So the powers-that-be over at the Fred Thompson Show said “Hey Harvey, go promote Fred’s book, ‘Teaching the Pig to Dance’. Here’s 3 signed copies courtesy of Premiere Collectibles you can use for prizes”.
I said “Cool!”
Here’s how it works:
Contest runs 3 days, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. You put in the comments what you think is Fred’s best line. 3 winners are selected from all submissions posted before Midnight on Friday. Winners announced Monday. Prizes are awarded to said winners (assuming they had the foresight to include a working email with their comment and I can get ahold of them to get a mailing address).
“Fred’s best line” means any quote, from any of Fred’s TV shows, movies, his radio show, YouTube videos, Facebook, Twitter, etc. that you think totally rocks.
Now, IMAO is not some sort of fact-stickler news organization like CNN or MSNBC, so it’s not like anybody’s going to actually check your quote to see if it’s real. So if you just completely make something up that kinda sounds like something Fred would say, like “If these Democrats don’t stop passing these ridiculous spending bills, I’m gonna grab a copy of the Constitution and beat ’em sensible with it,” who am I to question its truthiness?
For those who do not win, and for those voyeurs who just want to sit and watch while everyone else has fun, signed copies of “Teaching the Pig to Dance” are available for purchase at Premiere Collectibles for $25 plus shipping.
I should note that Father’s Day is coming up fast, and – having read this book – I can tell you that any human male who has survived his “stubborn, stupid, invincible teenager stage” and progressed to the “responsible parenthood stage” of his life will find a kindred soul in the pages of this tome and enjoy it immensely.
Book-plugging time over. Make with the quotes in the commments.
UPDATE 6-2-10 9PM:
Just got the word. Fred himself will be picking the winners.
“Attorney General Eric Holder is suing BP over the oil spill. BP will avoid prosecution by claiming they spilled the oil in the name of Islam.”
“This is out of control and we’ll be lucky to live through this.” -Admiral Fred Thompson in Hunt for Red October.
Now, the beauty of that line is that it could apply to:
(1) The Obama administration.
(2) Congress.
(3) Achmadinnerpuke.
(4) North Korea
(5) The oil spill.
(6) Average parent of an average teenager.
(7) IMAO
And thanks for posting this important contest, Frank.
The next RINO who proposes an unfunded spending bill is going to be shot, ground up, and fed to my dogs. – radio show on May 17, 2009
The best thing about being so super awesome? Trophy wife. – television interview with Matt Lauer
Speak up, Chris Matthews! I can’t hear you over the sound of my fist punching you in the face! – this one might have been in a dream I had
Actual quote: “Yes, I’ve got a few guns, but I’m not gonna tell you what they are or where they are.”
Please don’t fact-check quote: “Liberals are like a Slinky; they’re not really good for anything, but it brings a smile to your face when you push them down thestairs.”
“There are only two types of people in Washington. Liberals, and people who aren’t damned idiots.”
* “Russians don’t take a dump, son, without a plan.”
* “I am Fred Thompson. You are not. It is in this way that I am superior.”
* “Sure, I just cut Chomsky’s head off, put it on my mantle, and lit a cigar.”
“Russians don’t take a dump, son, without a plan.” Hunt for Red October
* “Now, all you people at IMAO keep saying Harvey is just an invisible rabbit (a figment of Frank’s disease). That’s not true. If I had some rabbit running around my property, I’d shoot the damn varmint.”
* “Some people think that our planet is suffering from a fever. Now scientists are telling us that Mars is experiencing its own planetary warming: Martian warming. This has led some people, not necessarily scientists, to wonder if Mars and Jupiter, non signatories to the Kyoto Treaty, are actually inhabited by alien SUV-driving industrialists.”*
* – actual quote
* “My party platform is as follows: whiskey, cigars, guns, Marines, and football. Any questions?”
* “My name is Bear Claw Fred Thompson. I am blood kin to the rabbit that bit Jimmy Carter on the butt.”
Methinks Marko likes Fred.
(I know, what’s NOT to like – besides the fact he’s not currently President?)
Me want free book!
I hope you realize that now is the time to come to Jesus. Anyone giving me less than 100% proof will find himself in a place like Adack, Alaska, or Diego Garcia. You will be there awaiting court-martial or resignation processing. It will take three to four years to process a resignation. Do I make myself clear? Fred Dalton Thompson- Flight of the Intruder.
Next can we have a Ron Paul quote contest?
“Ronald Reagan was John McCain’s hero.
And President Reagan admired John tremendously.
But when the President proposed putting U.S. troops in Beirut, John McCain, a freshman Congressman, stood up and cast a vote against his hero because he thought the deployment was a mistake.
