[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …when I saw Clint Eastwood talking to an empty chair. And, I thought, I don’t get it. What am I missing here. I mean, the chair is supposed to be Barack? I’m sorry, I just don’t get the joke. Barack has never looked like a chair. And the chair was supposedly talking to Eastwood? I just don’t get it. Chairs don’t talk. Everyone knows chairs don’t talk. It’s not like a sofa or a painting. So, I guess that was their attempt at humor, but it didn’t make much sense to me. Now, an elephant or something with pronounced ears, that would make sense. At least you’d understand why that was supposed to be Barack. But, why would he be a chair?…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …and earlier we had a tour of the plant. It was fascinating to see where Jell-O pudding is made. For a short time I stayed in a wonderful place where we got to eat pudding twice a week, and everyone there was always very excited on pudding days, even more than on mashed potato day. And, there’s always be someone who’d spill some on their bathrobe or get it on their pajamas, and we’d all laugh. There was one guy who would smear it all over his face…just for a joke. And, we all got a big kick out of it. I miss it there… I miss pudding day. But, anyway, it’s a big hit in my house, I’ll tell ya. The world has been a better place since Bill Cosby invented pudding, I’ll tell ya…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …the other day we were at a rally, and I run into this demonstrator carrying a Romney sign, and I just told him, “What’s the point, man? People love Barack Obama. They love the job he’s doing. They love how he’s turned this economy around and put people back to work.” And, the guy looks at me and says, “Joe, there’s no way to pay for these programs you guys are doing.” And, that’s the mentality we’re up against, folks. He doesn’t know how we pay for things. Apparently, this is a person who’s never been taught what a checkbook is. So, how do you get through to someone like that?…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …ya know, my wife Jill was giving a speech the other day, and somehow someone in the audience misunderstood and thought she was talking about the size of my …well, my manhood. And, of course she wasn’t. But, they thought she was, and it’s so ridiculous. And, it’s so innocent because sometimes words have two meanings. And, so oftentimes you can be misunderstood for no reason. See, she’s like me, she doesn’t need a prompter. And she’s very encouraging for me to try new things… she always says she likes whatever comes out of my head. And that’s what she talks about too. She always says, “Joe’s not stiff, he’s an old softy. He’s not so rigid. He likes to shake things up… he’ll come in the backdoor instead of the front door for no reason.” And, she encourages me to do that. And, if she’s excited about something I’m doing, she’ll just keep pumping me up until there’s some kind of climax that we’re both very happy with. Then we both lay back and sleep that night knowing that we did it together. She’s very stimulating to have on the campaign trail. What a great woman…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …just like in our local Caldor back home, the department store where I do a lot of my shopping. I’m in there at least once a week and everyone knows me. And, they know me as “Joe.” Not Vice-President Biden, or Senator Biden, but just plain ol’ “Joe.” They’re my friends, my neighbors. And, I was in there last week and I ran into an old buddy of mine who I played football with back in high school. And, we were laughing and having such a great time, talking about the old days and swapping stories about our time back in Archmere… Archmere Academy. And then, suddenly he paused… just stops talking and looks me straight in the eye, and he said, “Joe, I’m worried about this Mitt Romney. He’s not like you, Joe. He’s not ready for the public stage. He’s a loose cannon. I mean, you just never know what this guy’s gonna say next. We can’t have Romney or this Paul Ryan going out in front of microphones saying whatever crazy things pop into their heads.” And he’s right. Imagine if I were to step in front of this microphone and say something that might embarrass this country, or myself. That would be a big F&(^%-ing deal…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …and so, I’m always so proud of our fine military men and women. True heroes, every last one of them. We were at a military base just the other day, Fort Buckner in Kentucky, I believe it was. And, I was privileged to meet a fine Marine, Petty Officer Michael Simpson. And what a pleasure it was to meet him. And he said, “Joe, all of us guys are a little worried that President Obama might not be re-elected. We’ve never had a president that treated us half as well as Barack Obama does. And, the guys are so worried that Mitt Romney might pull this thing off.” He said, “We don’t go to bed at night in fear of the Taliban. We don’t worry about IED’s. What really scares us is the thought that there’s a slight possibility that President Obama might not get re-elected.” And, I don’t blame him. You notice, since Barack took office you don’t hear about our soldiers getting wounded or killed in Afghanistan anymore. Under George W. Bush it was such a mess. It was just a tragedy of errors. And it seemed every day you’d turn on the news and there would be these tragic deaths at the hands of the Taliban. But, since Barack took office you notice you don’t hear those stories on the news anymore. And, that’s because of the leadership of Barack Obama. From the moment he became the Commander-In-Chief, he took control of the situation over there and military casualties are just not something you hear about anymore…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …The other day we were at a stop in Atlanta, and as most of you know it gets pretty cold in the state of Atlanta. And, I was talking with some of the locals and I met a fella named Tom Hill… nice guy. And, I said to him, “Tom, I can’t help but notice how warm it is here today.” And, he said, “Joe, it’s always this hot here in September now.” And, it blew me away. Here we are in the coldest state in the United States, I mean you’re up by the North Pole there, and it had to be 80 degrees. I was wearing short sleeves and was sweating. And, meanwhile, I hear about Mitt Romney making a speech at the RNC convention where he’s making fun of people who are trying to do something about global warming. I mean, maybe he needs to talk to Sarah Palin, who used to be the governor of Atlanta… I think even she would have to tell him, “Hey Mitt, it’s not supposed to be this warm here.” I mean, c’mon, wake up, man. How dumb can you be?…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden:

