Straight Line of the Day: Ask the Emu Posted by Oppo on 8 April 2022, 12:00 pm It’s your chance to ask the Emu anything you want to ask, and the Emu will do the Emu’s best to answer you. (I’m not sure of the Emu’s preferred pronouns; only yours.)
If you’re in a spaceship traveling at the speed of light and you turn the headlights on..does anything happen? Reply to this comment
I think that skips past ludicrous speed and propels you straight into…. Plaid. 2 Reply to this comment
PLEASE NOTE: The Emu has a day job, and will reply to your questions in more or less the order they were received. 1 Reply to this comment
There are a lot of clip joints in Burbank, but most all of them don’t cut hair… 1 Reply to this comment
I’m not sure that the Emu prefers pronouns at all – the Emu is 100% appropriate at all times… 1 Reply to this comment
Correct me if I’m wrong, but if we kill all of them, they’re going to lock us up and throw away the key. 1 Reply to this comment
O Mighty Flightless One, whatever happened to the Yak you used to pal around with? 4 Reply to this comment
Can God create a boulder that is so big it is, pound for pound, dumber than Biden? 2 Reply to this comment
Crane Kung Fu is better, never know if you’ll have a sissy handy to slap someone with. 1 Reply to this comment
Gotta fly and I’m out of here. Try to remember to breathe and I might see you next time. Reply to this comment
Can he … er … can he leave the room with us? Okay. Fine. We’ll remain here until you get back. And make sure he doesn’t leave. 1 Reply to this comment
If you’re in a spaceship traveling at the speed of light and you turn the headlights on..does anything happen?
I think that skips past ludicrous speed and propels you straight into…. Plaid.
PLEASE NOTE: The Emu has a day job, and will reply to your questions in more or less the order they were received.
186,000 miles per second… not just a good idea, it’s the law.
Yes.
Where do I go to get my poodle clipped in Burbank?
There are a lot of clip joints in Burbank, but most all of them don’t cut hair…
Go the the alley behind Gun World on West Magnolia Blvd. Ask for Carlos.
Is that what they’re calling it now?
I’m not sure that the Emu prefers pronouns at all – the Emu is 100% appropriate at all times…
My preferred pronouns are “F” and “U”.
Is the Emu as reliable as the Magic Eightball?
Do both need [to be] shaken?
…That comment will ‘stir’ one of ’em up.
Ask again later.
How did the mu’s get by before electrification?
I’m not sure, but I heard a rumor Apple is coming out with an iMu.
Gophers.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but if we kill all of them, they’re going to lock us up and throw away the key.
Dum doobie dum dum.
Should I have taken a left turn at Albuquerque?
Only if you are burrowing.
That’s-a no good; Biden put a freeze on student loam.
Depends on where you wanted to go.
O Mighty Flightless One, whatever happened to the Yak you used to pal around with?
I had him for dinner awhile ago. Don’t know where he might be now.
Will there be any war crimes trials now that the Great Emu War has been won?
We don’t prosecute losers. Well, except for Bob B of course.
I accept that…
Loser move, I know…
Dear Emu,
Are you any relation to the infamous Blue Emu, as seen on TV?
That’s a sensitive subject
Unfortunately. And don’t get me started on cousin LiMu.
Swallow. Coconut. Land speed. You know the drill.
Please specify continent for further comment.
Are birds that don’t eat worms ever worried about punctuality?
Not since 1521.
Potential obscurity, except for a conservative Lutheran…
Let the Emu have the Obscury.
What’s the best method for cooking an omelette?
That also is a sensitive subject.
Appease the Gods with lots of bacon.
Is it okay if I just call you Ralph?
Knock yourself out, literally.
Are YGDFT? Are LTTSOTE?
No questions from staff plants.
Can God create a boulder that is so big it is, pound for pound, dumber than Biden?
Man, you are literally a plant. See above.
Does anyone really buy insurance as a result of your awful commercials?
If they know what’s good them.
…do you know The Tennessee Bird Walk?
We’re just good friends.
A Hard Day’s Night Modscury. Kids wouldn’t get it.
Fess up Emu, you’ve skipped leg day for awhile, haven’t you?
Not as many as you apparently.
What, if I may ask, is leg day?
Which is a better self-defense practice, Crane Kung Fu or Emu Sissy Slapping?
Crane Kung Fu is better, never know if you’ll have a sissy handy to slap someone with.
Wow, that’s a lot of questions. Let’s get started.
Gotta fly and I’m out of here. Try to remember to breathe and I might see you next time.
Can he … er … can he leave the room with us?
Okay. Fine. We’ll remain here until you get back.
And make sure he doesn’t leave.
This whole Emu thread is ostriche of the imagination