Straight Line of the Day: Six Wise Men Were Approaching Bethlehem. One Said…

Straight Line of the Day: How Does One Know If It’s the Real Santa, and Not Some Imposter Dressed Up Like Him?

Straight Line of the Day: Under Which Circumstances Would You Call the FBI?

(Haven’t they ever been twelve years old?)

Alabama town calls FBI to investigate “you gay” message written in chalk at public park
NotTheBee | 11-29-24 | Jesse James

I’m not saying you should never call the FBI. I mean, I’d usually advise against it. But you can imagine that sometimes it’s warranted. Sometimes.

Probably not this time, though?

The Ider Police Department is seeking information from the public regarding vandalism involving homophobic and racist remarks at a park in Ider.

IPD told News 19 that the department is offering a cash reward to anyone who can provide information about the newly renovated park being vandalized.

How much is the reward? I’ll split it with someone if it’s less than the fine.

Straight Line of the Day: Bwaa-Haa-Haa, Liberals! Any Other Terms You Can Come Up With For “Women”?

Erasure of women continues apace: NY Times now refers to females as ‘non-transgender women’
Twitchy.com | 11/29/2024 | Amy Curtis

… we can’t even be called women anymore.

They’ve had a list of euphemisms for us — womb owner, egg producer, birthing person — but now we’re literally being redefined by being non-transgender.

Straight Line of the Day: What Is One of the Cool Moments You Remember From High School?

I was in a student theater production (the course was mandatory, you understand. I’m a shy guy.)

We had to present a revue on stage at the end of the semester, to parade what we’d learned. As I recall it, I devised the scenarios for the whole 30-minute show — four skits, depicting four years of high school — though others wrote lines. I was already a big Monty Python fan, so this seemed easy to me.

The last skit called for senior high school students to be smoking weed, which called for the prop folks to provide tobacco, to pretend it was weed. I substituted weed. My friends in the audience told me that it was obvious that I had done so.

I was a big hit with myself. Also, during the act, an actor threw a Frisbee from stage left to me, which I caught, behind my back, stage right, with the joint still in my mouth. To applause.

Haven’t done weed since freshman year in college, though. Dangerous stuff. Beer is more self-limiting.

Straight Line of the Day: How Else Could You Demonstrate the Significance of Relativistic Effects in Superheavy Elements?

The Periodic Table Just Got Wilder: Scientists Unveil the Secrets of the Heaviest Element Ever – Moscovium
Scitech Daily | November 21, 2024 | GSI Helmholtz Centre for Heavy Ion Research

Moscovium and nihonium have been identified as more reactive than flerovium, demonstrating the significance of relativistic effects in superheavy elements.

An international team led by scientists from GSI/FAIR in Darmstadt, Johannes Gutenberg University Mainz, and the Helmholtz Institute Mainz has successfully determined the chemical properties of the artificially produced superheavy elements moscovium and nihonium (elements 115 and 113).

Moscovium is now the heaviest element ever to be chemically studied. 

Straight Line of the Day: Things You Realized Too Late

e.g.: Cops don’t just magically turn off their lights and stop pursuing you.

Straight Line of the Day: So, What Does the World’s Oldest Writing Say?

World’s oldest ALPHABET is discovered: Ancient 4,400-year-old text is found on clay cylinders from a tomb in Syria – and it upends everything we thought we knew about the origin of writing
Daily Mail | 21 November 2024 | Jonathan Chadwick

For decades, it’s been a common belief that the Ancient Egyptians were responsible for the very first alphabet.

Now, a shocking finding challenges this assumption, pushing back the age of the first known alphabetic writing by about 500 years.

The finger-length cylinders were found at Tell Umm-el Marra, a former city located in today’s northwestern Syria, once a bustling crossroads for two trade routes.

Carbon dating techniques reveal that the objects date back 4,400 years to 2400 BC – preceding any other known alphabetic scripts by roughly 500 years.

However, the academic admits he ‘can only speculate’ exactly what the writing says.

Before the alphabet, humans relied on hieroglyphics, according to Professor Schwartz, who found the cylinders in 2004.

‘Alphabetic writing changed the way people lived, how they thought, how they communicated,’ he said.

‘This new discovery shows people were experimenting with new communication technologies much earlier and in a different location than we had imagined.’

With colleagues from the University of Amsterdam, the professor co-directed a 16-year-long archaeological dig at Tell Umm-el Marra, one of the ancient Near East’s oldest cities, located on a crossroads of two trade routes.