BIDEN: …and, ya know, I’m hearing how Mitt Romney is making campaign speeches about how he’s going to get tough on China. China? The last I checked they were an ally. You can get Chinese food on practically every corner in America, and that’s because we have a trade agreement with China. Let me give Mitt Romney a little history lesson here. When Richard Nixon was president, he was lost… out of ideas, just flailing out there. So, one day I’m in his office, and he says, “Joe, I need your help, man. You’re the only one that can do this. You’ve got the know-how, and you’re highly respected.” I said, “Richard, it doesn’t matter that you’re a Republican and I’m a Democrat, just turn me loose and we’ll get it done.” It was true bipartisanship. And so, I went to Mao Zedong and I said, “Chairman, let’s work this thing out.” And we proceeded to put together the framework that allowed President Nixon to close that deal. So, I’ve got a longstanding relationship with Chairman Mao. We still talk today… he calls me from time to time. It wasn’t easy to put our past differences behind us. When you drop two nukes on a country, they don’t soon forget it, but I was able to help get it done. Mitt Romney sure couldn’t have done that. My God, he doesn’t even realize that they’re our valued trading partners…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …so, as I watch these events playing out in the Middle East, and watch our great President deal with this mess that George W. Bush left us with, I’m just so thankful Barack is in office. Ya know, Barack knows how to deal with these folks. He brings so many great, real life experiences to the office of President. He was raised with the Muslim people, attended madrassas… he grew up in Indonesia and Kenya, the son of a Muslim, with a Muslim stepfather. And, I can only imagine the courage that it took for Barack, as a very young boy, to tell his stepfather that he was a Christian. And, to tell those kids… and we all know how tough kids can be in school… bullying and things… and to tell those kids and teachers that he was a Christian. Can you imagine? The courage it had to take to tell these kids and teachers – as a young student in a madrassa – that he wasn’t actually a Muslim…that he was a lifelong Christian. That’s courage, pal. That’s real courage…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …Ya know, a lovely young lady testified before Congress a few months ago; her name was Sandra Fluke. And, this courageous young gal took time out from her busy college studies to go before Congress and tell them how Mitt Romney wants to take away her birth control. Can you imagine? Take away her birth control. But it’s true, this is what they want to do. You know, my mother – God bless her – she didn’t have access to all the fine services women have available today. In her day there was no Planned Parenthood to help out women in need. It was so hard for women of her generation to get an abortion, or oftentimes, even birth control. I was the first of four children. My father was struggling. He worked at several jobs… a hardworking man. But, like a lot of young couples, they were struggling to get by. And here my mother discovers that she’s pregnant. Wow. And, like I said, in those days they didn’t have these wonderful Planned Parenthood clinics. Looking back, it seems like the stone ages, but that’s the way it was. She didn’t have the option to get a legal abortion in a safe, clean clinic. So, she was stuck. Suddenly they were saddled with a baby. They weren’t ready for that. And now, Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan want to turn back the clocks on all women. They wanna take away your right to a legal abortion, take away your birth control. I’m here to tell ya’, that’s just wrong. I only wish my mother could have had the available services in her day that exist for women today…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …but, a few weeks ago when we were out campaigning we made a stop at the Time Warner Cable factory in Charlotte, North Carolina… in fact, we spent a few days at that company, I believe because they have just so many employees. It was a big, beautiful building, full of hardworking Time Warner employees. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to get a tour to see where they made the cable… they were so busy, God bless ’em. But I met so many wonderful people who work there, and they insisted that Barack and I both make speeches… they even built a stage just for our visit. And, practically everyone I met in that company said they were voting for Barack. Almost everyone! And I tell ya, it was just so heartwarming. Unfortunately, many of the people who actually work on the assembly line weren’t able to attend; it was mainly supervisors. A great many of the employees that I talked to, I’d ask them what they do there and they’d say “delegate,” so I can only imagine how many people actually work under all those supervisors at just that one plant. So, the next time the folks on the other side try to tell you that Barack’s not putting people back to work, don’t you believe it. Just tell them to ask the folks at that big Time Warner plant in