My friends … that is character you can believe in.”
and supporting McClown is a mistake you should not have made, Mr. Thompson. Never ask me for money again.
@Son of Bob: Fred never said that.
Some people seem to think that our nukes have no good use and we should dispose of them. To this I say ‘Do you know a better way to exterminate hippies?’
“We should disband the mamby-pamby ICE with its impotent Border Patrol and replace it with a new Marine Corps major command, solely responsible for border security – set up military forts every couple hundred miles or so along the southern border. Anyone caught slithering across the border will be target practice for the finest of the finest.”
Fred got poetic on his radio program and said: “Roses are red, violets are blue, Obama sucks.”
Or how about the time Fred twittered (in reference to obama’s economic policy): “If the fool had one more brain cell, he’d be an ameba.”
My lame attempts at fictioncannot compare with the master himself (although I reserve the right to keep trying cause I want the freebee, too). As an inpsirational service, here are a few things that Fred actually did say:
Where I stand doesn’t depend on where I’m standing.
Some of our folks went to Washington to drain the swamp and made partnership with the alligators instead.
The average 20-year-old serving us in Iraq knows more about their country’s national security than the average 20-year political veteran serving in the Congress today.
This country has shed more blood for the freedom of other people than all the other nations in the history of the world combined, and I’m tired of people feeling like they’ve got to apologize for America.
Brilliance!
“The problem is that agencies sometimes lose sight of common sense as they create regulations.”
“I’ve still got a lot to learn about Washington. Thursday, I accidentally spent some of my own money.”
“After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood.”
“We’re hoping for the best, but we need to prepare for the worst.”
You know how we could win the war in Afghanistan? Just send Obama over there to campaign for the Taliban.
“If Frank J doesn’t give his faithful IMAO minions the Nuke The Moon and Fred Thompson shirts they crave, I’m just gonna have to beat him upside the head with a grand piano. Hand me that piano!”
(Something Fred Thompson will say once he hears about the apalling situation at IMAO. And you thought the Gulf oil spill was bad, HAH! I wouldn’t want to be in the same Solar System once Fred finds out about T-Shirtgate.)
“When I am elected President, the Department of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms will no longer be a gubmit agency, but a for-profit, fraternal order.”
“Nails” Thompson
Some people think that our planet is suffering from a fever. Now scientists are telling us that Mars is experiencing its own planetary warming: Martian warming. This has led some people, not necessarily scientists, to wonder if Mars and Jupiter, non signatories to the Kyoto Treaty, are actually inhabited by alien SUV-driving industrialists.
Fred “The Hammer” Thompson
Fred Thompson quote: “You know, I’ve been looking at my schedule, Michael [Moore], and I don’t think I have time for you”.
As he smokes a Cuban cigar talking about Sicko
fred’s best line?
“…”
(off camera, michael moore’s head explodes)
The idea of James Cameron advising the White House on how to stop the oil spill – that has to be the dumbest idea since Helen Thomas entered a beauty contest.
No, I don’t think Obama is an encephalic idiot. For one thing, his ears are too big.
I’m gonna appear on Letterman tomorrow night. You should take a picture of what I’m gonna do to the host and put it on any bottles of poison in your house to scare little children.
“For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction unless my fist is involved.” – Fred on Science!
Oh I hope I win. I don’t have the money to buy such an awesome book right now.
My Entries:
“I’ve still got a lot to learn about Washington. Thursday, I accidentally spent some of my own money.”
“After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood.”
“Some people think that our planet is suffering from a fever. Now scientists are telling us that Mars is experiencing its own planetary warming: Martian warming. This has led some people, not necessarily scientists, to wonder if Mars and Jupiter, non signatories to the Kyoto Treaty, are actually inhabited by alien SUV-driving industrialists. ”
Gives you a good sense of the tough, face punchingly cool honesty of Fred Thompson.
“What did the president know, and when did he know it?”
(worked for watergate; works just as well for Job-gate, Oil-gate, climate-gate and any other gate you got.)
Fred Thompson has the best argument for federalism I have ever heard and it was why I donated to his campaign.
“The federalist construct of strong states and limited federal government put in place by our Founders was intended to give states the freedom to experiment and innovate. It envisions states as laboratories in competition with each other to develop ideas and programs to benefit their people, to see what works and what does not”
BAM
My brothers! I see in your eyes the same fear that would take the heart of me!
A day may come when the courage of men fails,
when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship.
But it is not this day.
An hour of wolves and shattered shields
when the age of Men comes crashing down!
But it is not this day!
This day we fight!
By all that you hold dear on this good Earth,
I bid you stand! Men of the West!”
Fred Thompson, as Rear Admiral Joshua “Aragorn” Painter in
Red October II: SVU or CSI:Mordor, I forget which.