At Umm-el Marra, the archaeologists uncovered tombs dating back to the Early Bronze Age – a period stretching from about 3500 to 2000 BC.

One of the best-preserved tombs contained six skeletons, gold and silver jewelry, cookware, a spearhead and intact pottery vessels.

Next to the pottery was four of the ‘lightly baked’ clay cylinders or tubes with what seemed to be alphabetic writing on top.

Now, the researchers have used carbon-14 dating, a scientific method that can accurately determine the age of organic materials as old as 60,000 years.

So, they found clay cylinders, which are very old, with images that can’t be deciphered. Got it.

Straight Line of the Day: Webster’s Revised

I saw this on a comment thread, and thought it should earn a spot in the dictionary:

kwitcherbitchin.

By any chance, can any of you suggest words that aren’t in the dictionary yet, but should be?

“DamnCat” is one.

Straight Line of the Day: What Other Internet Features Could You Find in Pre-Internet Times?

Apparently, it turns out that pre-internet Puritans had Babesleaga. So what else might the Flintstoners have had? Ginger and MaryAnn dial-up?

Back to the Feature!

Straight Line of the Day: IMAO Is Already Taken. What Else Can MSNBC Rename Itself?

MSNBC staffers ‘in a panic’ as NBC-parent Comcast plans to spin off channel — and possibly change its name
New York Post | Nov. 20, 2024 | Alexandra Steigrad

Panic engulfed MSNBC headquarters on Wednesday after parent company Comcast confirmed a massive spinoff of its cable properties — with a top executive even suggesting the left-leaning network may be forced to change its name.

Straight Line of the Day: Other Things Congress Demands of Hollywood: …

Democrat Rep. Jamaal Bowman Demands Black Jedi Lead Character in Next ‘Star Wars’ Movie
Breitbart | 11/20/2024 | David Ng

Outgoing Rep. Jamaal Bowman (D-NY) — a member of the far-left “Squad” — is demanding that the next Star Wars movie features a black Jedi lead character, saying he will refuse to watch and will even denounce the movie franchise if his demand isn’t met.

Rep. Jamaal Bowman, who is set to leave Congress in January after losing his primary, made his demand known in an X post on Tuesday.

More instructional videos on when to pull a fire alarm!

Straight Line of the Day: How Russia’s “Nuclear War By Christmas” Might Affect Christmas: …

Kamala Harris Vacations in Hawaii As Russia Threatens US with ‘Nuclear War by Christmas’
thegatewaypundit| 11/19/2024 | Cristina Laila

(I’ll bet she’s heard that Clapton song once or twice in her life.)

Kamala Harris on Tuesday traveled to Hawaii for a vacation as World War III looms.

Harris and woman beater Doug Emhoff departed from Los Angeles International Airport en route to Kalaoa, Hawaii Tuesday afternoon.

Earlier Tuesday, Russia threatened the US with ‘nuclear war by Christmas’ after Ukraine carried out its first strike inside Russian territory with US-made long-range missiles.

The first Ukrainian strike targeted the border region of Bryansk in Russia, and it comes just as President Vladimir Putin updated the nuclear doctrine greatly expanding the conditions for using atomic weapons.

Kamala Harris’s taxpayer-funded vacation to Hawaii also comes after she blew through $1 billion on her failed presidential campaign.

Harris’s campaign is reportedly $20 million in debt after overspending on celebrity endorsements and private flights for staffers.

Fox News reported on the Harris camp’s debt and outrageous spending:

Vice President Harris’ debt-ridden presidential campaign spent $2.6 million on private flights in the last few weeks of the election season, documents show.

The release of the findings comes as the debt-saddled campaign, which spent $1 billion on the trail, is being scrutinized for the financial decisions it made before losing the Nov. 5 election to President-elect Trump. The campaign is believed to be $20 million in debt.

The eyebrow-raising expenses were listed in a Federal Election Commission (FEC) filing obtained by Fox News Digital. According to the FEC filing, in the month of October alone, the Harris campaign spent $2,626,110 on private flights.

“I’m sorry, Mr. Powers, DamnCat is no longer available for interviews. Goodbye.”

Straight Line of the Day: If British Infrastructure Were To Collapse …

Russian state television: “All it takes is three missiles and British civilization will collapse.”
beholdisraelchannel | 19 Nov 2024 | Amir Tsarfati Telegran

Russian state television showed the countries in Europe that will be hit by nuclear weapons if the war intensifies:

“All it takes is three missiles and British civilization will collapse.”

Straight Line of the Day: Dear IMAO: I Never Thought This Would Happen To Me …