Charlotte…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …There was a man named Levon Gray that came up to me earlier today. What a great guy. And he told me how, under Barack Obama, he was able to secure a grant to start his own company. True story. He had lost his job and had been out of work for quite some time, but with the help of a government grant he started his very own business, just last year. He told me, “Some people say that the economy isn’t growing, but Joe, I’m here to tell ya, it is.” He told me how he developed a product using a few simple chemicals, and was able to launch this small company out of his little two-car garage, and that his product helps literally thousands of people. He employs local men and women who have been unable to find work… some of them had been out of work for months, some for years. And he provides opportunities for young people looking to earn some money, for some of them it’s their first job. He sends them out into his community and the surrounding area to sell his product. He says he’s named his product “Crystal,” and he tells me that Crystal provides an alternative to cigarette smoking for thousands of mainly low-income Americans. So, here he’s providing jobs for people who are, in turn, helping their neighbors to quit such an awful habit. And, that’s beautiful, man. That’s what it’s all about. That’s Barack Obama’s America… people helping people…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …but, there’s no greater friend to the American Indian Center of Chicago than Barack Obama. Not only is Chicago Barack’s hometown but, like myself, Barack is proud to call Miss Elizabeth Warren a dear, dear friend. As I’m sure you know, Miss Warren is one of your very own squaws… she’s a proud Democrat running for the senate as a Cherokee. Well, both Barack and I have been to Elizabeth’s beautiful tepee out there on the reservation. It’s so gorgeous, with the deerskins drying out front alongside the many colorful, hand-made pots. And we’ve shared so many wonderful evenings where we’d have a traditional Indian pow-wow, eating chicken curry, drinking firewater and smoking peace pipes as she told us such great stories of her proud tribal heritage… and such great, historical Native American ancestors, like Tonto and the great chief Dances With Wolves. And, after one of those evenings Barack turned to me and he said, “Joe, it’s about damn time we had stricter laws in this country to punish the criminals that bring blankets infected with smallpox onto those reservations.” And in his next term Barack will get it done! Now the Republicans, they’re gonna want to try to politicize this issue like they always do. Because they don’t care that tens of thousands of Native Americans die each year from smallpox-infected blankets. But, Barack can get stricter laws passed and then enlist help from some of your own Bollywood film stars to help with some P.S.A.’s that will get the word out that if you put smallpox on a blanket you’ll face a darn tough prison sentence…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …Ya know, I met a man in Houston, Texas the other day, while we were making our way through the Midwest, and he told me a story. He said, “Joe, before Barack Obama got elected I was struggling. I was hurtin’, man,” that’s what he said. And, he said, “But Joe, since Barack Obama got elected everything has changed for me and my family. I now have a great career. I’m a distributor of hundreds of products…cleaning products, skincare products, cookware, all kinds of wonderful products, working for this revolutionary company. And, the way it works is, I recruit eight or ten new salespeople and put them to work for me… give them jobs. Then they recruit eight or ten more salespeople who work for them. Then they recruit eight or ten more, and so on, and so on. And every time one of them makes a sale we all make money. And, that’s just the kind of forward thinking, the kind of new ideas that have been developed under Barack Obama. A new model for doing business. And, these are the kind of jobs that are possible for everyone under this administration. These are the types of jobs didn’t exist under George W. Bush…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.

[by Son of Bob]

And now, a moment with Joe Biden…

BIDEN: …but if we’re gonna win this election and keep this country on the right track we need to win here in Ohio. We need to keep this historic president in the White House for one more term. And, how fitting to be here in the Sunshine State to campaign for the re-election of this country’s first black president. Ya know, back in the days of the Civil War, Ohio played such an important role in ending slavery. It was Ohio that first stood up to the Union general, General Eisenhower, and said, “No more. No more. No longer will we tolerate this inhumanity.” And, they launched the Tet Offensive and forced Eisenhower’s troops back across the Tallahassee River and out of Ohio, handing him his first major defeat of the war. And, that battle, the Battle of the Bulge, was a turning point in the war, and set the path to end slavery in America…

This has been a moment with Joe Biden.