“Radio Rogers and McCluskey. Tell them to turn around. We’re going back to the tick-tock to get the boo-boo. And send for backup.”
– Baby’s Day Out (1994)
But it could easily be current Secret Service code for teh one…
Um, yeah, let’s play spot the real and, um, truthy ones. Also I will point out that even if a quote is made up, if Fred Thompson reads the quote out loud then technically you CAN say he said it. So… loophole!
“This country has shed more blood for the freedom of other people than all the other nations in the history of the world combined, and I’m tired of people feeling like they’ve got to apologize for America.” That one is real, and awesome. And that is the last time I will tell you if it is real or not. You’ll just have to guess.
“Hopefully, we can build bridges, but we also have to draw lines.”
“There is a morbid sensibility, sometimes called mercy, that has more sympathy for the murderer on the gallows than for his victim.”
“Some people think that our planet is suffering from a fever. Now scientists are telling us that Mars is experiencing its own planetary warming: Martian warming. This has led some people, not necessarily scientists, to wonder if Mars and Jupiter, non signatories to the Kyoto Treaty, are actually inhabited by alien SUV-driving industrialists.”
“Kill the terrorists. Protect the border. Punch the hippies.”
“Mr. Obama, why does every plan you have to improve the economy involve borrowing and spending massive amounts of money?”
“I’ve still got a lot to learn about Washington. Thursday, I accidentally spent some of my own money.”
“Every foreign policy of every major nation involves reason, common sense, carrots and sticks. You can’t have all carrots and no sticks.”
“You can’t buy peace by just wishing it and avoiding the challenges that other nations present to you.”
“After two years in Washington, I often long for the realism and sincerity of Hollywood.”
On the Supreme Court case affirming the right to bear arms: “The court basically said the Constitution means what it says, and I agree with that.”
On illegal immigration: “I’m concerned about the next 12 million or 20 million. So that’s why enforcement, and enforcement at the border, has to be primary.”
“History has shown over and over again that unmerited suffering is redemptive.”
“There are some people who believe they can violate each of the Ten Commandments so long as they strictly obey the Eleventh: thou shalt not get caught.”
“So let me get this straight. You want me to play essentially myself, a man with a thick Tennessee accent and real conservative values—not the moderately liberal values that passes for `conservative` in New York—and you want this character to be the elected D.A. of New York City?” (hopefully the html tag works.)
“I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.”
“Fight and you may die. Run, and you’ll live… at least a while. And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willing to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they’ll never take… OUR FREEDOM!”
On the Mohammed Cartoon controversy: “Freedom of speech is at stake here, don’t you all see? If anything, we should all make cartoons of Mohammed and show the terrorists and the extremists that we are all united in the belief that every person has a right to say what they want. Look people, it’s been really easy for us to stand up for free speech lately. For the past few decades, we haven’t had to risk anything to defend it. One of those times is right now. And if we aren’t willing to risk what we have now, then we just believe in free speech, but won’t defend it.” Source: http://everyonedrawmohammed.blogspot.com/p/mission-statement.html
“So, Mr. Eastwood, I hear you wanted me to teach you how to be tougher…”
“Just because you’re paranoid, don’t mean they’re not after you.”
“We believe in freedom of religion not because we are not Christians, but precisely because we are Christians.”
“That Chuck Norris guy is tough.”
On candidate Obama: “To deal with these challenges the Democrats present a history-making nominee for president. History-making in that he is the most liberal, most inexperienced nominee to ever run for president. Apparently they believe that he would match up well with the history-making, Democrat-controlled Congress. History-making because it’s the least accomplished and most unpopular Congress in our nation’s history.”
On Sarah Palin “And I can say without fear of contradiction that she is the only nominee in the history of either party who knows how to properly field-dress a moose … with the possible exception of Teddy Roosevelt.”
“The average 20-year-old serving us in Iraq knows more about their country’s national security than the average 20-year political veteran serving in the Congress today.”
“One time I was in England and I punched a double-decker bus so hard it crapped out a Mini Cooper.”
“Some of our folks went to Washington to drain the swamp and made partnership with the alligators instead.”
(sorry if any of these are repeats)
Oh and here is an exchange between Thompson and a crowd of his followers:
Fred: Look, you’ve got it all wrong! You don’t need to follow me, you don’t need to follow anybody! You’ve got to think for yourselves! You’re all individuals!
The Crowd (in unison): Yes! We’re all individuals!
Fred: You’re all different!
The Crowd (in unison): Yes, we are all different!
Man in Crowd: I’m not.
Another Man: Shhh!
“Shut-up.” “You’re a damn liar”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pmKUMuPAMSE&feature=related
Said to his competitor, but really, he should say it more often to liberals.