplies and manpower parked offshore are only present to soften them up for the invasion.
Can you hang somone with Bacon? I think it’s drastically important to find out.
One would have to believe in Santa, the Tooth Fairy (the real one not the Rock) the Easter Bunny and an honest Liberal Democrat to believe that pile of sheep dip. I would guess that extremist Muslim clerics are rubbing their hands together saying 500,000 less infidels to go. How unbearably sad.
Brilliant. Thank you.